I'm updating...finally! Sorry it is kind of short and that not much happens in terms of "new" things. I meant to be so much further along in the story by now, but that didn't happen and now I am back at work and so life just keeps getting in the way. I hope you like it anyway.
Thanks for all the awesome reviews. They are much appreciated.
Enjoy!
June 25, 2015 11:40PM
Elliot was asleep. She could hear his slight snoring next to her when she opened her eyes. She didn't want to wake him up, but she couldn't stay in bed either. After the boys had woken up from their naps, they'd had an evening of Disney movies and pizza and popcorn, huddled in her bed until the boys wore themselves out again and Elliot carried them both to bed. That was the last thing she remembered, realizing she must've fallen asleep before he even returned from tucking in the boys. She exhaled slowly, trying to ease the uncomfortable burning in her chest and stomach, and cursing the fact that she'd eaten anything at all, especially that she'd eaten and fallen asleep within seconds. The heartburn and nausea that ensued after meals was always worse when she was laying down, and now she was miserable. It was no wonder she'd lost five pounds in the past few weeks. She didn't ever want to eat again.
She forced herself to sit up, closing her eyes and exhaling slowly, rubbing her hand over her stomach. She glanced at Elliot, relieved to know he wasn't going to wake up and yet feeling a little let down as well. As much as she'd wanted to do this alone in the beginning, there was a comfort now in having him there that made her realize how special it was to share this with someone. She couldn't bother him though, not now…not with Eli being sick. He needed to rest, and sleep was the only way he could avoid the emotional mess of his waking hours. The acid in her chest intensified and she burped loudly, wondering why it always seemed to surprise her when her body was completely out of her control…she should have been used to it by now. "Ugh…"she moaned, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and trying to keep the nausea at bay long enough to stand up. Usually if she stood up, walked to the kitchen for some water or tea…it would help a little.
"Liv…" his voice startled her and she jumped a little when he put his hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him, seeing him sitting in bed and regretting that she'd failed in her attempt to let him sleep. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, "I just feel a little blah…" she said. "I'm gonna go get a drink."
"I'll get it," he climbed out of bed, stretching a little and leaning forward kissing her on the cheek. "What do you want?"
"Just some water…" her words were interrupted with another belch and she closed her eyes as the acid burned in her chest and throat, "I'm sorry…"she said. "My stomach's a little weird…"
"Are you gonna be sick?" he asked, concerned.
She shook her head, "No…I don't think so…" she exhaled slowly, trying to ease the heartburn. "I just can't eat anymore…especially not so close to bedtime…the babies are taking up so much room…"
"It's okay," he forced a sad smile and ran his hand over her stomach. "I'll be right back." She watched him shuffle out of the room in his boxers, and she smiled slightly, wondering how she could be so turned on by looking at him when she felt so miserable. When he came back he handed her the water and she took a sip. "Anything else I can do?" he asked, sitting next to her.
"I didn't mean to wake you up…" she said, taking another drink and then putting the cup on the nightstand.
"It's okay," he assured her, putting his hand on her back and rubbing it gently. "I told you…I want to take care of you…and Hudson and Benny…"
"Benny?" she laughed a little. "Getting a little too cutesy don't you think?"
Elliot laughed, "Okay…Ben…" he stopped rubbing her back and moved both hands to her stomach. "Which one is which?" he asked. "Which is Ben and which is Hudson?"
"I'm not sure," she admitted. "Maybe that can be a surprise when they're born…see which name suits which one."
"If that's what you want," he agreed. "I kind of think the one that looks like me should be Benson…so he'll have my looks and your name…" he teased.
Olivia laughed, "Okay…the one that looks the most like you can be Ben…" she gasped, closing her eyes and moaning through gritted teeth.
"Hey…it's all right, " he took her hand and she squeezed it hard, "Try to breathe…" he ran his other hand over her stomach, "It's okay…they're okay…the contraction is almost over…" He felt her loosen her grasp and her body relaxed next to him. "See…it's over…" he said softly.
"El…" she said tearfully. "I'm glad you're here…"
"Me too," he wrapped her in his arms and held her close. "These guys are going to stay put awhile longer, Liv…I know it. Any pain, any weird feeling…you tell me immediately and we'll get to the doctor. Do you want to go to the hospital now?"
