Disclaimer: Reluctantly I have to admit that I don't own these characters. They are property of others far luckier than myself.
"He had a pretty good night," Emma told her mother, who delivered the breakfast that Granny had promised. Killian had been overjoyed to have eggs and toast and most importantly coffee. Henry was in the room with him, making some sort of plans with Killian that Emma wasn't allowed to be a part of. Mary Margaret suggested a walk to allow Emma a chance to stretch her legs.
"He seems in good spirits," Mary Margaret agreed. "It might have something to do with the woman doting on him."
"This has really shaken me," Emma confessed as her arms wrapped around herself in something similar to a hug. She hadn't been able to get warm the previous evening, nor had she had much in the way of sleep, "I don't think I could have taken losing him so soon after I lost Neal and to a lesser extent Walsh."
"I couldn't image how I'd feel if I lost your father," Mary Margaret replied, "That little bit of time yesterday when the battle went on before you arrived with news about the duel, I was beside myself with worry. In the Enchanted Forest we fought side-by-side, so I knew what danger he faced. Not knowing was the most difficult."
"I should have stayed during the duel," Emma confessed, "I should have been at his side, giving him the incentive to fight. Regina said his heart wasn't in the fight and that almost got him killed. What if he thought I abandoned him?"
"I'm sure that wasn't it," Mary Margaret tried to reassure her daughter, "I'm sure Killian would say the same."
"I've seen Killian in action. He's fearless and aggressive," Emma replied.
"He was fearless when he had nothing to lose," Mary Margaret stated, "Now he does."
"My instincts are telling me to run," Emma's eyes began to fill with tears. "I'm in too deep."
"Emma!" Her mother gasped, "You can't…I know all about building up walls to avoid getting hurt. When my mother died and then my father, and when I went on the run, I was determined to keep everyone at a distance because I couldn't trust anyone. I realized quickly that it was an empty way to live. I will never go back to that, and I'll be darned if I let my daughter do the same. If you ever attempt to leave Storybrooke, I will use every skill I have to track you down and drag you back."
"I'm not leaving," Emma responded, "I couldn't. I have too much that is important to me to ever think of leaving."
"Good," Mary Margaret sighed in relief.
"I feel overwhelmed," Emma stated, "I'm not going to do anything about it."
"If you're feeling overwhelmed, you should do something about it," Mary Margaret stated, "Talk to Killian. You've both experienced great heartbreak. If you're overwhelmed, chances are he is too. Together you can figure things out."
Emma nodded her head while pushing away tears.
"Come on," Mary Margaret motioned in the direction of the hospital, "You'll feel better if you can see him."
Emma continued to nod.
When Mary Margaret and Emma returned to Killian's room, all conversation between Henry and Killian ceased.
"What's going on?" Mary Margaret looked curiously between the pair.
"Nothing," Henry shook his head quickly.
Mary Margaret continued to eye her grandson in curiosity. "Come with me for a few minutes."
"But Killian and I are…"
"It can wait," Mary Margaret tugged on his arm, "Come with me to get some coffee."
Henry protested the entire way out the door.
"Everything alright, Love?" Killian extended his hand to her.
He was determined to prove that he was well enough to be released that afternoon. He was sitting upright in a chair in a terry cloth robe. He'd attempted to put on his hook, but Emma refused to help him until he was released. He hadn't been able to attach it on his own as of yet.
"No," Emma shook her head as she accepted his hand and took the seat Henry had just vacated. Tears instantly welled in her eyes.
"Swan," he wiped at the tears that began to fall.
"I'm such a mess," she sniffled.
Killian waited for her to continue, all the while wiping at the trail of tears.
"My first instinct here is to run, run from my feelings, run from happiness, run from anything good that comes in my life, and that's not what I want," she replied, "But I'm so scared. I keep waiting for something bad to happen, and it almost has twice. I've almost lost you twice in the last month. Stop getting hurt, Jones."
Killian couldn't keep the chuckle in though he recognized the seriousness of their discussion.
"Aren't you scared?"
