-107-

Ryll stayed with Morgana for seven days, each day healing her a little bit more as the sickness began to wear off. Morgana was quiet most days, and they didn't discuss Arthur or Camelot. On the third day Morgana allowed Ryll to brush out her hair for her. It was a mess, and Ryll had to use magic to get most of the tangles out, but when she was done, Morgana's hair fell in silky lengths to her waist.

"I'll bring you a new dress and cloak when I come back," she told Morgana before she left to return to Camelot. Morgana was sitting up today looking better than she had before. Her pale cheeks held a tinge of color, and her eyes were brighter.

Morgana said nothing for a moment, then, "Are you going to come back or are you just saying that?"

"I made a promise," Ryll told her. "I'm going to take care of you. I'm not giving up."

"Arthur will wonder where you've been."

"It's not his business what I do away from Camelot. He knows that I need my space sometimes."

"And what of Merlin?"

That gave Ryll pause. She hated lying to Merlin, but she couldn't imagine what telling him the truth would do. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him," she said quietly. "Take care of yourself and keep taking that tincture I made you."

She passed Aithusa as she left, and the dragon didn't even growl. "Thank you for letting me help her," Ryll said, unsure of whether or not the dragon could understand her. "Keep her safe."

Ryll returned to Morgana every week for four months while she recovered from her sickness. Morgana had lost the contemptuous tone she'd used at first with Ryll and though she still didn't talk much, Ryll started to feel like she had her sister back. There were times when Morgana seemed to regress after nightmares had plagued her. They hadn't spoke about Arthur or asking for forgiveness since their first conversation, but they often talked about the world and how they wished it would be. It surprised Ryll that most of their views aligned despite having fought on separate sides so many times. She still hadn't convinced Morgana that Arthur could change, but in those four months, Arthur hadn't made any move to change the laws of Camelot to allow use of magic.

"Don't hold your breath," Morgana told Ryll when she voiced this. "He's all talk. He won't act if he thinks it will weaken him."

"He thinks only of his kingdom and his people first."

"You all speak about him like he's some kind of hero, but he's taken lives too. Maybe as many as I have."

"Is it really about who's the villain and who's the hero?" Ryll asked. "None of us are as pure as we might like to pretend we are. I've taken lives too. I've made mistakes and other people have paid the price. I'm no hero."

"If you're going to go into one of your speeches about the choices we make, you can save it. I'm getting a headache," Morgana said. She was wearing the dress Ryll had brought her – not quite blue, but also not quite black. It brought out the bits of blue in Morgana's eyes. She was looking much more like her old self save the bitterness etched on her face.

"Have you been having nightmares again?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I dream about the past and sometimes I dream about the future." Morgana walked over to the dirty window and gazed out.

"And has the future changed?" Ryll asked. Her own nightmares had ceased. Now she couldn't remember any of her dreams. She wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"My future is blank," Morgana said. "All I see is myself standing on the edge of an abyss, and I can't look back nor can I look across. All I can do is gaze into the blackness and wait for it to swallow me whole."

"That is not going to be your fate," Ryll said, coming forward. She reached out a hand, hesitating, and then placing it on Morgana's arm. Morgana didn't pull away like usual. "I'm not going to let that be your fate." Morgana turned to look at her.

"What makes you think you have any control over that?" she asked.

"I don't pretend to have that kind of power, but I'm determined, and determination can sometimes change the course of the future."

"Then you have more determination than me." Morgana pulled away. "Shouldn't you be getting back? Arthur will be wondering where you are and Merlin might think you've forgotten him."

Ryll pushed back her hurt at the abrupt rejection. "I'll be back in a week," she said. "You're almost healed. Then you can send me away for good if that's what you really want." She passed Morgana and took the stairs two at a time, needing fresh air. Morgana didn't come after her, and Aithusa growled softly as she passed. Sometimes Ryll wondered why she was doing this and if it was doing any good at all. Byron had been asking her the same thing, but Ryll couldn't stop coming. Her heart told her this was the right thing to do though everyone else said the opposite. She hadn't told Arthur or Merlin anything about what she was really doing. She'd told them that she'd come across some people in need and that she was bringing them clothes and food every week. They'd set up camp on the outskirts of Camelot and had sick children. She'd rejected any help offered and made sure Merlin couldn't follow her. He'd tried more than once, but a web-work of spells had sent him in the wrong direction every time. Ryll felt terrible for lying to him, but she knew in his mind, peace was synonymous with no Morgana.

Today when she returned, she couldn't find Merlin in any of the usual places. Finally she tracked down Gaius and asked him where he was. Gaius gave her a strange smile and said, "You might try in the woods near the oak tree. I sent him to gather some herbs there half an hour ago. He should still be there."

