I know I said I'd post on Thanksgiving. Sorry. My computer has been having issues and this is the first time I've been able to log-on for any extended period of time for the past couple of days. Anyway...thanks so much for all the reviews and the questions about when I would update again. I love writing this story and so I am going to try to update frequently, but I do have a life outside of fanficdom, so I can't promise to do it as often as some seem to want.
I hope everyone likes this chapter and feel free to let me know what you're thinking. Reviews make me smile :)
December 23, 2014 1:30PM
It was the day before Christmas Eve, and the precinct was dead for the first time in the history of her career. Olivia couldn't believe it, but there was nothing to do and she'd even let Amanda leave early to head back to Atlanta for Christmas. Fin was planning to work over the holiday and Nick was going to visit his daughter in California the day after Christmas, so she still had plenty of help to cover the non-existent case-load. Between her morning sickness and responsibilities at work, Olivia still hadn't managed to get her holiday shopping done, and with the deadline quickly approaching, she decided to take an extended lunch break and make her way through some of the toy stores to find the perfect gifts for her son. She'd never had the chance to experience the holiday through a child's eyes, and she was looking forward to it more than she wanted to admit. She wanted to give Noah the best Christmas possible.
She walked down the aisles, looking at everything from educational baby toys to stuffed animals and she was overwhelmed. A saleswoman walked up to her, smiling a fake smile and asked, "What does your little one want for Christmas this year?" Olivia stared blankly at her. What did Noah want for Christmas? She had no idea. "Ma'am…" the woman said more sincerely. "Are you okay?"
Olivia nodded, "Of course…" she smiled. "My son…he's fourteen months old…not easy to shop for, I guess. I don't know what to get him."
"He's a baby," the woman said. "They aren't very picky," she assured her and walked her over to an aisle of baby toys. "These are all safe toys for young toddlers." She smiled, "Let me know if you need anything…" she said as she walked off to help someone else.
Olivia looked at every toy on the shelves and her eyes filled with tears. She had no idea what to buy for her son and it broke her heart. A good mother would know what her child wanted for Christmas. She thought about texting Lucy, to see if she had any ideas, but she was afraid the young babysitter would know exactly what Noah wanted for Christmas and she couldn't face that. She couldn't admit someone else knew her child better than she did. "Dammit Olivia…stupid pregnancy hormones," she sputtered to herself. "Stop crying and pick something." So she grabbed several things from the shelves she thought her little boy might like…a soft toy truck, a fireman's hat, large foam puzzles, and books…then she made her way to the clothing department and added a few new outfits and pajamas to the bundle. Before she knew what came over her she was loaded down with gifts and she wasn't even sure they were good ones. She pulled out her credit card and paid for them, spending much more than she'd planned, and then headed back to the station.
She rushed into the squad room three hours after she'd left and Nick ran up to her, grabbing the bags and packages from her, "Where were you?" he asked. "I've been worried sick. You didn't answer your phone."
She handed him her purchases and followed him into her office, "I'm sorry…" she said, pulling the phone from her pocket and seeing the missed calls and texts. "I can't believe I didn't hear it." She clicked the volume button realizing it was off and wondering if Noah had done that when he was playing with her phone that morning. He always managed to get his hands on her phone and loved to push the buttons. "I'm so sorry…is something wrong? Do we have a case?"
"No…" Nick assured her. "Still pretty dead around here," he sighed, "But you were gone three hours…and you're pregnant…I was worried about you…" he looked at the variety of bags and packages, "And you shouldn't be carrying so many heavy bags."
"Stop," she said seriously. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything to you about this," she walked past him and looked through her bags. "I'm a grown woman. I don't need a babysitter, Nick."
"I didn't mean you needed a babysitter," he said gently. "But I was worried. You've been sick…"
She shook her head, "I've felt fine all day," she promised. "I was a little queasy this morning, but so much better than before." She hated to admit it, but stopping the hormone shots seemed to be helping. She pushed past him and headed for her door.
