==Chapter 11==

Safe and Sound

When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million, empty words.

– Thema Davis

Sally flopped down gratefully onto the bottom step of the grand staircase, clutching her coat around her against the front hall's freezing draughts – she would swear these corridors were getting longer all the time. Then again, the baby getting bigger all the time might possibly have something to do with it! Maybe she should ask the boys to build her a scooter, that might keep them out of trouble for a while... She grinned ruefully at a suit of armour standing nearby, shaking her head – who was she kidding?

Sally had spent less than an hour at 221B in all, but that was still enough for her to see what an amazing – and no doubt thankless – job Mrs. Hudson had done in looking after John and Sherlock. Besides, the Irregulars all had their own stories to tell about the landlady's kindness: letting them sleep on her sitting room sofa during the worst nights of winter, mending their ragged clothes and returning them with the pockets full of biscuits, and waving away their mumbled thank-yous with a stern frown that didn't fool anyone.

What Sally wouldn't have given for the smaller boys to mind her that well! It didn't seem fair: she was the Team Mom now, just like George was the Team Dad... although his actually being a parent probably helped. The boys had warmed up to their new father figure in no time, while Nikola had been highly amused to find himself cast as something of a mad uncle.

The youngest Irregulars had been no trouble during their escape to the country, knowing just how important it was to get out of the city unnoticed; Will and Charlie had already scouted out this abandoned manor, Rosewood Hall, deep in the wilds of Warwickshire, and though George was no architect, he seemed reasonably sure it was structurally sound enough to live in. Nikola was delighted to discover an empty stable block out the back, which he immediately claimed as a workshop. Sally had been very reluctant to settle for such an obvious hiding place, but their options were rather limited, and at least the house and grounds were big enough that they weren't all banging elbows any more.

She sighed, wincing at the distant noise of a rowdy game of Blind Man's Bluff somewhere in the east wing; now that the little ones had some stability back in their lives, all angelic behaviour had vanished without trace! To be fair, though, they were doing their best not to make noise in the grounds – with bands of marauders roaming the countryside, they still had to repel the occasional raid, and Nikola's alarm system had barely given them enough warning the last time...

Sally jumped at the sudden clamour of that very same alarm bell going off above her head in the stairwell – someone was approaching! Sending out the urgent thought, Nikola, we've got company! she hauled herself to her feet and half-strode, half-waddled (there really was no other word for it) along the passage to the kitchen as boys started appearing from all over and heading to their posts, taking her own pistol from her coat pocket. George meant well, but Nikola had far fewer medieval notions about 'a woman's place', and had soon persuaded his friend to teach Sally how to handle a gun. She might not be a crack shot like Beth yet, but she could at least put a hole in a rain barrel at fifty paces on a good day.

She'd already reached the kitchen by the time Nikola finally answered, False alarm, everyone... Beth and the others are back early. The telepath's 'voice' sounded more than a little strained, but Sally was too thankful to take much notice, sagging in relief. "Oh, thank God... Jimmy, put your knife away, that table doesn't need any more carvings."

The freckled six-year-old grinned at her unrepentantly as the faint sound of a horse and cart reached their ears, then his forehead wrinkled, eyes wide. "Blimey, mum, yer don' think...?"

Sally's heart leapt into her mouth. John. Hardly daring to let herself hope, she hurried back to the front door, which the others had left standing open... and then gasped in dismay, any hope for news of her husband swept aside. "Beth! Oh my God..." Her friend looked like she'd been put through a mangle, barely staying on her feet as she headed inside, a blood-stained bandage around her neck, clutching the blanket wrapped around her in a death grip, eyes wide and vacant...

Beth flinched at Sally's voice, the first time anyone had directly addressed her since she and the boys had left London, and sidestepped hastily. She felt more than a pang of guilt for doing it, but she wasn't ready to face anyone yet, even her best friend. "Sorry, have to go wash up," she mumbled.

Nat came running up to her, his grin audible as he called, "Beth, wot'd yew get? Can we 'ave us some music later?"

"Not today," Beth muttered as she moved past him. Zed, why couldn't they just leave her alone? She just wanted to be alone now...

