I wait by your door all night but you don't call on me.
Looking down the hallway, I see the morning sun starting to rise in the sky; it casts its light through the windows and down the hall towards my weary eyes. I know I wait outside every night, wondering if you'll call for me but now, it feels different. Now, I want you to sober up and call me back for another reason – I wish to continue.
These thoughts are new to me, almost foreign. I'm not the kind of person with ideas of lust but after last night, I have done nothing but try to shake this feeling. It hits me in waves, almost as though my logic and rational mind is battling with my darker side, the side that's earned me the title of demon. It creeps up on me every once in a while and tries to take over but I fight it. I suppress it and keep it as far down as I possibly can.
However, after last night, it's rising again.
I see you, the way you are. Everything has to be neat and immaculate, orderly and just right. I have more than grown accustomed to your way of thinking and I deliver to order, but now? Now, I just want to make a mess of you. I want to take you, make you mine and break you. I've had a taste and it's egnited me, I know I need so much more.
As much as I may want it, I know I can't have it. I'm not an idiot, I know it's wrong. You are my master and I crossed the line, now, I don't know what to do. Do I go? Should I stay? I know I made a mistake, one I don't think I could fix if I tried, especially as the very nature of our relationship has changed.
Shaking my head, I realize there's nothing I can do, I'm contracted to you, bound, which means there's nowhere I can go. You cornered me, grabbed me and I caved. I gave into you even though I knew better. I know better than to want you, to feel you, to have you breathe my name.
Although you enjoyed yourself, you'll think differently in the morning and what will that mean for me? Well, I can pretend as though nothing happened, like you didn't pique my interest. I can act as though I haven't been thinking about you all night, the taste of your lips and the sensation of feeling your skin on my fingertips.
I will go back to normal and keep these feelings to myself if that's what you want but what about you? What will you do? Will you even remember and, if so, do you want me to forget?
As I try to clear my thoughts, Tanaka comes walking towards me.
"Spent the night here again?" He asks me.
I nod, "Yes, you know how he tosses and turns."
"Indeed I do," He smiles as he pauses for a second. "There was such a ruckus last night – you don't happen to know what that was about, do you?"
"Oh, you know, just one of our arguments." I decide it may be best to be just a little economical with the truth and then I have an idea. "Tanaka, do you think you could take care of the morning preparations for the young master?"
"Of course but-"
"Something has been weighing on my mind and I need to take care of it." I interrupt with a rambling stream of words.
"I understand," He nods.
"Thank you very much Tanaka," I bow slightly and take my leave back towards my room.
Pulling out my pocket watch, I check the time, 6:38am. Okay, I have exactly forty-eight minutes to be out of the house before Ciel wakes up. That's enough time to quickly shower, shave and put on a fresh set of clothes.
I disrobe, putting yesterdays' uniform in my clothes hamper; I quickly dart off into the shower. As I lather and rinse, my mind rehearses excuses I could give for leaving the house. I then recall there was something bothering me about last night. It is obvious Aleister had not ordered the hit on Ciel, but he wasn't completely innocent of some involvement either, so, what did he have to do with all of this?
I lean against the cool cream-colored tiles in the shower as I think. There must be a connection there somewhere. Rolling my head from side to side I try to stretch out and relax but I'm far too tense for that.
I need to see the only person I know who would be able to help me with this question, Undertaker.
…
Going inside, I stand and wait in the foyer.
The place looks almost exactly the same as when I first stepped foot in it, and the darkness still has its shadows which creep up on you like the bogeyman. The hardwood floors are freshly polished and a black carpet runner that goes down the center of the room is vacuumed and pristine. The centerpiece on the wooden table in the center of the room is changed from while calla and stargazer lilies to half opened white roses with white phalaenopsis orchids that proudly poke out of the Victorian styled cream-colored vase.
"Can I help you?" A voice asks me from behind. I turn to see a young man with pasty white skin and sunken eyes glaring back at me.
"I'm looking for Undertaker."
"He's getting ready for a viewing, can I help at all?" He inquires as crosses his arms.
"No, I really need to speak with him, I'll wait."
The young man nods as he makes his way back through to a room concealed by closed curtains.
Taking this time to wander about the room, I make my way over to the wall of coffins. Trailing my fingers over the brass handles of one of them, thoroughly fascinated by the design. I have never been to a funeral before; I'm only a cause of them. I wonder what they're like? Widows' faces screwed in anguish, usually hardened men showing a shred of sadness. I'll be honest, the thought of watching such a display entices me – I have never minded being the cause of others pain, and to see it through to it's completion would be quite satisfying.
As I let my mind think about funerals, it hits me – I wonder what the Phantomhive funeral was like? How many people were there? Did anyone mourn? Who were Rachel and Vincent Phantomhive? Who was Ciel before this tragedy unfolded?
