Thanks again for all the reviews...and for the thoughts and prayers regarding my illness. I seriously hope I am on the mend now. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow so we'll see. I still have an infection after two rounds of antibiotics, two rounds of steroids, and five doctor visits. Crossing my fingers that this is the FINAL one. For the record...I do NOT recommend sinus surgery. Maybe my thoughts on that will change after I am eventually feeling better...but for now, the extremely high medical bill, cost of meds, and overall pain and sickness is not worth it. Just giving that warning to anyone considering it. Of course having a severe allergic reaction to my meds didn't help me either so maybe it would be better for others. :)
Anyway...someone messaged me that Twitter and Instagram was all abuzz about my story and wanting updates. I am on both, but obviously not following the right people as I missed my 15 minutes of fame. LOL So, here you go. Sorry it is short...hopefully you will like it anyway...and to the reviewer who asked me to end this soon, yeah...that's probably not going to happen because I have too much to say. Sorry.
Enjoy!
March 21, 2015 6:00 AM
Elliot pulled the blankets up over him and pulled Olivia closer as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. He wanted to let her sleep, but he was anxious to call the hospital and check on Eli, not to mention get back there to spend time with his son. He was trying to think of the best way to get out of bed without waking his wife, when he felt her move beneath his touch, trying to slide out from his warm embrace. "What're you doing?" he whispered, and she rolled over to look at him. "You okay?"
She nodded, "I have to pee…" she sighed, sitting up as best she could and rubbing her hand on the swell of her stomach. "They like to use my bladder as a trampoline every morning."
Elliot laughed and sat up, putting his hand on her stomach and nodding, "They are so active now…" he said. "Just all of the sudden. A few of days ago I could barely feel them move and now they are all over the place."
"Yeah…they seem really strong all of the sudden," Olivia admitted. "Of course that just makes the Braxton hicks worse. I'm still scared it's too early for so many contractions."
"The doctor said it's normal with twins," Elliot reminded her. "Just monitor them…you know your body…"
"Do I?" Olivia snickered. "I'm forty-six years old…and everything hurts…how the hell do I figure out if it is a normal pain or an abnormal one?" She swung her legs over the side of the bed and groaned as she tried to pull herself up with her good arm. "Damn…" she cried.
"Hey…" Elliot rushed to her side and pulled her up. "It's okay…let me help." He put his hand on her back, "Are you in pain now? If you ever feel like the pain is too much, we can call the doctor."
She shook her head, "I'm fine…I just really need to pee." She walked quickly to the door and Elliot stood and watched as she disappeared down the hall. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and dialed the hospital, listening intently as the nurse gave him all the information she had. Olivia walked back into the room and listened to him talk, waiting until he hung up. "How's Eli?" she asked, walking over to her closet and looking through her clothes.
"They think he has a virus," Elliot's voice was relieved. "No sign of the cancer right now." He felt his eyes tear up and before he knew what hit him he was sobbing.
Olivia hurried to him and wrapped her arms around him, "It's okay…" she whispered. "He's gonna be okay…"
"I know…" Elliot swallowed his sobs. "I was just afraid the cancer was back…and he can't handle anymore chemo or treatments, Liv. He needs the cord blood transplant…and if the cancer was back now, he might not make it until the twins get here…"
"He's going to be fine," She said, leaning her head on his chest. "We have to find a way to believe that. Even without the transplant, the cancer might not return."
"Liv…I know you don't like talking about the cord blood…and I understand why," he stepped back, ending their embrace. "But I can't pretend like it isn't important to me…to my son…"
"I know it's important," she said, her voice quivering. "I want it to work too. I just don't want my babies under that kind of pressure. If they can't save their brother…that shouldn't overshadow their whole lives, El." She walked back to the closet and began rummaging through her clothes.
"Our babies…" Elliot's voice was rough and he knew she'd think he was angry. He wasn't really…but he wasn't happy either…he wasn't sure of his feelings at all. "I'm tired of you acting like I can't love them for who they are, and still want them to save Eli. It's not fair. You're not in my position, Liv."
