Ciel went to his room for his nap.
I set to work on doing the preparations for the dinner party. Tonight's dinner, a duck confit with an Asian pear compote with various complimentary side dishes. I'm surprised, taking into account the complexity of this dish, I have mastered it as though I have been a Chef du Cuisine at a top Michelin starred restaurant for most of my adult life. I won't lie; I'm quite impressed with myself - and how far I have actually come along – from adding vinegar to scrabbled eggs to now, not bad work.
With that said, I didn't intend on making such a sophisticated dish because at first I thought tonight was something simple, a small dinner for three. However, Dr. Durless being the avid social butterfly she is, has invited several others.
Luckily, I have met some of them before, as they are associates of the Phantomhive Family. They come around every so often and I see them as irregular fixtures, much to my young masters' chagrin. He would much prefer not to mix business with pleasure but their impromptu comings and goings make it less of a pleasure and more of a hassle.
Although, I must say, anything that irritates him gives me immense pleasure. Just to see his face scrunch up in annoyance – simply delightful.
Once I complete the dinner preparations, I pull out my pocket watch to check the time and note it's six fifteen. Ciel has been asleep for nearly three hours, that can't be good – I had better wake him, as he'll probably not get any sleep later on tonight.
I meander down the hallway, towards his room. Just as I am about to knock on his door, I hear something – low moaning and faint sounds of whimpering. Do I enter? What should I do? Pressing my ear against the door, I listen intently to what is happening on the other side. It's obvious he is having a nightmare, but this seems different to the others he has had before. This one seems gruesome and violent, as I hear his body thrash about the bed. Normally, I would wait patiently for him to call me, even though I know he never will. So this time, I decide that I'm going in. I feel like I have to calm him, to get him to settle.
Straightening myself up, I turn the handle and partly open the door.
It is just as I thought; he is having a terrible nightmare.
Ciel lies there, tangled in a mess of sheets, tossing and turning. His mouth parts as he exasperatedly pants and whines in his sleep. Shutting the door behind me, I slowly make my way over to him. I don't know how to approach this, as I'm sure you're not meant to just wake someone having a nightmare – or is that a sleepwalker? I'm unsure but I do know that either way, I have to be careful.
"Young master?" I whisper. No response. He just turns to his side with his back to me. He clutches his pillow tightly as his body writhes and contracts, how I would love to be the cause of this beautiful display of moaning and breathlessness, I can't think about that now. "Young master, you're having a bad dream." I try once more and again, nothing. Bending over and reaching out, I gently touch his shoulder, "Young master?"
Gasping, Ciels' eyes fly open as he whirls around on to his back gripping something tightly in his hands. My own eyes narrow as they stare down the barrel of a gun.
From the gun, my eyes flick up to Ciel, who is wide eyed and shaking as he holds the weapon to my face. It's almost as though he doesn't recognize me as he frantically scoots himself against the headboard, trembling like a leaf in the wind.
I attempt to approach him. "Young-"
"Stay where you are!" He threatens as he unclicks the safety. This has just gotten very real. I try to steady my heart and my pulse, trying to remain perfectly still. Normally in this situation, I would start to plan out my attack and the assailant wouldn't last long but I can't do that in this instance, so I try to stay calm.
He must still be asleep or at least, his mind is. My hands slowly creep up in the air and I hold them there, showing him that I'm not a threat.
"Please, Ciel, you had a nightmare." I try to reason with him, watching his chest rise and fall with each labored breath. He blinks a few times as he apparently starts to recognize me and then starts to lower the weapon.
"Se-Sebastian?" He breathes.
"Yes young master, it's me."
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you, you were having a bad dream." I try and keep my voice as composed and soothing as possible. He lowers the gun completely, unconsciously clicks on the safety and sits it down on the mattress. Once he's done that, I feel comfortable enough to bring my arms down, just as slowly as they went up.
Ciel shakes his head from side to side as he composes himself.
"What time is it?" He wonders aloud, not really speaking to me but looking for his clock on the nearby nightstand. He reads the clock face, looks over to the piece on the mattress, and then over to me.
"Forgive me for asking but what was your dream about?"
"My parents' death," He replies coolly. I motion to sit down beside him and he nods. Sitting down, I don't face him, as I know he doesn't dare share any glimpse of weakness in front of me. So, instead, I keep my face forward, staring blankly at his desk.
I want to tell him his nightmares will pass, as his fears are unnecessary and that was the past. As per our contract, I have sworn to protect him no matter what – I've put my own life on it. Anything that curses him, haunts him and takes over his sub-conscious, it's all for naught as nothing will ever happen to him again. I will take care of him; ease his pain and his anguish – only to make it my own.
Normally, I wouldn't breach the subject but I want to know what happened. Is this the time to finally ask him? Will he tell me? I wonder.
"What happened that night? I only ask because it might give me some insight into who's done this."
"What do you mean?"
