Hello all! I seriously need to apologize for taking over a week to update this. I have no real excuse. I've been working, I've been sick, my kid has had school things, I've had work things...blah, blah, blah. Really though, I've mostly just been unmotivated, so I apologize. I will try to do better. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and I look forward to your thoughts on this chapter as well.

I'm watching the USA marathon today...marathon of Olivia's hairstyles. LOL! Maybe it will be inspiring to me.

Enjoy...

February 13, 2015 7:00AM

Elliot was tired, and it was taking all his strength to hold his eyes open. He'd spent most of the night keeping watch over Olivia, wishing for her to wake up and tell him she was okay, but the most she'd done was open her eyes and cry out in pain. Three times she'd reached a wakened state barely long enough for them to give her more pain medication that knocked her out again. Once, she'd mumbled something about the babies, and he'd done his best to assure her they were okay, but he wasn't sure she even recognized him, let alone understood what he was telling her about the twins. It scared him to see her like this, because although he knew as a cop she put her life on the line every day, he never let himself think about it. When they were partners, there had been some close calls, but usually everything turned out fine. This time would too. It had to.

He gave in to the exhaustion and closed his eyes, leaning back in the chair and trying to rest while he could. The doctor had been in a while ago, insisting things were going well and Olivia would be more alert the next time she woke up. Elliot had called Lucy, to update her and Nick and Fin had gone over to watch Noah so Lucy could go home. Elliot wondered what Olivia's plans had been for an emergency if he had never come into her life. She was a single mother of three, and a cop…she had to have some plan in place, she was too responsible not to have an emergency plan, but he had no idea what it was. It saddened him to think they weren't close enough anymore for him to know.

He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew she was saying his name…"Elliot…" her voice raspy and weak and it took a minute for him to realize it was her. He opened his eyes and sat up, starting at her and her eyes were more alert than they'd been in the middle of the night. "El…" she said again. "What happened?"

"Hey…" he stood up and forced a smile, brushing her hair carefully out of her face and she cringed a little at the pain. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know…bad. Something happened to me.?" she asked with a mumble, her voice fading and he was sure she was going to cry out in pain again, unable to talk to him.

"Olivia…it's okay," he took her hand and held it tight. "Are you in pain? Do you need me to call the nurse?"

"What happened?" she asked again, her voice quivering. She tried to sit up, yelling out when it proved too painful and looking down at her right arm that was wrapped tightly against her to prevent her from moving the shoulder. "What the hell…" she cringed.

"You're okay," he said gently. "You're gonna be fine. You were hurt…but the bullet is out and your shoulder will heal in time."

"Are the babies…"she started to cry and Elliot put his hand gently on the swell of her stomach.

"The babies are fine. I promise," he smiled. "The doctor did an ultrasound earlier…I saw them wiggling all over the place," he laughed. "They're good…they're beautiful…perfect…don't worry."

She nodded, "Stella Marling…" she sighed, remembering the day before. "Her husband…she wouldn't leave. Is she okay?"

Elliot nodded, "Yeah…she's okay. Moping around because Fin shot her husband. She wants to sue the NYPD."

Olivia's eyes widened, "Oh God…is Fin okay? Is IAB on him?"

"He's fine," Elliot assured her. "They think it was a good shoot…and it was, Liv. The guy could've killed you."

"Where's Noah?" she asked. "He probably wonders where I am."

Elliot nodded, "He misses you, but he's all right. Nick is with him. He and Fin are gonna take turns with him overnight and Lucy will watch him during the day until you can go home."

"Okay," she said tearfully. "I want to sit up…my back hurts…" she tried to lean forward, but the discomfort in her arm forced her back down. She couldn't move by herself.

"I know you're uncomfortable," he whispered, "The doctor said we could raise your bed a little, but it might hurt more, Liv. Your shoulder is in pretty bad shape and if you move it at all…"

"Just raise the bed," she insisted. "Please…I need to sit up."

"Okay," he gave in, pushing the button while the bed slowly rose. He could tell she was suffering as she exhaled slowly, her face contorted in pain. He released the button, "Is this okay?" he asked. "Do you feel better sitting up some?"

She closed her eyes and let out a slow breath, "I feel dizzy…and sick…" she took another breath, trying to settle her stomach. "Why do I feel so sick? Is something wrong with the babies? I haven't been sick in a while…"

"I think it's the pain meds," he said softly.