Sally had stopped dead, mouth open. As Beth disappeared into the house, she turned to Will, who'd just climbed down from the cart and given the reins to Charlie, horrified expression asking the question for her: What the hell happened?!

Will strode up to her, looking grimmer than Sally had ever seen him. "Moran caught up with 'er," he murmured, face dark with anger. "Bastard decided t' play with 'er first."

Sally's heart seemed to stop, blood draining from her face. "I'll kill him..." she managed to choke out, then looked hopefully at Will – maybe the boys already had?

Will shook his head, jaw clenched. "'E got away. I don't... I don't know... e'zactly... wot 'e did to 'er." Sally's chest ached at the lost look creeping into his eyes; this couldn't be any easier for him, he and Beth really had become like brother and sister since France. "'Ardly said a word since she woke up from 'er faint. Wouldn' even let any'un get close 'cept on the cart."

Sally's lips tightened, taking a deep breath. "Right, okay..." This was not going to be fun... She reached up and patted Will on the shoulder, somewhat awkwardly – being mother for the oldest boys still felt a bit weird. "I'll find her, you go get Nikola."

In the bathroom for the master suite, Beth stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked like a ghost. No. Worse than that. She looked like a zombie. Her face looked bloodless, her neck was wrapped up in a bloody bandage, and everything about her just looked... dead.

Just like she felt.

She slowly removed the blanket and set it aside. Her shirt was ruined, buttons cut off, strips of fabric hanging uselessly—and even if it wasn't ruined, she wouldn't wear it or the jacket ever again, anyway. She then peeled off the bandage, slowly, carefully, and winced: her neck was going to be scarred for a long time. The empty spot where her locket should have been stopped her cold; it had been one of her comforts in the past few months, and now it was gone forever, and it was a family treasure, she'd adored that locket...

Lathering up at the washbasin, she scrubbed away the dried blood from her neck and moved on to her face, scrubbing hard at her lips. Moran's mouth, rough and demanding and hot, claiming her lips... She moved back down, down to her chest, scrubbing viciously at an odd sensation she couldn't remove no matter how hard she tried... Large hands ripping open her damaged shirt, skin on skin... NO!

Sally tapped nervously at the bathroom door. "...Beth?" Please be okay, please…

Beth froze, cringing. No, not now, not now, she wasn't ready. "...what?"

"I-I thought you might need some fresh clothes?" Something helpful Sally could do, at least; even if Beth was taller, they were both the same shirt size. She just wished she could offer something better than a skirt for the rest. "I can leave them outside the door if you want..."

Beth's breath hitched, Sally's kindness worming its way past what defences she had. "Th-thank..." Breath hitching again, she swallowed the rising lump in her throat and felt an insatiable need to clean herself a second time, there was a sudden, crawling sensation all over her skin that was about to drive her mad. She started to scrub herself again, fiercely, trying desperately to stop the tears from coming. She didn't want to cry—she wasn't sure what would happen if she cried, but she didn't want to find out. It would hurt, and she didn't want to go through that pain, didn't want to feel anything ever again... but her breath wouldn't stop hitching, treacherous body... no, please...

Sally desperately wracked her brain for something else to say, anything to inject a bit of normalcy into the moment. "Oh, guess what? Nikola's finished his first torch prototype! The boys had a great time testing it –" She was ruefully aware that she'd started to babble, but she wasn't about to stop herself; "actually, it came in really handy, cause Nat found a new secret room the other day, we think it must be a priest hole, it's got a little altar and everything..."

The first sob came then, unwillingly. Beth wanted to dive back into life here—it wasn't all bad, they managed to have some happy moments here in spite of everything—but she also didn't want to so much as exist anymore. She didn't know how she could, didn't know how she could ever shake off the memory of Moran's hands, his mouth, his voice...

She shrieked in frustration, pounding the washbasin, not caring when it began to hurt... the pain as a welcome distraction from her thoughts...

"Beth!" Heart hammering in fright, Sally tried the door – unlocked, thank God – barging straight in while sending out the urgent thought, sharp with panic: Nikola, get the hell over here! Bloody typical, the one time they really needed him...

