The tension in the room is palpable.

His eyelids lower as he looks at me audaciously, almost confronting me. They don't blink nor do they waver as they stare straight at me.

He knows.

Fuck.

He knows.

The admission hits to my very core, it buries itself in and digs deep. It claws and constricts my chest as I try to breathe through it, in a vain attempt to calm myself. With all the will in the world, I can't look away from him as we stand in front of each other, almost challenging one another on who is going to make the next move.

"Well answer me Sebastian." He demands, choosing to go first.

"There wasn't a question, it was a statement." I reply with a sly smirk. He frowns, not finding the slightest bit of humor in my words.

"Now who's playing games?" He snorts as he folds his arms.

We both go silent again as we continue to stare each other down. I have never felt more uncomfortable in all my life. I want to leave, to run from this room and never return but I can't think of any excuses to go, not that he would let me if I dared tried to. No, I'm held here, captive, attentive and completely subservient, however, I do not want to give into him.

"I'm not doing this with you right now." I reply sharply as he raises his eyebrows.

"Doing what?"

"Whatever this is."

"It's true isn't it?" He growls.

"Why do you want to know?"

"What kind of question is that? Why wouldn't I?"

I shake my head and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose as I momentarily close my eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask, keeping my voice low.

"Because I want to know."

"What good would it do?"

"I don't care what good it would do, just tell me. I need to hear it."

Never in my life have I ever felt so powerless, so debilitated and weak. Ciel has such control over me, holding me in the palm of his hand so tightly, I'm afraid he will crush me. His glare is unrelenting as it burns right through me. He unfolds his arms, dropping them to his sides and takes a step forward. I want to move but I don't. I stand firm as he approaches, choosing not to cower to him.

"Tell me." He almost whispers as he stops right in front of me. His head tilts back as he raises his face to mine.

"Why are you tormenting me?" I breathe out.

"I'm doing no such thing." Ciel reaches out and gently touches my arm; his voice is honeyed and sweet as he tries to pull the truth from me.

"Then you must be punishing me." I conclude.

"How? I only want you to tell me the truth."

"Why do you think that's the truth?"

"Because, I see things."

"What do you see?"

"I see the way you look at me, especially when you think I don't notice. I see the way you are when you protect me."

"Isn't watching and protecting you my job?" I reply almost flippantly, causing his brow to knit in frustration, obviously not the remark he was hoping to hear.

"All right, then how about how you hold me when I sleep?" He ripostes.

"I don't-"

"You can't lie to me Sebastian." He warns softly as his hand travels up my arm. "You were careless."

"How so?" I shudder under his touch.

"I felt your kiss on the back of my neck last night, when you thought I was asleep."

I swallow hard at that revelation. I don't know what to do now, it seems he's caught me.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say it's me."

"You know it's you."

"I need to hear you admit it. More than anything in this world, what do you want?"

He is so close to me; I can smell the scent of tea permeating from his skin. I close my eyes and exhale, standing perfectly still. My hand aches to reach out and touch him, to feel his soft skin. My body longs to hold him, to press him against me but I do nothing. His hand squeezes my arm as firmly as it can whilst he stares at me and finally, I can do nothing more but cave.

"Yes." I whisper softly.

"Yes what?"

"Please, Ciel…"

"Tell me Sebastian."

"Yes, what I want is you." I admit, despite myself.

He says not a word at my admission; his eyes drift over to the side as he thinks to himself. A long silence descends over the room and hangs over us like a thick fog. It's uncomfortable and stagnant, I can't think of anything I want to do more than to leave this room and not look back. He has got what he wanted, I said it, I admitted it and yet he still says absolutely nothing. Dropping his hand from my arm, Ciel turns and walks back to the window.

Pressing his palms down against the wooden frame, he leans over, his head going out of the window as he listens to the rain as it falls, hitting the leaves of the bushes underneath with a light patter, and he breathes in the cold night air. The breeze floats around him; blowing through his tresses and kissing his face gently as he closes his eyes and feels it wash over his skin.