"I can't take pain medicine," she sighed, putting her free hand on her stomach. "The babies…the meds might hurt them. Why'd you let them give me pain meds?" her eyes were full of tears.

"Liv…I didn't let them," he insisted. "The doctor insisted. But you were shot. You have to have pain meds. It's not good for the babies for you to be in so much pain either. They had to ease your pain…"

"I'm gonna throw up…" she looked pale and seemed to sway as she tried to sit in bed. "El…really…" she put her hand to her mouth, closing her eyes and trying to breathe slowly enough to ease the nausea. He grabbed a yellow, plastic tub from beside the bed and held it in front of her, just in time for her to lunge forward, emptying her stomach with violent heaves. She fell back on the bed, crying as her shoulder hit the mattress, "I'm sorry…" she cried.

"It's okay…you don't have to be sorry," he picked up the tub, sitting it aside and grabbing a damp cloth and gently wiping her sweaty forehead. "You think you're okay now?"

She shook her head, "Elliot…I'm sorry…I really am…"

"Liv…those meds make most people sick…and you're pregnant on top of it. It's okay…if you feel sick again let me know…" he gave a weak smile.

"No…" she cried. "I don't mean I'm sorry for throwing up. I'm sorry…for getting shot…"

"Liv, it wasn't your fault," he reminded her. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes I did…" she insisted. "I shouldn't have gone. I'm supposed to take care of our babies…I could've killed our babies…"

His eyes widened, the fact that she'd called them our babies not going unnoticed, and he stared at her, taking her good hand and holding it close, "Liv…I know you would do anything for these babies. Don't beat yourself up about this."

She shook her head, "I lied to you. I told you I was on desk duty because I knew you'd be mad if you knew I was working, but I didn't think there was any harm in it. God…what if I lose these babies now?"

"You won't," he promised. "I told you…they look great. The doctor said so."

"If I'd have died…" she sobbed. "What would happen to Noah? He'd be back in foster care…and he wouldn't have a mother." She couldn't stop crying, and the ache in her shoulder was advancing in severity as her body shook.

"Liv…Noah is fine," Elliot promised. "You have to calm down. You're making yourself feel worse…and that's not good for the babies either." He grabbed the damp cloth and folded it carefully on her forehead. "Close your eyes…and take some deep breaths. Settle down…"

"I'm really sorry…" she said again, sniffling as she tried to stop crying.

"I know you are," he whispered, "but everything is fine now…at least it's going to be when you start feeling better. You need to rest."

"It hurts…a lot," she admitted.

"I'm gonna call for the nurse, and she's going to give you something for the pain," he insisted.

"Please don't," she pleaded. "I don't want the meds to hurt the twins."

"Olivia…the stuff they are giving you is the safest pain med that have," he promised. "There's very little risk…"

"But there's still a risk," she argued. "Please…don't call the nurse. Just…let me squeeze your hand…til this passes…the pain has to let up."

"I don't think it's going to pass…" he said seriously, giving in and grabbing her hand while she squeezed it and cried out in pain. "Are we practicing for labor…" he teased, smiling and trying to make her feel a little better.

"No," she bit her lip, moaning a little. "When I'm in labor…I'm taking the drugs…"

Elliot laughed, leaning forward and kissing her softly on the cheek. "You need them now, Liv." He whispered. "Being in this much pain, it could trigger a miscarriage, and I know you don't want to lose them." He rubbed her hand gently, "I'm going to call for the nurse…okay?"

She gave a reluctant nod, tears streaming down her cheeks.

February 13, 2015 11:45 AM

Olivia had been in and out of sleep for hours. Elliot walked into her room, a cup of coffee from the cafeteria in his hand and sat down in the chair by her bed. Since she'd been awake long enough to talk to him, he was convinced she was going to recover, but it was going to be a long and agonizing process. She was in excruciating pain, and she was convinced the babies were in danger if she took more pain medication, so her medical team had agreed to give her less and it wasn't working well enough. Even now, while she slept her face was contorted and pale. She was going to be in pain for a long time, and coupled with the pregnancy discomfort as well, her misery was inevitable. She needed someone to help her through it. She needed him, and for the first time in a long time he actually believed she realized that as well. She'd called the twins our babies, and she'd let him help her through the pain. It was something he'd dreamed of ever since she told him about the pregnancy…if he was honest with himself, it was something he'd dreamed of even before that…and now that he had the chance to get what he wanted, he was going to ruin everything and she'd never forgive him. He wouldn't blame her either. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