"Terrified," Killian confessed, "I've lost everyone that I've ever loved. Losing you would be unbearable."
Emma nodded in understanding.
"How long have you felt this way?" he tenderly caressed her cheek.
"Since the beginning," she replied, "I've been going against my instincts, trying to ignore the thoughts in my head because being with you is good, better than good. I'm happy in a way that I never felt I could be again."
"Aye," he agreed.
"Maybe we need to take a step back. This thing between us is so intense and so consuming…"
"How shall we step back?" he frowned in confusion. Her unusual expression caught him off guard.
"Can we just enjoy being with each other and not wonder what's next?" she asked, "Take one day at a time. Make no plans beyond what we're doing tonight."
"I can agree to that," he smiled, "As long as tonight involves springing me from this hospital."
"I'll see what I can do," she returned his smile. "Stepping back doesn't mean our feelings have changed. I still love you."
"I love you," he added.
"Did you want help getting back into bed?" she inquired.
"Perhaps when I have the intention of getting into one again," Killian responded, "But I have no intention at the moment."
"You are aware of your stubbornness, aren't you?" she sighed.
"Aye," he nodded, "One of my more endearing qualities."
Emma snorted in amusement when Mary Margaret and Henry returned to the room. Henry tried to shoo Emma from the room, but Emma refused to budge.
"Wasn't it you that was calling me stubborn only moments ago," Killian teased her.
"I'd better get back to Granny's. Ruby is watching Neal. I'd better reclaim him before she streaks his hair red," Mary Margaret excused herself. "Call if you need anything."
Emma acknowledged her mother's offer before returning her attention to Henry and Killian, who had their heads together talking in hushed tones.
Henry had that look he always had when plotting one of his secret operations.
"What's this one called?" Emma inquired.
"It's top secret," Henry replied.
Emma knew she'd get no further answer from her son. Regina came to retrieve Henry a short time later, leaving Emma and Killian to entertain themselves.
Even though it had only been a day in which he was cooped up in the hospital, Killian savored the first bit of fresh air he was able to breathe in when Emma rolled him out of the hospital to her waiting vehicle. He'd protested vigorously the need for the mobile chair, but he quickly gave up his fight. He was pushing his luck getting released as it was.
Emma had been quiet most of the day. She didn't say a word when Killian negotiated his release, but he could see that she was worried about him.
"Up you go," Emma helped Killian stand after putting on the brakes to his chair. Killian released a soft groan as his muscles made the movements to carry him to the vehicle. As the vehicle drove along, a slight bump would jar his aching body, but he didn't complain.
Aboard his ship, Emma helped him settle in before announcing that she was going to check in with Henry and her parents.
"Don't forget about me, Love," Killian tried to keep the moment light as she left his phone within easy reach.
"Not possible," she pressed her lips to his, "Call me if you need anything. I'll bring dinner."
He relaxed on the bed, enjoying the softness. His mind flashed to the last evening that he'd spent aboard his ship, the night he'd first made love to Emma. Though his injuries wouldn't allow for such activities for a few weeks, it didn't stop his body from reacting to the memories. He wondered if their step back would also halt their physical relationship.
"Bloody hell," he banged his head against the headboard and reached for his book on the nightstand as a means of distraction.
"Emma," her mother showed her surprise when Emma entered the loft, "What are you..."
"I need a shower," Emma explained when she made her way up the stairs.
The answer wasn't satisfactory to her mother as she followed her up, "What's going on with Killian? Is he still at the hospital? Has he been released? Are you two okay?"
"Killian's fine. He was released from the hospital and is relaxing aboard his ship," Emma dug through her dresser for a change of clothes, "And we're fine. We talked."
"I know you talked," Mary Margaret replied, "But did you really talk?"
"We really talked," Emma insisted, "And we've agreed to step back a bit."
"Step back how?" Mary Margaret asked.