Olivia turned around, holding onto an oversized beige sweater and leggings she'd found in the back of her closet, her face harsh, "We're not in the same position," she agreed. "You have no idea how much I want the twins to match Eli…or how scared I am of losing everything if they don't." Her eyes filled with tears that she didn't bother to wipe away. "Not a day goes by that I don't think about it…that I don't have to push away that twinge of worry…the thought that when I have these babies, if they can't save Eli…they might lose their whole family…and I don't want to do that to them. I love them…"
"I love them too," Elliot said, wanting to hold her but not moving from his spot. "You know I love them."
"I know you do," she sniffled. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm gonna take a shower and then we can go see Eli." Suddenly Noah's cries could be heard from the other room and she sighed, "First I'm going to get the baby and then I'll take a shower."
"I'll get him," Elliot offered, heading toward the door.
"No…it's okay," she insisted, pushing ahead of him and heading toward the baby's crib. She tossed her clothes on the couch and picked up her son with her one good arm, holding him close to her. "Shhhh…" she whispered, swaying him back and forth. "Mama's here…" she kissed his cheek and the little boy stopped crying. Elliot watched as she sat on the couch, Noah cuddled next to her banging his little palms against her protruding belly and giggling. Olivia smiled, putting her hand on top of his, "Are these babies kicking you, Noah?" she asked, with a grin. "They love you…they're just saying good morning."
Noah giggled again, "Love baby…" he said and Olivia's eyes widened.
"Yes…" she kissed the little boy again, and he leaned his head forward and kissed her belly gently, a move that shocked her and brought tears to her eyes. "Aww…Noah…you do love them, don't you?"
"Everyone loves them, Liv…" Elliot stood in the hallway, and she looked up at him tearfully. "That's never gonna change." He sat next to her, and took Noah so she could rest her good arm. "Go take your shower."
She nodded, standing to her feet and grabbing her clothes she'd tossed on the couch. She wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come, so she walked toward the bathroom instead.
March 21, 2015 9:30AM
The drive to Queens was a long one, especially in early morning commuter traffic, and as they pulled into the hospital Olivia eagerly unlatched her seat belt and opened the car door. Elliot rushed to her side, carefully helping her up and putting his hand on her back as they walked through the double doors of the hospital entrance. "I'm glad Lucy could watch Noah today. He'd be a mess up here," Olivia said, stopping at the ladies room. "Do you mind? I really need to go…"
"Why would I mind if you go to the bathroom?" Elliot asked seriously.
"I know you're eager to get to Eli's room," Olivia insisted. "I don't want my weak bladder to hold you back."
Elliot leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek, "Go to the bathroom," he insisted. "I don't mind waiting for you. Eli wants to see both of us." She nodded and disappeared into the ladies room while Elliot sat on a bench outside the door and waited. A few minutes later she emerged, and he smiled, "You ready now?" he asked.
She nodded, and he grabbed her hand as they walked toward the elevator and took it up to the pediatric wing. They made it to Eli's door and the little boy was sitting in bed, his breakfast tray in front of him while Kathy tried to coax him into eating. "Daddy…" he looked up and saw Elliot and a weak smile spread across his face. "Tell Mom I don't have to eat this…please…" he begged.
"You have to try to eat," Elliot said gently, walking over to his son's bed and putting his hand carefully on his forehead. "You won't get better if you don't."
"That's what I said," Kathy sighed, handing her son a piece of toast and watching him nibble a small bite. "They might let him go home tomorrow," she smiled.
"That's good news," Elliot tousled his son's blonde hair. "You gave us quite a scare Eli."
"Elliot…can I talk to you outside?" Kathy asked nervously and he nodded, following her to the door.
"We'll be right back, son," Elliot said. "Liv can stay with you, but you try to eat, okay?" He said as Eli nodded and Olivia walked over to the side of the bed and sat in the chair next to him.
She waited for Elliot and Kathy to leave the room and then she turned to the little boy, "Hospitals are no fun, huh?" she said and he shook his head. "You know, you do need to try to eat. Your dad isn't gonna let up until you do. Trust me…I know," she smiled and Eli picked up his toast, taking a few more bites. "How're you feeling?" she asked.
Eli shrugged. "Am I gonna die, Olivia?" he asked.
