I'm tired.
It's been a long day and so much has happened.
The last few weeks since the dinner party have all gone by so quickly. Another birthday and Ciel is another year older, more fights with Anne adding to an already intense atmosphere, and my young master becoming more and more anxious until we complete the move back to a rebuilt and refurbished manor.
It's only been a day and already I miss the simple home comforts of the townhouse. He can say what he will but it is a place that even I can consider home.
With that said, I have made sure the manor is as homely it can be and up to Ciels' standards before we finally move him back. He is vociferously adamant it look exactly the way it did before the fire, which is no mean feat on my part. Using the pictures Anne has kept tucked away and Tanakas' memory, I have recreated the manor almost exactly how it was before.
I wonder why he wants it to look the same but I don't dare ask, I just work to follow his instructions to the letter. Still, I don't know what he must be feeling; it'll just be the two of us here in this house of the past. His nightmares constantly torment him and yet he carries on so proudly. I don't know how much of this is his acting as head of the Family or faking it but, either way, here is where he wants to stay.
From the moment of our arrival, Ciels' typical foul attitude has hit its apex. I do my best to avert my gaze as every time we make eye contact, I get the business end of him – something I could really do without at this moment in time. Moving house is already stressful enough.
We did everything in a day, the pack up, the move over and arranging everything in its right place. As night finally fell, I prepare Ciel for bed, tuck him in and make my way out of his room and down the hall towards mine.
My room, like this manor, is completely empty. I was given the option to decorate it with whatever I liked but, as interior design isn't my forte, there isn't anything I care for and seeing as though I won't be spending a lot of time in here, I may as well keep it as simple as possible.
There is a desk with a chair, a few books, a simple freestanding wardrobe with a few drawers, a bedside table with a lamp and a standard sized double bed. Somewhere to hang my trench coat, that's all I need.
Twisting my back around a few times to hear it crack, I roll my shoulders and sit down on the bed. I am tired. I decide to lay out, resting my head on my soft, inviting pillows.
As I lay here, my eyes flutter as sleep starts to take them.
I know I have to do my rounds in a moment – this estate is large, about five times bigger than the townhouse and it takes me a lot longer to get through it all. However, my eyelids are so heavy, I can barely keep them open. All right, I cave; I'll close them for a few minutes.
A moment passes after I close my eyes. I breathe in deeply and listen to the tranquility of the night. It's different here than in the city, I can hear crickets serenading their lovers, foxes on the hunt and owls giving their warnings. It's peaceful here, calming and I let my mind wander.
Just as I do, my peace is interrupted as I hear my bedroom door open and close softly. Feather light footsteps pad across the room and I smile to myself as I keep my eyes closed.
You think you're being sneaky but I can hear you. I can hear as you approach me quietly and I lay perfectly still. This isn't the first time you've crept into my room at night. You don't talk; you just stand and watch me.
But this time is different.
"Sebastian?" You whisper, probably checking if I am awake or not, am awake but I remain quiet. "Sebastian?" I hear you try again, this time, standing over me.
I keep my eyes closed as you walk to the foot of the bed, trailing your fingertips along my side. I stifle a shudder as you work your way down my body.
Suddenly, I feel the weight of the bed shift and dip as you get on top of it. I fight hard not to grin broadly, even though it's dark and I know you probably won't be able to see it. The ever so slightest touch rests on my calves, then my knees, as you crawl up my legs. Straddling me, you drag yourself on top of my body, slinking ever closer towards my chest.
Hands land on my upper thighs, and then my waist. I breathe out as I feel you rustle and pull out the tucked in ends of my shirt. You push them up, revealing my skin to the cold night air and I shudder. Your nails dig and claw as they search their way up my newly exposed chest.
I can feel your body tense and shiver as you rub yourself on top of me, creeping closer until you make your way on top of my hips. Keeping my eyes firmly shut, I let my hands glide up your slender legs and past the hem of your nightshirt. You gasp as I grip you, firmly pinching and squeezing the back of your thighs. I know you weren't expecting to be touched but I've held out long enough – I just have to feel you.
Do you know?
Do you know how much I desire you? How I want to be the only thing that consumes you? I've said it before but it bears repeating, I want you. I want to possess you, to devour you – surely you must have an idea or why else would you be here? Leaning over me and letting your soft lips tenderly touch mine as we kiss.
I ran my hands up underneath your shirt, feeling your naked back as you grind into me. Your moist lips part as you mewl gently into my mouth, the action exciting you.
Your kiss is intense, like electricity shooting through me and I am electrified as I feel everything: your hands on my chest, your waist grinding and riding me, the feel of your soft skin underneath your nightshirt, your hair as it brushes past my cheeks and the nip of your teeth as you playfully bite my lower lip.
I want to open my eyes.
I want to see you, all of you but I know you're not here.
I know you're still in your bed, being haunted by something else, possessed by someone else and I wish it could be me.
I slowly open my eyes and they do not deceive me, you are nowhere to be seen.
I can't say my heart didn't sink when I looked around for you, knowing you were never here. I sigh loudly, completely disappointed in myself. Here I was meant to be torturing you but it seems that even in my dreams, you're tormenting me. I wish you could see how much of a hold you have on me, how you command and control me. It tears me apart, it burns me up inside and frustrates me.
I think about you every night and every night you come, your presence is always here but you're not. I can still feel you on my fingertips and I smell your scent so vividly. It's as though you are here with me, lying with me in this room. You haunt me like a ghost.
We're fated, you and I.
