Hey all...I know it's been forever. I took a hiatus while I was attempting to expand my family...sort of got it in my head that I would update again when I was pregnant, but since that hasn't happened yet, I decided it wasn't fair to just drag this on. Since I finished ISH, I figured I have no excuse to keep from writing this one. So I wrote a chapter. It isn't long, and I'm trying to get back into the swing of this story, so it isn't all that great of a chapter either. Hope you enjoy it anyway. I'm going to try to update it more frequently...I promise.

June 26, 2015 1:30PM

"How's she doing?" the nurse whispered as she walked into the room.

Elliot lifted his head to look at her, nodding and sighing, "I think she's okay. She's been asleep for a while."

The nurse smiled, and checked the monitors, writing a few things on Olivia's chart. "I need to take her vitals, but I don't want to wake her right now. I'll come back in a while. She needs some sleep."

"Thanks," Elliot said, watching the nurse leave the room and then staring back at his wife. He was worried about her…she was so sick, and the babies were going to come soon no matter how hard she was trying to convince everyone she could keep them in a while longer. She was doing that for Eli's sake, and while Elliot loved her even more for the sacrifice she was making for his son, he knew he couldn't let it go on any longer. When the doctor had come in earlier he explained that the medication she was taking was making her blood pressure rise and drop without warning, was causing nausea and dizziness, and was leaving Olivia feeling like she was suffering from a bad case of the flu. He'd also made it clear that this medication couldn't be used long-term. A week or two at the most, and then they'd have to give in to the inevitable. Elliot let his hand rest on the swell of her stomach, and she moaned a little in her sleep, causing him to pull his hand away quickly. "I have to go to Eli's appointment," he said in a whisper, not wanting to wake her, but not wanting to leave without saying good-bye either. "I love you."

"Me too…" she mumbled.

"Are you awake?" he asked, surprised by her response. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," she opened her eyes and they looked glassy and weak. "Tell Eli I love him."

"I will," he promised, leaning forward and kissing her gently. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? You get some sleep."

"Can you bring Noah up when you come back," she asked. "I miss him…I want to see him."

"I don't think it's a good idea tonight," he said. "Liv, I want to stay here tonight and I can't do that if I bring Noah."

"You don't have to stay," she said, closing her eyes to shield them from the light. "I'll be okay alone."

"I want to," he insisted. "I want to be here with you and the twins…I want to take care you. I promise, I'll get Noah in the morning."

"El…" she whispered. "I'm so sorry…"

"For what?" he asked. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I wanted to carry them to term," she sighed. "But they're not gonna make it that long. The doctor said so. What about Eli? What are we going to do?"

"You can't worry about that now," he said gently. "You just take care of the twins…okay? You'll get them here safe and sound and then we'll take things from there. Don't worry…"

"I can't help but worry," she added. "I never expected this…any of this…" she closed her eyes, drifting back to sleep.

Elliot looked at her, "Neither did I," he admitted. "Neither did I."

June 26, 2015 6:00PM

Olivia was sitting up in bed, eating dinner when Elliot came back later that evening. She looked better than she had earlier in the day and he smiled from the doorway as he watched her take bite after bite of her dinner. At least her appetite was back. "You look better," he smiled, walking over and sitting down next to her. "Are you finally hungry…" he rubbed his hand over her stomach and she shook her head.

"The nurse is making me eat," she sighed. "This food is gross…my stomach hurts."

"I know… he nodded, picking up the cookie from her tray and taking a bite. "You want me to help you out?" he teased as she grabbed the cookie from him. "What?" he laughed. "You said you didn't want to eat."

"Well why don't you volunteer to eat this green mush," she said, pointing to the vegetable soufflé, "Not my chocolate chip cookie. That's the best option on the tray."

Elliot laughed, "Do you want me to go get you something else?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm fine. How was Eli's appointment?"

Elliot's smile faded and his face was serious. "He needs treatment. They don't think he's strong enough for chemo again."

"What are they going to do?" she asked nervously.

