I feel warm, almost hot.

It's a comforting, inviting heat, one of familiarity and protection. It's a feeling you get when you're with some, lying in bed and holding them tightly in your arms. You hold them so tightly, if only to keep them secure, to make sure that no harm will ever come to them.

That's how I feel now.

I woke about two hours after I drifted off to sleep; the last thing I remember is lying on Ciels' lap whilst he gently strokes my face as he hovers above me. I have never felt such peaceful calm in my entire life, it lulls me straight to sleep.

I yawn as I start to toss and turn, the heat against my body causing me to sweat and wake up. Cracking my eyes open, I see him, nestling beside me in a tight little ball. We must have shifted positions in the night. I smile as my hazy vision rests on him; he is completely still, breathing in deeply through parted lips.

He must feel it, my presence. I've only slept beside him twice before and in both of those times he didn't stir. He doesn't shift or budge, gasp nor cry out – his dreams are calm and not frightful, I must bring him peace. As I roll over onto my side, I rest my arm around his waist and pull him into me. I delicately kiss the back of his neck as I prop myself up on my elbow, resting the side of my cheek in the palm of my hand, watching him as he sleeps.

My eyes glance over to the clock on the bedside table; it's 1:35 in the morning. I should go, I have things to prepare for tomorrow and I must do one last sweep of the manor to make sure everything is secure but I just can't seem to leave. I gently stroke his head as I debate whether or not to move. My mind wanders back to the events of the evening and the question he asked.

What is it I want?

I know what it is and yet I can't say. I wonder what my young master would think if he were to know that he is what I truly desire. I shake my head at that thought; of course he would be horrified at the notion of someone of my position harboring any trace of emotional feelings for him, that much I know, especially as he sees me only as his butler.

I haven't forgotten my role here; I'm here to serve him, to protect him and nothing more. I am no more than his butler and I would be humoring myself if I thought otherwise. He has a position to maintain as head of the Family and I have mine.

Sighing heavily, I decide that I should get up. I bend over and ever so carefully move him under the covers, and then pull them up over him. I regard him for a moment, just to make sure that he is still sleeping soundly and then I take my leave. I must check the manor and prepare for tomorrow.

The next morning I make my way back down the hall towards Ciels' bedroom, wheeling the silver service trolley, which is loaded with a full teapot of hot water and various items for breakfast. I enter his room and wheel the trolley just to the side of his desk, pressing the brake lever with my foot. Walking to the window, I pull back the heavy drapes and let the light flood into the room as I tie them back.

Turning around, I look at Ciel; he's still sleeping soundly. Although, I notice that he's lying out on his stomach. This is an odd position, he always lies on his back – this is a first.

Emitting a slight groan, he starts to stir as the sunlight hits his face and he rubs his eyes slightly. He doesn't seem to take any notice of me as he keeps his eyes closed and presses his palms down onto the mattress to lift himself up but he hesitates for some reason and lands back down on to his stomach.

"Good morning young master." I greet him cheerfully, his eyes bolt open and they roll over towards me. "This mornings' tea is a breakfast blend from Fortnum and Mason-"

"Sebastian…" He mumbles but I casually ignore him.

"I have prepared eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce on top of toasted brioche with-"

"Sebastian." He states firmly.

"Yes young master?"

"Can you leave me… for a moment?" He requests, rather sheepishly, as he lowers his eyes towards the mattress.

"Leave you?"

"Yes, I… Just go." He almost hisses at me.

"Very well." I nod and make my way out of the room.

Shutting the door behind me, I lean against it as I wonder why I was so unceremoniously ousted me from his room. As I stand there, I close my eyes and focus as I try to listen to what's happening on the other side of the door. I hear the bed sheets being thrown off of him and two feet slamming down on the floor. The next thing I hear is footsteps as they rush across the room and then the bathroom door is slammed shut.

Minutes past and I hear nothing else.

I wait patiently until I remember that I left the tea strainer inside the teapot, the tea will be over steeped, bitter and ruined if I don't take it out – at least this is the excuse I'm using to re-enter the room. I knock on the door and open it. My eyes scan the room and land on the closed bathroom door. He's still in there. I can sneak in; take the strainer out of the teapot and leave.

