Look at this...I am back with an update and it didn't take a month this time! :) Thanks for all the kind reviews and the thoughts and prayers. Some of you who follow me on Twitter may know that I've been trying to have a baby and it hasn't worked out the way I've hoped, and last month was extremely devastating. That is why this story is kind of difficult for me to write at this time. I'm not giving up though and I hope and pray I will have good baby news to share soon. Thanks for sending positive vibes my way.
Anyway, I felt like I should continue this story because it is near and dear to me and I love it, regardless of the fact that some reviews say the characters are ooc and that Liv is too teary and El is too harsh. I like my representation of them in this particular situation and so I will continue it in this way. I know I can't please everyone, but I am glad to know many of you enjoy my version of them as well.
Thanks again...and Happy Reading! I look forward to reading your thoughts...
May 3, 2015 6:15AM
"Livia…" Eli's voice quivered as he shook her awake. Olivia opened her eyes and looked at him, unsure at first what was happening and then realizing her step-son was beside her bed.
"Eli…" she squinted her eyes, trying to focus them. "Honey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Eli nodded, "Daddy went to get syrup. I woke up early and he said we could start breakfast but there wasn't any syrup for the pancakes. He said he'd be right back, and I shouldn't wake you up…but the baby's crying…"
Olivia could hear her son's muffled cries down the hall and realized Elliot much have taken the baby monitor from the room. She forced herself to a sitting position and yawned, "It's okay," she assured him. "I'll get him." She struggled to pull herself out of bed and grabbed her robe, pulling it around her. "How long has he been crying?" she asked as Eli followed her out of the room.
The little boy shrugged, "I don't know…but he won't stop…"
Olivia nodded, walking over to her son's crib and picking him up. He rubbed his eyes and buried his red, tear-streaked face against her chest, "It's all right…Mommy's here…" she soothed the baby and in a few minutes he stopped crying. She was able to lay him down long enough to change his diaper, and before long the child was content as could be. Olivia sat the baby in his highchair and turned to Eli, "What do you say we get those pancakes done before your dad gets back with the syrup? Then we can eat right away."
Eli nodded happily, "Yeah…" he grinned. "Daddy will be surprised."
"Let's surprise him," she laughed walking into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator, seeing the batter already mixed. "You guys already made the batter?" she asked and Eli nodded. She pulled it out of the refrigerator and looked around for a skillet, realizing it was in the bottom cabinet. She tried bending down to get it, but knew it was pointless. Her stomach was in the way and she sighed, "Eli…can you find the skillet for me?"
"Sure…" the little boy climbed down on the floor, opening the cabinet and clanking the pans around until he finally pulled it out. "Here…" he said, handing it to her and Olivia turned on the stove, letting it get hot before pouring round mounds of pancake mix into the sizzling pan. "They smell good," Eli grinned. "That one looks funny though…it isn't a circle."
"Yeah…I'm not the best at making things look perfect, but it'll taste good anyway," Olivia teased as she took the spatula and flipped the pancakes.
Just then she heard the door open, "Eli…" Elliot's voice echoed from the living room. "Where are you?"
"We're in here…" Olivia called and Elliot walked into the room, sitting the bottle of syrup on the counter and looking over her shoulder and the misshapen pancakes.
"Why are you out of bed?" he asked, frustrated. Then he turned to his son, "I told you not to wake her up."
"He had to," Olivia argued. "Noah was crying…"
"I don't care," Elliot insisted. "You are supposed to be in bed, not making breakfast." He turned to his son, "And you are supposed to listen to me."
Eli looked like he might cry and Olivia stacked the pancakes on the plate and looked irritated at her husband, "Don't get mad at him," she ordered. "You're the one who left the kids here. What were you thinking? They're not old enough to be left alone."
"They weren't alone. You were here," he reminded her. "Besides, I was gone ten minutes. Noah was sound asleep when I left…"
"He was screaming, Elliot," Olivia sighed, walking to the table and lowering herself heavily in the chair while Elliot grabbed the plate of pancakes and brought them to the table.
"He would have been okay crying for a little bit," Elliot told her, pouring syrup on Eli's pancakes and cutting one into small pieces for Noah. "I would've taken care of him when I got home."
"El…he has asthma," she reminded him. "We can't just let him cry. He'll get sick. Eli did the right thing."