"All right, thank you." She looked back at Gaius as she left. He was still smiling as if he knew some secret she didn't. She changed quickly into a simple dress and walked out into the forest. As she neared the oak tree, she found a row of candles on either side of the path, leading her into the forest. She stared down at them, wondering just what they were doing here. Dusk was falling, and they lit her way into the woods. A smile began to grow on her lips. This had to be some sort of elaborate plan Merlin had hatched. He'd probably be waiting with flowers and a picnic under the stars. She quickened her pace until she found herself in the small clearing with the oak tree. Candles encircled it, lighting up the entire glen like a flock of fireflies. Merlin stood in the center of the clearing. He was holding flowers, and Ryll couldn't help the grin that spread over her face. She ran forward, and he set the flowers down so she could fling her arms around him.

"Merlin, when did you do all this?" she asked.

"I wanted to surprise you. I didn't know when you'd be home, but I didn't mind waiting."

"This is so sweet of you. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve it though. I've been so distant lately, I know I have."

"It's all right," Merlin interrupted her apology. "I understand. Sometimes you need to go and do things on your own. It's something I've needed to simply accept because I trust you. I trust that whatever you're doing, it's for the best. You always make the right choices even if you don't think so at first."

"I don't know about that," Ryll said guiltily.

"They're always made from the heart," Merlin continued. "You have such a big heart, and I'm so lucky to have a part of that."

"You have all of it, Merlin," Ryll told him, meeting his eyes. "You always have."

Merlin grinned, and it lit up his entire face. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love you, Ryll," he whispered against her lips.

"I love you too." She wrapped her arms around him and let him hold her. She felt so safe in his arms like none of their troubles could ever come to light. Then she remembered the dragon's words. You were not meant to be together in this life. You and the young druid have travelled a long and dangerous path together, but your futures here in Camelot do not lie together.

She realized she was trembling suddenly. "Are you cold?" Merlin asked.

"No," Ryll said, hastily wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm just so happy right now, and I don't ever want this moment to end."

"It won't," Merlin promised her. "I mean, I have something to ask you. I've been thinking for a long time, and I'm sorry I didn't ask sooner. I should have asked the moment I met you. Well, maybe not the moment, but-"

"Merlin," Ryll interrupted him with a laugh. "What do you want to ask me?"

Merlin reached into his pocket for something. She noticed that he was wearing his best clothes, and his hair had been neatly brushed. Something shone in his hand, and she looked down as he knelt before her. "Ryll, I've loved you for such a long time, and I don't ever want to be parted from you. Whatever comes in the future, I want to go into it with you by my side." He held a ring up to her, and Ryll's breath caught. "Ryll, Amaryllis, will you marry me?"

Ryll couldn't breath, her heartbeats were rushing through her body like pounding drums. "Yes," she finally said. "Yes, of course I will marry you!"

Merlin's grin grew wider and he slipped the ring onto her proffered finger. As he stood, Ryll threw her arms around him, kissing him passionately, as he pulled her tight. They were silent for a long time, close together in their embrace until the moon was fully risen and the crickets began to chirp.

"I didn't know if this was something you'd ever want, but I had to ask," Merlin said when they finally pulled apart.

"I'd never really thought about it to be honest, but I'd never imagined a normal life would be possible for me. I never imagined someone would love me enough to want to marry me." Tears were shining in her eyes again, but this time Merlin wiped them away.

"Anyone would be crazy not to want to marry you."

Ryll laughed happily. She had never felt so happy before. The dragon's words were forgotten now, and it felt like nothing could ever tear them apart. "When shall we marry?" she asked.

"I was thinking winter. It's beautiful and that gives us plenty of time to plan. I was thinking something small, just our close friends."

"Anything. We could marry in the stables, and I wouldn't care."

"You should meet my mother first. She's been dying to meet you all these years," Merlin said.

"I'd love to meet her. How have I not already? I feel like I've neglected so many important things." When had she let talk of destinies keep her from living her life?

"Are you ready to go back?" Merlin asked.

"Is that why Gaius was grinning like a fool?" Ryll asked him.

"Probably. I told him what I was planning."

"We should stay awhile longer," Ryll told him, entwining her fingers with his. "It's so peaceful out here."

"I have no objections," he said as she kissed him again.

…

Morgana lay in bed that night in sleep, her eyes flitting behind her lids. Her dreams were dark as usual, and she found herself treading the same path. Her feet stopped just before she reached the edge of the abyss. The darkness was so absolute that she could see nothing within. The wind sucked at the gap between the land, and she felt herself tilt forward, drawn inward. She wanted to fight, wanted to turn away and see the light again, but her feet and eyes were glued in place. When had she let herself get to this point? When had she let her own fears and desires defeat her? Fate or destiny? Death or life? It all felt the same right now. She felt herself sway over the abyss again. Would it be easier if she simply let herself fall? Let the darkness consume her? Or should she fight? Could she fight? She wasn't sure she had any fight left in her. Anger and bitterness toward Arthur no longer drove her. It didn't seem to matter anymore. She thought of Ryll and her everlasting faith in Morgana. Morgana had thought she'd lost her friend forever, but Ryll had come back. If Ryll could keep fighting then why couldn't Morgana?