As I make my way back into the room, there is a slight noise coming from the bathroom. Something crashes to the ground and I rush over to the door but before I knock, I hear something else, it's a light sound, hard to hear outright but it's there.

Letting curiosity get the better of me, I press my ear to the door to get a better listen on what is going on in the other side. I hear it again, it's the sound of heavy breathing as he gasps and sighs, and then he goes silent.

Oh?

I hear him whimper faintly as he breathes in deeply, panting softly as he exhales.

I know what I'm overhearing and yet I can't seem to tear myself away. Resting my back against the door as quietly as I can, I smile to myself as I listen to him let out a breathy moan. The sound sends a shiver right through me and it excites me. Who are you thinking about? I wonder. Who is making you purr so sweetly?

There is a brief moment of silence and I wait for it, knowing what's next – you cry out so loudly that it takes me by surprise and I jump. I look around to see if anyone saw me but of course, I'm alone. Unable to get the smile on my lips to fade, I know I must leave the room before you return and I head towards the door, shutting it behind me.

My cheeks are sore; I've been smiling too much. Hearing you enjoy yourself in such a way – I'm jealous. I wish it could have been me to make your body ache to be touched, to make you breathless and wanting.

"Sebastian!" He calls me from the other side of the door, pulling me back from my thoughts.

I enter, my eyes landing on him as he sits on his bed, completely covered up. He faces forward, almost refusing to look at me and so I stand in front of him, forcing him to see me. He turns his head to the side and his cheeks start to redden.

"Is everything all right, young master?" I wonder innocently, trying to keep a straight face.

"Everything is fine." He mumbles.

"I can't help but notice that you look a bit flushed in your cheeks." I press my hand against his forehead and he swats my hand away.

"There's nothing wrong."

"If you insist but it's just that you look all hot-"

"You heard!" He gasps as his eyes widen with anger. "How could you?"

"I apologize young master, but I heard something crash in the bathroom and I wanted to make sure you were all right." I can't help but smile.

Grabbing a fist full of his duvet, Ciel covers his face to hide his embarrassment.

"I want you to leave, now." He growls from underneath.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's perfectly normal." I try to reassure him.

"I don't care!"

I gently tug the duvet, pulling it down from his reddened face as he scowls at me.

"It's just your body is changing and your hormones-"

"Spare me the lecture on sex Sebastian, I get plenty enough at school." He barks and I stand back.

"All right." I sigh. "In any case, I have to start getting you dressed now."

I begin to kneel down so that I may unbutton his shirt but before I do, he stops me.

"No." He snaps.

"No?"

"I want Mey-Rin to assist me."

"Mey-Rin? Forgive me but I hardly think that would be appropriate at this particular moment in time."

His eyes dart around the room as he now thinks of another solution.

"Fine, then I'll dress myself today." He states. It took everything in my power not to roar with laughter at that remark.

"In the last two years I've been with you, I haven't seen you so much as tie your shoelaces." I snort.

"Shut up, I can too."

"Is that so?" I arch an eyebrow at him.

"Yes."

"Very well, then I'll let you get dressed by yourself." I start to leave the room, heading towards the door.

"You always do this." He sighs and I stop, glancing at him over my shoulder.

"Do what, young master?"

"You always treat me like a child."

"My apologies, I didn't think I was."

"I am not a child, why can't you see that?"

"I do see that."

He looks up at me. "Do you?"

"Yes, I do."

He hums softly to himself and he looks as though he's mulling something over in his head. As he lands on something, his eyes slowly move to me and I turn to face him.

"Sebastian?" He asks meekly.

"Yes?"

"What do you think of me?"

"I think quite highly of you." I reply honestly.

"Oh, is that all?" His voice is low, he seems almost disappointed at my comment but I can't figure out why.

"What are you looking for me to say?"

His eyes drop to the floor. "Nothing, never mind."