I don't want to tell him the whole truth, which is basically my morbid fascination in what happened, but I do have another reason in mind. My secondary reason is I may be able to get some kind of clue on who did this from how he was kidnapped.
"Well, sometimes, assassins do things in a certain way – we are ritualistic creatures, it's never just about the kill."
"Then what is it about?"
"The thrill of the hunt, stalking the quarry – the kill is incidental, really. It marks the end."
"I see," He pauses as he ruminates over my words, his fingers tapping lightly on his thighs. "Then what does that have to do with knowing the details?"
"Because we our bound by our rituals, each of us has a... way of doing things. Like leaving a calling card. If you've been in this business long enough, you get to know other peoples' rituals."
"Rituals," He repeats softly as he takes it all in.
"Some like to cut off hair, some collect blood samples others might chop the body into pieces and neatly lay them out. It all depends." I stop for a moment as I think about what I have read about the Phantomhive case.
What I know is there was only one single bullet entry in the head for both Vincent and Rachel; nothing further could be deduced because their bodies were burned in the fire. Their son was presumed dead, although a body could not be found at the scene. I guess that's all I know. It's hard to tell whose ritual that could have been, the fire could have been anyone and the clean way of the kill, hell, it could have even been me.
I didn't want to say this to Ciel, but whoever did it couldn't have just broken in, no, they knew the family well enough to get into the mansion. I know for sure a Family like the Phantomhives would have had the very best in security, a random break-in and robbery would have been an almost impossible feat to achieve. Someone would have to be able to get in without anyone thinking twice about their presence.
All I can reason is someone close to them must have betrayed them, but who?
Watching Ciel out of the corner of my eye, I observe him thinking, chewing on his lower lip as he reflects on the events of that night.
"I don't really remember what happened," He begins. "All I can remember is I walked in to the room after smelling burning and I saw them, both already dead, their bodies just laying there on the ground." Stopping for a moment, he closes his eyes and dips his head as he breathes out softly. "There were flames everywhere and I kept coughing because of the smoke. Then someone came up behind me, covering my mouth with something and I was suffocated. The next thing I knew was that I was awake in a cage."
"Well, that's not really much to go on but it helps." I smile as I try to comfort him. Normally, I would feel compelled to gently tap his knee but per his instructions to not touch him, I don't. I just lace my fingers together and I place them on my lap. "Don't worry, eventually, you will remember."
"I'm not worried, I know that I will. When I do, I'll tell you everything – especially if it'll help in getting my revenge."
"Is this really what you want? Revenge?" I ask.
His head sharply turns to me as he scowls.
"Of course it is." He barks.
"I understand, naturally, it's something you would want but it won't bring your childhood back, it won't bring your parents back."
"Don't you think I know that? Once something is truly gone, you can never get it back." He seethes through gritted teeth. "The need for revenge is a funny thing, it won't bring back the dead nor will it bring them happiness." He pauses, turning his head to the side. "I don't seek revenge on behalf of the Phantomhive Family or for my parents, I am doing this for myself. I want to find the people responsible for what happened and I want them to experience the same pain and humiliation that I have suffered."
"I understand-"
"No, I don't think you do. This isn't a simple need for revenge, it's a choice. It's something I've freely chosen and it's still my choice to make – not anyone else's. I don't regret my decision and I won't be coddled by anyone – not by my Aunt or especially you." He growls as though he's almost feral; his fists are tightly balled in his lap and his gaze forward, unblinking.
How I still admire him.
This choice is so foolish and yet it's what makes me desire him, it's what makes me crave him like a drug. His words are like an injection burning through my veins, I need his yearning and I need his hatred – it all helps me function, it makes me want to help him realize his desire and, as importantly, gives me a focus. He can have a better life than this, he can move on and attempt to be normal but he turns his back on it. Moving ever forward towards the darkness, towards me.
How I want him to realize he needs me, he needs me as much as I need him because he can't do this alone.
...
As Ciel stretches and begins to fully wake up, he dismisses me and I set about completing the final touches for tonight.
Twenty minutes later and everything is ready for the dinner party.
The house is immaculate, the silver polished and the food cooked to perfection. I even had a little time to decorate the townhouse in Ciels' favorite white roses, putting little vases with bouquets amongst the crimson red fixtures for color contrast. Taking a step back, I admire my handiwork. This place looks so beautiful, if I don't say so myself. I think in the last year, I've come a long way.
"It's very beautiful Sebastian, you have out done yourself." Anne compliments me as she walks over from behind.
"Thank you Dr. Durless." I bow politely as I start to get ready for her guests to arrive.
"Sebastian?"
"Yes?"
"Who are you?" She asks.
"I don't understand the question."
"Okay, let me try again. Who is Sebastian Michaelis?"
"I am what my master says that I am." I reply with a slight smile. I'm trying to be charming but she doesn't seem to be buying it as she crosses her arms and stares at me.
"You put on a good show but you're not a butler, so who are you? Are you even a body guard?"