Determination twisted at her muscles until she lifted her foot and took a step backwards, then another. She walked backwards away from the edge though the darkness tried to follow. She forced her eyes upward and when she did, she found the sun waiting for her, blinding her eyes. It cascaded over her face, and it was like she was seeing the world anew.

She woke suddenly with a start and found the sun bathing her face in orange light through the dirty windows. She rose feeling better than she had in months. The sickness seemed to be gone from her bones, and she found the darkness had lifted from her mind. She stood and walked over to the window to gaze out. Aithusa was basking in the sun outside, her white scales glistening. Morgana walked downstairs and outside, letting her fingers glide over her dragon's back. She nestled herself behind Aithusa's front leg and leaned back to let the sun warm her face. For the first time in what seemed a lifetime she felt hope.

…

"That's wonderful!" Gwen said when Merlin and Ryll announced their engagement the next day. Merlin was still engulfed in a happiness he never thought would wear off. He'd been back and forth for months trying to decide whether or not he should ask Ryll to marry him. She'd been distant lately – more distant than usual – disappearing for days at a time. He'd tried to follow her but could never seem to find her trail. After a time he stopped trying. He trusted her, trusted that whatever she was doing was something she had set her heart in doing. Ryll had always been a free spirit, and Merlin had stopped trying to change that about her. He realized that there were parts to both their lives that they kept to themselves. He didn't always share everything he learned about his destiny as Emrys because he didn't want to worry her unnecessarily. He realized it wasn't fair to demand she tell him everything when he had his own secrets. Sometimes he wished their lives could be simpler – no destinies, no fates, no dragons or sorceresses or strife. But their lives had never been simple, and it was their challenge to forge their own happiness within the strife.

"I'm happy for both of you," Arthur said, smiling. "You're lucky a girl like Ryll would look twice at you," he told Merlin.

"Thanks."

"Arthur." Gwen slapped his arm lightly.

"I'm joking, of course. You both deserve each other. You are true and dear friends, and I'll grant you anything you want for your new life. Just say the word."

"Less laundry?" Merlin asked hopefully.

"Let's not go overboard," Arthur said, grabbing Merlin and pulling him away as Gwen began to discuss the details of the wedding with Ryll. "I'm serious though. You both deserve to have the perfect wedding."

"Just something simple will do," Merlin told him. "We're thinking winter."

"Then winter it will be. You're a lucky man." He looked over at Ryll. "She's one of a kind."

"I know," Merlin said, smiling as he looked over at Ryll. The ring shone on her finger, and a jolt of excitement rushed through him. He still couldn't believe this was actually happening. They could start their futures together. They could be happy. "We're going to visit my mother in Ealdor to deliver the news. I was hoping for a few days," Merlin said.

"Of course," Arthur told him. "Take however long you need."

"Wow, I should get married more often. I like this new, generous side of you," Merlin said with a mischievous grin.

"Don't press your luck. Anyway, I can make due without you for a few days. It's not like I'm totally dependent on you." He looked affronted by the thought.

"Are you sure about that?" Merlin asked.

"I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself and finding meals."

"Hmm."

"Merlin?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

…

The road to Ealdor was familiar, and Merlin pushed his horse into a gallop the closer they got to the village. Ryll pushed Owl faster so that they rode neck to neck. Ryll was dressed like a woman today save the bright red cloak that marked her as a knight of Camelot. Her hair was neatly braided down her back, and she looked nervous. Merlin slowed his horse. Ryll looked over at him as she pulled Owl to a walk.

"You look petrified," Merlin said. "You don't need to be. She'll love you."

"Merlin, I haven't had a mother since I was very young. I have no idea how to act. I'm not anything like any other woman in Camelot. What if she thinks I'm rough? I dress like a man half the time and carry a sword!" She sounded truly worried, and Merlin pulled her hands into his.

"She won't care. I'm a sorcerer! She loves me even still." She still looked unsure so he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Trust me."

Ryll gave him a timid smile and they continued onward until Ealdor came into view. Several people greeted Merlin, recognizing him from his childhood years there. They looked at Ryll in awe. Merlin knew exactly why. With her gold hair and red cloak she stood out like a swan among pigeons. She was dressed in one of her nicest dresses in a shade of blue that brought out her eyes like patches of blue in a stormy sky. They stopped outside of Merlin's childhood home, and Hunith was outside waiting to greet them. Merlin had sent word that he'd be visiting and bringing someone for her to meet, but he hadn't mentioned his engagement. His mother knew of Ryll, but she'd never had the chance to meet her.

