Hello all! I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to update. I've been busy, but hopefully I can get some serious writing done over the Thanksgiving holiday and have much more to post in the upcoming week. I greatly appreciate all the reviews. Seems to be some healthy debate over cord-blood donation and the rights of sperm donors going on in the review section. It makes me smile that people care so much for these characters that they get so passionate over them. Trust me when I say that my intent for writing this was not to create controversy, but I do appreciate the varying thoughts and opinions of the readers so feel free to express your opinions respectfully. Anyway...thanks so much for the reviews and of course I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the previous ones.

December 18, 2014 5:30PM

Elliot stood outside the precinct and questioned whether or not he should go in. It had been years since he'd been there, years since he'd walked out the door and never come back, and now he was here again and the situation wasn't any better. His son was sick…he was going to die…and Olivia held the only possible key to saving him. He had to make amends with her, because even though he knew she wouldn't let conflict between the two of them keep her from helping Eli, he didn't want her to be angry at him anymore. Too much time had passed between them and it was his fault, so it was his responsibility to fix things.

He pulled open the door and walked down the hall to the elevator, pushing the button and waiting for the doors to open. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, hoping the scene in the room wouldn't trigger memories of the last day he'd been there…the day he'd shot and killed a teenage girl who had shot and killed so many others in the squad room…the day that had ended his career. The bell dinged, and the doors opened, and he walked off the elevator and into the room as if nothing had changed in all the years he'd been gone. He'd expected to feel nostalgic, or sad, or even afraid…but he felt nothing at all and it surprised him. He looked around for Olivia, but the desks were rearranged in a way that made it impossible to figure out which one was hers. Nothing looked the same.

"Can I help you?" a man walked up to him, someone he didn't recognize and Elliot realized the reason he felt nothing being back in this room was because it wasn't the same place anymore.

Elliot nodded, "I'm looking for Detective Benson," he said glancing around the room. "I guess she's not here…can you just point me to her desk?"

The man's eyes looked questioningly at him, "Sergeant Benson is in her office," he said, "But I'm sure I can help you." He extended his hand, "Detective Nick Amaro."

"Sergeant?" Elliot asked, wondering why it surprised him. SVU had been her whole life, so moving up in rank was inevitable for Olivia.

"Sir, what do you need from Sergeant Benson?" Nick asked. "She's getting ready to leave for the day and I'm on duty tonight. I can help you."

"I'm not here to report a crime," Elliot explained. "I just need to talk to Olivia…it's personal…we're friends." He smiled weakly, extending his own hand and shaking Nick's, "Elliot Stabler…" he said.

Nick's eyes widened and he looked him over, "Oh…" he said. "I should've recognized you, I guess. Liv has a picture of the two of you on her desk…well she used to…I haven't seen it in a while."

"I really need to talk to her," Elliot said again and Nick motioned for him to follow.

Nick knocked on Olivia's office door and waited for her to say "Come in," before he pushed it open a crack. She was standing at the desk, throwing papers in her bag, "Liv…" he said. "There's someone here to see you."

She looked up at him and sighed, "Can you take care of it?" she asked. "I have to get home by dinner time. I promised…"

"He says he'll only talk to you," Nick said, wanting to give her heads up without saying much in front of Elliot. "Your old partner…"

"Oh God…" Olivia groaned, falling back into her chair and putting her head in her hands. "Fine…send him in."

Nick pushed the door open and Elliot walked in the office. "I'll be out here if you need me," Nick said, wanting to make sure Elliot knew he wasn't going to let him upset Olivia like he had in the past. Then he closed the door behind him.

"What the hell was that about?" Elliot asked, looking around the office. "Pretty boy thinks he needs to take care of you, huh?"

"Don't call him that," Olivia sighed. "He's a good friend…and he was a good partner, especially when he was thrown together with me at a time when I couldn't be one back."

"He was your partner?" Elliot asked. "Did you like him better than me?" and at first she thought he was being his usual sarcastic self, but the look on his face let her know he was serious. He was jealous of Nick, and he didn't have the strength to hide it.

"Elliot…why are you here?" she asked, refusing to answer his question.

He sat down in a chair across from her desk, "Sergeant, huh?" he asked. "Got your own office and everything?" he ran his fingers across the shiny wooden desk. "Where's Cragen?"

"He retired…" she sighed, "And you didn't answer my question…why are you here?"

