Dear Deadpool,
Last week I sliced my finger open while twisting the lid of a mason jar that was damaged around the rim. The little cut I bore bled profusely and I thought about you. I watched it healing a little bit each day and I thought about you. I thought about how fast you heal, about all those pictures I saw of you in your books where you return to your original form after incurring mortal damage. I think, in particular, of that time you recovered from that landmark stabbing, after the man who "cannot tell a lie [...] killed [you] with [his] little hatchet"on the cover of the last issue of Dead Presidents where a pirate flag is seen planted through your chest and into the ground. It's like in your movie. Which brings me to wonder if perhaps it's not George Washington I should be studying instead of Harry S. Truman.
Truman was the man who made the decision to launch on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He was a Baptist who served in World War I and was involved at various levels of public administration before reaching the seat of President in 1948, as World War II ended. He is known for passing laws for the better treatment of African American veterans, who deserve the same treatment as others. He had a hand in the creation of NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization), the United Nations and the now customary outbound U.S. policy in international relations, the postwar instruments of the new global equilibrium. Under his leadership the United States got involved in the Korean War, fighting communism in the North, and found itself in the chill of the cold war in particular during the Soviet Blockade of Berlin. Before that he was a haberdasher: a person who sells zippers, buttons and ribbons and I think that sounds swell.
That's all for Truman. The next president I will funfactify is, you have surely guessed, George Washington, the first president of all, mostly because he and you really get down at the end of Dead Presidents and I want to study your nemesis. Apparently he is who Ajax stands for in your movie in connection with that particular way of stabbing you both men share in common... but nothing stops you, Deadpool, and I marvel at the way you have recovered from these wounds and I wonder about the little cut on my finger that epitomizes the lives of ordinary people. I think about how wanting you is a substitute for wanting to be like you.
I realized, while reading Dead Presidents, that if the scene in your movie people call a reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail actually is what they say it is, then so is the one in your comic book where you cut off all four limbs of George Washington, except you also take his head. It's a dark version of the classic one in the movie, where the black knight keeps his head and continues to believe that he is invincible. In your fight, the "black knight" George Washington looses his head and then begins to make amends. Finally his head is kicked into Lincoln's statue's lap like a soccer ball. I don't always agree with what they make you do in your books or with a lot of what goes on in them generally. I think you're being exploited and your heart is too good to realize it. I dare think that there are many a yellow bubble coming from you which we have never seen yet. Maybe that's why there is that reference to The Truman Show at the beginning of Dead Presidents... maybe you are the Truman, trapped inside a show, your actions at times planned by the design of others. Sometimes they don't even pay you, like at the end of this particular story where they decide that because of collateral damage you shouldn't get a dime, even after bringing the zombie crisis to a close and taking great personal risks to do so, not least of which is ending up with the spirit of dead agent Preston trapped inside your mind. By the way, concerning that, I disagree with that editorial decision, and I disagree with the way the magician says that there is "so much space" inside your head. There isn't any space inside your head. I know so. And I bet you don't even look like the way they draw you. Maybe they make you look worse than you really are. If that's what they do with your actions, it follows that that's probably what they do with your general demeanor. Still, I am mesmerized by the loveliness of your curves and the way you give a shape to your super suit. I like the way the tip of your mask hangs like that little pocket at the end of a condom. If they meant to demean you with that, it failed. It looks really hip.
I think you are going to come and kiss my finger in my sleep.
Love,
Abigail Tryst
P.S. I know where you live. Do you know where I live?