My legs propel me down the hall through sheer will power alone. I have to get the hell out of this manor, and as fast as I can.
As I stride down the hall, I don't even notice Mey-Rin coming towards me. I'm so absorbed in my own thoughts that I plow straight into her, sending her crashing back into a nearby end table. She stumbles and staggers over, trying to grip onto the edge but she still falls, crumpling into a lump on the ground.
"I am very sorry." I apologize and promptly bend over to assist her. Holding my hand out, she blushes furiously as she accepts it and I pull her to her feet.
"Thank you mister Sebastian." She mutters as she tries to avoid eye contact with me.
"Before I forget, can you please come see me in a few minutes, I need to discuss the preparations for tomorrow and the rest of the week with you."
"T-tomorrow?"
"Yes, well I think that from now on, I would like you to take care of the young master."
"Take care of the young master? I don't understand-"
"Don't worry, just come see me and I will explain everything to the best of my ability. All right?" I flash her a reassuring smile as I continue to hold her hand and she tries to stifle a giggle but nods her agreement. "Excellent." I quickly let go of her hand and step past to make my way back to my room further down the hall.
Upon my arrival, I shut my bedroom door; resting my back against it for a second as I try to calm myself down.
I'm angry. I feel like I've been sucked in and betrayed by the beautiful creature I had admired so. He seems to no longer need me and he certainly behaves as though he doesn't want me. Well, I can't force someone to feel something if they don't wish to.
Moving away from the door, I start to pace back and forth in the middle of the room, running my hands through my hair and holding them at the back of my head as I think of what to do. My whole body shivers anxiously as my heart beats furiously in my chest. It refuses to settle, whilst my breathing is labored and shallow. I stagger over to my bed and bend all the way over, placing my hands on the sheets, gripping them tightly. What a curious reaction, I'm not used to my body behaving in such a way. I can't seem to calm myself and I'm still mad. What's happening to me? Why do I care so much?
How have you done this to me Ciel? You've completely ruined me.
Finishing that thought, I growl lowly to myself as I grab my pillow from the headboard and toss it across the room in frustration. It hits the wall with a mute thud, bounces off and falls to the floor. Turning and sitting down on the bed, I rub my face with the palms of my hands and come to the conclusion that I really should go, there is nothing I can do, the decision was made and agreed by the both of us. I need to leave.
Slamming my hands down on my knees, I immediately stand and bolt to the wardrobe, opening the doors and bending over to pull out two bags from the back. Carrying them over to the bed, I sit the bags down and stare at them vacantly, trying to figure out where I should begin. This is not how I thought I was going to end my day but here we are.
Going over to the dresser along the side of the wall, I open up the top drawer and pull out a few items that I think I'll need. It doesn't really matter what I pack as most of it is a part of the uniform that I wear and I would much rather leave that behind.
Taking the items I've grabbed from the dresser, I start to lay them out on the bed neatly. There is a knock on the door, and I sigh, it must be Mey-Rin being oddly punctual as she would normally forget and I will have had to track her down.
"Come in." I call out as I start to place things into one of my bags. The door opens but I keep my back to it as I carry on packing.
"So, you really are leaving?" His voice hits my ears, causing me to stop abruptly.
Standing up straight, my head rolls back as I stare up at the ceiling, exhaling loudly. Why did you come here? Are you here to add insult to injury? I wonder to myself.
Lowering my head and slowly swiveling my torso around, I see him standing in my doorway. He is leaning against the frame with his arms folded tightly across his chest, which keeps rising and falling with each intake of breath. It is almost as though he rushed here but still attempts to retain an air of nonchalance to his visit. As surprised as I am to see him here, I decide not to play this game and to ignore his question, letting my actions speak for me as I turn back and continue to walk about the room, gathering whatever belongings I have and laying them out on the bed.
It's almost amazing how painfully overwrought the room feels at this moment, it is so silent that I can hear each droplet of the rain that falls against the glass of my window with such painful clarity, it's almost deafening. Deciding that the quiet is starting to grate me, I think of something to say.
"If you don't mind, I am expecting Mey-Rin in any moment." I begin.