There is a long pause as I regard him curiously. He seems upset over something I hadn't said but if he won't tell me, I don't know how I can help him. It's getting late and he needs to get ready for school so I decide to drop it for the time being.

"Well, I'll let you get ready." I bow courteously and head out of the door to leave him to it.

…

"Salut!" Lizzie exclaims as she raises her Épée up towards her mask, acknowledging Ciel as her opponent and he does the same.

It's the middle of the afternoon and Lizzie has come over after school for their weekly fencing lesson. I stand to the side and watch as they continue their bout, Lizzie is skilled, and it's quite a joy to watch her. Her whole body moves in such a graceful fluid motion as she repostes Ciels' parry with a passata sotto, scoring a point. Ciel struggles to be much of a challenge for her as he lunges forwards and their blades cross, striking one another and she deftly defeats him. I must say, it's quite fun to see my typically haughty young master cut right down to size.

Ciel has barely spoken two words to me since I left his room this morning and his temperament has been nothing but brusque and frayed. Normally, I'm always by his side whenever he is at home, but he has been adamant that I not be anywhere near him. I comply and keep my distance but I can't help but feel rather annoyed at his behavior, especially as I didn't do anything to warrant it. He seems mad, that there was something I should have said to him but he didn't mention it any further and I'm not a mind reader. Still, I can't help but wonder, what is it he was hoping I would say?

After the fourth bout and another loss for Ciel, the pair decides to call it a day.

They change into their normal clothing, with Ciel unwilling to let me assist him yet again and reconvene in the garden.

Lizzie reaches forward and slides a saucer with a teacup on it towards her. Running her finger along the edge of the saucer, her vibrant green eyes rest on Ciel. She watches him as he picks up his teacup and saucer. Lifting the cup up, he holds it under his nose, wafting it slowly as he inhales the vapors that float up from the hot liquid inside. Her lips curl into a smile as she continues to stare.

Ciel can feel two eyes on him and he shifts nervously in his chair as his eye flick up to his cousin.

"What?"

She smiles broadly, "You're in a mood."

"No I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"How so?"

"You seem distracted, for one." She pauses as his brow knits at the remark. "You didn't even put up much of a fight during our bouts. Has something happened?"

"I don't know what you're on about." He rebuffs.

"Okay." She replies in a slight singsong.

I walk over to the table with a tray of refreshments. Since it is warm out, Lizzie wished for something light, so I made her a refreshing raspberry sorbet. For Ciel, whose tooth requires something a little sweeter, I made a decadent Eton Mess. Going over to Lizzie, I place the glass bowl of sorbet down in front of her as well as a spoon. Unfolding a crisp linen napkin, I delicately lay it across her lap and she turns her head to smile at me.

"Thank you Sebastian."

"My pleasure Miss Lizzie." I smile back.

I then move over to Ciel, who instantly averts his eyes from my gaze. As I bend over to place the dessert onto the table, I notice his cheeks start to rouge.

"Are you hot, young master?"

"No." He replies curtly.

"Your cheeks are all flushed."

"I'm not hot!" He protests.

"All right." I grin as I bend forward to lay a napkin onto his lap. As it drops from my hand, my arm accidentally grazes past his chest and he jumps as though he has been electrocuted.

"Don't touch me!" He barks and I take a step back, staring at him with mild confusion.

"Ciel, what is the matter with you? He was like this all day in class, you know." Lizzie interjects. Ciel slams his hands down on the table as he stands to his feet.

"Shut up Lizzie, I wasn't like anything."

Lizzies' eyes begin to water as her face looks as though she's been slapped. I go over to Ciel and place my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. He jerks back and slaps my hands away.

"I said don't touch me Sebastian." He growls.

"I just want to make sure you're all right." I try to calm him.

"I'm fine, won't anyone just leave me be?" He turns on his heels and marches back into the manor. Lizzie, whose eyes are now overflowing with tears, looks at me completely stunned by his reaction.

"We should give the young master a moment." I advise as I smile at her and she shakes her head.

"I don't know what's wrong with him; he's been like this all day, did I do something wrong?"

"No Miss, you didn't do anything wrong." I try and comfort her. "I'm afraid that it must be me."