"Where are you going now?" he asked.
"I have to pee," she snickered. "I'm pregnant…remember…"
Nick sighed, "Fine…but then do me a favor and sit down for a while. You shouldn't be on your feet so much. It's not good for the babies."
She rolled her eyes, "You need to stop this," she noticed the concern on his face and nodded, "But I am kind of tired so I promise I'll sit the rest of today…okay?" she asked and he nodded in agreement.
Fifteen minutes later Nick was at his desk, filing notes on an old case when Olivia emerged from the ladies room. Her face was pale and she had her hand on her stomach, walking slowly into the room. Something was wrong and he could tell by looking at her that she'd been crying. He followed her into her office, "Hey…what's going on?" he asked. "Are you okay? Are you sick again?"
She shook her head, her tears sliding down her cheeks, "I…uhm…" she burst into tears.
"Liv, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling her into an embrace.
"I'm bleeding…" she cried.
"What?" he asked nervously. "Did you call the doctor?"
She nodded, "Yeah…he said to go to the ER…" she cried. "I don't want to lose my babies."
"You won't," he tried to assure her, but he knew the odds weren't in her favor. She was already an older mother, and she certainly wasn't keeping her stress level down either. "Come on…" he said softly, "I'll take you."
"I need to call Elliot," she sobbed.
"Why?" Nick asked, but the look on her face let him in on her secret. There was no anonymous sperm donor, "Okay…" he whispered. "We'll call him from the car."
December 23, 2014 5:15PM
She'd tried to call Elliot over and over again on the way to the hospital, but he wasn't answering his phone. She didn't want to leave him a message telling him she might be losing the babies, so she just kept trying to call with no response. Now she was being taken back to the emergency room and Nick was with her instead of Elliot and it felt wrong. "I want to go by myself," she said, looking sadly at him. She handed him her phone, "Can you keep trying to call, Elliot? Please?" she asked.
"Liv," he squeezed her hand. "You don't want to go back there by yourself. You need someone there…"
She shook her head sadly, "They won't let me use my phone back there…and I need Elliot…please?" she begged and he agreed.
"Okay, but you have them come get me if you want me," he said. "I'll be right out here." He sat down in one of the plastic waiting room chairs and picked up her phone, hitting redial and waiting while it rang, surprised when Elliot finally picked up on the third ring.
"Hey Liv…I'm sorry…" he said, nearly out of breath, but before Nick could correct him, Elliot continued to talk, "Eli came home today…it's been crazy. He's still too sick to manage the stairs, so Dickie's been helping me move his bed and some of his things downstairs and I left my phone somewhere along the way. I just picked it up…"
"Elliot…" Nick interrupted, and the line finally went silent. "This isn't Olivia…"
"Who the hell is this?" he asked.
"Nick Amaro…" he answered. "Liv asked me to call you…"
"Why?" Elliot asked, the nervousness apparent in his voice. He knew something was wrong.
"She's in the ER," Nick said, trying to stay calm. "She wants you to come…"
"Is she okay? Is she hurt?" he asked, immediately thinking this was related to the job.
"She was bleeding…she's worried about the babies…" Nick answered and he heard the gasp on the other end of the line.
Elliot didn't realize anyone knew Olivia was pregnant, so it surprised him, "I'm on my way," he said, hanging up without saying anymore.
"Mr. Amaro," a nurse walked over to him and he looked up at her. "Your friend would like you to come back with her." He nodded, and followed the nurse back.
Olivia was in bed, dressed in a white cotton gown with monitors hooked to her and her face was still stained with tears. "Hey…" he said, walking over to her, "How're you doing?"
"Did you get ahold of Elliot?" she asked.
"Yeah," he nodded. "He's on his way." He sighed, "Did you see the doctor yet?"