"Well, well. Gregory told me you were here." Undertaker cackles as he makes his way into the room. I turn to him and see his eyes are still covered by his long fringe but he is wearing glasses, which he subsequently takes off and sits down on the table.
"Undertaker, good morning." I greet him as he looks around the room.
"And where is the beautiful boy? Didn't feel like bringing him with you today?" He smiles almost ignoring me.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when he mentions Ciel.
"You stay away from my master, I saw how leered at him."
"My, my, you're taking your job very seriously I see."
"And you're nothing more than a predator." I snort.
"Is that so? Then what are you?" He grins as he leans against the table, studying me.
"Excuse me?"
"I was at that party kitty, I noticed you were too busy to see me as I watched you with him."
"Oh?"
"Your job is to protect him, doesn't that… exclude you from extra curricular activities?"
My jaw drops open to rebuttal but I don't follow through. I don't know how to reply without landing a weighted punch to his face. I'd like to think my feelings and desires are different from those of Chamber and Undertaker – I'd like to think that but suddenly, I feel unsure.
"I'm different than you." Is all I reply but I'm seething and desperately trying to hide my emotions.
"Me? Well kitty, I like to look, never touch. Besides, the mind is a much better toy than the real thing sometimes." He pauses, as he looks me up and down reading me, drawing his index finger across his chin. "Or maybe not, in your case. It seems to me like you've already had a taste." He caught me, which I know must be showing in my face as he starts to chuckle. "Living up to your demon status – I see. Are you like this with all of your contracts or just the young ones?"
"Cut the shit Undertaker, I need information from you." I growl.
"Well that's too bad because I don't work for you, I work for him. At least tell me why you've gone rogue."
"I only have one question today and it's best if Ciel wasn't here."
"My, quick to the punch today, aren't we kitty?"
"Look, you said something the last time we were here. There was a broker?" I say calmly, trying hard not to lose my temper.
"Ah yes, one of the ones who lived."
"Yes."
"Well, you know my fee."
"I don't have time for your games right now." I snap.
"Oh dear, kitty has claws." He simpers. "Fine, I'll give you this one for free but next time, pay the fee and bring the boy, I need something to look at aside from your grim mug." He giggles to himself.
I roll my eyes. I may be currently intoxicated with Ciel but I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, unlike the others I see looking at him lecherously. I wish to protect him from anything that comes for him, including myself – if needs be.
"Tell me, the broker who was there that night, at the auction, was he there for Ciel?"
"Of course, your young master was the star attraction of the show."
"Is the broker connected with whomever tried to kill him?
"Well, wouldn't that be telling, wouldn't it? The simple answer to that is yes and no but that's all I currently know."
"What do you mean, yes and no?"
He shrugged. "All I know if there is a group called The Syndicate and they want him dead, however, the broker was working for someone inside of The Syndicate who wanted your master alive for, let's just say less than wholesome reasons. Again, that's all I know. I don't know the ins and outs nor the who – just the why."
"How do you know about the broker?"
"Because kitty, his client still wants the boy." He pauses for a moment as he sets about flitting through the room, straightening the flowers in vases and positioning the tissues in their boxes just right. "The buzz of the underground is that his client is obsessed and will go to great lengths to get him. They treat these kids like collectables, well, until they break them and then they go and get another." He shakes his head.
I started to add everything together - the broker, the client and The Syndicate.
"So The Syndicate sent the hit men the other night."
"Bingo."
"And Aleister had nothing to do with it? You sent us on a wild goose chase?"
"Oh now, I didn't say that, did I?"
"Then…"
"Think about it, what did I say the other day, everything is interconnected. Aleister may not be the client or the one behind the hit but he knows something."
"Okay."
"Now kitty, that's all the free information I'm willing to give and I really must be going. I have another viewing to attend to and as much help as Gregory is, well, you understand, you met the lad. Human interaction is not his strong suit."
I nod, my mind whirling with further questions that I knew he wouldn't answer. Instead, I hold my hand out to shake his – to which he just laughs and then disappears into the room behind the curtain.
…
Standing outside upon my return to Ciels', I hesitate before I open the door. I know I can't just walk back into the house; I'll have to be a little more covert about my return, especially as Ciel will probably wonder where I went. I didn't leave a note nor did I tell Tanaka where I was going, I just left. If there were any luck in the world, he wouldn't remember last night, although I want him to.
Taking out my pocket watch, I use my thumb to click it open. 1:11pm, lunchtime, I am back later than I thought I would be. I smooth down my waistcoat and straighten out my suit jacket. Running a hand through my hair, I prepare to enter the house. My hand hovers about the doorknob as I draw in a sharp intake of breath, twist the knob and enter the house.
The first thing I notice is it's very quiet; perhaps Ciel is taking a nap, which he tends to do after lunch. I make my way through the reception and past the sitting room, which is empty. I walk down the hallway, taking care to avoid the kitchen, and onto his bedroom. The door is closed – it is as I thought, he must be napping. I shall wake him in an hour but first; I need to write down what I've learned from Undertaker.