"The doctor wants to put him on the ATRA medication without the chemo," he sighed. "He thinks it will force the cancer back into remission temporarily until we can find a donor. I hate what that medication does to him…but there's no other choice…"

"What does the medicine do to him?" Olivia asked sadly.

"It makes him sick. He has debilitating headaches, high fevers…" he sighed. "He'll probably be in and out of the hospital."

"Oh no," Olivia said tearfully. "El…I'm sorry…"

"It's gonna be hard…going back and forth between there and here," Elliot stood up and walked to the window, staring out at the evening sky.

"You can stay with him," Olivia offered. "I'll be okay here, El."

He turned and looked at herm shaking his head, "I need to be here too. If something changes…if the twins have to be born quickly…I don't want to miss it. Benson and Hudson are my sons too, Liv."

"I know that," she said sadly. "But they're gonna be fine. I feel like you should be with Eli if he's sick. He needs you."

"Well, for now he's going home with Kathy, stopping for ice cream and heading to bed," Elliot walked over and sat back down. "So, you and the boys are stuck with me for the night."

"I think we can handle that," she winked and he leaned forward, kissing her softly on the lips.

"Excuse me," the nurse walked in the room, and they both pulled away from the kiss to look at her. "I'm sorry to interrupt…" she smiled, "But it's time for your medicine."

"Already?" Olivia groaned. "I feel okay…and I hate that stuff…"

"I know," the nurse nodded. "But we want to keep the contractions to a minimum."

"I know," she sighed, and Elliot could see the look of anxiety and fear on her face.

"Liv…if you want to stop the meds," he suggested. "It's okay…I know how bad they make you feel. I hate seeing you like that. I think the twins would be okay if they were born now…"

She shook her head, "Two weeks…the doctor said they can get the cord blood if I make it to thirty-four weeks," she insisted. "I can do this. For Eli…"

He reached out and squeezed her hand while the nurse administered the drugs, "I'm not leaving you," he promised. "I'm gonna help you through this…don't worry…"

"I know," she smiled weakly. "I love you, El…everything's going to be okay."

June 27, 2015 3:30 AM

"You're gonna be all right," Elliot's voice quivered despite his struggle to stay strong for his wife. She was on her side, an attempt to regulate her breathing and heart rate, and she was too weak to do anything more than whimper. The medication was too much for her to handle, and the nurse had called the doctor who hadn't shown up yet, while Elliot continued to try to reassure her that she was going to be fine. "Liv…can you hear me?" he asked nervously, carefully using a cool, damp cloth to wipe her forehead. "The doctor's coming…"

"I'm okay…"she sputtered. "I just feel…" her voice trailed off and her eyes closed. "I'm gonna throw up…" and Elliot managed to get the last clean hospital tub to her just in time for her to get sick for the third time in as many hours. "I can…" she retched. "I can do this…two more weeks…"

"I know you want to do this, Liv," he brushed back her hair from her face. "But you don't have to…not anymore. It's okay. No more medicine. It isn't good for you or the babies." Her eyes closed, and her breathing steadied. Elliot sat the tub on the floor and watched his wife. He knew how much she wanted to the medication to extend the pregnancy, but the side effects were too risky and they both knew it.

"Elliot?" the doctor walked in and the nurse was beside him. "How's she doing?"

"Not good," he sputtered. "Look at her. You have to do something. She can't do this anymore…"

"My head hurts…" Olivia's voice quivered. "I'm worried about the twins…I think I'm dying…"

"You're going to be okay," the doctor tried to reassure her while he completed the exam. "Olivia…" he whispered. "I want you to try to sleep, okay? You'll feel better when you wake up," he forced a sad smile. "The twins are fine. Good heartbeats. Okay…just relax…and we'll give you something for the headache and the nausea."

She wanted to argue, but she didn't have the strength and before they even finished administering the new medication she'd fallen asleep.