She nodded, "Yeah…he's going to do an ultrasound to check on the twins…and I didn't want to be alone in here…just in case…" she started crying again and he took her hand. "I knew I shouldn't have stopped taking the hormone shots so early…but I was so sick…and the doctor thought it would be okay…"
"If your doctor said it was okay, then this isn't your fault," Nick reminded her.
"I'm their mother," she cried. "I'm supposed to take care of them, and I was so tired of throwing up that I put them in danger…God, I don't deserve them anyway."
"Olivia, that is not true," Nick insisted. "You have to stop this. You were following doctor's orders." The ER doctor walked in with the ultrasound machine and Nick looked at him, "Is there a chance the twins are okay?"
The doctor nodded, "There are several reasons for bleeding in early pregnancy. Let's not get too worried until we check things out." He smiled and extended his hand, "Are you the father?"
Nick shook his hand, "No…he's on his way. I'm a friend."
The doctor glanced at Olivia, "You want him to stay or should we do this privately," he asked.
"He can stay," she said. "Can you wait a while…for my…uhm…for the babies' father to get here?"
"I think we better do this now," the doctor said. "We need to see what we're dealing with." Olivia closed her eyes and Nick held her hand while the doctor began the ultrasound. "The babies look good," the doctor said and she opened her eyes to look at the screen. "Seven weeks, right?" he asked, and she nodded. "Good heartbeats…" he smiled. "115 and 145…"
"Why are they so different?" Nick asked. "Is there a problem with one of them?"
"No," the doctor assured them. "They are fraternal, I'm assuming, and that means they have different genetic makeup from one another. Both heartbeats are within the normal range. Some folks think anything under 130 signals a boy and over 130 means it's a girl. It's really an old wives' tale, but studies show there can be a little truth to it. You might have a boy and a girl."
"Really?" Olivia asked. "A boy and a girl?"
"Or not…" the doctor smiled, "You might just have a sleepy one and an active one. There's no way to tell yet." He pointed to the monitor, "But they look just fine…and I'm not seeing anything to signal the bleeding. He sighed, "Right now, my guess is that it's from the IVF. Sometimes there is an abundance of older endometrium blood due to the IVF drugs, and eventually it just comes out. It rarely affects the pregnancy."
"Olivia…" Elliot ran into the room, and everyone turned, staring at him. "What's going on?" he asked, rushing to her side and grabbing her hand from Nick. "Are the babies okay?"
"They're fine," she said, "El…the doctor was just saying it's probably old blood…"
"Old blood?" he asked.
"Or it could be from the twins," the doctor added. "Bleeding is common early in twin pregnancies. They need more room and so sometimes…"
"My wife had twins and never had any bleeding," Elliot interrupted. Then he realized what he said and corrected himself, "My ex-wife…I mean…are you sure she's not losing the babies, because bleeding seems serious and she stopped her hormone shots two days ago…"
"Hey man, calm down," Nick said, knowing Olivia was already upset about the shots. "You're not helping…"
"What the hell is he doing here?" Elliot looked at Olivia and then back at Nick.
"He drove me here," Olivia said tearfully, "Because you wouldn't answer your damn phone!"
"Sir, the babies are fine," the doctor said, wondering what kind of crazy relationship these three had and wanting nothing to do with any of it. "We'll keep her for a while tonight…to make sure everything is okay…"
"I need to get home," Olivia sighed. "My sitter has to leave tonight. She's going out of town for Christmas."
"You'll be home tonight," the doctor said, "But not for a while. We need to keep you hydrated and make sure the bleeding stops." He shook Elliot's hand again, "I'll leave you all alone for a while."
"I can go…" Nick offered. "I'll watch Noah until you get home."
"Thanks," she said sadly. "For everything."
"Yeah," Elliot said, more calmly now. "Thanks for driving her…and for calling me…I'm sorry I was rude…"
"Yeah," Nick sputtered, then he leaned forward and hugged Olivia, "Take care of yourself. Call if you need anything. I'll be at the apartment when you get home." Then he walked out the door.