...

A driver for the Midford family came to collect a very upset Lizzie shortly after Ciel stormed away.

It seems that he has locked himself away in his room, refusing to let me in. I have Mey-Rin periodically check in on him but he'll only communicate through the door, unwilling to let her in. By nightfall, he has still decided not to come out and I have had more than enough of his behavior. I make my way down the hall towards his room, he is going to see me, whether he likes it or not.

I enter; not bothering to knock and I see him, dressed in his nightshirt and standing by an open window. His hand is on the wood of the windowpane, as he braces himself against it. As he stands there, the moonlight bathes him in its pale white glow, making him look almost ethereal. The wind floats in, breezing through his hair and fanning across his face, which looks softened, almost forlorn as he gazes out. I notice that he isn't wearing his eye patch and as the wind hits his face, he slowly bats his long eyelashes to clear away any tears that may form because of it.

I walk to the middle of the room, stop and wait to be noticed but Ciel doesn't turn or stir; he doesn't even bother to acknowledge my presence.

"You were very rude to Miss Lizzie today." I begin, well, the need for pleasantries left a while ago.

"I know, I'll apologize to her tomorrow in class." He replies plainly, still unmoving.

"She says that you've been in a foul mood all day. Is something the matter?"

"No." He replies sharply, which means that there actually is something bothering him.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong young master? Perhaps I can help?"

He shakes his head. "No, I don't think you can."

"Still, won't you tell me?"

A silence falls over the room as he thinks. I can see his eyes searching around the back garden as he contemplates what to say next. Then he bows his head slightly and smiles, as though he remembered the punch line to a joke that only he understood.

"The thing you want, you want it above anything else, is that right?" He wonders aloud, turning his head in my direction, his eyes examine me fully as they look me up and down.

"Yes." I exhale. I really hoped he had forgotten about this but of course, he wouldn't, he would hold on to it until he gets a satisfactory response.

Turning around, Ciel leans his back against the edge of the window, folding his arms across his chest. Suddenly, I feel exposed, almost laid bare as his eyes lingers on me, studying me.

"And it's something that Azzurro couldn't give you?"

"No, he has nothing that I want." I reply and he nods.

"Do I?" His voice is quiet, almost inaudible.

"Do you?"

"Do I have what you want? Is it something I can get for you?"

I can't help but pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh heavily.

"Ciel, please, I've asked you before to just leave it." I beg.

"Still, won't you tell me?" He uses my own rhetoric against me, delivered with an arched brow.

I meet his gaze head on and our eyes lock. I smile as I see him fidget slightly.

"You first." I state, hoping he'll accept my challenge.

"What do you think of me?" He asks me again.

"I already told you this morning." I respond.

"Nothing more than that?"

"Is this what has been bothering you?" I question as he turns his head back towards the window. "What more did you want me to say?" He ignores me and I'm getting frustrated now. It seems as though as he is playing a little game with me, toying with me but I have had enough. "Just tell me what it is you want me to say and I'll say it."

His head drops as he looks at the floor. "It's nothing."

Now I'm really annoyed.

I take a few steps towards him and he drops his arms to his side, keeping his head hung low.

"It's not nothing, especially when it's quite clearly bothering you. Of all the things I can do, I can't read your mind. You have to tell me." I'm now standing right in front of him.

"Really, it's nothing." He mutters.

I bend over and tilt my head up to look at him as he shifts his eyes to the side to avoid mine. Placing my hand under his chin, I lift his head up and he looks at me as he furrows his brow.

"I am getting bored of this game, Ciel."

He moves out of my hand. "Just leave it Sebastian, I was wrong to bring it up."

"Look, if you want me to stop treating you like a child then you have to stop behaving like one." I retort and his head whips around to face me.

"I know, all right? I know."

I take a step back; my eyes are wide with confusion as I look at him. My chest tightens and constricts as he brazenly stares at me.

"You know what?" I breathe out, trying to keep my composure.

"I know what it is that you want Sebastian." His voice is low and his eyes never deviate from mine.

"And what is that?"

"Me."