This gnarly, treacherous road you're destined to walk – I'm meant to walk with you and if you fall, if you should tumble down – then down we go together.
With that, I sigh again as I roll over to my side, tucking my arm underneath my head as I think. I let my mind wander from Ciel to the ones that took him. Who are they? When will they strike again?
Before I have a chance to imagine any further, I hear a loud thud coming from the hall. Within an instant, I scramble to my feet. I rush to my drawer and pull out my snub nose .38 special, checking to make sure it's loaded, which it is, and I then leave my room.
Walking down the hallway, I am on high alert for whatever that sound can be.
Thud.
I hear another sound and it's coming from Ciels' room. I quickly rush over and open the door, there's nothing except Ciel bundled up in his duvet on top of his bed.
"Young master?"
"Who – who is it?" He calls to me from his cocoon.
"It's me, Sebastian."
"Sebastian?" He asks.
Not this again. Although, I should be grateful he didn't pull a gun on me this time. I look over to the nightstand and click on the light, underneath the lamp there's a book laying open; it's the works of Poe. I pick it up and look at the story he has open - The Raven. I remember this; I read it once in school.
"Master, what are you doing reading this so late at night?" I chide jovially.
He crawls out of the security of his blankets and extends his arm out, snatching the book from my hands, throwing it over to the foot of bed.
"I can read what I like." He hisses.
"I suppose you can," I smile. "Well then, if that will be all for the night?"
"Actually," he hesitates, "could you – would you stay with me for a bit?" He requests quietly as he averts his gaze, looking elsewhere.
"Of course," I nod.
I sit my gun down on the bedside table nearby and look around for the chair next to his desk. I start to go over to it but his hand outstretches and grabs the back buckle of my waistcoat, halting me.
"No, wait." He whispers.
"I'm only going to get the chair." I confirm.
"No, I mean… Please sit here."
"My, are you actually showing weakness in front of me?" I can't help but smirk at his request.
"Shut up and sit down," He growls, frowning at me.
Well, who am I to disobey such an order?
I hitch up my trouser legs and sit down on the bed beside him. Ciel hesitates for a moment, and then exhales loudly as he starts to calm down. He stifles a yawn but stretches out.
Feeling relaxed; he lies out on his side, facing my back. Glancing over, I can see the smooth milky white skin of his upper thigh as he curls up beside me. It takes the strength of Hercules not to turn on him, flip him over onto his back and have my wicked way with him.
Instead, I just think of something to say.
"Master, in order for the proper functioning of such a large manor, I think it might be best if we get more servants in. They can also help with protection."
"Protection from what?" He wonders aloud. Protection from me, I think to myself.
"Well, if there were more people around, the manor would be less likely to have a break in of some sort."
Ciel thinks for a moment, "Perhaps you're right."
"I was thinking about a maybe a cook and a maid to help with the cleaning?"
"We'll need a gardener as well to look after the landscape." He offers.
"I hadn't thought about that but, yes, a gardener would be very helpful." I pause. "Then that way, it can allow me to go back to the job you hired me for."
"Have you got anymore ideas on who did this to me?"
"To be honest, no. I've been too busy being your butler. Having some help around here will allow me to get back to the task at hand."
"I see," He agrees solemnly.
I feel like there's something more he wants to say, something more that he wants me to say to him but we both stay quiet, letting the silence speak for us.
After a long moment passes, I decide I should say something.
"We need to find out who is in the Syndicate," I begin, "I wonder if Undertaker has anymore leads with this." I finish and wait but there is no reply. I turn around to see that Ciels' eyes have closed. "Young master?" I whisper, nothing.
He's seemingly asleep. I suppose I should let him get his rest, as it's been a tense, busy day and maybe he's finally able to relax. I start to stand but he rolls over, grabbing me by the waist and curling his body around me as he breathes out a light whimper.
"Don't go."
"Okay."
"Lay with me." His voice is so soft, it's almost pleading, his eyes are open but look away.
"All right," I agree. I lift my legs up onto the bed and lie back as he wraps his arms around me tightly, burying his face into my side.
"This isn't weakness," He states firmly.
"If you insist."
"It's not. It's just… I don't want to be alone right now." He confesses faintly.
I nod in agreement.
"It must be hard," I think aloud to myself.
"Hm?"
"It must be hard on you, being back in this place so full of memories."
He nestles into me for comfort and it's absolute torture. I hear him yawn and I glance over to see that he has closed his eyes again.
"It is hard but I'll get over it." He mutters into the side of my chest.
"Don't push yourself, it's only natural to be upset."
"Don't. Do not coddle me. Despite my position now, I don't need it." He spits.
"I understand."
"Do you?"
"Sometimes, we all need a bit of comforting every now and then. Regardless of your macho posturing, you are no different young master. You're just doing it on your own terms." I pause for a moment as I wait for him to bite back but he doesn't. "You're only human, it's natural."
"Natural to be comforted by a demon?" He quietly snorts.
"Is that what you still see me as, a demon?"
"I used to but not anymore." He yawns.
"What do you see me as now?" I listen for his reply as his body starts to relax and go heavy against me.
"You're not my friend, if that's what you're insinuating." He grumbles.
"I'm doing no such thing, I'm just curious." I smile, although I know he can't see it.
"I see you…" He starts but begins to drift off and I instinctively wrap my arm around him, cuddling him, lulling him to sleep. "I see you as…" He tries again and I smile at his attempt. "I see you as my butler." He finishes as he finally falls asleep.
Just his butler? Well, that's a step up from being his dog.