Author's Comments: Sorry I was gone for so long. First I thought the last chapter posted several days ago, but it didn't. Then I spent the last couple days working on another project—a real one! Lol.

But the last episode softened me to the idea of Tuckson—it was kind of sweet the way he said he was always looking out for her (although I still call B.S. Liv: Am I supposed to just forget that you tried to lock me up for murder?).

Chapter Ten

Confusion fogged Olivia's brain, partially due to the pain meds, she knew, but also because of the pain itself, and not just the physical kind. People made her move—nurses forced her to get up, said it was either that or a catheter. At this point, she would have been content to just turn into a puddle on the bed and never move again.

Noah's babysitter Lucy brought him in for a visit, and he ran happily to her bed, shrieking "Mommy!" But he began to fuss when Lucy and Elliot wouldn't let him up on the bed with her, and that made Olivia tear up, misery overcoming her in deep waves when she realized how much this whole ordeal had affected her.

Finally, she couldn't take any more of his little arms reaching up to her, and she patted the bed in front of her and said to Elliot, "Set him up here." When he gave her a stern look, she said, "Please, Elliot."

So Elliot picked him up in one fell swoop and set him gently down in front of her on the tiny free space on the bed. Olivia scooped him in her arms and held him tight, and he didn't try to squirm away, just closed his eyes like he could fall asleep right there.

"Has he had a nap?" she asked groggily.

"No, not yet. He'll take one when we get home," said Lucy.

Olivia got in as many wet kisses and cuddling hugs as she could before Lucy took Noah away, and then she felt an empty space with his departure.

Elliot must have read her mind, because he moved in close and swept up her hand, saying, "It's hard being away from them when they're little." She didn't answer, just wiped away a tear, and he said, "It's so good to see you as a mom. I knew you'd be a pro at it."

"Thanks, Elliot."

But with Noah gone, there was nothing left but a huge chasm of grief and hot flames at her back from the hell of her wounds. A deep haze settled over her mood, partially caused by the continuous supply of pain meds, intensified by deep shame and degradation when flashbacks washed over her. At the bottom of the pit of despair were her memories of how Tucker had deceived her. She tried to hold it in, but hot tears wet her cheeks and she had to sniff them back.

Elliot gave her hand a squeeze and said, "Are you in pain?"

She didn't know how to answer that question without getting into the true cause of her pain—not the marks on her back, but the love she had felt for this man who had betrayed her. So she just nodded, whispering, "Yeah, it hurts," before shutting her eyes to fall into another restless sleep.

The doctors had Olivia so drugged up that she didn't even seem like herself. But then again, Elliot knew she needed the relief.

He had turned away countless visitors. When Fin had come to see her, and then Rollins, she had said she didn't want to see anyone but Elliot. As flattered as he felt, he wondered about her social isolation at a time when she needed to see how much the people around her cared about her.

Late that night, the second night of her stay, she began to fidget more than usual, and then she moaned. He stared at her closed eyes, wondering if he should just leave her alone to try and sleep or try to help her. Then she winced, and he said, "What is it, Liv?"

She opened her eyes, beckoning him with her wrinkled brow. "Hurts," she said. "I've pushed the button for pain meds five times and it's not working."

"They can only give you so much," he said, brushing a strand of dark hair away from her head with one finger. "But I'll see if I can get someone in here."

He found a nurse, and she changed the pain meds in Olivia's IV. Her face visibly relaxing, she said, "Mmm . . . that's better." And then her eyes closed, and Elliot decided now would be the time for more coffee.

When he got back to her room, she was squirming again, and she mumbled something at him. He leaned in close so he could hear her.

Her eyes barely open and glazed over, she mumbled, "Where were you?"

He snatched her hand into his again and said, "I just went to get coffee. It's okay."

Her words running together, she said, "No, I mean, where were you? I needed you."

The words brought back a déjà vu memory of Tucker's apartment, when he had sat by her side waiting for the ambulance. "Where have you been?" she had said, and he had thought she was admonishing him for not getting there quick enough.

He had to find out what she meant. "Liv, what are you talking about? Do you mean where was I right now? I just went to get coffee."

She slurred her words so bad her could barely understand her, but he managed to make out what she was saying. "All those years, you were gone. I needed you, El . . . why weren't you here?"

Her eyes closed and her hand went limp, and he didn't even know if she was still awake, or the sandman had taken her away into a deep, dark slumber. But he had to let her know, had to tell her. He leaned over her unmoving body and brushed back the hair from her ear so he could whisper into it, "I wish I could have been here. I was too full of pride, and too stupid, and too afraid. I'm sorry, Liv. I'm here."

Then he leaned down and kissed her sleepy head, and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it too. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm here now, Liv."