"I passed her in the hall and asked her to give me a moment with you, so I suspect she's gone back to her room."
"A moment with me? Why? What is there left to say?"
"I… I don't know." He admits. I see, his visit is to add insult to injury then.
"Well then, whilst you think about it, I hope you don't mind my continuing to pack." I try to keep my tone as light and as even as possible, I don't want to show that I'm riled by his sudden presence.
"Then you really are leaving?" He tries again but I continue to evade his question. This must annoy him as I can hear him huff and puff behind me, irritated at the notion of being ignored. "Sebastian, answer me." He barks.
"I am under no obligation to obey your orders any more." I reply simply, keeping my back to him.
I neatly place some shirts from the dresser into my bag, normally, I would have just shoved them in and dealt with it later but I suppose the last few years of being a butler has taught me to have more consideration towards my things.
"I beg to differ, until you leave this manor, you're still currently under contract. Besides, all I'm asking is for you to confirm. Are you leaving?"
I emit an exasperated sigh as I pick up my bag and continue to pack. "Well what does it look like? Is this the action of a man who's staying?"
"You don't have to be like this."
"Be like what, Ciel? We'd agreed that I should go, so I'm going." I state sharply as I slam my bag down onto the bed.
"Don't snap at me." He rebukes and I rub my forehead.
"I'm sorry but how else do you want me to be?"
"I don't know."
I nod my head and turn to face him. We briefly make eye contact but he quickly turns his head away to avoid my gaze.
"Maybe you should figure it out." I advise as I move one of my bags to the side.
"What does that mean?" He mumbles as he still looks away.
"I mean that you seem mad that I'm going and yet you're the one who agreed that I should."
"I know, it's just I didn't think that-"
"I would?" He goes silent and I nod to myself. "I'm not going to fight for your affection."
"I don't want you to." He snaps.
"I know. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything like emotions to, what was it? 'Cloud your judgment'?"
"For what it is I must do, they can't."
"Is this about your revenge?" I inquire as I finish placing my last article of clothing from the bed into one of my bags and sitting it aside.
"No, it's not about that, it's just the way things are."
I turn to face him. "If that's how you feel, then I really should go." His head rolls over towards my direction.
"You actually can't put your feelings aside?"
"Such a simplistic statement." I almost scoff as I fold my arms.
"Sebastian."
"Look, I am not mad nor do I bear any ill will. I agree that it's for the best so let's just leave it at that, okay?"
Ciel hangs his head as his eyes dart about the sides. I can see the wheels I his mind churn and tick over as he thinks. I sit down on the bed as I wait for him to open his mouth and speak, which he doesn't. Instead, he turns and puts his hand on the edge of the door, gliding it shut and quietly clicking it closed. I study him curiously as he leans against the closed door, his palms flat down on the surface as he looks to the side.
"Do you... Do you believe in love?" He timidly asks and I'm almost completely taken aback. What a strange question to ask me.
"No." I reply bluntly.
"No?"
"No. I don't believe a creature like me can love, at least not in a conventional sense." My answer is sincere and honest but he wrinkles his forehead, seemingly confused by my response.
"So, you don't love me?"
Now I'm floored, what does he expect me to say? I know what I feel and I know what I must say, but what happens when those things contradict each other?
"What does it matter? It doesn't change anything." I shrug; it is the only thing I think of as a reply.
"So you do?"
I shake my head. "No, I don't love you, how can I?"
"What do you mean?"
"I've already said it."
"That a creature like you can't love?" I nod in response. "What do you mean you are a creature?"
"Unlike you Ciel, I have no soul and I have no humanity left in me. I'm a killer and that's about all I'm good for."
"I have no humanity either." He mutters.
"You do, of course you do. I see it with almost every decision you make, you are considerate and you think of others. Take Miss Lizzie for example, I see how you are with her."
"I humor her." He snorts.