Merlin and Ryll dismounted, tying their horses out front and then going to greet Hunith. Merlin embraced her mother, kissing her cheek. "Mum, this is Ryll."

"It's such a pleasure to finally meet you," Hunith said pulling Ryll into an embrace.

"You too," Ryll said with a smile. "I'm sorry we haven't met before."

"Come in," Hunith said, inviting them inside. Ryll looked around as they entered, taking in the details of the house Merlin had grown up in. "Merlin told me he was in love with a beautiful girl." Ryll blushed, smiling at the compliment. "He tells me you have magic too?"

"Yes. He helped me learn to control it."

"And Ryll has helped Arthur start to accept magic," Merlin added.

"Oh, that's wonderful! But he still doesn't know about you?" she asked Merlin. He caught the worried light in her eyes.

"No. It's not the right time. He knows Ryll has magic, but he still hasn't allowed it in the city. He needs time."

"Did I hear that you're a knight of Camelot?" Hunith asked.

"Believe it or not." Ryll tugged at her cloak self-consciously. "That's a long story."

"She dressed like a man once and entered into a tournament," Merlin said with a grin.

"That sounds like quite the story. Let me put on the kettle, and then I'd love to hear it," Hunith said.

"See," Merlin told Ryll, bumping her shoulder. "I told you she'd love you."

…

"So then she took off her helmet and everyone saw who she was. You should have seen the look on Uther's face. He was furious. Arthur stared at her like he had no idea what had just happened."

"And then Uther threw me in the dungeons," Ryll summed up the story feeling thoroughly embarrassed. Merlin was telling all her 'heroic tales' as he put it. Hunith was smiling, clearly enjoying the stories. "Anyway, you're always the one saving Arthur. Let's talk about you for awhile."

"Aw, she's embarrassed," Merlin said.

Hunith laughed, and Ryll found she loved the sound of it. It reminded her of her own mother. "You two are so perfect together," she said. "I am so happy for you."

Ryll had kept her ring hidden underneath the sleeve of her dress until Merlin made the announcement and now seemed a good time. She looked over at him.

"There's something else we wanted to tell you," Merlin said. "I've asked Ryll to marry me." He took her hand, and the ring shone in the light.

Tears filled Hunith's eyes, and Ryll felt her heart swell with happiness. "That's wonderful," Hunith said. "I'm so proud of both of you. I can't imagine a woman more perfect for my son. I see how much you care about him by the way you look at him."

"I truly do," Ryll said. "He's always been the truest of friends. My calm during the storm. He's all I want in life. I'd give up everything if that was what it took to be with him."

"When is the wedding to be?" Hunith asked.

"The winter," Ryll replied. "We haven't made plans further than that yet."

"You'll have to come and help us prepare before," Merlin suggested.

"I'd love that more than ever. Will you live in the castle or find a house?"

"I'm not sure yet. Ryll's duties keep her in the castle and so do mine, but Gwen lived in the city when she was working in the castle."

"A house can hold more than two," Hunith said with a smile.

Merlin blushed a deep red. "That's-er-that's not really… We haven't discussed that far." He threw Ryll a pleading look. She smiled sweetly and kept her lips shut, enjoying his discomfort.

"Any children of yours will have blue eyes," Hunith continued, giving Ryll a covert look. Ryll hid her smile. "Hmm, but black or golden hair? Perhaps one of both."

"Mum!" Merlin said, exasperated. Ryll burst out laughing, and he gave her a resentful glance. "Okay, fine, have your laugh."

"You're still too young to have to worry about that," Hunith told them. "Just be happy with each other for now."

"That's what we were planning on doing," Merlin said, his cheeks still burning.

Ryll grinned, entwining her fingers with his. He squeezed her hand to let her know he wasn't really angry. Hunith's words had gotten Ryll thinking though and, for a moment, she closed her eyes and imagined a beautiful house by the sea with sun cascading through the open doors and windows. There was laughter and happiness there, and she saw two small figures running in the door to greet her. A little girl with golden curls and the bluest eyes and a boy with the same shocking blue eyes but black hair threw their arms around her. She knelt down to hug them to her and looked up to see Merlin standing in the doorway. The sun illuminated him, and she had to squint against its brightness.

We're finally home. She wasn't sure who said the words. Maybe it was her. They echoed around her head until she opened her eyes, hearing her name.

"Ryll?" Merlin was looking at her questioningly. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," she said with a smile. "Yes, I was just thinking."

He smiled back at her, and the sun moved to illuminate him just like in her vision. She hoped with all her heart that it had been a vision and not just a fleeting thought.