Beth ignored Sally, continuing to pound the sink until she was crying from the pain, which had crossed over from a welcome distraction into agony. She'd gone and broken something now, just like an idiot... She bit lightly on her throbbing hand to help stand the pain—and to keep from screaming.

"Beth, no!" A horrified Sally grabbed at Beth's arm, her own eyes filling with tears. "Please, just stop!"

In almost one movement, Beth shuddered, dropped her throbbing hand, whipped around to face Sally, and recoiled from her touch. She drew her tattered shirt back together again as she shrank back against the sink—she didn't want to feel anyone's touch ever again, not even Sally's.

Sally paled as she realised her mistake. "Oh God... Beth, I'm sorry!" Stupid, stupid, stupid... "Okay, um, just... just wait there, okay?" She backed up to the door and grabbed the new shirt from the pile of clothes she'd dropped, coming back much more slowly this time.

Beth watched and waited. Pull yourself together... she's just trying to help, idiot... She looked down at the floor and hugged herself, rasping, "Sorry."

Sally shook her head, doing her best to smile, or at the very least sound reassuring. "Hey, it's okay." As if Beth had any need to apologise! She held out the shirt, still keeping her distance slightly. "Um, d'you want this?"

Beth looked up just enough to see the shirt and nodded mutely. She quickly shed her shirt and jacket and took the new one, buttoning it up hurriedly and whimpering as she did. Zed, her hand hurt.

Sally turned away to give Beth some privacy, frowning at the noises her friend was making. She shook her head again as she turned back around, faintly amused to find herself tutting like Mrs. Hudson – but physical wounds were easier to deal with, after all, and those long hours spent studying their ill-gotten library book had to be good for something. Very slowly, she held out her hand for Beth's injured one, expression silently asking permission.

Beth bit her lip. She couldn't, not even Sally, she couldn't let anyone touch her, never again, she couldn't, she couldn't... But she needed help, she knew that—she couldn't fix her dominant hand on her own. She nodded slowly, noting out of the corner of her eye that her reflection in the mirror looked as miserable as she felt.

Sally took her hand gently, hissing in sympathy on finding it already swelling along one side under the little finger. "Ooh, yeah, that's fractured, no mistake." She looked up again, trying to ignore her rising nausea – good thing she'd had plenty of practice lately. "Looks like you're on holiday for a while, honey."

Beth couldn't keep from flinching as Sally took her hand, whimpering softly. "Well, I guess I wasn't planning on going back into town soon," she mumbled. Or ever again.

Sally nodded, carefully refraining from asking the obvious question – if there ever would be a right moment, this was most definitely not it. "The medical bag's still in my room. Let's go get this splinted, okay?"

Beth nodded. "Okay." She followed Sally out into the master bedroom and settled on the huge four-poster bed, doing her best all the while not to start crying again over her hand. What she wouldn't have given for some 21st century painkillers right now.

Sally sat down gratefully beside Beth, trying to keep the bag balanced on her knee while she searched for what she needed. "Oh, yes – meant to tell you earlier..."

Beth was so intent on bracing herself—her hand truly hurt, that was so stupid—that she startled a bit when Sally spoke again. "What?"

"Kathy's kicking." Sally's grin was edged with sadness; she'd already had herself a good, long cry the first time, John not being there to share that precious moment hitting her hard.

Beth looked up and stared at Sally, the ghost of a smile creeping onto her face. She'd been waiting for this for months. "Oh my gosh," she murmured, "that's wonderful..."

Sally nodded, relieved beyond words to see her friend smiling again, even if only a little bit. "She just started." She laughed shakily, "It's just so weird, you know? I mean, I've known for ages that she's in there, but this..." then trailed off suddenly, eyes glistening. Feeling her daughter's tiny movements was wondrous and overwhelming, but it was also scary as hell, a sharp wakeup call that giving birth and being a real mother was actually going to happen, and that was only if nothing went wrong...

"I know," Beth said even more softly, "it's exciting..." She wished she could bring herself to hug Sally; she wanted to, but feared what she'd feel if she tried. Even Sally's gentle, familiar touch gave Beth shivers.

