Thanks again for all of the reviews. I appreciate the encouragement and thoughtful feedback. To the person calling himself JesusLovesMe, who keeps posting about how immoral this story is, feel free to stop reading it. Jesus does love you, as He loves everyone, but I doubt He'd approve of your self-righteous judgement of others. You think sperm donation is immoral, cord blood donation is immoral...fine. Then why read a story about sperm donation and cord blood donation? Do yourself, and all of us, a favor and find something that is more your style or write your own highly-moral SVU story. Good luck with that!
Here is chapter 10...enjoy!
December 25, 2014 3:00 PM
Olivia sat on the sofa and looked around the room. "This place hasn't changed much," she noticed and Elliot sat next to her. He took her hand, noticing her twitch anxiously and wondering if the response was brought on by his touch or the situation of sitting in his ex-wife's living room. Olivia glanced over as Eli rolled a car to Noah and Noah picked it up, putting it in his mouth. Eli laughed and took it from him, rolling it once more. "The boys are getting along so well," she smiled slightly and pulled her hand away from Elliot's.
"Don't worry about the kids," he told her. "I talked to them and I told them I won't tolerate them being hateful to you. They can hate me if they want, but you're doing a great thing here…trying to help Eli…and they need to respect that. Kathy too…I made that clear."
"Oh great," Olivia snickered. "So now they're forced to be nice to me." She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
"Are you still feeling sick?" Elliot asked. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have made you come…"
"I'm fine," Olivia closed her eyes, and sighed more from nervousness than nausea. "I just didn't expect to be dealing with all this. Elliot…you've been back in my life for barely a week…and here I am in Queens with your kids and your ex-wife…I don't know if I can do this."
"You'll be fine," Elliot assured her. "Trust me…"
The kids came down the stairs and they all looked almost as nervous as Olivia felt. No one said anything, just sat around the room in chairs and on the floor and stared at their father and Olivia in anticipation of what would be said. Elliot finally spoke up, "You all said you wanted to talk to Olivia and she's here, so what do you need to say?"
"El…" Olivia looked frustrated at him, and then back to the kids. "I'm sorry…I just don't know what to say. You've all grown up…it's been a long time…"
"Yeah," Maureen gave a shy smile and stood up to hug Olivia, introducing her to her husband. "I'm glad you came, Liv…really…" she said, sitting back on the chair next to her husband.
"Thanks," Olivia sighed. Suddenly Noah started crying and she looked over to see him refusing to give Eli his toy car and she stood up to grab it from him. "He's not used to sharing," she explained and Eli shrugged. "Noah…you can't keep Eli's toys," she said as the baby snuggled close to her and she sat back down with him secure on her lap.
"How old is he?" Lizzie asked, instinctively smiling at the baby even though she'd planned to be stubborn. "He's really cute."
"Thanks," Olivia smiled. "He's fourteen months…"
"Did you have him tested?" Dickie asked. "Maybe he matches Eli?"
"No…he's not mine," Elliot explained, realizing his children had jumped to the same conclusion he had.
"Oh," Dickie said with surprise, "I just assumed…" he shook his head, "You just had a baby with someone else and now you're pregnant again? Why would you do that?"
"She adopted Noah," Elliot explained. "And it's none of your business…"
"No," Olivia interrupted. "I'll answer that. I know I already have a baby…and I didn't plan to use the embryos, but the lab was closing and they wanted me to let them go…and I couldn't. I wanted the chance to try for more children…"
"What are you gonna tell him some day when he finds out he's adopted but that wasn't enough for you so you went and had your own children instead?" Kathleen asked angrily.
"Kathleen!" Elliot yelled, but Olivia interrupted him.
"Noah is my own child," she said seriously. "Don't ever say anything like that again." She looked at Elliot and shook her head anxiously, "I need to go home…now."
"Liv," he said softly. "She didn't mean that…"
"Yes I did," Kathleen argued. "You think your son won't feel left out…feel like he wasn't enough for you. He's not a Stabler, so he isn't our brother…Dad's not his father, but he is the babies' father…you should've thought about all of that."
"You know what, Kathleen…I didn't need to think about that…because Noah is my son, and these babies are my children too. They are siblings, and they don't need all of you in their lives." She stood up, holding Noah close to her and looking at Elliot, "Take us home…now…"
"Liv," Elliot stood and tried to plead with her. "Come on…let's try…"
"Try what?" she sputtered. "Try listening while your kids make my son seem worthless. I won't let them treat him that way."