"We're just slowing things down," Emma replied, "It felt like we were running towards the altar or something, and I'm nowhere near ready for that. It was just a couple of years ago that I was living alone and a complete mess. Now I have this family that I've never known, a son that I voluntarily gave up, and a pirate boyfriend that I love more than I ever thought I'd be capable. It's too much."
"But you're still dating," Mary Margaret pressed.
"Yes," Emma confirmed, "But we have one rule. We're taking each day as it comes."
"And this step back will help?" her mother asked.
"I feel less overwhelmed at the moment," Emma replied, "So it's good for something."
"That's comforting," Mary Margaret replied.
"I need to shower and then get back to Killian. I left him on board his ship. Goodness knows what kind of trouble he can get himself into if left alone for too long," Emma stated, "And I wanted to spend some time with Henry before I go. I feel like I've been ignoring him lately."
"I'll let you get cleaned up then," Mary Margaret nodded.
"Hey, Kid," Emma was greeted with one of her son's familiar hugs.
"How's Killian?" were the first words out of Henry's mouth.
"He's back at his ship," Emma replied.
"So he's out of the hospital?" Henry's eyes lit up with excitement.
"He still needs lots of rest, but he convinced Doc that he was well enough to be discharged," she explained.
"How come you're here?" Henry frowned his confusion, "Shouldn't you be taking care of Killian?"
"We haven't spent a lot of time together lately," Emma replied, "I thought we could have one of our lazy afternoons playing video games like we had in New York. We can play anything you want."
"Anything?" Henry gave her a skeptical look.
"Anything," Emma confirmed, "Even if it's the bloodiest, goriest game you have."
"Cool," Henry beamed with excitement, "I have my Play Station hooked up in my bedroom."
He yanked on her arm to get her to follow him up to his bedroom. Several boxes greeted them full of items were packed up in preparation for their forthcoming move.
"Does Regina know you're taking all of this?" Emma shed her jacket and made herself comfortable in front of his television.
Henry nodded while loading his favorite game.
"And she's okay with you taking all of this?" Emma pressed.
"It's fine," Henry assured her, "She said I could take whatever I want."
Emma continued to be skeptical, but she allowed her attention to be focused on the game in front of her. During their year in New York, she'd gotten good at the particular game he'd selected. It was really the only one she'd mastered, which was probably why Henry picked it.
"I didn't realize it was getting so late," Emma rushed aboard Killian's ship and into his quarters with his dinner, "I'm so..."
Her words were halted when she realized that Killian was nowhere to be found.
She looked through the various rooms she passed on the way to the deck and then everywhere she could think of on the deck. He was still nowhere to be found. She began to panic until Killian called down to her from the crow's nest.
"How the heck did you get up there?" Emma shielded her eyes to make out his figure.
"I climbed," Killian grinned, "You've seen me climb before."
"Yeah, a beanstalk," Emma stated, "Over a year ago when you were healthy."
"Same principles apply," he slowly made his way back to the deck. He winced when his feet hit the solid surface and tugged at his injuries.
"You're supposed to be taking it easy," she slapped his shoulder sharply, "Do you remember what happened yesterday? Do you remember almost dying?"
"I remember just fine," he replied, "One of the riggings was loose and making an irritating noise. I climbed up to fix it. Since I was half way up, I figured the rest of the climb wouldn't be too taxing."
"Doc should have kept you in the hospital," Emma scowled at him, "I have half a mind to take your dinner away and let you starve for such a stunt."
"How do I sway the other half to my side?" he raised an eyebrow.
Emma released a huff of annoyance before disappearing below deck. She was more worried about his wellbeing than irritated with him for the climb.
"Real food," Killian looked upon his meal and immediately grinned with glee. In his mind, the liquid based diet that he'd been on for the past day had been unnecessary.
"Eat slow," Emma cautioned him, "The medication you're on for the pain might make you nauseous."
"Are you staying the night?" Killian started with a piece of potato, knowing that had gone down well the previous day. He didn't know if their step back meant they'd be sleeping apart more frequently.
Emma gave the question a fair bit of thought before nodding. His latest stunt showed that he needed someone watching out for him.