"No…" she insisted. "Eli…you just have a virus…that's all," she promised. "Honey, you'll be fine."
"Kids at school get viruses and they don't pass out in the car," he sighed. "Their parents don't have to take them to the hospital."
"Eli…your body is weaker because of the cancer treatments you went through…but you're gonna get better," she promised. "Your mom said they want to send you home tomorrow. They wouldn't do that if you were too sick."
"I want to be normal again," he cried. "I want to play with my friends and feel better and have fun. I never get to do that. And I heard Mom talking to one of the doctors earlier. They thought I was asleep…but I wasn't. He told her he thinks my cancer will come back. That's why she's talking to Dad in the hall…she wants to tell him without me there. She thinks I don't know."
"Oh Eli…" Olivia's heart was breaking for the little boy. "Honey…we're gonna get you better. We will find a way. You're gonna be happy and healthy just like all your friends. I just know it."
"If the babies match me," he said, looking at the swell of her stomach, "Then I might get better. Mom told Maureen that that's my best chance. I heard her on the phone last night."
Olivia nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat, "I hope they do…" she said, her voice raspy and weak. "I really hope they match." Her tears stung her eyes as she tried to hold them in and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. "Eli…you should eat honey…" she stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the blue-gray sky and wishing she could open it and get some air.
"Can I feel the babies yet?" he asked. "Last time you said I could soon."
Olivia turned from the window, forcing a smile, "Yes…you can feel them…they are moving around a lot now." She walked back to the bed and took his small hand, placing it on her stomach and he giggled at the soft movements beneath his touch.
"Cool!" he giggled. "They like me…don't they?"
Olivia smiled, "They love you, Eli. You're their brother…they need you…"
Elliot and Kathy walked in the room, both of their faces more solemn than before and Elliot walked to the bed and put his hand on top of Eli's, "Feeling them move around, huh?" he asked. "It's a pretty neat feeling."
Eli nodded, "Olivia says they love me." He grinned. "Because I'm their brother."
"That's true," he took Olivia's hand in his and squeezed it tight.
"Daddy…if the twins match me, when will I get better?" Eli asked eagerly. "I don't want to be sick anymore."
"Eli…it's not the cancer making you sick now. You know that, right?" Elliot asked.
"I know," Eli nodded. "But if the cancer comes back…"
"Let's not worry about that right now," Kathy said sadly. "Did you finish your breakfast?" she asked and Eli nodded.
"El…" Olivia pulled her hand away from his and brushed her hair away from her face, "I'm gonna go get some air."
"Are you okay?" he asked worried. "You look kind of pale."
She shook her head and exhaled slowly, "I'm just feeling a little hot...it's stuffy in here. I'm fine…I just need some air."
"I'll come with you," he offered.
"No…" she insisted. "Stay with Eli. I'm fine…it's just a normal pregnancy thing…I need some air and maybe some water. I'll be fine."
"Liv…" he followed her to the door and into the hall. "Honey…what's wrong?"
Her tears slid down her cheeks and she ran her hand over her stomach, "Nothing…I'm fine. Just stay with Eli. I'll be back in a few minutes."
"Is this because he asked about the twins matching," Elliot asked. "Because Liv…he knows it might not work. He's just hopeful. We all are."
"I know," she nodded. "It's not because of that. I just don't feel well…I need some air. I swear…that's it."
"Okay…but I can come with you," Elliot offered again.
She shook her head, "Stay with Eli. He needs you. I'm fine…" She headed down the hall and Elliot watched her disappear around the corner before returning to his son's bedside.
March 21, 2015 10:45AM
"Are you going to go check on your wife?" Kathy asked, flipping through a magazine while Eli slept. The little boy had been asleep about a half hour and there was only so much small talk she could make with her ex-husband.
"I think she wants to be alone," Elliot admitted. "None of this is easy on her."
Kathy put down her magazine and looked seriously at him, "It's not easy for any of us." She sighed. "She's the only chance we have to save him."
"She knows that," Elliot ran his hand across his chin and looked at the floor. "She's under a lot of pressure, Kathy. She wants the twins to match Eli more than anything but it isn't something she can control." He sighed, "Besides…Eli is fine right now. Just because some doctor thinks the cancer will return doesn't mean it will. He could be fine from now on."