He sipped his coffee, making a face at the bitter, lukewarm liquid in the cup. Sitting there in a hospital room, drinking bad coffee while he waited at someone's bedside, reminded him of all the time he'd been with Eli during his cancer treatments, and suddenly he realized he was supposed to pick his son up from school in a few hours. He'd called Kathy the night before, prior to calling Olivia, and he told her the news they'd been dreading for a while. He was supposed to come break the news to Eli the night before and then pick him up from school and spend the weekend with him, but in the midst of everything with Olivia he'd forgotten about it. He didn't want to let his son down, but he couldn't leave Olivia now. He pulled out his phone, dialing Kathy's number and waiting for his ex-wife to answer. She finally did, her voice irritated, "Elliot…" she sighed. "I thought you were coming by to see Eli last night?"

"I'm so sorry…" he answered, trying to keep his voice down as he walked to the doorway. He didn't want to wake Olivia, but he didn't want to leave her either, in case she woke up and needed him. He'd already been gone a few minutes to go get coffee…and in his mind a few minutes were too many.

"Sure you are," she sputtered. "Where the hell are you anyway…and don't tell me you were with her all night. You promised him…"

"Kath…listen…" he tried to explain. "I'm at the hospital with Olivia…"

Before he could continue she interrupted, "The hospital?" she asked. "Why? Did she lose the twins?" He knew what she was thinking. If Olivia lost the babies, they were going to lose Eli.

"No…" he assured her. "The babies are okay. She was shot…on duty last night…"

"She was shot?" Kathy asked. "Why the hell was she out on duty? She's pregnant…"

"I know…and she knows…we're not going there now," he insisted.

"If she loses those babies…" Kathy sighed. "We're gonna lose Eli…"

Elliot closed his eyes. He knew what she was saying was true, but he was worried about Olivia…about his unborn children…and making this about Eli wasn't fair to them. Even so, it didn't stop him from having those same feelings. "Kathy, please…I swear the twins are fine. Olivia is the one I'm worried about right now. She's hurt…she's in pain…she won't take the painkillers she needs because she's afraid of harming the babies…"

"Painkillers can damage the placenta," Kathy told him. "She's right…it wouldn't be good for them, and even if they are okay, it could make it harder to get the cord blood and we're already facing a losing battle with that because there are two babies. Elliot…I'm not saying I don't care about her or the pain she's in, but she's our only hope for Eli. I'm afraid…"

"I need to stay with her," he sighed. "Can you pick of Eli from school? Tell him I'm sorry…"

"Sure," she agreed. "I'll tell him you are leaving. I know you wanted to, but he needs to know. Are you going to come see him before you leave?"

"I don't know if I can," he admitted, thinking back to the news he hadn't given Olivia before all this happened. He wasn't sure how to face it now.

"Did you tell her?" Kathy asked and she knew from the silence on the line that he hadn't. "Elliot…you have to tell her."

"I know…" he mumbled. "I don't want to leave her now…and I have no choice…"

February 13, 2015 12:30 PM

"El…" Olivia's voice was nothing more than a whisper and her eyes fluttered open and closed. Elliot stood up, looking at her and wondering if she was finally waking up, or if this was one of those moments of restless sleep where she called out for him and then dozed back off.

"I'm here," he told her, brushing her hair back from her face as she opened her eyes and looked at him. He smiled, happy to see her awake, and trying to put her at ease. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?" She shook her head slowly, crying out at the agony of such a slight movement. "Just lay still…" he said.

"I want to see my son," she whispered. "Please…can I see him? Can they bring Noah up here?"

"I think so," he told her. "I'll ask, okay?" and she nodded. "Are you hungry? They told me to buzz when you woke up so they could bring your lunch."

"I'm not hungry," she insisted. "I feel sick…"

"I know you do," he said gently. "But the babies need you to eat. Can you try?"

She nodded slowly and he pushed the buzzer, waiting for the nurse to come in. She walked in a few minutes later and checked Olivia's vital signs and adjusted her bed to a sitting position, telling them her lunch would be there shortly. Then she left them alone and Elliot watched as Olivia stared into the distance, not really wanting to talk to him. She was scared, overwhelmed, and he wanted to help, but he didn't know how.