"What the hell was that about?" Elliot asked.
"El…don't start," Olivia sighed. "Nick is my friend…he helped me today…let it go."
"You didn't even wait for me to get here to do the ultrasound," he said.
"The doctor wouldn't wait," she explained, "And you were not here…" she cried. "Dammit Elliot, I thought I was losing these babies and I couldn't even find you."
"Eli came home today," he explained. "I was moving his bed downstairs because he's too sick to walk up to his room. I told your friend that…"
"Stop it!" Olivia yelled. "Dammit Elliot…Nick was helping me…and our children…what is your problem?"
"I'm sorry…" he ran his hand along the back of his neck, "I was just…I'm worried…I told you to stop taking those shots and if you lose the babies…"
"I'm not losing them," she said seriously. "I saw them…and they're fine, El." She smiled, "The doctor said we might have a boy and a girl."
"How can he tell that already?" Elliot asked, his face worn and emotionless.
"Heart rate," Olivia told him. "It's not an exact science…but it's nice to think about, right? I'd like one of each…what about you?"
He shrugged, "I don't know," he admitted. "I haven't really thought about it."
"You haven't thought about it?" Olivia laughed, "Come on…you probably want two little boys, huh? I know it's a stereotype, but all men seem to want boys…"
"I'm just scared," he said truthfully. "If you lose them…"
"Elliot…" she looked seriously at him. "What's going on?"
He shook his head, "I love them," he said. "I really do…"
"I know," she sighed.
"But if we lose them, I'm back to zero hope for Eli too," he said tearfully. "And it will be like losing all three of them at once."
She bit her lip and looked sadly at him, "Elliot…you know these babies might not be able to help him anyway. We talked about that."
"I know…" he admitted. "And Liv, I won't blame the babies if they don't match, but I can't lose that hope…and the thought of losing these babies right now…when Nick called me, I was so damn scared…" He leaned in and hugged her close and she let him cry.
"The twins are fine, El," she whispered. "And Eli's okay right now too, right? They let him come home."
He nodded, "Yeah…" he gave a weak smile, "And he's so glad to be there too. He can't wait for Christmas."
"See…" she gave a sad smile, "No reason to be sad or worried right now. Things are okay."
"I guess so," he sighed, taking her hand and holding it close, "How are you doing? Are you feeling okay? God, I didn't even ask you that, did I? I'm sorry, Liv…"
She nodded, "I'm fine." But in her heart she wasn't sure that was true. She was scared, and not that she'd lose the babies. She was scared for Elliot…she was afraid their relationship would never survive these next months because even though she needed him to be strong for her, he had more to lose than she did…and this whole thing was harder on him.
December 23, 2014 11:25PM
"If the babies are fine, I don't understand why I have to be on bedrest," Olivia sighed as they drove toward her apartment. "I have a job…and a child to take care of…"
"Liv…it's not bedrest," Elliot said. "The doctor said a week of resting…at home…no work and no standing on your feet for long periods of time. You can still do things at home."
"Christmas is in two days, Elliot," Olivia reminded him. "And I already let one of my detectives leave early for vacation. Nick is supposed to leave the day after Christmas. I can't be gone…"
"Well, you're going to be," he said matter-of-factly. "You heard the doctor. The bleeding was probably nothing, but we can't be too careful."
"I don't know what to do at work," she said, resting her head against the window. "I didn't tell my boss about the pregnancy. He's already on my ass all the time and now…I'm going to lose my position, Elliot."
"He can't do that," Elliot insisted. "Call him tomorrow, explain everything…and take it from there. That's all you can do."
"I guess," she groaned, putting her hand to her stomach.
"You okay?" he asked. "Are you having any pain because the doctor said to come back if you have cramping."
She shook her head, "I'm fine, El. I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten since lunch and the babies have gotten used to regular meals the past couple days since I'm not hurling every few minutes."
He laughed, "So you're feeling better then?" he asked. "No more morning sickness?"
