Disclaimer: I don't own The Infernal Devices, because if I did, I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer.

Chapter 2 is here.

Thank you all who have followed and favorited it means so much to me that you haven't given up on me.

HUGE thank you to MagicAndSparklez and Beautifully Falling who have been just so lovely from day one like a year ago.

Who I Used to Be

x-x-x

The biting cold of the early morning London air pierced through Cecily's thin training gear; causing her to involuntarily shiver. Gabriel hesitantly reached for her hand, his calloused and rough skin barley brushing the soft porcelain skin on her left hand. Feeling bold, Gabriel laced their fingers together. She smiled to herself, the feeling of his hand in hers just felt so… right.

She had held his hand once before, the night before the battle against Mortmain, when Gideon was proposing to Sophie. But this was entirely different. Then his hand was stiff and unwelcoming. Now, it was soft, warn, memorable.

They continued down the nearly empty streets of London.

Gabriel turned his head to look at Cecily; she looked back at him through her long lashes.

"Do you remember the night you told me I was not a coward for being loyal to the Lightwood family name?" Gabriel asked.

"Yes, very well." She replied, smiling at the fact that he remembered it too.

"I told you about my life, before I left Chiswick."

"That you did." She said, sceptical of where this conversation was headed.

"Well, those nights that I told you about, of banging on the door of the study; there's more to it then I told you." He said, less confident towards the end.

He had a faraway look in his eyes. Cecily deemed that he was probably recalling those restless nights.

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, anchoring him back to the present, to her.

"What is it?" she whispered; placing her free hand on his cheek. "What's troubling you, Darling?"

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

"One night, after begging him to speak to me for at least an hour, he responded. At first I thought I had imagined it. That the lack of sleep had finally caught up to me. But I hadn't imagined it. His reply was just over a whisper, but it was a reply.

"A reply from my father, not that monster who killed my mother and forced my brother and I out of our own home, my father; the one who had cared for us when we were young, before his mind was poisoned by the desire for power." A tear slipped down his cheek, and Cecily smoothed it away before it made it passed his left cheekbone.

His eyes were pressed shut as he spoke again.

"He told me that he was sorry, that he missed my mother and brother as much as I did; then he called my name. Once…then twice; I wanted to reply, but it was as though there was a block in my throat preventing me from responding. I just couldn't."

He took in a shaky breath before continuing.

"He asked if I had given up on him; if I hated him for what he did to my mother, and to the Lightwood family name. He called my name again, pleading, and all I did was knock. I knocked once in the hard wood floor, for I couldn't seem to conjure up any words. And he knocked back. That was the last I heard of my father, my real father."

"Oh, Gabriel," Cecily breathed, for she didn't know how to respond to that. She tried her best to comfort him, idly running her thumb across his cheekbone.

"After that I was like stone." He continued, shaking his head "And I hated myself for it. But it was the only way I could hide my pain. The pain that my father's choices and actions had caused me. I became a brick wall and each person who I came in contact with was like another hammer, trying to break me down.

"But I remained as strong as I could, praying that if I shut them out enough times, they would just go away. Thankfully, most of them did. Until I met you, Cecy." And he opened his eyes then; for the first time since he started his story

And for once, she didn't see a man blinded by pain and anger. She saw a man who was broken, but could still be repaired. His green eyes were sparkling with passion and shining as the sun peeked over the horizon.

"You were the one person that refused to be pushed away. No matter how hard I tried to push you away, you didn't give up on me. Until one day, you broke my wall. You taught me how to love, that we are not out parents; and we shouldn't carry the burden of their decisions or their sins. We should be better."

Cecily looked him in the eyes, hers were bright and alive whilst his were sad and broken, yet burning with the fire that she gives him whenever she is near him.

She brushed her lips against his for a small moment, before returning to their previous state. She stared into his eyes as if seeing past them into his soul.

"We are better."

x-x-x

Love Always,

If-x-you-x-knew