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Morgana's dreams were not of darkness anymore but rather complicated images of people and places she didn't recognize nor understand. One set of distinctive eyes kept appearing. Blue. So blue. But where had she seen those eyes before? Every morning when she woke up, her dreams faded, and she could never seem to hold onto any of the details.
Ryll didn't come when she usually did. Nor did she come the next day. Morgana found herself pacing. Ryll hadn't left her on the best of terms, but she'd grown so used to her coming that she actually missed her presence. Finally she decided to forget Ryll and go about her business. She'd been practicing magic, trying to build up her strength again. Her magic had suffered along with her health, but it was coming back strong again. She tried using it for simple things at first and then more complicated things. She was sending up smoke butterflies for Aithusa to chase when Ryll rode up looking harried.
"You're late," Morgana said without preamble.
Ryll dismounted, letting Owl loose. The horse eyed the dragon but then moved off to graze when Aithusa continued chasing the smoke butterflies. "I've been busy."
"Yes, being Arthur's pawn."
Ryll was frowning, but she didn't snap back at Morgana. "No. I was busy meeting Merlin's mum. You remember her, right? You helped save her village once."
Morgana looked up at her. "Hunith?" She didn't know how she remembered the name, but suddenly she was back in Ealdor fighting bandits alongside Merlin, Arthur, and Gwen. "That was a long time ago."
"She remembers you. She asked about you before we left."
"Oh? And has she heard the rumors? Does she think I'm a monster now?" Morgana asked.
"No." Ryll studied her. "You're in a mood today."
Morgana swished her hand and the butterflies disappeared. Aithusa grumbled. "I'm dreaming again," she said.
"Not about the abyss?" Ryll followed Morgana back into the temple.
"I've got past that dream," Morgana told her. "But I can't make sense of the dreams I do have. I forget them when I wake up."
"Sounds like my dreams," Ryll said, sounding discouraged. "I think it might be because the future is so uncertain."
"I'm almost afraid to fall asleep at night. I'm afraid of what I'll see," Morgana admitted.
"Me too."
Something shiny caught Morgana's eye, and she caught Ryll's hand, pulling it into the light. "Is that an engagement ring?" she asked.
"Merlin asked me to marry him," Ryll said, pulling her hand back. She sounded defensive.
"He's a lucky man," was all Morgana said though.
"I wish you could be at the wedding." Ryll's voice was wistful, and Morgana felt a tug at her heart. "I would have loved that."
"I'm not sure Arthur would take too kindly to me being there." She turned away and busied herself with lunch. "Or Merlin for that matter."
"He told Merlin he'd do anything for us to make the day perfect."
"I hardly think that extends to having me as a guest," Morgana said.
"Maybe not," Ryll said regretfully. "But I wanted you to know."
"You'll finally have the family you've always wanted. A mother, a husband, maybe children one day." Morgana couldn't keep the wistfulness out of her voice and she didn't doubt that Ryll caught it.
"You had a family," Ryll said softly. "You still do."
"I sometimes wonder what would have happened if my father hadn't died and I'd grown up away from Uther. I might have never known who my real father was. I might have been happy, accepted. My mother must have had magic for Morgause and I to have it. She died before I could ask. She died and I was alone when I needed her the most."
"She would want you to be happy. She would tell you that you still can be. Let go, Morgana. Let go of that hatred and anger. Come home."
"I don't have a home anymore."
"Camelot is your home. It always will be. It can be again."
"I think you're the one dreaming now, only this dream is clear – clear in that it can't happen."
"Arthur might not let you back into the city ever again, but that doesn't mean Camelot still isn't your home. Stop trying to fight your way back. It will never be home if you take it by force."
"I'm not sick anymore," Morgana said abruptly. "I don't need you to heal me anymore."
"You're not healed yet," Ryll said. "You're still lost and sad and angry, and I want to help with that too."
"You can't."
"Maybe I can't but that doesn't mean I won't try."
"Maybe I don't want to be healed."
"Do you like the way you feel? Do you like that bitterness in your heart that lingers there like an abyss? Your dreams were reflecting what's inside of your head. That abyss is your life right now, and you're standing on the brink. You said yourself that you walked away. Don't turn back now. Don't give in to that darkness."
"I'm never going to have a happy ending, Ryll. That's your end. Enjoy it. I'll be happy for you." She wished Ryll would leave. Having her here made everything more complicated, yet the thought of her leaving made Morgana feel empty again.
"Make your own happy ending, Morgana. Quit trying to force it to happen because that ending leads to your death. I know, I've seen it. Don't make me start dreaming that again." She turned to leave. "I'm going to talk to Arthur tonight. I'm going to ask if he could ever find it in his heart to forgive you."
"Don't waste your breath. I already know the answer to that."
"No, you don't." Ryll left her there to contemplate that. Morgana wouldn't allow herself hope. She didn't even know if she wanted Arthur to forgive her. She didn't know if she was ready to forgive him. She chopped her knife angrily into the rabbit Aithusa had caught earlier.
That night her dreams became concrete. That night she dreamed of enemies and friends. That night she saw the future.
…
A king was sitting on his throne. His eyes were cruel, and Morgana recognized her captor – the one who had thrown Aithusa and her in that pit. It almost jolted her out of the dream, but she clung on. A group of men were standing before him, and the leader spoke.
"You called for us, Sire?" There was a touch of fear in his voice though he didn't like one with a faint heart.