"He's not going to be fine, Elliot," Kathy argued. "And since when are you Mr. Positivity? He's sick…sure this time it's a virus, but next time it could be worse. The treatments have left him a shell of his former self. And if the cancer does return…there is no way he can survive the treatments again." Her eyes filled with tears, "I don't want to lose him."
"I know…" Elliot pulled her into a hug, and for a brief second wondered if Olivia would be upset if she walked in and saw him comforting his ex-wife, but he didn't know what else to do. "He's going to get better," Elliot whispered. "I think at least one of the twins will match. I believe that…"
Kathy nodded, wiping her tears and pulling away from his embrace, "You should go look for your wife," she sniffled. "She didn't look so good when she left. Is she still getting sick a lot?"
"No…I think she was just worried," Elliot noted. "We had a little argument this morning about the twins. She thinks if they don't match Eli that no one will be able to accept it…that maybe I'll turn my back on them. It's not true…but she's so hormonal and can't see the truth…"
"Maybe she's right to worry," Kathy suggested. "You keep saying you know they'll match…that you believe it…but they might not. There's a good chance they won't. How will you feel when you realize you have two more kids to take care of and you could still lose Eli? It won't be easy."
"Losing Eli would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me…to all of us," Elliot's voice quivered. "But I won't regret the twins."
"Really?" Kathy asked. "So you wanted to be changing diapers again at your age…you wanted to get up in the middle of the night with screaming babies…or deal with the terrible-twos when you're fifty? Or the teen years when you're in your sixties? That's what you wanted out of life? Don't give me that Elliot…I know you. This wasn't in your plans at all." She shook her head, "And Olivia knows it too. She wanted kids now…she wanted to be a mom and maybe this was the best time for her…but she didn't plan on you being involved and you didn't plan on it either. The only reason the two of you are even together is because of Eli. I know it…you know it…and so does she."
"She's right…" Olivia's voice echoed from the doorway, and Elliot and Kathy turned to look at her. "If Eli wasn't sick…I would never have told you about the babies."
Elliot looked at her and sighed, "Liv…we love each other…and you know I love the twins…"
"I know you do," Olivia said tearfully, "Of course you love them now…but that doesn't change the fact that I never planned to tell you about them. I didn't want you to know."
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "You came and told me you were pregnant because you wanted to…no one forced you."
"I only told you because I knew Eli was sick and the babies might match him," Olivia reminded him. "I didn't think it was fair to keep that to myself when Eli was so sick. And as much as I hope the twins match, if they don't…I don't know if we can get through that. I don't think our relationship is strong enough."
Elliot walked over to her, leaning in and whispering angrily, "We don't need to talk about his here," he said. "Not now…"
She nodded tearfully, "I just don't want to pretend like this is how everything was supposed to work out, El. I do love you…and I love my kids…and I love Eli…" she sniffled. "But I'm scared…and I don't know how to not be afraid anymore."
"I don't understand why you're afraid," Elliot admitted. "Liv…really…we can't do this here…" he glanced toward Kathy and the bed where Eli was sleeping.
"I know…" she nodded again. "I think I'm going to go home…and we can talk later."
"Okay…" he gave in, wondering what would happen when he made it home later. "If that's what you want…"
"Tell Eli I'll call him tonight," she said, running her hand over the swell of her stomach. "Tell him I love him…and Noah and the twins love him too."
"I will," Elliot let his hand rest on her stomach, "Are you feeling okay? You were gone a long time, and you really don't look so good."
"I'm okay," she promised, leaning forward and kissing him softly. "I just need some time to think…and you need time with your son. I'll see you at home."
"Are you taking a cab?" he asked. "Maybe I should drive you home and then come back?"
"I will be fine" Olivia insisted. "I want some time to myself. I'll see you at home tonight…and we can talk more then."
"Okay," he reluctantly gave in. "Call me if you need me to come home."
She hated that she felt like he was being torn between his two families and she couldn't put him in that position anymore. "I'm fine," she promised once more. "I'll see you tonight." Then she left him alone with Kathy and Eli.
More soon...