"You didn't answer mine…was that Nick guy a better partner than me?" he asked again, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"No…okay…he was as good a partner as you," Olivia said. "But not better…just different."

Elliot shrugged, "I thought no one could have your back but me?"

"Well, you weren't here…were you?" she snickered. "Guess I had to make do with someone else."

"So, you didn't want to have his baby then?" Elliot sputtered.

"Fuck you, El…you don't have the right to come in here and talk to me like that." Olivia said, standing up from her desk and grabbing her bag. "Listen…I have to go. If you want to talk about the cord blood donation, I'll call you after I talk to my doctor. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound next week…so I'll ask about it then…"

"I didn't come to talk about the cord blood," he admitted, standing up and looking her in the eye. "I came to talk to you…about you…"

She shook her head, "I need to get home."

"Liv…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did about that Nick guy or about you not wanting to have his baby. I'm just confused…about a lot of things…and I want to make things up to you. Can we go to dinner and talk? Please?" he asked. "Are you feeling better or are you still sick?"

"Elliot," she sighed, shaking her head, "I can't do this right now." Tears were stinging her eyes and before she could reach the door handle they were sliding down her cheeks. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Liv…" he grabbed her arm and her tears turned into full sobs, "Hey…why are you crying? I just want to talk…to say I'm sorry…"

She couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard she tried and she wasn't even sure why, "I just…" she sniffled, trying to hold in her tears… "I just want to go home…"

"Okay…" he said softly. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean…"

"It's not you," she brushed away her tears, "I'm just…tired…"

"You want me to give you a ride home?" he offered. "I swear…I won't talk…"

She shook her head, "I'm fine…thanks though."

"What if I bring over Chinese," he suggested. "You know you can't say no to that," he flashed a knowing grin that made her chuckle, despite the fact that she was still tearful.

"I don't know what you want from me," she admitted. "I really don't…"

"I want my best friend back," he admitted. "And I know it's my fault Liv…that we're not close anymore…I want to make that up to you."

She exhaled sharply, grabbing a piece of paper and writing her address on it, then shoving it in his hand, "I moved," she said, "And I'm busy tonight, until around 8." Then she walked out the door, leaving him standing alone in her office.

December 18, 2014 6:30 PM

"That's a good boy," Olivia grinned as her son raised his spoon to his mouth and devoured his dinner. "Mommy's so proud of you." The baby giggled, dropping the spoon on his highchair tray, making the orange mess splatter all over his tiny fists and Olivia quickly grabbed a wipe and cleaned him off. Then she picked up the spoon and held it to his mouth, "Here…" she laughed. "Let Mommy feed you for a while." She stared at his little face, covered in baby food and all she could think was that he needed her to be there for him, one hundred percent of the time, and she'd failed at that more often than not. When Noah came into her life, she expected it would be easier to push her job aside and focus on his needs, but it hadn't been easier. She was torn between her career and her son, and she felt guilty about it…and now she had another child to consider as well. She felt the familiar tears welling up in her eyes, and quickly brushed them away. She'd gone from happily feeding her baby to trying to hold back her tears in a matter of seconds. "Damn hormones," she groaned, picking up Noah's dishes and tossing them in the sink. Then she picked him up from his highchair and carried him into the bathroom for his bath.

An hour later, Noah was asleep and Olivia was looking through her drawers for something comfortable to wear. The slacks she'd had on all day left red marks on her stomach and she tossed them aside, figuring it would be the last time she'd be able to wear them for a long while. She grabbed a pair of navy blue NYPD sweatpants and pulled them on instead, pairing them with a gray t-shirt, and realizing that under the thin cotton of the t-shirt it was noticeable her breasts were spilling out of her bra. She pulled the shirt back over her head, and tried to push her breasts back into the cups, cringing at the pain of her own touch, and then eventually giving up when it was obvious the bra didn't fit anymore. She grabbed a sweatshirt instead and threw it on, pulling her hair up in a ponytail and leaning back on the bed, willing herself to stay awake and failing at it as her eye lids grew heavy and she couldn't keep them open any longer.

She couldn't have been asleep long when the pounding at the door woke her up. She sat up, trying to clear her head from the fogginess of sleep and climbed out of bed, heading toward the door. She didn't want the knocking to wake Noah, but she was afraid she was already too late. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and sighed. 8:00 exactly…and she was already too tired to think straight. This was going to be a long night.