Hesitating briefly, I go over to him. My footsteps are slow and measured as I move towards him, stopping just behind. Ciel doesn't move, he just keeps his eyes closed as he leans further out of the window.

"What are you thinking?" I ask softly as I lift my hands up and they hover close to his arms, just ghosting the fabric of his nightshirt.

"What do we do now?" He replies.

"I don't understand."

"Now that I know, what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?" I delicately place my hands on his upper arms as I move closer to him.

"I'm just not sure." He mutters quietly.

"You made me tell you, you had to know." I stress.

"I know, it's just that I... I didn't want it to be true."

My heart sinks deep in my chest upon hearing his words but I don't move away from him. He starts to straighten up a bit, pressing his back into my chest and staying here for a moment but then, he moves away from me. Stepping to the side, he turns around and leans against the edge of the windowpane and the wall, hanging his head low.

Sighing heavily, Ciel nervously starts to drag the nail of his middle finger up and down along the side of his thumb, pulling at the loose skin. His face is forlorn as he mulls over the words he wants to say to me in his head, clearly unsure if he really wants to utter them but we both know what he is going to say and that he has to.

My admission breeches the boundaries of our relationship, I am his butler, no more than that. I was hired to be his guardian and protector, it is my job to do nothing but keep him safe. There is a line drawn from the moment I signed the contract, whether we knowingly acknowledged it or not, and I have crossed it.

I am only here to help him exact his revenge and once he does, we're through. This is nothing more than a business transaction, I know that but as I look at him, as my eyes regard him fully, I can't help but feel myself becoming sick to my stomach.

How have I been reduced to this? For all intents and purposes, I am the demon the rumors make me out to be. Normally, I feel nothing, I care for no one, I don't feel any remorse or guilt over the things that I have done in my life. I am a machine built for killing, a skill that I have honed for more than half my life and I have never needed or felt anything close to emotional empathy, especially for another human being. Now, however, my breath is baited as I wait for the final words to spill from his beautiful mouth and it's killing me. Why do I feel this way? I don't recognize this sensation of anxiety and loss as feelings that are mine but here we are and here I wait.

I need you to speak; I need you to put me out of my misery.

Say it.

Pull the trigger and end this, I need to hear the words come out of your mouth.

Ciel just remains silent. He just casts his eyes to the side, avoiding looking at me and I know that I need to be the one to do it.

"We should end this." I state, my tone is even and my words concise. Ciel bites down on his lower lip as he nods.

"If you can't put your feelings for me aside then perhaps..." He hesitates but still doesn't make eye contact. "Perhaps you should go."

And there it is, it's over.

"You don't feel anything for me?" I wonder aloud. I don't mean to say it; it just comes out of me so quickly before I can even rationalize my own words. His eyes flick up at me, they are wide and watery. Long lashes bat slowly as he remains focused on me.

"There are no feelings here, there can't be." He replies coldly. "I have a job to do and I can't let anything like emotions cloud my judgment. I thought that you were the same way too."

He is different to all the other contracts I've had. They needed my help because they were afraid of the dark and the gruesome. Who would want to traipse around in the grit of the shadows when you can have someone else do it for you? No one would, but Ciel is different. His soul is tainted and blithe. The darkness not only envelops him but it consumes him and he welcomes it with open arms, completely turning his back on the light and all those who wish to reside in it. The single-minded depravity that has its hold on him has now overpowered me.

This is what drew me to him, this bleak outlook and existence, the one-track mind to snuff out those who have wronged him. His foolish yet brazen demeanor, callous attitude and behavior towards others, including me. All of this made me want to stand by his side, made me want him. Unfortunately now, it's over.

"Then I will leave." I respond, his eyes widen with shock and then they lower as he nods.

"I think you should."

"Our contract has ended."

"It has." He says solemnly, his eyes not returning to mine.

My stomach wrenches and knots as we stand in front of each other, both of us unmoving. Still there is one thing, if he feels nothing for me, then why is this so hard for him? I can see it in his face, it's in his saddened expression, and I know that he is struggling too.

