The whole sex-'til-you-can't-walk thing was fine and dandy in theory—more than that, actually—but in practice…well, it was still pretty awesome. So long as the sex was happening, at least. Afterwards, well, Ed was a little disgruntled with his decision to call for marathon fucking.

It was the nine in the morning, the end of their honeymoon, he and Roy needed to be at the airport to head back to Amestris by eleven, and Edward was having trouble doing anything more than sit up in bed.

Actually, just doing that had made him grimace. In addition to the lovely finger-shaped bruises on his hips and the red marks on his ass cheeks (after the cat thing, Roy had decided to give spanking a try), Ed also felt vaguely like he'd sat on a dull knife the previous knife. He was fine, technically speaking—no bleeding, thank goodness—but it still hurt like hell to move.

And of course, Roy was just fucking peachy about it all. Proud, really. At least the man had the decency to help Edward in his time of "butthurtedness," as Roy so aptly called it.

"Okay, Ed, I need you to lift up a little so I can slide the sweatpants on."

"Good call on the sweats, bad call on lifting up," Edward complained, gritting his teeth as he raised his pelvis. He held the position long enough for Roy to get the pants on him, and then sank back down into the pillows, which were marginally more comfortable.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Roy stared at Ed with his arms crossed, deep in thought. Something about the stance and the expression made Edward rather nervous. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that there's no way you're going to make it to the airport in this condition," Roy responded flatly.

Ed knew his husband had a point—he couldn't even sit up without being in pain—but since when was he one to not argue about anything and everything? Especially when he was wrong? "No way, I can do this," Ed insisted hotly, his face scrunching up as he braced for the worst. In one quick movement, so that it didn't last too long, Edward sat up fully and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He had been planning on standing, but now his ass was throbbing and maybe that was enough to prove to Roy he'd make it…slowly. "See?" he asked, though his voice contained less bravado than he would have preferred.

"Yeah, you're proving my point," Roy said dryly. He sat next to Ed, gently, and placed an arm around his shoulder. "Look, you're almost crying—"

"I am not crying."

"—almost, and you haven't even stood up yet. What makes you think you can even walk down to the stairs to the cab, let alone through the airport?"

"I can do it!" Edward persisted. "I'll just be a little slow, is all."

"Prove it, then," Roy challenged. "Stand up."

So, Ed did just that. Or at least, he tried to. Going vertical, a jolt of pain laced up his spine, and once he was on his feet, he didn't last long. Edward had a serious case of jelly legs. Of course, Roy caught him as he started to fall, lowering him gently back onto the bed. The man didn't say anything, but he might as well have, considering his face was pure "I told you so."

"Okay, fine," Ed conceded, refusing to look Roy in the eye. "I can't walk alright? Are you happy now? You really pounded my ass."

"Well, I'm definitely happy about pounding your ass, but I am sorry you're in pain. I'm not a total asshole, you know," Roy replied gently, rubbing the small of Edward's back in tiny, soothing circles.

Ed nodded, then continued, "But what you want me to do? We can't just stay in Xing, we have a plane to catch and jobs to get back to…"

"Right." Finally, Edward turned to face his husband, dreading the next words. "So I'll just have to carry you."

Oh no. Out of all the humiliating things Ed had been through, being carried through Xing in his husbands arms would be up there on the list. It was just so demeaning, showing that you couldn't walk and had to have a big, strong man carry you…Of course, Edward would never argue if they were in the privacy of his own home—in that setting it would be fun and he got to be lazy—but in public. "Absolutely not."

Roy seemed to have expected this response, because he was speaking again almost before Ed had the words out of his mouth. "Come up with a better solution, then."

Drawing a complete blank, Ed was forced to endure several moments of smug silence from his husband. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything else. Short of a wheelchair, what else could he do? And the chair just felt wrong—he wasn't for using one unless it was absolutely needed, and Ed wasn't disabled, just sex-crazed. The tense air became heavier and heavier until Edward was finally forced to give in. "Fine," he hissed, refusing to meet Roy's eye. "But I don't like it."

"Aw, c'mon, what could be better than being close to me all day?" Roy asked, cheesy smile creeping across his face. Smartly, the man didn't wait for a response, instead rising from the bed to finish packing up their things so they could head out. All the while Ed did his best to muster up enough strength to walk—just to the cab, maybe. But every time he tested his weight, that pain in his ass came back with a vengeance.

