Somehow I have managed to write yet another story that has sparked debate...although this time I do not appreciate the personal attacks on those who choose to have children via sperm donor, IVF, etc. Please be considerate of the feelings of others when posting things. I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the story, but there were some hurt feelings due to some of the reviews and I don't want that. I was hurt by some things that were said on here, and obviously others were as well. I look forward to your thoughts about the story...just please keep your judgments confined to the characters and not to people in general who make choices you may not agree with. Thanks.

December 25, 2014 6:30AM

"Daddy! Look!" Eli squealed as his new remote control car sped across the living room floor. He ran after it, sitting it so it would face the opposite direction and then using the remote to send it flying across the floor again, giggling the whole time. "I want to be a race car driver!"

"You do?" Elliot asked his son, sitting down on the floor beside him. "I bet you'll be great at that…you're a little daredevil." Eli laughed and continued playing with his toy while the rest of the kids took turns opening their presents and Kathy worked on making breakfast in the kitchen. Elliot picked up his phone, looking at it and wishing Olivia would text him back. Maybe she didn't want to come to dinner, but it wasn't like her to simply ignore his texts. He was getting worried.

"Dad?" Maureen sat next to him, "Did you ask Olivia about dinner?"

He looked at her and nodded, "I tried, but she's not answering my texts. I'm a little worried. She's been so sick…"

"You could go over and check on her," Maureen suggested.

"I might," Elliot sighed, "But I hate to leave on Christmas Day. Especially when Eli is having so much fun with his new toys. I want to spend as much time with him as I can."

"I know," Maureen understood. "But if you want us to accept these new babies, then we have to be able to talk to Olivia too. I need to hear her side of all this…why she's doing this…"

Elliot nodded, "I'll probably head over there after breakfast," he said, checking his phone once more for a response that wasn't there.

Gathered around the breakfast table the conversation was light and happy. The kids, no matter how old they were now, were excited about their various Christmas gifts. Maureen and her husband were leaving at the end of the day to visit his parents, so they were enjoying the limited time with the Stablers. Kathy was thrilled that everyone seemed to devour her cooking and even Eli had managed to eat a little bit of it despite his dwindling appetite. Eli's eyes grew heavy sitting at the table and Kathy looked at him and smiled, "Sweetheart, why don't you go back to bed for a while? You're sleepy…"

"I don't want to," Eli whined. "I want to play with my toys."

"Your toys will all be here when you wake up," Kathy reminded him. "You need to rest."

Eli looked at his father and sighed, "When is your friend going to have those babies so I can get better?" he asked.

Elliot's eyes widened, "Eli…remember, we talked about this. She's going to do her best to make sure the babies can help you, but there is still a chance it might not work and then we'll have to find another way. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself now and get the rest you need so you feel better while we're waiting."

"Oh…" Eli said sadly. Then he slid his chair away from the table, "I guess I'll go watch TV," he said sadly as he walked toward the living room.

"I can't believe you told him Olivia's pregnant," Dickie snickered at his father. "Why give him false hope?"

"I had to tell him," Elliot sighed. "Your mother made me tell him, just like she made me tell you. I wanted to wait…"

"The kids needed to know," Kathy argued. "If you're gonna be torn between two families they should know why. You're the one who decided to have children with someone else…"

"I did not decide to have children with her," Elliot argued. "She used the embryos without telling me…"

"You gave her the sperm," Kathy insisted. "God Elliot…why are we having this discussion again?"

"When I donated sperm to her, I had no intention of being the father," he argued.

"What changed then?" Lizzie asked. "Why do you want to be their father now? Is this because you think you might lose Eli? You want to replace him with those new babies?"

"No…oh my God!" Elliot yelled. "Don't you ever say anything like that again. Ever…"

"She has a point," Kathleen added. "What does Olivia think about all this anyway? You volunteer to help her have a child and now you're all up in her business and insisting on being a dad again. Why are you doing that?"

"Because," Elliot sighed. "When I donated the sperm to her, I didn't think it was a big deal. I thought I was helping her achieve her dream and I wanted to help her. But when she told me she was pregnant, I realized how real all of this is and that she's carrying actual children inside of her and they are half mine. They are as much mine as all of you are. And I can't pretend like that isn't true." He ran his hand along the back of his neck nervously, "And I know these babies are the last chance we have to save your brother…if I'm not there to help her, and something happens, I would never forgive myself."