"Killian, how injured are you?" Emma asked abruptly. She could see the bruises and cuts to his face, but she'd never thought to ask or inspect his other injuries when she helped him dress earlier in the hospital.
"I've experienced worse," Killian glanced towards the hook on his hand.
"That's not an answer," Emma rose from her seat. She promptly lifted the shirt up his body to inspect his skin. His torso was completely wrapped with gauze. "Doc said the wounds didn't hit any vital organs or arteries, but you lost a lot of blood."
Killian didn't want to answer, didn't want to admit to himself how damaged he was or how close he'd come to dying. His life had flashed before his eyes as he watched Teach's backswing. It was the last image of Emma that sprung him into one final desperate act that ended with Teach dying on his own sword.
With Killian refusing to answer, she reached for the tucked in piece of gauze with the intention of removing it from his body. His hand closed over hers. "You'll see soon enough. Give me time to heal."
"How long is that going to take?" she swallowed hard.
"A little while," he brought her hand to his lips, "But I know I'll heal faster with your loving care."
"You don't have to be afraid to show me."
"I'm not," he kissed her hand a second time.
"Two days ago I was on this great high. Yesterday I was about as low as I could go. It's quite a rollercoaster we've found ourselves on," Emma tenderly caressed his shoulders.
Not knowing exactly what a rollercoaster was, Killian was silent for a few moments.
Emma returned to her seat and finished her dinner without further comment.
"Join me under the stars," Killian extended his hand to her after dinner was cleaned up.
Emma grabbed a blanket to keep them warm before taking his hand and following him to the deck.
There wasn't a cloud in the sky as they huddled together under the blanket. There were millions of stars dancing across the sky. Killian saw them with the eyes of a sailor; Emma saw them as wasted wishes of her youth.
"I used to wish upon every star," Emma stated, "Hoping for things that never seemed to come true. I had this one particularly elaborate wish in which my real parents, who had all the money in the world, came to my rescue. They would take me to their ridiculously large home in which I had my own wing and servants to wait on me day or night. My parents would buy me everything that my heart desired, and I was so happy. Then I'd come back to reality, and it made my real life feel that much more hopeless. It's kind of ironic when you think about it. If we ever make it back to the Enchanted Forest, they would have a ridiculously large home, a castle actually, and there would be servants catering to my every desire."
"I had similar thoughts, but there was no hope in my parents rescuing me," he slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "What would you wish for now?"
"For the peace and quiet to last in Storybrooke," she responded without hesitation. "I'd like a moment to catch my breath. It's been one danger after another since almost the moment I arrived in Storybrooke."
"What would your second wish be?"
"Assuming everyone is safe and healthy..." she began, "I don't know, maybe a million dollars." She laughed at the ridiculous of the response before coming up with an alternative. "I'd want for you to be happy enough with whatever you decide to do with your ship so you'll stay in Storybrooke."
"Leaving Storybrooke is not an option," he responded.
"You say that now," she frowned, "But it's going to become mundane...routine. For a man that has lived three hundred years sailing wherever the wind takes him, it's not going to be enough. You're going to want to leave."
"I sailed where the wind took me because I didn't have anything to return to," Killian replied, "I have something keeping me here."
"That's not enough," a rogue tear trailed down Emma's cheeks.
"Your family is keeping you in Storybrooke, why is that different for you than it is for me?" he questioned.
"Because it's never been enough for anyone else...ever," tears tumbled down her cheeks.
"Are we back to that?" he thumbed her cheek softly.
"It's always going to come back to that," she admitted as he brought her against his chest to hold her, despite the protest he felt in his body.
"What more do I need to do?" he whispered softly. He hid the frustration for the way she still felt. He wasn't leaving, wasn't ever planning to leave, not without her, but she still couldn't allow herself to believe him.
"I don't know," came her whispered reply.
The issue hung in the air. There wasn't a way to resolve the issue immediately. It was going to take him consistently being there every day.
"Let's go to bed."
Emma nodded and followed him to his cabin.
TBC…