"No…I'm okay," she leaned into him and let him hold her closer. "I've been having them…I told you…just like earlier when we were coming back from the doctor. As long as I don't have four…"
"In an hour…yeah, I know," he leaned forward, kissing her lips and then pulling away with a smile. "I love you…and our family, Liv. I believe this is going to work out for us…for all of us."
"Me too," she nodded. "We should get back to sleep. I'm tired and you have Eli's appointment tomorrow."
"Okay," he helped her lay down and situate some pillows under her stomach before climbing in next to her and wrapping her in his arms.
June 26, 2015 3:15AM
Elliot wasn't sure what had startled him into wakefulness, but as he adjusted his eyes to the darkened bedroom, he heard Olivia's soft whimper and sat up quickly, staring at his wife who was grimacing in her sleep. He didn't want to wake her, but he was worried by her pained expression and the way her body seemed to contort while soft moans escaped her lips. Before he could decide whether or not to disturb her sleep, she opened her eyes and looked at him fearfully, "El…" her voice was weak and breathy. "I don't feel right…"
"What's wrong?" he asked gently. "Contractions…"
She bit her lip tearfully, "I guess…I mean they're not strong…but they hurt and I've been having them off and on all night…"
"All night?" he asked nervously. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
She shook her head sadly, "I didn't think it was that bad…I never had more than a couple in an hour, until the last few minutes or so…at first they felt like Braxton Hicks, but these are different. Last time I had some we went to the hospital and I just sat there for hours until they sent me home, so I thought tonight I'd rather just wait it out at home…"
"Damn," Elliot jumped from the bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor pulling them on. "Olivia…what were you thinking? I told you to tell me if you felt off…"
"I don't know what I was thinking," she admitted. "I'm sorry, El…" she closed her eyes, trying to breathe through the contraction that chose that moment to rip through her.
"It's okay," he sat next to her, rubbing his hand over the swell of her stomach and trying to help her steady her breathing. "We're going to the hospital." He helped her sit up and looked around the room for her clothes, "What were you wearing today? Those jeans, right?" He found them tossed to the side of the room and handed them to her.
She shook her head, "I can't wear those…my stomach hurts…they're too tight…"
"All right, just stay in your pajamas then," Elliot suggested, kneeling down and slipping her feet into the shoes he found laying on the floor by the bed. "Everything will be fine…they'll probably just check the twins out on a monitor or something and send us back home…but we'll go just to be safe…" he knew his voice sounded shaky and nervous and there was no way he was making her feel like everything would be okay. "Come on," he grabbed her arm and guided her to a standing position.
"Oh God…" she groaned, bending forward slightly and trying to breathe through the pain. "El…"
"You're okay," he assured her. He let her squeeze his hand and he rubbed her back until the contraction subsided. "I promise, Liv…everything will be okay…"
"What about the boys?" she asked, breathlessly. "Who's going to watch Eli and Noah?"
"Lizzie's here," Elliot reminded her. "I'll go wake her up and tell her we're heading to the hospital…it'll be okay."
"El…I'm sorry," she cried. "If they come early…it's all my fault…"
"It's gonna be okay," Elliot leaned forward, kissing her gently on the forehead. "They are going to be okay…even if they're born right now…they're thirty-two weeks…they'll be okay in the NICU…"
Olivia looked at him, her eyes filled with tears, "But what about Eli?" she asked sadly, bursting into full sobs and Elliot didn't have any answers for her.
He grabbed her arm and guided her toward the door, "Let's go…" were the only words he could find.
June 26, 2015 6:30 AM
"You doing okay?" Elliot asked, walking into Olivia's hospital room, a cup of cafeteria coffee in his hands. He took a sip of the steaming liquid and sat next to her bed, "Any more contractions?"
"I'm fine…"her voice was non-committal, lacking emotion as she stared blankly at the ceiling.
"Liv…" he reached over, trying to take her hand but she pulled it away. "Are you mad at me?"
"No…" she answered, less than convincingly.
"Olivia…" he sighed, sitting his coffee on the stand by the bed and looking seriously at his wife, "I know you're mad…"
"I'm not…" she turned to look at him, her face stained with tears. "Not at you…I'm mad at myself…"
"Liv…" he wanted to make her feel better, but he didn't know how.