"We won't," Lizzie promised, standing up and facing Olivia. "Kathleen doesn't speak for all of us," she looked angrily at her sister. "Really…I think he's precious…"
"Thank you," Olivia sighed, "But I don't think this was a good idea…"
"I'm sorry," Kathleen said, even though her face showed her lack of sincerity. "I won't talk about Noah anymore."
"No…you won't," Elliot insisted, turning back to Olivia. "Please stay…"
She shook her head, "I don't want to…I want to go…" She closed her eyes, trying to swallow the sick feeling that was rising inside of her, "El…I don't feel so good…"
He grabbed the baby from her, handing him to Lizzie and grabbed her arm guiding her out of the room and into the tiny half-bathroom off the side of the dining room. He stood outside the door, the room too small for both of them, and listened as she threw up. He shouldn't have insisted she come to Queens…he should have known the kids would be too much for her…he should have thought about her feelings instead of his own. Kathy walked in from the kitchen, hearing the sound from the bathroom and grimacing, "Is that Olivia?" she asked. "Is she okay?"
Elliot shook his head, "She's sick…"
"Obviously," Kathy motioned toward the door. "You could've taken her to the main bathroom…we have to eat out here in a while. The smell will be awful."
"She couldn't make it all the way upstairs," Elliot argued. "Besides, I'll make sure everything is cleaned up." He sighed, "Kath…please talk to the kids. Tell them to be nice to her. Am I the only one who understands what she is doing for us?"
"No…we all know," Kathy said with a sigh. "But we all have a problem with how this happened. And I'm not really mad at Olivia, and I doubt the kids are either…it's just hard to have her here when we know you chose her over us."
"I didn't," he said truthfully. "I never once chose her over you or the kids. Never…if anything, I made her feel lonely and left out most of our relationship. I wish you could see that."
Olivia opened the door, embarrassed to find Kathy standing there staring at her, "I'm sorry…" she said, her voice shaky and weak. She looked at Elliot, "Take me home now…"
He nodded, but then Eli came in the room, his face a tired pale and his shoulders slumped with exhaustion, "Daddy…" he said slowly. "I'm tired…"
"We'll get you back to bed," Kathy leaned down and gave a sad smile to her son. "You've been up doing too much."
"I want Daddy," Eli cried, clutching Elliot around the waist. "Please…"
Elliot picked up the little boy, and Olivia noticed he looked so much younger than his seven years with his head resting on his father's shoulder. Elliot looked at her, and she sighed, giving him a knowing nod. He had to stay for Eli, no matter how horrible she felt or how much she longed to get out of there. "Let me put him down and then…"
"No," Eli sniffled. "I want Olivia too."
"Eli, Olivia isn't feeling very well…the babies are making her feel a little sick," Elliot tried to explain, but Eli was persistent.
"Then she can lay down with me," he suggested. "Please…"
"Let me go check on Noah," Olivia said softly, and she walked into the next room and saw her son giggling on Lizzie's lap while Maureen play peek-a-boo and tickled him. Kathleen and Dickie were nowhere to be seen, obviously fed up with the situation. She walked back to the dining room where Elliot still held Eli who was already drifting off the sleep, "Okay," she patted the boy's back gently, "I'll stay with you for a little while." She started to follow them into the next room.
"Olivia," Kathy called to her and she turned to look at her. "Thank you…for staying…for Eli. I know you don't feel well and I promise, the kids will be better…I'll talk to them…" Olivia gave a weak nod, and followed Elliot out of the room.
December 25, 2014 4:00PM
Elliot put Eli down on the bed and sat beside him. "You go to sleep, buddy," he whispered. "Then when you wake up it will be time for Christmas dinner."
"Olivia?" Eli looked up at her and gave a pleading smile. "Will you lay down with me?"
"Oh Eli," she sighed. "I don't know…I need to get back to the baby…"
"It wouldn't hurt," Elliot suggested. "You're as tired as he is and it might help settle your stomach to get a little rest."
"For a few minutes," she gave in, climbing across the bed and resting her head on her arm, using the other hand to pat Eli's back. "You go to sleep now…okay? We all want you to feel better."
Eli nodded slightly, "Can you tell me story?" he asked.
"Eli, I can do that," Elliot offered. "Olivia's tired too…let her relax…"
"No, I'll do it," Olivia smiled at the little boy and he snuggled next to her.