"Well humor that may be but it takes consideration to do that. You aren't like me, even though you're dark there is still a purity about you." He looks at me and I sigh, knowing full well that I shouldn't say what I am about to admit. "It isn't just your darkness that drew me to you, it's how you so desperately cling onto your humanity. How you simply exist, considering all that has happened to you, of which I still know nothing about. You are a fighter but you maintain peace. You can be selfish, arrogant and deliciously cruel but can equally be generous and kind. You remain so pure and innocent despite dwelling in the darkness of the shadows, creating such a perfect balance."
"All of that is what makes you want me?"
"It's what makes me crave you."
A faint smile crosses his lips at my final statement and he starts to slowly walk over to me, stopping between my legs, just past my knees. The hem of his nightshirt just grazes over the top of my upper thigh. Looking up, we lock eyes; his are lowered, almost sultry as they stay focused on me.
"Is a craving not love?" The tone of his voice matches the look in his eyes.
"No." I smile as I lean forwards slightly.
"Then what is it?"
"It's far more darker than love, it's deviant and depraved."
"Deviant and depraved? Interesting." He repeats to himself. "Then, if this isn't love then why are you leaving?"
"Because for me, this is the closest thing to love I'm going to get."
"I see." His face falls slightly, as though he didn't want me to admit that but his gaze returns to me within a second.
"I can't put these feelings aside and I'm not going to stay where I'm not needed." My voice is honeyed and sweet.
"You are needed." He confesses.
"Then I won't stay where I'm not wanted."
"You... You are, wanted." His voice is so low that his words are almost whispered.
"That's not what I mean."
"I know what you mean." He replies softly as he bends over slightly, letting his hands start to trail up the sides of my arms. I look up at him, instinctively licking my lips as he comes closer to me, maneuvering his way further between my legs and closer to the bed so that his knees just tap against the mattress.
"What are you doing?" I ask as his hands land on to the tops of my upper arms.
"Well, if this is good bye..." He purrs my sentiment sweetly just as his lips ghost over mine.
I suck in his hot breath through my parted lips as he hovers above me. Reaching around, I glide my hands down the back of his knees; tickling him slightly and causing them to unconscientiously bend. His mouth hits mine with impact and I grab him, throwing both of my arms around his waist and clutching him close to my chest.
His hands slide from my shoulders to my back and up my neck. Thin fingers knit and tangle themselves in my hair as he kisses me back forcefully and roughly, it's as if he is completely unable to control himself.
His tongue runs the length of my mouth, almost begging to be let in, to which I happily comply. Parting my lips a little, he wastes no time in exploring my mouth, tasting and savoring me fully as he sighs out in pleasure. I close my eyes, letting myself dissolve into him as he devours me and I offer myself up to him, completely willing to be consumed.
And it's gone.
Everything is gone.
The rules, my status, our boundaries and inhibitions, they bleed away as he breathes out a slight mewl into my mouth and I eat it up like it was something delicious.
With as much strength as he can muster, he pushes me back and I fall onto my elbows as he starts to crawl on top of me, straddling my waist. His hands slowly drag themselves across my chest as he frantically unbuttons my shirt, opening it and feeling my skin underneath. His eyes look up at me, large and bright as they refract the dim light of the moon that floods the room from the open window.
Ciel hesitates for a moment, almost unsure of what to do next, but I don't move. I don't ask any questions, challenge or say a word, I just watch as he thinks. He breathes in deeply and leans over, pressing his moist lips to the base of my throat. He starts to litter my skin with feather light kisses; his slightest touch sends electricity coursing through my veins and causes the hair on my skin to rise.
I can feel him getting hard as it firmly presses against me and I know I have to do what ever it takes to show restraint. I have to stop myself from throwing him on to his back and taking him – this has to be on his terms and only when he's ready.
Although, he does seem more than ready.
Ciel shifts himself on my lap, and as he moves, he positions himself perfectly on top of me, hitting my sweet spot. I can see the proof of his arousal peeking out from underneath his nightshirt and I can't help but salivate at the sight of it. His hips shudder and shake on my lap, the friction rubbing me just right, causing me to sigh out. The pleasure starts to course through me, causing my head to roll back as I grip the sheets tightly, the friction teasing my own constricted, aching erection underneath him.