Someone brought her tray in, sitting it in front of her and she looked at it with disgust. "Just try a little…" he coaxed her, but he knew she'd never keep it down. Looking at the disgusting mess they were trying to pass off as food was making him sick to his stomach, so he could only imagine how bad she felt.

She picked up her spoon, fumbling with it in her left hand and dipped it in the mashed potatoes and gravy, dripping some of the gravy on the bed as she raised it to her lips. "Of course I had to lose use of my right arm," she groaned, taking a bite and forcing herself to swallow it. "I don't want to eat this…I know I need to eat for them…"

"It's okay," he sat the tray on the side table and opened the container of milk handing it to her, "Try to drink this…"

She agreed, taking it and sipping it slowly. "Elliot…" she said, handing the milk container to him and watching him sit it with her tray. "Can you hand me the dinner roll? I'll try that." He reached over, handing it to her and watched as she bit into it slowly, grimacing when the food hit her mouth. He was scared she might throw it up, but she just closed her eyes, exhaling slowly and forcing bite after bite until it was gone, despite the ghostly white look of sickness on her face.

"You okay?" he asked with concern. "Do you need to throw up?"

She shook her head weakly, "I'll be all right. When can I go home?"

"I don't know," he told her. "When your pain is under control….and they're sure you won't develop a blood clot or anything...when you can eat without getting sick. A week…maybe less. You were lucky, Liv. This could've been so much worse."

"I know," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "I messed up…I'm a terrible mother…"

"No…you're a wonderful mother," he insisted. "All you did was go out on a case that shouldn't have been dangerous at all. It could've happened to anyone."

"I shouldn't have gone," she cried. "I love them…and I didn't protect them…"

"Liv…you did protect them," he promised. "You still are. I know how much you're hurting, and you are enduring the pain so you don't have to take more meds. You are forcing yourself to try to eat when you feel sick."

Her face quivered and she nervously bit her lip, "When I saw them…yesterday at the ultrasound…they look like little people now, El."

"I know they do," he smiled. "I saw them today, remember? They're beautiful…"

"Are you still mad at me?" she asked. "Mad that I found out one of them is a boy without asking you first?"

"I wasn't mad," he promised her. "I was just…surprised. I thought I'd be there…" he smiled, putting his hand softly on her stomach, "I can't wait to meet our little boy…and his brother or sister."

She forced a smile, putting her hand on top of his, "I think Noah will like having a little brother." She laughed slightly, "Or two little brothers…or a brother and a sister…."

Elliot laughed, "We need to find out the sex of this other baby."

She smiled, "The kid was completely uncooperative."

"It's a girl…" he teased. "Women never cooperate."

"Ha ha…" she faked a laugh, but then gasped a little, the pain in her shoulder coming back full force and she tried to breathe through it.

"You're gonna be okay," he squeezed her hand and tried to reassure her. "I'll get the nurse…"

"Please…Elliot…" she cried. "I can't keep taking those meds. It's not fair to them."

"I promise…they will be fine," he tried to sound sincere, but he was worried too. There was a possibility of side-effects for the babies and Kathy was right, it could keep them from getting the cord blood. He had to push that thought out of his mind though, because right now, his focus had to be Olivia.

"Let's just give it a while," she pleaded. "I think I'm okay for now."

"You're not okay," he argued. "But if you want to give it time, we can." He watched her bite her lip in agony and knew he had to get her mind off of the pain. "Let's think of a name for our baby boy," he suggested.

"Okay…" she gave in, wanting to take her mind off the pain. "Tell me some names…"

"Michael?" he suggested, but she shook her head no. "Caleb?" he asked, but her response with the same. "Oliver…after his mommy?" he smiled and she laughed.

"No…" she argued. "I'm not in the mood to pick his name…I need to know if the other one is a boy or girl first. I know it shouldn't matter…"

"No, it's okay," Elliot said. "I understand."

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, squeezing his hand tighter as her shoulder pain intensified.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, wondering if the pain was getting to be too much. He hadn't said anything about needing to talk.

"Last night," she said, letting out her deep breath and relaxing a little. "You said you needed to talk to me. That's why we were going to dinner."

He nodded sadly, "Don't worry about that right now. You need to focus on feeling better…"

"El…" she looked tearfully at him. "Just tell me. What's wrong? I can take it. I'm already as miserable as is humanly possible, so whatever you have to say isn't going to make it worse."