Elliot shook his head and looked at his son, "How did he wake up anyway?" he asked.
Eli looked guilty as he took a bite of his pancakes. "I turned on the TV…" he admitted. "But I didn't think it was that loud until he started crying. I'm sorry…" The little boy looked like he might cry himself.
"It's okay, Eli," Olivia consoled him. "You were right to wake me up…and I know you were bored and that's why you turned on the TV…"
"It's not okay for him to disobey me," Elliot sat his fork down with a loud bang. "And you are not supposed to be out of bed. You don't listen either…" he yelled. "Do you want to go into labor again? Risk losing the babies…risk losing my son because the twins are premature? What the hell is wrong with you?" He stood up and stormed out of the room, leaving Eli to stare fearfully at Olivia and Noah making a sticky mess on his highchair with the pancakes.
"It's okay, Eli," Olivia forced a weak smile. "Your dad's mad at me…not you…"
"I'm sorry…" the little boy sniffled. "I didn't mean to wake up the baby."
Olivia stood up, leaning forward to kiss the boy on his head and smiled gently at him, "You finish eating…" she said softly. "Do me a favor and keep an eye on Noah, okay? If he cries, you come get me. I'm gonna go talk to your dad." Eli nodded and Olivia walked out of the room and down the hall to the bedroom where she found Elliot sitting on the bed, running his hands angrily over his face. "You son of a bitch!" she sputtered. "Don't you ever yell at me or one of the kids like that again!"
"Are you fucking crazy?" he asked, standing to his feet and staring her straight in the eye. "I leave for ten damn minutes…to try to get syrup so I can make the boys the breakfast I promised, and I come home to find you on your feet, standing at the stove cooking, when you know damn well you're supposed to be in bed. And maybe Noah was crying, and maybe you had to go get him…but no one made you cook breakfast. How long were you on your feet anyway?"
"You left the kids, El…" she tried to calm her voice because she didn't want Eli to hear them arguing. "I'd think you of all people would understand how dangerous that is."
"They were fine," he insisted. "Eli knows not to answer the door for strangers, not to touch the stove, and you were here if there was an emergency…but a crying baby and pancakes don't qualify as an emergency!"
"I don't let my son lay in his crib sobbing," Olivia argued. "And Eli was hungry…I was hungry…the doctor said I needed to rest but he also said I could get up some at home. There was nothing wrong with me being in the kitchen for a few minutes making breakfast."
"Just get back in bed," Elliot insisted, grabbing her arm and trying to guide her back to bed.
She pulled her arm away, "Don't touch me," she sputtered. "I'm not doing this…"
"Doing what?" he asked angrily.
"This…this whole thing where you patronize me and treat me like a child and then expect me to just go along with it," her voice shook. "You owe Eli an apology…and you owe me one too." She sat down slowly on the bed, running her hand over her stomach trying to ease a cramp and praying Elliot didn't notice, which he didn't. He was too angry to pay attention.
"I'll tell Eli I'm sorry for yelling at him," he said. "But I'm not sorry for getting after him for waking you up when I told him not to, and I'm sure as hell not sorry for yelling at you. You're a grown woman and you know the risks of not listening to the doctor and you act like you don't even care. We could lose these babies, Olivia…my son could die…"
"Would you care?" Olivia asked. "If Eli already had a donor…would you care if the twins didn't make it?" Her heart ached when she asked it, and she knew it was a low blow, but she couldn't deny the thoughts that had plagued her for months now.
Elliot stared at her and didn't say anything, and then there was a soft knock at the door and he turned to it, "Come in…" he said, his voice quivering.
Eli pushed the door open, peeking his head nervously around it, "The baby made a mess," he said shyly. "I tried to clean it up…but now there's paper towel pieces stuck to everything. I'm sorry…"
"It's okay…" Elliot forced a smile. "Come on…I'll clean it up. Then maybe I can take you and Noah to the park." He knelt down and looked his son in the eye, "I'm sorry I was mad earlier," he hugged him and Eli's face showed the relief he felt. He walked out of the room and Elliot followed, reaching the door and turning to look at Olivia who was still sitting questioningly on the bed. "Screw you…" he said with a voice that was chillingly lacking any emotion, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.