I can't help but moan, the sound of my voice suddenly surprising him as he jumps slightly. Then Ciel smiles as though proud that he could elicit such a response from me and he bends forward. He places his hands on my shoulders, resting his elbow on my exposed chest and he slowly rocks himself up and down, riding me. I raise my hips for better contact and I reach around, sliding my hands up the smoothness of his thighs, pinching and squeezing the flesh underneath my fingertips as they creep up.
"Nnn, S-Sebastian." He mewls softly as he gyrates his hips and grinds into mine.
His nails claw and dig at the skin on my shoulders and he exhales out in a light moan. My hands travel further, slipping underneath his nightshirt, palms land onto his backside and fingers fan out as I grip his cheeks and push him down on me, rocking him faster and faster.
"Sebastian…I…"
"Yes young master?" I growl, watching his eyes roll back into his skull as he gasps and sighs on top of me.
"I…"
"As you said before, I'm currently still under contract and therefore, under your control. I won't do anything without your order. Tell me what you want me to do."
His cheeks flush as he adverts his eyes, biting down on his bottom lip as he tries to hide his embarrassment.
"Touch me." He whispers.
"I am touching you." I tease sweetly.
"No, I want you to… touch me." He softly whimpers his request again as he reaches back and places his hand on top of mine.
His fingers spread out on top and then interlock in between mine. Guiding my hand to his chest, he sits up and runs my fingers over the buttons of his nightshirt. I watch him curiously as he leans himself back, bringing my hand down his waist. Ever so gently, he dangles my fingers over his hardened cock as he places the palm of my hand against it. Using his hand, he encloses my fingers around it, holding it still.
"Touch me." He commands as he lifts my hand up and down, using it to stroke his cock gently.
He keeps his hand on mine as I start to take over and work him; I slide my thumb over the top of his slit, collecting the precum that gathered. I use it as lubrication as I begin pumping him very slowly and his whole body shudders under my touch. His lips part as he pants, he screws his eyes shut tight and with his free hand, he braces himself on my leg.
"Don't tease me." He whines.
"You know what to do, tell me what you want."
"Faster!" He demands as I pulse and squeeze. My hand diligently works him and he starts to lift his hips as he bucks under my grip, fucking my hand with each rapid stroke.
"Ahhh, Sebastian!" He cries out.
Louder Ciel, I want to hear you. Raise your voice and sing out, show me how much you take pleasure in my touch. His knuckles whiten as he clutches my hand tightly but I'm unrelenting as I move ever faster.
I love this – all of it; I would have never realized how much I love watching you enjoy yourself, watching you give in to your desire. I love the color your face flushes and the look of wanton desperation. I love how your wet lips glisten as they part when you lick them, when you pant and gasp for breath. I love your sweet voice as it fills the air with your melodic breathy moans of pleasure and how your lithe body fits perfectly against mine.
Using his hand on mine, he takes control, pumping himself faster, thrusting wildly into my fist as he sucks in air through his teeth.
"S-Sebastian, please…" He whines as he fucks my hand harder.
"Please?" I tighten my grip around his cock and I smile. I can see the pleasure building within him and I can feel his whole body tense up as he writhes.
"Please…I-I want..."
I sit up quickly, wrapping my free arm around his waist and holding him tightly. Leaning him down further, his back arches as I pump his cock furiously in my hand. He turns his head to the side as he whimpers, burying his face in a fist full of sheets as his face reddens.
"Don't hide, I want to see you." With his eyes closed, he turns his head towards me, that's it, how beautiful you are when you give yourself up to me.
His head rolls back and I can see that he's close. "Come for me Ciel." I coax with a guttural growl and I watch as he thrashes about, the tension in his body building - mounting.
As much as I love all of those other things – I know that this is something I will love the most, I will love to watch you come.
Unable to take it anymore, Ciel cries out loudly as he comes hard into my hand, his seed spilling out between my fingers. He goes weak in my arm and releases my hand as it continues to move up and down slowly, trying to squeeze every last drop out of him.