"She doesn't mind that you decided you want to be a father all of the sudden?" Dickie asked.

"She's coming around to the idea," Elliot admitted. "She needs support through all of this, and even if I never planned on being a father again, I am a father again now. I have to help her…and you all need to understand that."

"I will never understand that," Kathy said sadly. "You chose to give her a baby when we were still married…when I had just given you a baby that you weren't even sure you wanted…that you had the nerve to suggest might not even belong to you…"

"Kath…don't do this," Elliot sighed. "Not in front of the kids."

"They are all adults," she insisted. "They are old enough to know that the night before Eli was born you asked me if he was yours. You accused me of sleeping with someone else…all the while you were lusting after your partner and planning on having a baby with her!" She stood up, tossing her napkin on the table, "I'm going to check on my son," she yelled, storming out of the room.

"Dad?" Maureen asked anxiously, "Did you really ask Mom if Eli was yours?"

Elliot shook his head, "No…I just…I was on a case where this man found out the child he'd been raising wasn't his…and I asked your mom if she'd been seeing anyone while we were separated…"

"So you did ask her that?" Kathleen argued. "Dad…she would never have done that to you."

"I know that," Elliot added. "I was wrong to say it back then. You have no idea the things your mother and I have been through, and at the time we were both resolved to end the marriage and move on…but then Eli came along…"

"So it's Eli's fault you and mom got back together and were miserable?" Dickie asked. "If you ask me, it was Olivia's fault you and Mom were miserable. You were too busy wishing you were with her. Did you hook up with her when you and Mom were separated?"

"No!" Elliot groaned. "God…you know, none of this is Eli's fault or Olivia's fault. Your mother and I had our own problems and we had to finally decide we were better off apart." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Your mom is right about one thing…you are all adults…you should be able to handle the truth. We didn't love each other and as much as we both love all of you, I am not sure we ever really loved each other. But the thing is, this is none of your business." He stood up and looked at all of them, "I am going to check on Olivia because she won't answer my texts and I'm worried about her. I know you all want to talk to her and hear her side of everything…but right now, I need you to know that I will not tolerate this kind of hate when you are talking to her. I just won't. You can be mad at me…hate me…whatever the hell you're feeling about me…but you will not attack her. Do you understand that? Because she didn't have to tell me about the twins…she chose to so she could help your brother. She put herself out there for you all to judge because she knew Eli needed a cord blood donor, and she shouldn't be punished because she was brave enough to do that."

"Dad…" Maureen said tearfully. "We'll all try…" she looked at her brother and sisters. "Right?"

"Yeah," Dickie nodded, "If she's willing to save Eli she deserves a chance."

"And it's not her fault you made the decisions you did," Kathleen added. "Olivia was always really nice to me…even when I was having problems she helped me. I know she will love these new babies…"

"Mom shouldn't have to see Olivia though," Lizzie reminded them. "This may not be Olivia's fault, but Mom is still hurt because of her. I don't think you should bring Olivia back here."

"I think we all have to learn to get along," Maureen argued. "Including Mom."

"I'm not even sure she'll come anyway," Elliot said quickly. "She wasn't too thrilled with the idea."

"She should come," Kathy's voice made them all turn toward the doorway. "She should see what she's getting herself into by having children with you." Then she walked over to the table, clearing the breakfast dishes, "Besides, Eli really wants to see her." She wiped away a tear that was sliding down her cheek.

"Kathy, I'm sorry this has hurt you," Elliot said truthfully. "I never wanted to."

"I just want to save our son," Kathy replied. "And if that mean being nice to Olivia for a few months, I can do that."

"You don't have to be nice to her to get her to help Eli," Elliot insisted. "She would help him regardless…she wants to help him…"

"I know that," Kathy cried. "Just go get her and I promise I'll be nice…"

"I'll see what she says," he grabbed his keys and headed toward the door.

December 25, 2014 9:00AM

This was shaping up to be the worst Christmas ever, Olivia thought as she leaned over the toilet, emptying her stomach for the third time since she'd woken up that morning. All her plans for the quiet, joyful Christmas at home with her little boy had been abruptly halted by her inability to focus on anything but her own misery. She was exhausted as she leaned her head on her arm that was resting on the toilet and groaned. She could hear the baby crying in the living room and she knew she needed to get back to him. He hadn't even opened his presents yet, and he was stuck in the play pen while she had spent most of the morning in the bathroom. She reached up, sniffling as she flushed the toilet and slowly pulled herself up from the floor. She walked to the sink, filling a cup with water and rinsing her mouth, and she was unsteady as she made her way back to the living room. She had been determined to put the morning sickness behind her, especially since she'd stopped the hormone shots, but her body definitely had other plans.