I head towards my room as silently as possible and open the door.
The first thing I see is Ciel, he's sprawled out on top of my bed, seemingly fast asleep. He has one arm above his head as the other rests just on his stomach. How could he do this to me? Tempting me without realizing it. Lying on my bed, he looks completely charming and innocent – I swallow hard as I want him more than anything. I just want to corrupt him, to blacken his already darkened soul and make it mine. However, sense gets the better of me and I start to back out of the room, desperately trying not to make a sound.
"Sebastian," He calls over to me with his eye still closed.
"Yes young master?" I smile, unsure if he can see me or not.
"Where were you?" He asks as he starts to stir, stretching out and rolling onto his side, still not looking at me.
"I had to run some errands." I had to get away from you.
"Why didn't you just wait for me, I would have come too." Because I wanted to go alone, I needed some distance between us.
"I went to see Undertaker about the other night."
"And?" Ciel yawns as he starts to sit upright; his legs dangle over the side of the bed.
"All he could tell me was that the group after you is called The Syndicate. Does that ring any bells?" He shakes his head.
"We'll have to do some further research into who may be members and why they're trying to kill me."
"Master, I believe those who are after you now may be the ones who killed your parents."
"I don't doubt that," His voice was a low rumble, an almost growl.
"I will do further research and let you know of my findings." I smile again.
He hums at my comment and slides himself forwards on the edge of the bed. I must be in the clear about last night, either he doesn't remember or he's choosing not to bring it up – at this moment in time, both instances are all right by me.
"You know, I should punish you for your disgusting behavior last night." He spits.
I was wrong. I can try shirking it off but I think I might have a little fun with this instead.
"Punish me for what?" I smile.
"You know what?" He hisses.
"So you remember what happened last night?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Barely," He admits.
"Then what do you remember?" I ask tentatively, unsure of where the night ended for him. He folds his arms in a huff and leans back slightly.
"I remember the dancing, your hands were all over me – it was positively foul. I then remember dancing with Aleister and the next thing I know I wake up this morning, sick and alone in my own bed – still dressed in that horrible dress. What happened last night?"
What do I say? I'm not allowed to lie. Do I tell him the truth? That he tried to seduce me? That he sang in the car, his voice was breathy and sexy. Or should I just skip to the part where he grabbed me by my tie and kissed me? Perhaps none of those things but I must tell him some sort of truth.
"Aleister drugged you, that's why you can't remember most of the night." I state truthfully.
"Drugged?" He parrots back, almost in complete disbelief. "Wh–what happened?" I can see him start to shake, he must have been drugged before and the experience of blacking out may not be new to him. I go over to him and kneel down in front of him as his eye averts my gaze. I need to ease the tension in the room.
"Nothing happened to you young master, in fact, you assaulted me." I taunt playfully.
"I what?"
"You assaulted me. You sang to me in the car and it was terrible." I joke. I say joke – for the most part it was horrendous.
"Wa-was that all I did?"
I shook my head, "No, you kept meowing and rubbing yourself against me when I carried you to bed."
"I did no such thing!" His cheeks flush as he tries to protest. His naïve behavior is utterly adorable.
"Oh young master, I'm afraid you did." I coo.
"Why didn't you stop me?"
My bottom lip protrudes as I mock pout. "And where would be the fun in that?"
"Sebastian!" He looks at me almost pleadingly.
"I'm sorry young master, next time, I'll stop you."
"There won't be a next time."
"You're right, there won't."
"Anything else?"
I decide not to tell him the rest, I won't lie, I'll just omit the truth – that way I can save him whatever embarrassment he may have and hopefully, our relationship will stay the way that it is.
"I said to you that no one will ever touch you again without your permission." He blinks at me curiously, unsure of what I mean. "Because of Aleister, I promised you that only you can decide who touches you and I will enforce it." My tone is cool but serious.
"Did I give you permission to touch me?"
I nod. "You did."
"Fine, then I revoke your right. You are not aloud to touch me any more." He states firmly.
"But then how am I meant to dress you?" I joke lightly. He opens his legs and scoots to the side, crossing them.
"Aside from your daily duties, you are not to touch me. Understood?"
My heart sinks a little but I suppose I knew this was coming, even if he doesn't remember, I do and it really is for the best. I will have to learn to keep some kind of distance between us before this gets out of hand.
So, instead of letting my feelings of disappointment show, I decide to remain stoic, placing my right hand over my heart as I tip forward slightly.
"Of course, master." I keep my face as serious as possible.
I then look down to see the expression on Ciels' face, I don't think I'll forget it as long as this contract is in place; it is a look of haughty derisiveness with a sly, devious smile.
"Sebastian," He begins and looks up at me. "I'm going to make your life a living hell from here on out."
And don't I believe it.