"Yeah..." Sally said quietly, then shook her head at herself as she suddenly noticed that the splint on Beth's hand was still only half done. "Sorry." She went back to work with a hesitant glance at the cut on Beth's neck – that was going to need tending, too, but since it clearly wasn't self-inflicted, Sally was much more concerned about how Beth might react.

Beth shook her head. "S'okay." As Sally continued, Beth recalled that she had a cut on the front of her neck and torn skin on the back—and she hadn't studied it very closely in the mirror. "Sally?" she said slowly, plaintively. "My-my neck... it's not infected, is it? The back, too, not just the front."

Sally leaned in closer for a moment, taking care to hold her breath while she inspected. "No, you're good, it just needs cleaning and a new dressing." Gently, "Would you rather do that?"

"Yeah," Beth said softly, "but could you stick around?" Sally's presence was helping to distract her mind from filling with memories. "Please?"

"Sure." Although lending a second pair of hands occasionally, as Beth was a bit hampered with the splint, Sally focused mainly on keeping a steady flow of small talk, which wasn't difficult: "...and you probably didn't see the scratches on the grand staircase? Jimmy and Gil thought it'd be fun to take the big serving platters out of the pantry and go sledding!" Those trays were solid silver and now horribly dented; Nikola had taken one look and shaken his head, then asked hopefully if he could have them to melt down for electrical components! Sally had sternly drawn the line at that – it was possible they would need the silver later on for bargaining – but she did let him have the copper jelly moulds.

Beth gave a very slight laugh, shaking her head. "Boys..."

Sally grinned. "Yeah, that's what George said – but he still made them scrub the kitchen floor!" And this being a manor house, it was a big kitchen.

Beth grinned faintly back and shook her head again. She was sorry she'd missed it.

Just then, footsteps sounded further down the hall. "Oh, that might be Nikola." Sally blushed, giving Beth an apologetic look – calling him earlier had gone right out of her head. "Um, I thought maybe he could... I don't know, help somehow?" she finished weakly, then hastily added, "If you don't want to..." She was starting to wonder if this had been a bad idea, Beth being in the same room with any other man right now, even if he didn't look anything like Moran.

Beth fidgeted awkwardly. "I don't... I don't know..." Would Nikola be able to help or would being around him make things worse? Maybe... she knew what the Doctor was capable of, psychically... could Nikola do the same? Or would seeing him... would that be too hard? "I don't know."

"Well, he did offer to help Kathy sleep when I do, so her kicking wouldn't keep me awake." Sally smiled wryly. "I just might take him up on that when she gets bigger. Maybe he could do that for you, too?" Any other suggestions could wait, at least until after Beth had gotten some rest.

Beth blinked. "M-maybe. I don't know..." All at once, she felt exhausted – it was a long ride out from London... and... She pulled up both feet on the bed and said in a small voice, "I don't... I don't want to be with anyone else right now... Just you..."

Sally nodded. "All right. Just let me go talk to him, okay? I'll be right back."

Nikola was waiting halfway up the hall with a tray of food, and as Sally got closer, she was concerned to see that he was looking a little shaken himself. "Are you all right?"

Nikola gave her a pained smile. "I will be. The little one picked up your call and amplified it – we'll have to work on that later."

Sally's face fell. "Oh, Nikola! God, I'm sorry..." She already felt bad about shouting at him over something that hadn't been his fault.

Nikola shook his head in dismissal. "How is she?"

Sally bit her lip, thankful to be able to let her confident act slide for a moment – no fooling a telepath. "I... don't know... She doesn't want to see anyone else yet, but... if you could just hang around for a while, anyway?" If Beth did manage to sleep, Sally wasn't at all hopeful that it would be undisturbed.

Nikola nodded, handing over the tray. "Yes, of course."

"Thank you." Sally took the food with a grateful smile and hurried back to the bedroom.

Beth was lying down, curled up with all her limbs tucked in against her body, when Sally returned. The memories—the memory—was starting to trickle back to the forefront of her mind—(voice, hands, mouth)—and she trembled, terrified that it was never going to stop, never going to leave her alone...