"Daddy…you can go," Eli sighed. "I wanna talk to Olivia…please…"
Olivia gave him a reluctant nod, and he leaned over and kissed Eli on the forehead, "Sleep well, bud…" then he looked at Olivia, "Call me back in here if you need me."
"I will," Olivia said gently. "But we'll be fine. Can you check on Noah? I'll be out in a while," She waited for Elliot to walk away and then looked at Eli, "So, what story do you want to hear?"
The little boy shrugged, "I just want to talk to you," he yawned.
"Okay, well…what do you want to talk about?" she whispered.
Eli cuddled up closer to her and she wrapped her arms around him. "My Daddy says you are having two babies…and they might make me better…"
She smiled sadly, "I hope so," she admitted. "I want them to help you…we all do…"
"I want to get better," he said, tears forming in his eyes. "Mommy and Daddy are sad every time they look at me. They're scared."
"They love you Eli," she said softly. "And it scares them to know you're so sick. They wish there was a way they could help you feel better."
"Daddy says if your babies match me then I can have a transplant and it will help me," he yawned. "But if they don't match then we'll have to find another way for me to get better."
"Well there is no way to know if the twins match until their born," Olivia told them. "I wish there was. I hope they match, Eli…I really do…but if they don't your mom and dad are not going to give up. They'll keep looking…"
Eli shook his head slowly, "I know I'm not getting better…"
"Don't talk like that," Olivia said sadly. "No one else is giving up…"
"I heard Dickie," Eli admitted. "He was mad. He said Daddy gave you those babies and they are our brothers or sisters. Is that true?"
Olivia nodded, "Yes…it is true. And you'll be a great big brother, Eli…"
"If they don't match me," he yawned again. "I won't be here to be a good big brother. Dickie is a great brother…but he seems mad at the babies. Noah's their brother, but he's just a baby too. They won't have a good big brother if I don't get better…"
Olivia brushed away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks, "Eli…" she said. "You are going to be their big brother…they need you…you're going to get better," she said, hoping it was the truth.
"Don't cry," Eli rolled over, looking her in the eye. "Everybody cries…"
Olivia sniffled and forced a smile, "I'm sorry…the babies make me cry sometimes…I can't help it."
Eli laughed, "Why do they make you cry and throw up? Are they mad at you?"
"No," Olivia laughed, "They are just letting me know they're here." She put her hand on her stomach and sighed. "That's what babies do before they're born…to let us know they're okay."
"How come your tummy isn't bigger?" Eli asked, looking her over.
"Oh…" Olivia looked down at her body, "It will be…trust me. She ran her hand over her stomach, "And they'll be moving around and kicking us…"
"Can I feel them kick?" he asked eagerly, placing his hand on her stomach.
"As soon as they start kicking, I'll let you know…okay?" she smiled and he nodded. "Now, you get some sleep…"
He nodded, curling up next to her and closing his eyes and before long they were both sound asleep.
December 25, 2014 6:00PM
"Liv…" Elliot sat next to her on the bed and rubbed his hand over her shoulder. "Liv…wake up…"
Her eyes fluttered open and she yawned, looking up at him and then she noticed she was alone in the bed, "Where's Eli?" she asked, sitting up slowly.
"He's in the living room watching movies with the other kids. He slept about an hour, but you were out cold…so we let you sleep," Elliot said, brushing her hair away from her face. "How're you feeling?"
"I'm fine," she said, climbing out of bed. "You should have woke me up."
"You need to rest," he reminded her. "Besides, you weren't feeling well…"
"I'm so embarrassed," she sighed, "They all hate me…and I spent Christmas sleeping…I'm sure they just love that."
"No one hates you," he insisted. "They hate me…not you…but they're coming around." he smiled, "Noah wants you though. He's been crying for mama the last fifteen minutes, which is why I woke you up."
"Oh God…Noah," she rushed out the door and found her son sitting on Maureen's lap sobbing. "Hey sweetie," she whispered. "Mommy's here…" Maureen handed the baby to her and Olivia let him rest on her shoulder and rubbed his back until he calmed down. "He's hungry," she said.
"Dinner's ready," Kathy said, giving her an odd look. "We were waiting for you to wake up."
"I'm sorry," Olivia shook her head. "Someone should have woke me up."
"The babies needed you to sleep," Eli grinned. "Right Daddy…that's what you said."
"Yeah," Elliot smiled at his son.
"Well, the babies and I are fine now, so let's all have dinner," Olivia smiled at Eli and tried to ignore the angry glances from Dickie and Kathleen.