December 18, 2014 8:00PM

Olivia pulled open the door, glaring at Elliot on the other side, "You don't have to wake up the entire apartment complex," she groaned, motioning him in.

He smiled at her tousled ponytail and the pillow creases on her cheek, "Were you asleep?" he asked gently. "I'm sorry…I didn't think…you're too tired to have dinner this late."

"No I'm not," she argued, looking at the bag he was carrying from the Chinese restaurant. "I just wanted a quick nap. It was a long day."

"Uh huh," Elliot said with a smirk. "A long day…not to mention you happen to be pregnant right now and the baby is stealing every ounce of energy you have…" he looked around the room, "Wow…this place is great." He said, sitting the bag on the table by the door. "Much nicer than your old place."

"Thanks," she said, looking at the bag and suddenly not feeling as hungry as she should. Something inside smelled too strong and she swallowed to hold back her nausea. Why did everything make her so damn sick all of the sudden? "I don't think I'm hungry right now," she admitted, hoping he wouldn't realize she felt bad. She didn't need him coddling her all night.

"You okay?" he asked gently and she nodded unconvincingly. Elliot noticed the crib, set up against the far wall of the room and smiled, "You already bought a crib?" he asked. "Kind of early isn't it?"

"No…you see…" she started to explain, but the smell from the Chinese food was too much, "Oh no…" she put her hand to her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

Elliot started after her, but a small whimper from the crib caught his attention and he turned, just in time to see the baby pull himself up on the side rails, crying. He stared for a few minutes, unable to move as he processed this new information, but then he walked over to the crib, shocked at the realization that Olivia already had a baby. He looked at the little boy…his dark hair and eyes…and he ran his finger along his soft cheek, "Hi there…" he whispered, and the boy seemed to cry even harder. Elliot looked toward the hall, seeing no sign that Olivia would be returning from the bathroom anytime soon, and so he picked him up carefully, patting his back and walking him back and forth across the room. "It's okay…" he whispered.

"Mama…" the baby sobbed and Elliot held him close, trying to comfort him.

"Mommy will be back in a minute," he said softly. He sat down on the sofa, rocking the baby back and forth, until finally his cries softened to a slight whimper and he fell asleep. "Sweet baby boy," Elliot said, as he rocked the sleeping child, "I think I'm your daddy…"

Olivia emerged from the bathroom, her face a sickly shade of gray and her legs wobbling beneath her, "I'm sorry…" she said, the words shaking as they escaped her lips. "I didn't think he'd wake up."

"You feeling better?" Elliot asked and she shrugged. "You want me to get you anything?" he asked, as she flopped down next to him, unable to stand anymore. "Some gingerale or tea…something the settle your stomach."

She shook her head, "No…just give me the baby…I need to put him back to bed," she reached for him and was surprised when Elliot didn't hand him over.

"Are you kidding me right now?" he asked. "You can barely hold yourself up, and you want to carry the baby back to his crib?" He stood up, carefully placing the baby in the crib and looking down at him while he slept. "What's his name?" he asked.

"Noah…" she said gently. "His name is Noah."

"How old is he?" he asked, picking up a blue teddy bear from inside the crib and sitting it on the chair beside it.

"He's fourteen months," Olivia said, "But El…I don't think you understand…"

"You didn't tell me about him," he sputtered, trying to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake the baby. "You came to the hospital and told me you're pregnant now…but you didn't tell me we already have a son? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Elliot…stop," she sighed. "You don't know what you're talking about. He is not your son!"

"Don't give me that bullshit," he argued. "I may be just a sperm donor, but I have a right to know I have a child, Olivia. You promised you wouldn't use those embryos without telling me…and you did it…twice!"

"Elliot…please stop," she sighed, standing up on wobbly legs and walking over to him. "Noah is not your son…" she tried to explain, but her body wouldn't let her. She cringed, knowing she was going to be sick again, the room spinning around her. "El…" she cried, "I need help…" she fell into him and he grabbed her as the room went dark.

She woke up in her own bed, the light from the hall spilling under the door. She didn't remember how she'd ended up there, but she did remember arguing with Elliot about Noah. She sat up, trying to put together the pieces of the evening when her door opened and Elliot stood there with a cup of tea and some toast, and she closed her eyes, "I don't want that," she sighed.