Oh, honey... what did he do to you?! Gran, I wish you were here... What would you do right now? Sally put the tray down on the nearest chair, slowly coming forward and sitting on the edge of the bed beside Beth. Should she try to comfort her, or would that just make it worse?

Beth looked at Sally. She helps... can't get through this alone, I'll go insane... I need her... She reached with her injured hand for Sally, and whispered, voice rough with unshed tears, "Please... please h-hold me..."

Sally's last lingering doubts vanished at the pleading look in Beth's eyes. Climbing up onto the bed, she lay down next to her friend and put an arm around her, cuddling her as best she could with Kathy in between – did all babies get this big this fast? "It's okay, honey," she murmured huskily, blinking back her own returning tears, "I've got you..."

Beth took Sally's other hand in her good one, her own tears starting to fall for the first time since it had happened. "I'm not... I'm not okay... I c-can't... I..." She broke down sobbing, clinging to Sally like a lifeline.

At a loss for anything else to say, Sally just kept holding her close, letting her own tears gather and fall quietly. The only thing that kept her from calling Nikola was the gut feeling that there was nothing he could do for Beth right now that she wasn't already; for some things there was just no substitute.

"I wish he'd killed me!" Beth choked out between sobs. It would have been kinder—it would have been kinder to go out the way Mycroft had. "I wish he—he just would've done it! He laughed. He laughed, and he w-wanted m-me, and he w-wouldn't st-stop..."

Sally's face twisted in anguish at the sincerity in the girl's voice. "Oh, Beth!" Insides burning with fury, she started gently rubbing her friend's back with a hand that shook slightly, trying to calm herself at the same time.

"Why did he want me? He k-kissed me." Beth gave a slightly hysterical laugh—it just didn't make sense. "Nobody's ever wanted to do that before—why..."

Sally couldn't think how to answer that. It wasn't Beth's fault that Moran had noticed how much she'd grown into a woman when Sherlock hadn't, but to say so would only hurt her friend even more.

"He's the first man to kiss me," Beth whispered. That hurt almost as much as everything else—that the first man outside her family to kiss her did it while trying to... trying to... "He didn't... didn't t-take... " She swallowed hard, unable to finish—Sally knew what she meant, anyway. "...but he did take that from me." She clenched her good hand into a fist and choked out, "I want to kill him! I want to..." She broke off into sobs again.

"I know, honey... I know..." Sally hoped fervently that Beth would have the chance someday; even if Moran hadn't been able to do his worst, he'd obviously meant to. "It's not fair..."

"I don't kn-know what to do..." She didn't know how she could keep from remembering, from going insane... from ending it all if it got to be too much...

Sally kept rubbing her back, murmuring, "You don't have to, baby... it's okay... it's okay..." then sucked in a startled breath as Kathy chose that moment to start kicking again.

Beth frowned past her tears. "What?"

Sally nodded downwards with a sheepish smile, although secretly very thankful for the distraction. "Kathy, she's awake."

Beth's eyes lit up in wonder. She'd seen her mother pregnant several times, but this part of it had never gotten old. "May I...?" she breathed.

"Course you can." Sally laid her hand on the approximate area, smile widening as she felt a tiny ripple under her palm – very different from how it felt on the inside! – then took it away again. "Just there."

Beth placed her hand where Sally's had been and felt a flutter of movement. "Oh my gosh," she murmured breathlessly. "Hi, sweetheart..."

Sally's breath caught – she could somehow sense Kathy's attention going out to Beth, the spot where her friend was touching growing curiously warm... "Oh my god..." She gave Beth a wondering grin. "I think... she's saying 'hi' back." Good girl...

Beth's breath caught, eyes widening, tears springing to them for quite a different reason this time. "Hey, honey," she murmured hoarsely. "I can't wait to meet you properly... We'll do lots of fun stuff together, yeah?" She didn't know how the future would pan out once they got Time back on track, but she was determined to be a good aunt, since technically Kathy wouldn't have any.

"Absolutely." Sally murmured tenderly to Kathy, "Who's a clever girl? You know your aunty!" Maybe it was selfish of her, but Beth and the others had become her family; she couldn't bear the thought of losing anyone else, especially Beth.