I don't really know how to answer but I quickly think of something.
"I can assure you madam, whatever I am, I am here to protect the young master." She takes a step towards me, arching an eyebrow as she looks at me suspiciously.
"How do I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt him? How do I know you're not one of the ones responsible for all this?"
"Excuse me?" That accusation dumbfounds me.
"Well it all seems, shall we say, very convenient, you showing up and finding him. How do I know that you weren't involved in some way the whole time?"
"Because he's not," Ciel interrupts as he walks into the room.
He has a very dry smile on his lips as he finishes tying his black silk eye patch over his eye and leans against the nearby couch. Anne turns to him, watching how casual he is, perching against the armrest.
"Ciel darling, be reasonable. I don't know anything about this man and-"
"Yet you have let him live with me for a year now. Where is this coming from?" He brusquely cuts her off, and folds his arms across his chest.
"Yes, well, that was because you were under my roof and I could keep an eye on you, but now the reconstruction and refurbishment of Phantomhive manor is complete, I suspect you'll want to move back home. How can I watch over you there?"
"The manor is complete?" His voice quivers slightly and I wonder why.
"Yes but-"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was going to tell you after dinner this evening," She pauses as she watches his face fall and then walks over to him. Anne swoops on top of him, gathering his lithe little body in her protective arms and holds him tightly. "I don't want you to go, you're all I have left." She breathes.
"And attacking Sebastian is how you planned on keeping me?"
"No, it's just I don't think you need him anymore."
Ciel uses whatever strength he can muster and pushes her off of him.
"What?"
"Well, he served a purpose this last year, in order to help your recovery, you needed him but it's been a year and you're well now so-"
"So?"
"So, don't you think it's time that he leaves?"
"Dr. Durless, I don't know what I can say to put your mind at ease but I can assure you – I will stop at nothing to protect Ciel, I swear on my life." I try to calm her. I don't know what she's thinking but I can see her face soften. "If the young master chooses to move back to the manor, I will ensure that he is more than just taken care of."
"That's not the point Sebastian." She snaps. "The point is I can provide him with a proper family."
"Is that what this is about? Family? I hate to disappoint you but I already have a family, I run it and as for Sebastian, he stays. So if you'll please keep your delusions of a makeshift happy home to yourself."
"Ciel, please!" She begs. "You're much to young to take up this life. Your father wouldn't want-"
"Don't treat me like a child." He snarls.
"You are a child."
"I am no more a child than Sebastian is a butler and my reasons to take up this life – as you put it – are my own."
"Ciel?" Her voice cracks as she tries to choke down the tears starting to form.
It is obvious she is getting emotional but Ciel seems unmoved. He simply sits upright and refolds his arms across his chest as he stares at her. His face is blank letting his closed off body language speak for him.
"My parents were murdered for a reason and I know that if I come back as family head, then my mere presence will be a nuisance to the people who hunted and killed them, kidnapped me and kept me like an animal. I know they'll come for me and that's exactly what I'm waiting for. Someday, quite possibly soon, they'll show their hand and make their move."
"I don't understand."
"What I mean Aunt Anne, is someday, they'll come to kill me too. To correct their mistake."
"What was their mistake?" Her voice is shaky. She doesn't want to hear her darling nephew speak like this but she can't help but ask.
"Their mistake, simply put, is that they let me live."
"But why Ciel? Why do this?"
"Tell me, what is the alternative? To grieve? To sit here and feel sorry for myself? Or to just move on? No. I choose none of those options. I am alive and I'm standing on my own two feet. I know I'm going to die someday; I'd just rather die without any regrets."
As Anne tries to absorb what she's heard, she staggers back, bracing herself on the nearby side table. She looks over to me, as though I should offer a piece of advice or comfort, however, what she doesn't realize is this is also what drives me. I am feeding off of his hate. I am more than sated right now but, unfortunately for her, I won't stop him because his hatred is so delicious I want so much more.
"Then what are you planning? Some grand revenge?" She asks, turning back towards him.
Ciel shakes his head. "No. This is no grand revenge – it's just a game and I'm waiting to see who will make the next move."
"Sebastian, how in good faith can you let him do this?"
I shrug at her question as I go over to Ciel and stand right behind him.
"I have no control over what my master chooses to do as I am merely his pawn, there to be moved however he sees fit." I reply. Ciel emits a smug sigh to that response as though it were an inside joke only he and I knew about. Anne looks at the both of us, she seems completely confused and visibly fighting back her urge to either cry or scream and shout.
Before she can do either, the doorbell rings.
I turn my head towards the sound but they stay facing each other.
"Your guests are here, you should answer the door, madam." Ciel says coldly as he moves away from the couch.
"We're not done here," She calls after him. Ciel stops and looks over his shoulder at her.
"Oh, I think we are. Come Sebastian." Smiling, I bow slightly to Anne as I follow behind him.
"Yes, young master."