When I finish, I clean my hand off on the sheets next to me; I'll have to change them tomorrow morning. I let go of him and lie back on the bed, letting my body sink into the mattress. Ciel wearily sits up and then collapses on top of me, resting his sweaty cheek against my chest. I gently stroke the back of his head as he catches his breath and nestles into me.
"Are you all right?" I whisper as I press my lips against his damp head. Ciel stretches out and wraps his left arm around my chest as he settles in and gets comfortable.
"Hmm..." He purrs back. I can hear him breath in deeply, smelling my scent as he hums lowly to himself.
Your breathing is deep and you shiver slightly, it must be cold but your body temperature is still burning hot. Using my legs, I maneuver and lift the sheets up to my knees. Reaching down slightly and trying not to jar you, I pull the sheet up to cover us. Under the covers, I wrap my arms around you, holding you tightly against my body.
I stare up at the ceiling as my mind whirls and races as I listen to the beat of your heart as it thumps on my chest. I exhale quietly as I let my body relax into the bed, although I didn't get a release, I feel warm and completely sated.
"Sebastian?" He calls out to me, his voice light and melodic.
"Yes?"
"Promise me something."
"Anything within my power."
"Don't ever leave me." He requests.
"All right."
"I do not need family, I do not need friends, I just do not need anything, nothing matters and none of those things are important to me because... because I have you." He pauses for a moment as he nestles further into my chest, turning his head slightly so that the back of it rests gently on my chin. I inhale the sweet perfume of his hair as he yawns and clenches the side of my chest. "You can never betray me and you can never leave my side, no matter what. Do you promise me?"
"You know I can't make that promise."
"Then it's an order."
I plant a gentle kiss on the back of his head and I close my eyes.
"Well, if it's an order, then yes, I will be there, anywhere you want me to follow. I swear that as long as our contract is in place, you own me and I am yours. I will never betray you and I won't leave you, no matter what. I will stay with you until the very end."
He hums softly, seemingly satisfied with my response. His body starts to go heavy as I can feel him drift off to sleep.
I don't know what to do now, where do we go from here? Will you regret all of this in the morning? Probably... I shake these thoughts out of my mind and hold you tighter. Even though I'm worried about what tomorrow will bring, I can't help but smile.
However, there is something that is triggered in me, something dark and overwhelming, especially now that I have had a taste of you. I know if we continue I will not be able to control myself, I will not show restraint. It is because of this that I know that we cannot continue, although there is nothing I want more in this world than you.
I want you so badly it burns deeply within me.
I want to feel you, to have more than just a taste; I want to have all of you. The purity and virtue you seem to hold on to, the humanity you desperately cling to, I just want to make it all mine.
You belong to me Ciel, no one else but me. I won't let anyone harm you, and I won't let anyone touch you. No, the hands on you will be mine; the lips that kiss you will be mine, the demon that possesses you, will be me.
As much as I want that, I know that this cannot be, how can it?
I am no good for you.
I am nothing more than a killer, a twisted and warped creature. The longer I stay with you, the more I know that I will only poison you, corrupt you and take such delight in doing so. I will take your innocence and desecrate it; I will drag you into the depths of hell with me and trust me when I say that it is not a place you belong in.
I am, as they say, nothing more than a demon. I cannot love you, at least not in the way you will seek to be loved, and I will only disappoint you. There is no such thing as happily ever after, you of all people should know that. We can never have a happy ending and yet you make me promise to never leave you.
You want so much of me and I can't give you anything in return. All I have is all I am; the only thing I can ever truly give you is your freedom from me, salvation. However, with that said, I wish to remain your chess piece, your soldier and I vow to stay with you until the very end. The end of what? I wonder. Perhaps the enviable end of you and me.
Keeping my eyes shut, I place my lips to your head once more. This is wrong, I shouldn't go any further with this but I can't help myself. I can't help but want you and want to be with you. I can't let you go.
Still, the truth is the truth, I will do nothing but destroy you and having me close is nothing but destruction. Then again, maybe this is what you seek? If that is the case then this is something I can give you, something I can do. I will be your demise; if hell is what you seek, then I will take you there, even though you don't belong.
Welcome to the beginning of your end, Ciel.