Beth's eyes widened further, blushing slightly. It was one thing to think of herself as Kathy's aunt in her head, but another thing to hear Sally say it. "I can't wait to see her... I wish we could do ultrasounds..." She'd loved seeing ultrasounds of her siblings ever since she was little.

"Mm..." Sally hummed wistfully. Well... maybe Nikola could manage something like that. Sound waves were his specialty, after all.

Beth's eyelids began to flutter, feeling as weary as she had when she first reunited with Sally and the Irregulars after Time froze. "I know it's hard," she murmured sleepily, "but I'm really glad you're having her..."

There was a lump in Sally's throat. "...me too..." She put her arm back around Beth, blinking as the tears threatened to gather again. "She's going to be a handful, I just know it..."

Beth smiled and nodded—if Kathy was anything like her parents... "Mm-hmm..."

Sally gave a faint huff of laughter as Kathy delivered another kick. "Drama queen," she murmured with a smile. "Settle down..." She started humming the soft Serbian lullaby that Nikola had taught her, although more for Beth's sake than the little one just now. It's raining, grass is growing, forest is turning green...

Sally's humming swiftly sent Beth to the edge of sleep, exhausted but comfortable and safe and loved. "...Sally? Thanks..."

"You're very welcome, honey," Sally whispered, and went on humming: In the forest, a tree is growing, slender and tall... Under the tree, my sister is sitting, I am beside her... and Beth's deep, even breathing told a relieved Sally that her friend was finally asleep.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and turned her thoughts outwards again, careful not to shout this time. Nikola? Can you keep Beth from dreaming about... about what happened?

Yes... Nikola sounded ominously hesitant. But it can only be this once.

What? Just the once, what good would that do?! But...

Nikola shook his head kindly but firmly. Humans have to dream, Sally – if I kept interfering with her brainwaves, I could do irreparable damage without even realising it.

Sally's heart sank, the lump in her throat returning. Then I guess... erasing that memory completely's not an option, either. The tears she'd been holding onto were starting to spill over. It's so unfair... Beth had already been through hell and back – why should she have to live with something like that, too?

Oh, Sally, draga... Nikola's presence surrounded her lightly, a mental hug. Please try to understand... I haven't anywhere near the skill of the Doctor... and the heart remembers even when the mind forgets. Beth would always have the fear, but without knowing why she was afraid – she would never be able to conquer it. Would you truly want that for her?

Sally lifted her chin stubbornly. Yes...

Liar. Nikola's weary, affectionate smile was painfully like the Doctor's.

Sally sniffed, wiping her actual face with her sleeve. I hate it when you do that.

Nikola shrugged philosophically, as if to say Sally was entitled.

Sally sighed deeply, breaking the connection. "Telepaths," she muttered, sat up with difficulty to draw the nearest blanket over her and Beth, and snuggled back down. Just a couple of hours' peace without any more dire emergencies... she hoped that wasn't too much to ask...

Sky: Our poor girls. *hugs them* This chapter was a last-minute addition, and heartbreaking to write.

Speaking of which, writing Beth in this chapter was a challenge. I've never been through what she's been through; I could only guess and hope I was doing it justice. I know she's been through a lot—just hang in there, her next appearance will be much happier! And Beth, for all intents and purposes, is both our hero and our protagonist in this finale, and we do believe in having happy endings, honest!

Ria: I'm also deeply thankful to never have been in Beth's situation, but boy, have I been in Sally's! The wonder of impending motherhood has to work overtime just to come second place to all the anxiety, not to mention the discomfort. And after all that, the hardest part is yet to come...

And yes, that lullaby is the one child!Nikola sings for the Doctor in 'Icarus': Kiša Pada. Anyone who's curious can find lyrics and music at mamalisa dot com. I love the words, especially that last line, it's perfect for our girls.

Now, we realise that this is the longest episode of the season so far! Fear not, the Part 2 climax is coming up fast, though not quite yet! Stay tuned for next chapter, in which Colonel Moran returns to Torchwood...