The doctor motioned Elliot into the hall and he quickly followed. "What's going on?" Elliot asked nervously. "It's the medication, right? Can you stop giving it to her…"

The doctor nodded, "The medication to stop the contractions is making her sick. Her blood pressure is bouncing from dangerously high to extremely low. That's causing the headaches and the nausea. I'm a little worried that if we don't stop the medication, that she could have a stroke. The pregnancy has been tough on her body anyway…twins and her age…now this blood pressure issue…"

"Then deliver the twins," Elliot insisted. "They'll be okay, right. A little small…"

"I think when she wakes up, we'll see how her blood pressure is and the heart rates of the babies," the doctor explained. "We'll go from there."

"I don't want her to go through this anymore," Elliot insisted. "She can't do it. It's going to kill her."

"Without the medication, she won't have the blood pressure issue," the doctor explained. "The babies are still very small and their lungs aren't fully developed. It would be better to keep them in as long as we can naturally. We'll give her steroid shots to strengthen the babies' lungs…and she'll probably go into labor on her own within a week."

"Is there another medication to try?" Elliot asked nervously.

The doctor shook his head, "Nothing that can prevent labor long-term. This was really our only option, and I knew it was a long-shot. We're going to keep her in bed, as comfortable as possible, and try to ease the contractions…but the babies are going to come sooner rather than later. We have a good neonatal intensive care unit...so we'll be able to treat them and hopefully they'll grow quickly. I'm sorry I don't have better news."

"What about the cord blood?" Elliot asked. "My son's cancer is back. Is there any chance…"

The doctor sighed, "I know you are depending on the cord blood…if we can go even another week…we might have a chance."

"She's gonna beg to go back on the medicine," Elliot said knowingly. "She keeps saying she can handle it."

"Well, she can't," the doctor said matter-of-factly. "And I know she'll argue, but we have to move forward with this new plan. She's my patient and I can't let her kill herself trying to keep those babies in longer."

Three hours later, Elliot was asleep in the chair next to his wife's bed when he felt her hand reach out and rub against his. He raised his head and looked at her, giving a weak smile. "Hey, how're you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm okay," she insisted. "My head feels better."

"Are you still nauseous?" he asked. "Do you need me to get you something?"

"El…" her eyes filled with tears. "The doctor isn't going to let me stay on the medication, is he?" she asked anxiously.

He stood up from the chair and sat next to her on the bed. "It's not safe for you," he said gently. "It's not safe for the babies either. They're gonna give you steroids to strengthen their lungs…so they can grow stronger in the NICU…"

"The NICU?" she asked sadly. "They're not just gonna be small, are they? They're gonna be sick?"

"They don't know for sure," Elliot answered. "They might surprise us."

"What about the cord blood?" she asked. "Eli's cancer…"

"I know," he tried to hold in his own tears. "But Liv, they're gonna still try to get enough cord blood from the babies…and really there was never a guarantee anyway. We don't even know if they match."

"You're the one who's said all along that they do," she argued. "El, I can do it a little longer. I swear…"

"No, you can't," his voice lacked the caring tone is should have had and he realized he sounded more angry than concerned. "He said you're gonna have a stroke. We can't let that happen. You have three kids to worry about, Liv…"

"I'm worried about Eli too," she said softly.

"There's nothing else we can do," he sputtered. "Just wait it out, and hope they can get enough cord blood when the twins decide to come. The doctor said it could be a week…maybe less…"

"El…I meant what I said about the other embryos," she cried. "We can test them. If one matches Eli, I'll have another baby…I know this pregnancy has been hard, but…"

"Liv, just stop," Elliot looked seriously at her. "We're not having another baby. Don't you realize…Eli won't make it that long…" he let his tears fall and Olivia didn't know what to say to him. There were no options left and they were facing the inevitable. Premature twins, a terminally ill child…and there was no relief in sight.

"I'm sorry Elliot," she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm so sorry…"

He gave her hand a light squeeze, then pulled it away, placing it carefully on the swell of her stomach where he could feel his sons fighting for space. They were so safe and warm right now, but in a matter of days they'd be forced too soon into the cold, harsh world. They'd be too small, and probably need oxygen or even machines to help them breathe. He'd have to watch two more of his children fight for their lives. "Life isn't fair…" he whispered, and for the first time he questioned the choice he'd made to become a father at all. He couldn't protect his family, and the pain was unbearable.

More soon...