"Hey baby…" she sighed, reaching into the play pen and picking him up. She'd managed to change him and feed him before her nausea took over and so at least he was fed and dry, but she knew he was missing out on the celebration of the holiday. "Mommy's sorry…" she sighed, sitting on the couch with him in her lap. "You want to open your presents?" but before she could grab one from under the tree, there was a pounding at the door and the baby started crying again at the shock of it. "Shhhh…" Olivia picked him up and patted his back, "It's okay…" She walked to the door and looked through the peep hole, surprised to see Elliot there and opened the door. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Why won't you answer your phone?" he asked. "Or a damn text? I was worried sick."

"El…" she began, when the nausea made her practically double over and she pushed the baby into his arms and moved as fast as she could back to the bathroom.

The baby was screaming and Elliot held him close, "Calm down, little one…" he whispered, looking around the room and realizing they hadn't even started Christmas yet. "Your Mommy's not feeling good is she?" He sat the baby back in the playpen, handing him his sippy cup from the coffee table that the little boy immediately began to suck on, and the crying slowed to a sad whimper. "I'll be right back, Noah…" he said, walking down the hall.

Olivia hadn't bothered to close the bathroom door. As bad as she felt her only concern had been making it in there in time to avoid getting sick all over the floor. Elliot stood there, feeling a sense of deja vu as he watched her vomit and wishing there was something he could do to make her feel better. He wondered how long she'd been sick like this and decided it had to be quite a while from the grayish tint to her skin and the sweaty hair that was sticking to her face and neck. When the retching stopped he walked over to her, "When did this start up again?" he asked.

"First thing this morning…" she mumbled. "I'm not taking the shots…" She leaned back against the wall, feeling like her stomach was settling for a while, and flushed the toilet. "Maybe I have the flu?"

"I don't think so," Elliot said softly. "Stopping the shots was supposed to help, but you're still pregnant. Morning sickness is worse with twins…and six to ten weeks is usually the worst for it too."

"I don't think I can do this anymore," she admitted tearfully. "I was fine, El…the last two days…I was just a little queasy…"

"What set this off then?" he asked, reaching down and offering his hand to help her off the door.

She shrugged, standing up on wobbly legs, "I don't know…I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up my back hurt and my legs were achy…the baby was crying because he was hungry and his cereal always makes me nauseous but I thought I was okay. Then all of the sudden I just wasn't."

"Let's get you to bed," he suggested, but she shook her head no.

"Noah hasn't opened his presents yet," she said tearfully. "I'm ruining my son's Christmas."

"No, you're not," Elliot said gently. "Come on…let me help you back to the couch then and we'll watch him open his presents. You think your stomach is settled enough for now?"

"God, I hope so," she cringed, letting him put his arm around her and guide her back to the living room where she sat slowly on the sofa. "Can you bring Noah to me?" she asked.

Elliot picked up the baby and sat him in her lap, "Did you eat anything this morning?" he asked, knowing the answer already.

She shook her head, "I can't El…"

"You'll feel better if you do," he promised. "You have to keep something in your stomach…you know that…" he headed toward the kitchen, "I'll make you some toast…"

"I don't want toast," she sighed, feeling sick at the thought of putting anything in her mouth and looked at Noah's presents under the tree. "You ready to open a present, little man?" she asked, forcing a weak smile and picking up a box. Noah looked confused by it, but she helped him open it and he giggled at the sound of the ripping paper. He looked at the soft toy truck, obviously wondering what he was supposed to do with it, and then went back to crinkling the sparkling silver wrapping paper and giggling.

"Typical reaction," Elliot laughed, walking in and carrying a package of crackers. "You didn't want toast, so try these…they should help." He sat next to her, "All babies love the wrappings more than the gifts. It's a given." Olivia picked up one of the crackers, taking a small bite and praying it would stay down. Elliot picked up another present and handed it to Noah who was reluctant to put down the wrapping paper from his first gift. "Is it okay for me to help him?" he asked and Olivia nodded in agreement as she took another bite of her cracker. Elliot pulled off the red paper, revealing a box of Sesame Street bath toys and Noah squealed when he saw his favorite, Elmo. Elliot opened the box and pulled out Elmo, squeezing it so it squeaked and handing it to the baby. "We found a winner…the one toy he likes more than the wrapping paper." He laughed.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked seriously. "I thought we agreed that you'd spend the day with Eli and I would spend it with Noah?"