My legs start to work independently from me as I begin to walk towards him, stopping just in front. My arms reach out as hands trail from the tops of his shoulders and down his upper arms, stopping at his elbows. Fingers stretch out and cup them in my palms, pushing them out and causing his arms to drape over my sides. Ciel turns his head to look away as I guide his elbows further forwards.

"Sebastian, didn't you hear me?"

"I heard you, young master." I respond as my hands slide down his forearms, lifting them up and placing them around my waist. "But I think you lied."

His head snaps over to me. "How did I lie?"

"I think you do feel something for me." I purr as he turns his head away again.

"What does it matter when the end result is the same?"

"I see."

"Then you know that we can't do this." He mutters as his hands travel up my spine. I move my own to the base of his throat. They slowly creep up the sides of his elongated neck and his head turns back towards me and his eyes very slowly roll up to mine. "We can't."

I smile and nod in agreement. "I know."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Well, if this is good-bye..." I trail off as he looks at me imploringly.

Reaching out and ever so gently touching the side of his face, my thumb runs across the soft skin of his cheek. His whole body shivers slightly as he looks up at me, eyes wide with an anxious anticipation. Hands run up the back of my arms, pulling me closer into him and he tilts his head up toward my face. The world around us goes completely silent and all that is heard is the light stutter of his breathing as he exhales through parted lips. As I gaze down on them, I lick my own, moistening them, readying to devour him.

"Sebastian…" He whispers slowly and that is all it takes for me. I push him against the windowpane, causing him to whimper under my weight. Placing my hand under his chin, I lift his head up towards me as I bend over, hovering just above his lips. I can feel his heart beating frantically into my chest as his lips part and his eyes close, inviting me to come closer – which I can't help but oblige.

My lips run across his for a moment and finally, they meet.

His fingers grip and pull at my sleeves as he kisses my lips with a sense of urgency, as though I will pull away from him at any moment. I run my hands down his neck, over his arms and down his waist, squeezing him tightly. I know I say you own me and that is true, however, in this moment, you Ciel, belong to me.

I get lost in the moment.

His scent, sweet and fragrant, is muddled with the smell of the fresh rain that hits the dirt on the ground, and it's intoxicating. His taste is candied, like rich caramel with sea salt. As small thin fingers pull at me, grabbing and tugging me closer, my own hands can't help but wander down from his waist, past the slight curve of his hip down to his thigh. Pawing the silky flesh underneath his nightshirt, I slip my hand on the back of his thigh and lift it up, wrapping it around my waist as I slam him into the wood of the windowpane, causing the glass to rattle. He's potent like a drug; the flavor of him goes straight to my head, dizzying me, weakening me and making me crave more.

We break away, his full, flushed lips pout as they search for mine, his eyes open slightly and I smile at him just before I move to his shoulder. I breathe him in deeply, running my fingers down the side of his neck; I place my lips on the smooth skin and trace my tongue along the curvature as his eyes close and his head rolls back. His hands grab fistfuls of my shirt as he furrows himself into me. He exhales a breathy moan, which breezes past my ear, causing me to shiver.

"Sebastian..." You let my name pour from your lips and I stop. Shaking my head, I pull away from you.

"We can't do this." I sigh as I start to rationalize our actions.

"I know." He whispers as his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. I brace myself against the wall and try to catch my breath.

"Please Ciel, tell me what to do." My voice is low as I bury my face into the nape of his shoulder. He continues to embrace me as we stay like this.

"I can't have you feeling like this, I can't be the thing you want, even though I…" He drifts off.

"I know." It's my turn to agree. I try to move away from him, his hands still grip the back of my shirt as I try to break free. Using the palms of my hands, I push myself off with force and stagger back slightly.

Ciels' arms drop lifelessly to his side as his head hangs down and his eyes follow suit. He refuses to look at me and I can't help but stare at him. It was almost the beginning but now we both knew that it is also the inevitable end.

I can't stay in this room any longer, I have to go.

I start to back away from him. His mouth drops open as though he is about to say something that will stop me but I refuse to listen. I just quickly make my way out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me and I walk down the hall towards my room.