"I wouldn't go that far," she sighed. "I still feel sick part of the day, but I can keep food down…most of the time. I threw up yesterday at work. I didn't quite make it to the ladies room and ending up barfing in the potted plant in the hall. It wasn't a pretty sight."
"Oh…" Elliot cringed. "That's bad." He sighed, "And yet no one suspects that you're pregnant?"
"No one was around," she gave a slight smile. "Elliot…I'm starving…"
"Okay, okay…" he laughed. "I'll stop up here and we'll grab something to eat…but then you are going home to bed."
"Fine," she smiled as he pulled into a drive-thru and ordered burgers and fries. She opened hers in the car and took a bite, "God…this is so good…"
"You couldn't wait until we get home?" he asked with a chuckle.
"No…" she said, taking another bite and shoving fries in her mouth. "I'm eating for three…I'm hungry…"
"Yeah…of course…" he smiled.
She unlocked the door to her apartment, walking in quietly and finding Nick asleep on the couch. She tapped him gently and he jumped up, "Hey…you're back," he said with a yawn. "You doing okay?"
"I'm fine…" she said. "How was Noah tonight?"
"He missed you," Nick admitted. "But he's been asleep for a while." He stood up and stretched, seeing Elliot eyeing him from across the room, "I guess I'll take off…see you tomorrow…"
"She's not coming in tomorrow," Elliot said quickly, and Olivia glared at him.
"Why…what's wrong?" Nick asked. "Did the doctor say something…"
"He said I have to rest," Olivia sighed. "For a week…"
"Are the twins okay?" Nick asked. "Are you okay?"
"We're fine…" Olivia insisted. "And I'm sure we'd still be fine if I was at work…"
"But she's not going to work," Elliot interrupted. "Because she's going to follow doctor's orders and take care of herself…and the babies…"
"Elliot…" she groaned.
"He's right," Nick added. "You have to do what the doctor says, Liv." He sighed, "You know…I can cover…I can have my mom fly down and get Zara and then bring her here for our time together. Fin and I can take care of things."
"I can't ask you to do that," she argued.
"You have no choice," Nick said seriously. "Besides, I don't mind…"
"Thanks," she said sincerely. "We'll see what happens when I call the chief tomorrow to report this pregnancy…you might have a new C.O. anyway."
"Nah…" Nick smiled. "He likes hassling you way too much to find someone new." He headed toward the door, turning to look at Elliot, "You are staying here tonight, right?" he asked.
"Of course," Elliot replied. "I'm not leaving her now."
"Okay…goodnight," Nick said, walking out the door.
Elliot turned to Olivia, pulling her toward him and hugging her close, "It was nice of him to offer to cover while you're home."
"He's a nice guy," Olivia leaned into him, yawning with exhaustion.
"You should go to bed," Elliot suggested. "It's been a hard day…you need some rest."
She sighed, "I left Noah's presents at work. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve."
"I'll go get them tomorrow," Elliot promised. "But tonight, you need to rest."
"I want to take a shower," she said, "I feel kind of gross…from the hospital…" she laughed, "And I'm still hungry. I swear…these twins are going to make me gain a gazillion pounds before they get here. I'd almost rather be sick than hungry all the time."
Elliot laughed, "You take your shower, and I will make you a healthy snack. Fruit or something…with milk…chocolate milk…" he teased.
"All right," she smiled. "Thanks…" Then she walked down the hall and he watched her close the bathroom door behind her.
He walked over to the crib on his way to the kitchen, and smiled at Noah who was peacefully sleeping on his side, clutching his blanket. He heard his phone beep, and picked it up, seeing a text from Kathy. Are you coming home? Eli woke up crying for you and I can't get him back to sleep. He knew he should go back to the house and check on his son, but Olivia needed him there too. He hadn't realized how hard this would be, being torn between his two families…and he didn't know what to do.
More to come...when I can get to it...