He walked over to the bed, sitting the food on her nightstand and clicking on her lamp. She squinted her eyes in the light and he sat on the bed next to her, "You need to eat something," he insisted. "The doctor said that's probably why you fainted."

"The doctor?" she asked. "What doctor?"

"Your doctor…" he said gently. "I called him. The number was right by the phone. He said the hormone injections you are taking are probably making the morning sickness worse because at six weeks your body is producing the pregnancy hormones on its own and so you're getting a double dose. He wants you to come see him in the morning and see if he can take you off the shots, but he said you have to eat to keep your strength up even if you don't want to."

"You called my doctor?" she asked. "You had no right to do that."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Get over yourself, Olivia. Twice today I've witnessed you puking your guts out…and you just passed out cold in my arms. I had to call the damn doctor. Would you rather I'd called 9-1-1? Had an ambulance come drag your stubborn ass to the hospital, cause I can do that."

"I'm sorry…" she sighed. "I didn't mean…" she cleared her throat. "I don't know what I'm trying to say," she started to cry. "I don't feel very good."

"I know," he said softly, brushing her hair back from her face and handing her the cup of tea. "Sip this…it'll help…I promise."

She took a small sip of the tea, and leaned back against her pillow, "Elliot…he's not your son," she said. "I'm sorry…but he's not. He's not even biologically mine. I'm in the process of adopting him."

"What?" Elliot asked, not sure if he believed her. "Liv…" he sighed, "Really?"

She nodded, "I wanted a baby…and I found Noah during a horrible child pornography case. No one wanted him, and we couldn't find his parents. Then his mother showed up, but she was murdered and he needed a home. The judge asked if I wanted him…and I said yes."

"He looks like you," Elliot gave a disappointed smile. "I guess I just thought…kind of thought he had my chin and your eyes…I guess I let my imagination get carried away."

Olivia smiled weakly, "I wish he was yours…because at least I'd know he'd be carrying strong, caring, loving genes. I don't know who his father was, but his mother was an addict and a prostitute…so his father could be a rapist or a pimp…"

"Genes aren't everything, Liv. You're proof of that," he picked up the toast and handed it to her, "Eat this…"

She nibbled on the toast, then she looked up tearfully, "I'm a terrible mother," she admitted. "He'd be better off with someone else."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked. "Liv…he loves you. When I was trying to get him to calm down earlier…he kept calling for you. He wanted his mommy."

"I never see him," she cried. "I'm always at work. He spends more time with the babysitter than with me."

"I doubt that," Elliot said gently.

Olivia shook her head, "It's true. I thought I could put my work aside and focus on Noah, but being commanding officer takes so much time. I get called away from him on my days off. I miss putting him to bed sometimes...a lot of times, actually. Remember how Kathy used to get mad at you for missing things with the kids?" she asked and he nodded. "Now picture it if you were their only parent and you missed all those things."

He nodded, knowingly, "So what are you going to do about it? You're about to have another baby. If you don't have time for one, how do you plan to do it with two?"

She shook her head, "I don't know why I did this," she put her hand on her stomach and cried, "I should have thought it through better…it isn't fair to Noah to make him share my attention when he gets so little time with me as it is."

"You can't change what you've already done, Liv," he took her hand from her stomach and squeezed it, putting his other hand in its place and patting gently. "I know you love both of them…Noah and this little one. You're a good mother…you just have to refocus your priorities…" he smiled. "And I doubt things are as bad as you're making them sound anyway. You are overwhelmed…you're sick…your hormones are on overload…"

"Maybe…" she sighed, finishing her toast and sitting the plate back on the nightstand. "What time do I have to be at the doctor in the morning?"

"9:00," he said, pulling the covers up over her. "I'll stay here tonight, in case Noah wakes up again. I want you to get a full night's sleep for once. That should help…" she nodded and closed her eyes and he reached over and turned off the lamp. "And Liv…I know I'm not Noah's father…or legally this baby's father either…but I want to help if I can. I'd like to go to the appointment tomorrow…if it's okay with you?"

"You are...the baby's father…" her voice drifted off and he wasn't sure if she was talking in her sleep or if she was really and truly giving him the honor of being the father of her child.

"Liv?" he asked, but he could hear her snoring softly and knew he couldn't wake her up now. "Goodnight…" he whispered, walking to the hall and pulling the door closed behind him.

More to come...