"Liv…" he sighed,

"Just tell me…" she insisted. "I want to know."

"Okay…" he sighed, sitting next to her and taking a deep breath. "Remember the assignment I've been on for the last two weeks…" she nodded, her eyes full of tears. She knew he was going to tell her something she didn't want to hear. "Well…Liv…I've had to take a lot of time off work…because of Eli and his treatments…and they've been really good about letting me…but…" he paused, trying to find the right words.

"But what?" she asked. "Did you lose your job? Because of being gone…they can't do that…you can take family leave when your child is sick…"

"No…no honey…" he looked heartbroken and suddenly she was even more worried. He'd called her honey, which was never a good sign. "I took a lot of time off, and now that Eli is doing better, I have to make that time up…"

"Okay…" she was confused.

"That assignment I was on," he told her. "It's turned into something pretty big…it's not over, Liv. They let me come home this weekend…to get my affairs in order…"

"Your affairs?" she asked, realization hitting her. He was a Fed now…and he was at their mercy. He was leaving her…"How long?" she asked.

He shrugged, "Probably two or three months…I knew this was coming. I mean, I've been off work so long that I have to make up that time, but God, Liv…I'm sorry. If I could, I'd stay, but they won't understand this."

"Because I'm not your family…" she said knowingly, tears falling down her cheeks. "I know…"

"You are my family," he told her. "I love you."

"But in the eyes of the law…" she nodded, "I'm not…the twins aren't…I get it. It's not your fault."

"I didn't want to leave you before," he said sadly. "And now…God, I don't know what to do. I'll see what they say, but I'm supposed to be leaving Monday morning…I started this case and I feel like I have to finish it or jeopardize the whole damn thing."

"You have to go," she insisted. "I understand. I do…I'm not mad."

"I know you're not mad," he said gently. "But you need me…and I don't want to leave…"

"But you have to," she nodded, exhaling slowly through the pain. "El…really…I'll be fine, the twins will be fine…"

"You won't be able to reach me," he sighed. "And I'll be worried sick the next couple of months."

"I'll be worried about you too," she admitted. "Being undercover…God, I hate thinking of you in that situation and I'm going to go crazy not hearing from you. Those two weeks were awful…"

"They were?" he asked, "I'm sorry. I thought you might appreciate the break from me."

She sighed, "I thought I might too…but I missed you." She said reluctantly. "El…I'm sorry I haven't let you be involved more. I really am."

"It's okay," he said sadly. "I'm sorry I have to leave now…when you really need me to be involved more. I want to be here for you…to help you recover…"

"Think of it this way…" she forced a smile, "Maybe I'll be all better by the time you get back."

"I hope so," he smiled sadly. "I'm sure you'll be good as new."

"And I'll be so fat," she groaned. "Two or three months…I'm gonna be a cow by then."

He laughed a little, "No you won't. You'll be beautiful…like always." He rubbed his hand carefully over her stomach, "There will just be a little more of you for me to love." He winked and she laughed.

"El…" she sighed, "Can you go get Noah for me? Please…I need to see my baby."

"I'll call Nick and ask him to bring him," he said.

"No…can you go get him?" she asked. "Give Nick a little break. I'm gonna have to depend on Nick and Fin and Lucy a lot in the next few months, and I want to give them a break if I can."

"I don't want to leave you alone," he said.

"I'm okay," she promised. "I'll take a nap until you get back. I'll ask the nurse for my pain meds. Okay?"

"Are you sure?" he asked, and she nodded. He leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead and sighed, "All right…you get some sleep. I'll go get the baby."

She watched him walk out of the room and closed her eyes, letting her tears fall. It wasn't her shoulder that was causing her pain though, it was the ache in her heart. She was all alone, and she'd wanted that all along, so she had no reason to be hurt. She put her hand on her stomach, "You two are going to be fine," she promised the babies. "Mommy is going to make sure of it." And she hoped Elliot would be fine too. She didn't know what this undercover assignment was, but all she could think was that he might not come back to her. She'd been shot taking a victim home in what should have been a routine night at work. He was going undercover for the FBI, on a secret mission that was bound to be more dangerous than anything she did on a daily basis. For the first time she wondered if they both needed to find something new to do with their lives. She ran her hand over the swell of her stomach once more, "Your daddy's gonna be okay too. He'll be careful…he wants to come back for you…he loves you…" she cried, "He loves us…"

More to come...hopefully soon...