May 3, 2015 1:30 PM
"Noah's taking a nap…" Elliot said, walking in the bedroom and sitting a paper bag on the nightstand. "And I took Eli to Kathy's." He nudged toward the bag, "The boys and I had hotdogs from the stand at the park, but I know you don't want to eat those because of the nitrates so I grabbed you a burger on the way home."
"Thanks…" Olivia said, not sure how to proceed with the conversation. She sat up slowly, realizing she'd been asleep longer than she thought and trying to adjust the kinks out of her back. Elliot walked toward the door and she called out to him, "El…" he turned to look at her. "Can we talk? Please…"
He shook his head, "I don't feel like talking," he replied with a sigh. "Besides, I have some lady coming over in a couple hours for an interview. Lucy told me she'd stay with you and Noah during the day but we still need someone at night and the agency is sending this woman. I need to straighten up before she gets here."
"The apartment looks fine," Olivia insisted. "Please…we need to talk about this morning."
"I think you said all you wanted to say," Elliot sighed. "Just eat your lunch and go back to sleep." He opened the door.
"Elliot…" her eyes filled with tears and she was mad because the last thing she wanted to do was cry. "Don't walk away from me. You're not being fair…"
"I'm not being fair?" his voice filled with rage and disbelief. "You have a lot of fucking nerve…"
"I know I said some things…" she admitted.
"Said some things?" he rolled his eyes. "You asked if I wanted these babies to die? How the hell could you ask me something like that? How could you think it?" He shook his head, "I thought we could do this…and now I'm not sure we can."
"I'm scared," she admitted. "I'm scared this whole thing is going to blow up in our faces and we're never going to be happy," she cried. "I want everything to be okay."
"Then why do you keep trying to screw everything up?" he sputtered. "Why can't you just let us be happy?"
"Because you won't talk to me," she said truthfully. "Not about the important things. You keep everything bottled up and I know eventually it's going to ruin us."
"I'm doing the best I can," Elliot admitted. "I'm giving up my job, moving back here, trying to take care of you and Noah…" he ran his hand along the back of his neck, "You don't even appreciate it. You don't seem to understand what I'm giving up to have this life with you, Olivia."
"I do understand," she cringed a little at the twinge of a cramp that spread across her lower stomach. "I thought you wanted to be here, but if you don't…"
"I do want to be here," he argued, sitting on the side of the bed. "But I want you to want me here. I want you to realize that I'm giving up my life for you and these kids and stop acting like I don't want them or I only want them to save Eli. Stop asking me what we're going to do if they don't match. Just…stop…" his voice quivered and Olivia thought briefly that he was going to burst into tears too. "Eat your lunch…"
"Elliot…" she cried. "I'm sorry you have to give up your life for us. I never asked you to…"
"That's the problem, Olivia," he closed his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if you really even want me here…"
"You know I love you," she insisted.
"Do you?" he asked. "Because you won't let me touch you…you won't listen to me…you won't believe me when I say I love the twins…"
"You won't talk to me about how you really feel about everything," she yelled. "You pretend like you're happy and I know you're not. You act like these twins mean the world to you, but you won't acknowledge what could happen if they don't match Eli. I'm scared for my babies, El."
"You want me to talk about what will happen if they don't match Eli?" he asked angrily. "My son will die. That's what will happen. Am I supposed to want to talk about that? I can't even think about it without wanting to die myself. You have no idea…"
"I love him too," she said sadly. "I don't want to think about it either."
"But you won't let it go," Elliot stammered. "You keep bringing it up…like it will help if I say I'm petrified that the babies won't match…that I don't know how I'll feel about them when they're born if they don't…" he broke down, putting his head in his hands and trying not to show his tears. "What the hell kind of father am I?" he asked. "I'm not sure I love my own kids…"
Olivia looked at him, sobbing in front of her, and she hadn't realized just how painful it would be to hear him utter those words. "I know you love them," she said honestly. "It wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't."
"I don't want to lose my little boy," he looked at her, his eyes red with tears. "I don't know how to go on without him…and the markers the doctor found at the last appointment…it doesn't look good, Liv. I didn't want to scare you, but he's going to get sick again."