Elliot looked surprised, "What am I doing here?" he asked. "I'd think you'd be glad I'm here. You obviously need some help this morning…and Noah was crying when I got here…"

"I didn't mean I don't appreciate your help," Olivia sighed, "But why did you come all the way over here?"

"You wouldn't answer my calls or texts," he said. "I was worried…"

"I'm sorry…" she said honestly. "I turned my phone off. I didn't want anyone interrupting Christmas…"

"You…turned off your phone?" he asked in disbelief. "I've never known you to do that. What is this really about?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, standing to her feet and sitting Noah in the floor with his truck and Elmo toy. They still had more presents to open, and yet the day didn't have the joyous feel she'd dreamed of so she figured they could wait to open the rest. She picked up her phone, turning it on and seeing all the texts from Elliot. "I'm sorry…" she said.

"Liv…what's wrong?" Elliot asked with worry. "Something's wrong…"

She shook her head, "I just don't feel very good," she said. "Maybe I do need to go back to bed. I'll take Noah to my room with me and you should go home…"

Elliot stood up and grabbed her arm as she tried to bend down to pick up Noah, forcing her to look at him, "What the hell is this really about?" he asked, and he saw the tears pooling in her eyes. "Liv…what's wrong…"

"I don't…" she cried, trying not to let herself get hysterical but knowing she was going to fail in her attempt, "I don't want you to take my babies…" she sobbed.

Her words shocked him and he didn't know how to respond, "Olivia…what the hell are you talking about?" he asked. "I'm not taking the babies."

"You want to share them…" she cried. "And last night…I was reading Noah The Night Before Christmas and I was wondering how I'd fit all three of them in my lap next year…and then I started thinking about how you want to share custody of the twins so I might not even have them with me…you might want them with your family…and I want them with me…they are mine…" She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly to ease her nausea and Elliot put his arms around her.

"Calm down," he said gently. "Are you gonna be sick?"

She shook her head, "No…I'm just sad…" and she started to cry again, letting her head fall into his chest while he held her. She wanted to pull away, and she couldn't. Her strength was gone and all she could do was sob.

"Liv…I'm not going to take the twins away on Christmas…or their birthday…or any other special days," he whispered. "I promise…"

"You say that now," she sniffled, "But what if things change…things could change…I might not be the kind of mother you think they deserve…or you might decide all of the sudden that they'd be better off with you…"

"I would never do that," Elliot insisted. "I want to be their dad…but you are still their mom." He ran his fingers through her hair, "I think the hormones have gotten the best of you."

She shook her head, "Reality has gotten the best of me," she admitted. "I didn't think this through…any of it. I don't know how I'm going to do this…three babies…my job…and now you want to be a part of things and I don't know if I can handle having someone here watching me fail…"

"You're not going to fail," he said gently. "It's going to be hard…but you never back down from a challenge…and you'll find a way to make this work too."

"I wish I believed that," she said sadly.

"Come with me to Queens," he suggested. "It'll take your mind off things…"

"How will spending Christmas with your family take my mind off things?" she snickered. "They hate me…don't they?"

"They're coming around," Elliot gave a weak smile. "They want you to come."

"So they can go on the attack," she sighed. "Kathy's gonna flip out if I go."

"No she won't," he promised. "We've had a talk…and I made sure everyone knows you didn't ask me to donate sperm and I lied to you when I did it and told you Kathy knew. This is on me, Liv…not you…but they're my family too and the twins deserve to know them."

"The twins aren't here yet," she reminded him. "And I don't know why I keep having to tell you that."

He put his hand on her stomach and smiled, "They are here," he argued. "And so are you and Noah…and I want to spend Christmas with all of you. Please…" he asked, and she knew she couldn't say no to him.

December 25, 2014 2:30PM

"Are you all right?" Elliot asked, pulling up in front of the house and glancing at Olivia in the passenger's seat. She'd looked pale and tired the entire ride, and when she'd begged him to pull over so she could throw up he'd known bringing her all the way to Queens was probably a mistake. She didn't need the added stress of this visit with his family when she already felt so bad, but it was too late to turn around now.