They sat at the table and passed around the food, piling it on the plates. Olivia listened as the family said a prayer, and she couldn't help but find it ironic that they were all so comfortable thanking God for all their blessings, but just as much at ease making her feel like an outcast. No one really talked as they ate, and Olivia assumed it was her presence at the table forcing the silence. "This is delicious, Kathy," she said, smiling an unconvincing smile and feeding Noah a spoonful of mashed potatoes.
"Thank you," Kathy nodded, taking a bite of her own food.
"Olivia," Lizzie asked. "Do you think the babies are boys or girls?"
"I don't know," she said softly. "Maybe one of each."
"Daddy…if they are both boys then we'll have more boys than girls," Eli laughed.
"Really?" Elliot asked, thinking about the comment. "I never thought about that. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway…we just want to pray for one of them to match you so you can get better." He gave his son a knowing wink.
"When are the babies due?" Maureen asked.
"August 12th," Olivia answered. "But they'll probably come sooner…"
"Lizzie and Dickie were a month early," Kathy said quickly.
"Olivia is going to do everything in her power to carry them to term though," Elliot added. "The closer to term they are the better chance of getting the cord blood."
"I can't imagine making it to term with twins," Kathy said seriously. "I was huge…if I'd had to go one more day I think it would've killed me." She looked at Elliot, "And babies have minds of their own. You know that. She can't just hold them in."
Olivia laughed, "I'll do my best, but the odds are against making it to forty weeks. We know that."
"She'll be in bed that last month if that's what it takes," Elliot added. "We're determined to get them to term. She can do it, even if she's miserable…right?" he glanced at her and she gave an uncomfortable nod, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.
"Dad…we all know she's going to do her best," Lizzie added. "But you can't put that kind of pressure on someone. She can't help it if they come early."
"Olivia says I can feel the babies kick," Eli jumped in the conversation. "She said as soon as they get bigger she'll let me feel them kick. I get to be their brother…"
"Oh geez," Kathleen pushed her chair away from the table, "You are not their brother. They are her kids, Eli…"
"Kathleen…" Elliot said, but she walked away from the table.
"She's right," Dickie added. "Olivia's babies are hers…being a sperm donor doesn't make you a dad. Quit pretending like it does. Those babies mean nothing to you…you just want them to help Eli." He stood up and followed his sister out of the room.
"I'm sorry…" Elliot said, seeing Olivia's tears sliding down her cheeks.
She pushed her chair away from the table, "Kathy…dinner was delicious. I'm sorry I ruined it. We're gonna go…" she grabbed Noah and walked into the living room to grab his diaper bag.
Elliot followed her into the room, "Liv…don't let the kids get to you…they'll get used to this…"
She looked at him and shook her head, "You don't get it, do you? This has nothing to do with them…" she cried.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"You…" she cried. "I'm talking about you. I can handle your kids not liking me…being angry about the babies. I don't care what they think. But you…" she sobbed. "You don't care about the twins at all…"
"What the hell are you talking about?" he sputtered. "Of course I do…"
She shook her head, "You said you wanted to be their father. I didn't want to do that because we haven't had any sort of relationship in so long…but you convinced me…like you've always been able to do…"
"Because I love them," he insisted. "They're my kids."
"They're mine," she cried. "You don't care if they're healthy. You don't care if they're boys or girls. You just want them to come at term and save your son…and they deserve better than that!"
"That's not true," Elliot argued.
"Yes it is," she sighed. "I've known it all along…and I tried to convince myself otherwise…but after all this…"
"Just because Dickie was running his mouth…" Elliot started.
"No…it wasn't him," Olivia interrupted, "It was you. All that talk about how they have to make it to term, and I'll stay in bed for a month if we have to, and you don't care how miserable it makes me…" she cried. "You really don't care…and I can't deal with that right now."
"Liv, I didn't mean it that way," he tried to pull her close, but she jerked away from him.
"I need time," she sighed, "Away from you. I want to go home…"
She headed toward the door and saw Maureen and her husband standing there. "We're heading into the city," Maureen said gently, having overheard most of the conversation. "I thought maybe you and Noah would like a ride."
"I can take them home," Elliot insisted.
"I'd like a ride," Olivia handed the baby to Maureen, who walked with him to the car. Then she turned to Elliot, "I'm still going to help Eli…but I can't be around you…not right now…"
"Liv…" he began. "Don't be like this."
She shook her head, "Good-bye Elliot." She sighed, "Enjoy Christmas with your kids."
More to come...don't hate me for this ending, please. It's not over yet ;)