"Yes. I require your skills. There is someone who escaped from my dungeons. I need you to find her." Morgana pressed herself against the wall where she stood, invisible, watching the scene.
"My Lord, we are but humble slavers. We cannot track someone."
"You can and you will. You will be greatly rewarded."
"Whom do you seek, my Lord?"
"The sorceress Morgana Pendragon. You can track her with this." He withdrew something from his pocket, and Morgana recognized a white dragon scale. "Her dragon shed this in its time in captivity. It will lead you to her."
"But how?" the man asked, taking the scale.
"Ask one more question and you will be taking her place in the dungeons." The king rose, and the men backed away.
"I will find her, Sire," the leader of the slavers vowed. As the group turned away, one of the slavers turned and looked straight at Morgana. Piercing blue eyes caught hers, and her breath hitched. She would know those eyes anywhere. The face was mature, the boy taller, but there was no mistaking him. Mordred. It was his eyes she'd been seeing. He tore his eyes from her and followed the slavers. Morgana shivered. Had he really seen her? Was this a nightmare or a vision?
Suddenly she felt eyes on her and turned to find the king staring straight at her. She gasped and woke with a start.
Morgana sat up in bed, panting hard. Then she threw her legs over the bed, gathering her small amount of belongings in haste. She rolled the blanket and hurried down the stairs. "Aithusa!" she called. The white dragon appeared in the hole in the wall. "We have to leave. He's coming after us. The king who captured us and threw us down that pit. He's looking for us."
Aithusa growled deeply. Morgana tucked the blanket and her food into a pack and threw it over her shoulders, climbing onto Aithusa's back. Aithusa backed into the open and flapped her wings, taking off. Morgana clung to her as the dragon took her up in the air and away from the place that had been her safe haven. She didn't know where to go, didn't know where would be safe, but she knew as long as they had that scale, she wasn't safe. King Sarrum hated magic, but somehow she didn't think he was above using it to find her. He would have found a way to enchant that scale so that it would lead the slavers straight to her. Aithusa might be more than a match for them, but Morgana would take no chances. She closed her eyes and remembered Mordred's face. Why had he been with the slavers? What had happened to the sweet little druid boy she had once helped rescue? She had no answers just a desperation to live. She was not going back into that pit and she was not going to Arthur's dungeons. She would keep flying forever if she had to. She was done being hunted.
…
Tonight was Morgana's birthday. It was the same day she'd tried to kill Uther years before. Ryll knew that Arthur was remembering his sister as he stood on the parapet looking over Camelot. He didn't hear Ryll approach and jumped when she spoke.
"What if we could do things over?" she asked him. "What would you change?" She stood beside him, resting her hands on the parapet wall and gazing out across the night-strewn city.
Arthur was quiet for a long moment. "I would find a way to save what's been lost," he said finally. "My mother, my father…my sister. I've lost them all and I can't help thinking there should have been some way to save at least one of them."
"What if there still was?"
Arthur turned to look at her, and Ryll met his gaze. "Ryll, I know what you're getting at."
"Do you?"
"Tonight is Morgana's birthday. You're missing her."
"Aren't you?" she asked.
Arthur sighed. "That's not the point. The point is she's past saving."
"How do you know that?"
"You were here when she took over the city. You were here when she took the lives of my people, of my knights. Morgause twisted and changed her. I no longer recognize her."
"People change," Ryll agreed. "But they can change again if they're offered second chances."
"Why should I give her a second chance? How do you even know she'd take it?" Arthur asked, scratching his fingernail against the stone of the parapet.
"I don't know, but no one can possibly know unless the question gets asked. You could forgive her," she added after a pause.
"That's asking for a lot, Ryll."
"Is it?"
"I can't just forget what she's done," Arthur said, his tone growing harder.
"Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. None of us will ever forget the trials we've been put through, but she's suffered too."
"She betrayed us!" Arthur said fiercely. He ran a hand over his face. "How can I forgive that? My father never recovered from the shock of finding out she had betrayed him."
"This isn't about Uther anymore. This is about you and Morgana and whether you have it in your heart to forgive her or if you and she are going to keep fighting until one or both of you are dead. Do you want her dead? Do you want your sister dead, Arthur?"
"Enough!" Arthur snapped. Ryll fell silent. Arthur glared at the stars for a long while. Ryll stayed there though she knew Arthur was probably done speaking to her. Finally he turned back to her though. "I know you still care about her. I know you still think there's a part of her worth saving. You didn't go after her just to bring her back here for a trial. You went after her to save her life because she was suffering. You're never going to give up on her because that's the way you are. You believe in people long after everyone else gives up on them. I value your advice, I do. I just don't know if I'm ready to forgive her. I have no reason to believe she'll ever change."
"Morgana is who she is. She might stop trying to take over the throne and murder you, but she's still a sorceress. She's still hurting and alone and fighting for a place in this world. You can't change her."
"I know. She's stubborn. She's a Pendragon after all. She might have hated our father, but I see so much of him in her. She's so set on her ideas even if they are the opposite of what my father believed. Just as my father believed those with magic were out to get him, Morgana believes those without want her dead."
"She's afraid and alone. She struck out. Morgause didn't help. She only added kindling Morgana's anger, but Uther and Morgause are dead and it's up to those of us still alive to make peace or war. I just hope you choose peace." She turned to leave.
"I hope she does too," Arthur said softly. "Maybe then I can forgive her."