"I don't think I'll throw up again, but I don't know why I feel so bad," she moaned. "The meds they made me take before the in vitro barely made me queasy…and the doctor said those meds mimic pregnancy symptoms. I gained five pounds taking them and I felt dizzy sometimes…but now…this is so much worse than those meds were."

"Liv…twins are harder," he told her. "I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. More morning sickness, less energy, extra weight gain…" he glanced toward her stomach and she pulled her sweater away from her waistband.

"Do you think I look fat too?" she asked sadly. "I swear I haven't gained anything since the med cycle…but my pants are so damn tight…"

"You do not look fat," Elliot said. "Liv…stop dwelling on things you can't control. You can't help it if you feel sick…you can't help it if your pants are tight…just try to remember it will all be worth it in the end."

"I'm hungry," she said, completely out of the blue and Elliot laughed. She looked seriously at him, "I'm not kidding," she sighed, "I'm hungry…I hate this…one minute I'm puking my guts out and the next I'm ravenous…" she put her hand to her stomach and sighed, "Your whole family is going to hate me…and I'm not even going to be able to defend myself because I'll be too busy stuffing my face with whatever food I can find." She shook her head nervously, "I want to go home…"

"Come on," Elliot said, opening the car door and then reaching in the back seat to get Noah from his car seat. Then he walked around the car, holding Noah snugly in his arms and opened Olivia's door, "I'm sure we can find you something to eat…and then if you still want to go home, I'll take you…okay? Just give it a chance."

She nodded reluctantly, and climbed out of the car, following Elliot to the house. They opened the door and Eli came running over to them. "Daddy…" he yelled. "Where were you?"

"I went to get Olivia," he said with a gently smile. "Remember, you wanted to see her."

"Who is that?" Eli asked, staring at Noah in Elliot's arms.

"This is Noah," Elliot told him. "Olivia's little boy."

Eli looked at Olivia and smiled, "Can he play cars with me?" he asked.

"I don't know that he'll be very good at it," Olivia smiled. "He's just a baby."

"That's okay," Eli grinned. "I can teach him." Elliot took off the baby's coat and then sat him on the floor by Eli's racetrack and watched as the baby picked up the plastic cars and put them in his mouth. "No Baby…" Eli grabbed it from him and rolled it across the floor. "Like this…" he looked up at his father and Olivia and smiled, "See…I can teach him…"

"Yeah…" Olivia said softly. "You're a good teacher."

Kathy walked into the room, a tray of hors d'oeuvres in her hands and sat them on the table, "Olivia…" she said, obviously surprised that she hadn't heard them come in. "I'm…uh…" she sighed, "I guess I don't know what to say…" she admitted. She wanted to be angry…she was angry…but face to face with the woman who was doing all she could to save her son, Kathy couldn't say any of the things she'd planned to say. She owed Olivia too much, and in her heart she knew Olivia wasn't to blame for any of this.

"I can't blame you," Olivia said gently. "Kathy…I'm sorry about all of this…I never wanted to hurt you or your family…"

"I know," Kathy acknowledged. "I really do know that…" she said tearfully. She glanced and Noah and Eli playing happily and gave a weak smile, "At least those two seem to be getting along."

"Yeah," Olivia smiled. Then she looked at the hors d'oeuvres tray and bit her lip, "Can I have one of those?" she asked. "They look delicious."

Kathy smiled, "Sure…" she held the tray out to her and Olivia carefully looked them over before picking one and popping it in her mouth, giving a relieved sigh. Kathy laughed, "Twins…I remember that…the sudden onset of starvation at the spur of the moment…" she smiled. "Eat as many as you want…I'm gonna go get the kids so you can all talk."

When she walked out of the room, Olivia turned to Elliot, "That went better than I thought," she said, taking another hors d'oeuvre and biting into it.

"Yeah…it did," Elliot said, the confusion apparent in his voice. "I just hope it goes as well with the kids." He saw her face drop and knew she was worried too. "I'm sure it'll go fine with the kids."

Olivia shook her head, "They hate me already…don't they?"

"No," Elliot insisted. "They hate me…but you are carrying their new brothers or sisters…so they have to love you."

"No they don't," Olivia sighed, grabbing another hors d-oeuvre and eating it quickly. "I really want to go home."

"I know," Elliot squeezed her hand. "We'll get through this…and then I'll take you home…I promise…"

Olivia nodded, dreading the rest of the day with Elliot's family, and wondering what it would bring.

Sorry I didn't get to Liv's talk with the kids or dinner in this chapter. More to come soon...