"I know," she nodded, "I'm sorry, Elliot…and I know that's why you were mad I got up and made breakfast. I know you want me to try to keep the twins in until term. I should've stayed in bed. I don't know why I didn't…sometimes I just feel better and I think I can do things…I'm so sorry…" she cried and he reached over and hugged her tight.
"Shhhh…" he whispered. "It's okay…I'm sorry too…I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm afraid…but that's no excuse…"
"I want to carry them to term," she promised. "I do…"
"I know you do," he looked in her dark eyes and took in the pain they expressed. It made his own heart ache. "Liv…I trust you. You're gonna do all you can to get them here safe and as close to term as possible. And if they come too early…then we have to face that…"
"El…last night…" she sniffled. "You said that we don't have any options to help Eli if they don't match…or if they come too soon for the doctors to get a good cord blood sample. I want to save Eli…"
"I know you do," he brushed the hair back from her face. "Maybe he'll match with an unrelated donor. He's on the list and if the cancer comes back a third time he'll definitely get all the services they can provide. There will still be a chance. Sometimes I don't let myself think about it, because it is so scary to think the twins might not match…but we'll do everything we can, Liv…everything…"
"Yeah," she nodded. "We will…and El, last night you said it's not like we can just have another baby and hope it matches…but I've been thinking about it since last night, and maybe we can…"
"Olivia…" he smiled weakly. "Honey…I know you'd do anything for Eli, but even you have to admit the odds of us conceiving a baby naturally are pretty slim. You're forty-six years old…"
"No, El…" she wiped her eyes and exhaled deeply, avoiding another painful cramp. "You don't understand. When I did the invitro with the twins…there were four other embryos…and I said I wanted to donate them to science…but the doctor said they always keep them until the completion of the pregnancy in case the parents decide they want them…"
"What are you saying?" Elliot's face paled and he couldn't believe what she was suggesting.
"Hudson Cryobank moved them to their new facility and they're holding them until the twins are born and I can decide officially what I want to do with them. I think they can test the embryos," she said gently. "And see if any of them match Eli…and if one of them does…I think we should have another baby. I don't care if I'm too old…I'll do it…for Eli…"
"Olivia…do you realize what you're saying?" he asked nervously. "Honey, we're already going to have three boys under the age of two…plus Eli…and…"
"And what?" Olivia asked. "Another baby might save him…"
"I can't believe you'd put yourself through another pregnancy," he admitted. "This one has been so hard."
"It's an option," Olivia said softly. "If the twins can't save him…at least we have another shot."
Elliot smiled, "Yeah…we do…" he leaned forward, kissing her softly. "I love you…for doing this for my son…for us…"
"I love you too," she said, kissing him once more.
"You need to eat your lunch," he said, standing up from the bed and rubbing his hand over her stomach. "These boys have to be starving by now." He handed her the bag and she opened it, looking at the food with disgust. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Aren't you hungry?" She closed her eyes as another cramp ripped through her abdomen and she let out a soft whimper. "Liv…what's wrong?" Elliot asked nervously.
She shook her head, "I don't know…but I keep having these cramps…"
Elliot sat back on the bed and let his hand rest on her stomach, "Are they contractions?" he asked, feeling for the familiar tightness of labor.
"I don't think so," she insisted. "Just cramps…but I feel terrible…"
"I'm calling the doctor…" Elliot said anxiously. "How many have you had? How long has this been going on?"
"I'm not sure," she admitted. "A few…and it's been off and on all morning. I don't think they are contractions," she assured him. "I just don't feel well."
"Okay," he sighed. "But we'll let the doctor decide that." He squeezed her hand and picked up the phone.
May 3, 2015 4:30 PM
"You must be Sheila Crews…Can I get you some coffee…or a soft drink?" Elliot asked as he guided the woman from the employment agency into the apartment. The agency had only sent one candidate due to the fact that it was an overnight position and the pay wasn't great, so he really hoped she was the right fit.
"Oh, no thank you," she said sweetly, tucking a piece of gray hair behind her ear and sitting down across from him as he picked up Noah and sat him in his lap. "What a cute little boy," she said with a smile. "How old is he?"
"He's almost eighteen months," Elliot said, handing Noah his bottle and turning his attention back to the woman. "Have you been a caregiver for long?" he asked, realizing he'd never conducted an interview like this in his life.