"I should have woken you up," she cried. "I should have realized how strong the contractions were." She closed her eyes and her speech seemed to slur, "I…I'm…so…dizzy…"
"It's from the medication," he assured her. "You're gonna be fine. I'll get the nurse…"
"No…" she called out, opening her eyes and trying to focus on him. "I'm okay…I'm just really hot and my head feels fuzzy…"
"I think we should get the nurse," he said again, but she shook her head.
"I just want you," she said honestly. "I want you to forgive me…for not waking you up sooner…"
"Olivia, I do…it wasn't your fault," he insisted.
"I'm at a two…" she sobbed. "Dilated to a two at thirty-two weeks, El. Those stupid contractions were causing me to dilate and I just stayed in bed and did nothing…"
"Crying isn't going to make this better," he said, his voice quivering with fear and irritation. "Olivia…you have to stop this. The medication is working….the contractions have stopped…but if you keep bawling like this you're gonna work yourself into full-blown labor. Now, calm down…just stop this!"
Somehow his words seemed to resonate with her and she was able to force herself to stop crying. She looked at him, and she knew he was as scared as she was, and the fact that he tried to make her believe everything was fine in spite of it made her love him even more. "I'm okay…" she sniffled. "Hudson and Benson are okay…"
"Yeah," he forced a sad smile, "They're really good. Their heartbeats are strong…" he looked at the contraction monitor and smiled, "You haven't had any contractions in a while now."
She nodded, "Yeah…I think everything's better for now." She looked around the room and sighed, "I'm just gonna have to get used to this room." The doctor she saw when she was admitted had made it pretty clear that she would not be returning home until after the twins were born. Her own doctor would be there later to check on her, but she knew he'd agree. He'd mentioned the possibility of hospital bedrest numerous times and she knew it was going to happen this time. She'd failed at home, so they were going to keep her in the hospital where they could control her every move.
"It won't be so bad," Elliot tried to lighten the mood. "Let people take care of you…before you have to come home and take care of the babies…"
"El…I'm scared," she admitted. "I feel awful and I don't want to lose them…"
"You won't," he promised. "They're strong, Liv. Even if they came today they'd be all right with some care. Don't be scared."
"I want them to save Eli," she added. "I want that more than anything…I couldn't live with myself otherwise…"
Elliot nodded, "I know…but having them early is out of your control. All we can do is hope…pray…"
"I'm not sure I can…" she admitted.
"Please don't say that…" he felt tears stinging his eyes and tried to hold them back. "Olivia…it's all I have to hold onto…don't take that away."
"I'm sorry…" she said seriously.
"I love you," he whispered. "More than I've ever loved anyone…more than I knew I could love anyone…and it scares me to see you so hurt…to see you losing hope…I want to make things okay for you…"
"Oh El," she squeezed his hand and looked sadly into his eyes, "I love you…for being here…for taking care of me and the babies after all I've put you through…for being you…" she sniffled. "I just want to make things okay for you too…"
"You always do," he leaned forward, kissing her softly. "You always have."
"My head hurts…and I feel so lightheaded," she closed her eyes, trying to ease the dizziness.
"I wish the meds to stop the contractions didn't make you feel so crummy. I'll get you some water," he suggested, but she held his hand tighter and wouldn't let him go. "Olivia?" he asked…"Honey…"
"Just stay with me," she pleaded. "Don't leave…my head hurts so much…"
"I'm here…" he promised. "And I'm not going anywhere…"
"My head hurts…" she said again and the pain in her voice scared him.
"It's okay," he ran his hand across her forehead, feeling the heat of her skin and wondering if it was a fever or yet another side effect of the drugs. "Just keep your eyes closed…I'm here…" He reached to the side of her bed and pushed the buzzer for the nurse. As much as he wanted to convince her that everything was fine, he was more afraid than he'd ever been.
"I'm hot…" she moaned. "I feel sick…my head is pounding…"
"I know," he whispered. "Just stay calm…I'm here…everything is fine…" he felt like he was lying, but he knew he had no choice. He just hoped the nurse would be there soon. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead and brushing her hair back from her face, "I love you…" he said again.
"Me too…" she mumbled, her words barely audible.
"You're gonna be okay," he promised again, more to convince himself than her. "Everything is just fine…"
More soon...