Roy, upon finishing his task, noticed another little effort of Edward's and snorted lightly shaking his head and lifting their bags. "I'm going to take these down to the taxi, then come back for you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

As much as his pride wanted him to, Ed didn't bother with another walking attempt now that Roy was out of the room. What was the point? It clearly wasn't going to happen. Instead, Edward focused on practicing blanking out so he at least wouldn't have to pay attention to people giving him weird looks…

Ugh.

Before he knew it, Roy was back. Resigned, Ed lifted his arms, huffing at the faint pain he felt as he was picked up.

"See, this isn't so bad," his husband whispered, nosing Edward's cheek.

Despite himself, Ed grinned, pushing up for a quick kiss. "Not when we're alone, it isn't. I just don't want to be a spectacle."

His husband laughed, Edward shaking along with the motion. "I hate to break it to you, Ed, but you're always a spectacle." Still chuckling, Roy sauntered out the door, letting it fall shut behind him. Now they were headed down a (mercifully empty) hallway. Soon, though, it'd be the street, and then…

Nothing, apparently. The cab was waiting right outside the hotel's doors, and no one had time to gawk before Edward had been neatly placed in the back seat.

"Still going to complain?" Roy teased in response to Ed's surprised look.

"Look who you're talking to," Edward shot back. "We still have the airport to get through."

"Oh, don't worry about it—airport please," Roy broke off for a moment to ensure the cabbie knew where they were headed, then continued, "Besides, you look so much like a little kid that no one will think it's weird at all."

"Right," Ed responded, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Because having everyone know you're a pedophile isn't weird at all."

Roy raised an arm, smacking Edward (rather more gently than he normally would) on the back of the head. "Would you just quit worrying and enjoy me carting you around? You love when I hold you, don't try to pretend. Just close your eyes and pretend you're asleep or something."

Grumbling still, Ed leaned into his husband and settled in for the long haul. The airport was a solid hour away, so he had time now to do more than just pretend to nap…

Not long enough later, Edward was woken none too gracefully by Roy standing up. He fell sideways onto the cab seat, glaring at his husband after the initial shock wore off. Roy flashed him a grin, then disappeared from view for a moment. There was a faint scuffling, then a slam, and the man reappeared in the doorway with their bags at his side. "Come on, Ed, we don't have all day."

Feeling rather mutinous and debating the pros and cons of kicking Roy in the balls while being held up by the same, Edward shuffled over far enough for Roy to grab him and hoist him up. Ed, deciding not to be a total dickhead, reached down and snagged the handles of their luggage, so that when Roy began to walk towards the airport entrance, their bags rolled neatly behind them.

At first, it was everything Edward had feared. People stared all the way up to luggage check, and it was even worse once they were in line and couldn't move. Ed felt his cheeks growing unbearably hot—this was too embarrassing, he couldn't let this continue, he—

"Ed," Roy whispered, barely breathing the words. "Calm the fuck down. It's okay. So people are staring—fuck 'em. You probably won't see them ever again anyway. I've got you, so just chill out, okay?"

Taking a deep breath, Edward closed his eyes. Not being able to see the stares somehow made them easier to ignore, made it easier to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary. He listened as Roy handed over their luggage, and let himself relax just a little as he felt his husband begin to walk again. Okay. Yeah, he could do this.

They were even permitted to go through security as a pair, though Ed knew that had raised some eyebrows. He had deigned not to look, which was probably for the best. It was easier to just concentrate on counting Roy's breaths and trying to guess whether or not the man was getting tired of bearing his weight—

There was a sudden altitude shift, and Edward's eyes snapped open—he was being lowered into an airplane seat. He looked around, incredulous; surely they couldn't be on the plane already. But there they were, surrounded by curious passengers who looked away as soon as Ed's gaze met theirs. Beside him, Roy plopped down, laughing at his confusion. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Ed nodded in agreement, biting his cheek to refrain from adding a new complaint. Eyes open or closed, when they made it back to Amestris and greeted everyone waiting for them, he wasn't going to avoid Havoc's commentary.

One more left guys!