"Oh yes," she smiled. "I love taking care of children. I don't have any grandkids, so it gives me a little one to love and spoil." She pulled her resume out of her bag and handed it to him. "The agency said your wife also needs some assistance, is that right?"
"She's pregnant with twins…on bedrest," he said, thinking back to the afternoon when he'd been afraid she was in labor. After a call to the doctor, they realized she was most-likely dehydrated and after some water and some lunch she felt much better, but he was still scared. The next time might not be a false alarm and if he couldn't be there he wanted someone dependable in his place. "She is allowed to move some, but it's highly recommended she stay in bed…and I have to go back to work, but I'll be back in a couple of weeks so this would only be a temporary position. We have a nanny during the day, so we only need someone to stay overnight, make dinner, get the baby to bed, and then check on Olivia throughout the night. Are you interested in working overnight?"
"Oh, I'm a bit of a night-owl anyway," the woman chuckled. "I think it'd be fine on a temporary basis." She reached her arms out toward Noah, "May I?" she asked and Elliot handed the baby to her. "Hi there, little guy," she said gently. "How are you?" She smiled at Elliot, "He's precious…we need to work on taking away the bottle though. He's getting too old and it will damage his teeth."
"It's been difficult to wean him from it," Elliot admitted. "But you're probably right…we should try."
"I can do it," the woman said seriously. "I will stop giving it to him and he'll be fine after a few days. I believe in being firm."
"Would you like to meet my wife?" Elliot asked and the woman nodded happily. "Let me go tell her and then I'll bring you in." He left the woman with Noah and walked into the bedroom, finding Olivia sitting up in bed, "The woman from the agency is here? You feel up to meeting her?"
She nodded, "Yeah…I feel better." She looked worried. "Where's Noah? Did you leave him with her?"
"Liv, he's fine. She's a very nice lady," Elliot promised, walking out the door and to the living room, returning in a few minutes with the woman who was cuddling Noah in her arms. "Liv…this is Mrs. Crews."
The woman extended her hand and Olivia shook it, "So nice to meet you," Mrs. Crews said with a smile. "You have a very sweet little boy."
"Thanks," Olivia smiled, and Noah reached for her.
"No, no…" Mrs. Crews said gently. "Mommy can't take you right now. She needs her rest."
"I'll take him," Olivia insisted. "He loves to play in here with me."
Mrs. Crews shook her head, "Not a good idea, ma'am. If you don't mind me saying so, you are going to have your hands full with the new babies and you need to start giving this little guy some independence. He needs to know he can't have your full attention all the time." The baby started to cry for his mother, and the woman held him closer, "Shhhh…" she said. "You need to be a big boy."
"I want my son," Olivia's eyes slanted in anger. "Now…give him to me."
The older woman looked shocked by Olivia's response and handed the baby to her, "I'm sorry…but I know a lot about babies and how to care for them. I meant no disrespect…but I have to be honest in what I believe. You will regret coddling him so much when you have two others as well."
"Thank you, Mrs. Crews," Elliot said as politely as he could. "We'll let you know when we decide," he told her, even though he could tell Olivia had already made up her mind.
"Okay," she said with a sad smile. "I look forward to hearing from you."
"I think we're going with someone else," Olivia said seriously. "Elliot, walk her out."
Elliot nodded, walking the woman to the door and then returning to the bedroom. "She was the only person, Liv…the only one willing to work for what we can pay."
"I didn't like her," she said seriously as she held her son and he leaned against her chest sucking on his fingers. "She wasn't right for us."
"She was a perfectly nice lady and we don't have anyone else," he reminded her.
"I didn't like her," she said again. "She thinks she knows better than me how to care for my son." She looked tearfully at the baby. "He's a baby…and she thinks I coddle him too much. She's an evil witch…"
Elliot rolled his eyes, "That's a bit too much, Liv," he said seriously. "And I have to leave tomorrow. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I'll see if someone from work can stay until I find someone else…"
His phone rang and Elliot picked it up, "It's Liz," he said and then his eyes widened. "What about her? I could ask…" he knew his youngest daughter was the most accepting of his relationship with Olivia and so it seemed like a possibility.
"Okay…" Olivia nodded. "But she doesn't have to. Don't make her feel obligated. And we're going to pay her…" she continued talking as Elliot answered the phone.
More soon...