"Hey, Shigure-Aneki."

"Hm?"

"What equipment pieces did'ja say ya had again? The ones that Admiral gave ya?"

"Oh...um, let's see...two 12.7cm Twin Gun Mount Model B Kai 2's, my Type 22, and my Type 13."

"...Shigure, you do realize that you can't carry four gear pieces, right? Your fourth slot's locked."

"E-Eh? Oh, you're right...but then why did Admiral tell me..."

"He forgot that Kantai Collection's a game. What a scrub."

"Wait, Kawakaze, why do you ask?"

"Low-key, I wanted ta gib 'em from ya so that I can use 'em for the upcomin' time trials...I can't let Suzu beat me."

"Ya bitch, ya know I can hear ya, right?"

"Ah, crap."

"Jus' 'cause I'm at the end 'a the goddamn table 'n jus' 'cause I'm the youngest..."

"Aw, jus' chill yer butt! It's jus' a game within a game, so don't get'cher panties all tied up!"

"I'm gonna tie YOUR panties in a bunch on the goddamn laundry lines 'n make ya hang there 'til Houshou-san takes ya down tomorrow!"

"Okay girls, settle down, settle down! Last segment is live in ten!"

"But...aren't Shigure-onee-chan and Yuudachi-onee-chan the strongest out of all of us?"

"Yes, but...Kawakaze and Suzukaze can catch up. Or at least that's what they think..."

"It ain't jus' what we think, they're only stronger 'cause they got higher levels!"

"Alright, it's live!"

"Alright, we're live with the final segment of the Shiratsuyu-Class Special! Last time we - "

"Again with the stupid fuckin'...agh, forget it..."

" - left off with Samidare's thoughts on life here at the Naval Base! Next up, we've got the beautiful snowy ship girl recently acquired from the last event, Umikaze! Umikaze, what're your thoughts about this base?"

"Oh, my thoughts? Um, well - it's - well, this...this is a bit embarrassing to say, but..."

"Oooh? An embarrassing thing? Even better, let the whoooooole world know your most passionate secrets, Umikaze! Come, come, don't be shy~!"

"Shiratsuyu-onee-san, you're starting to sound like a pervert."

"Wha? No, I would never..."

"Yes...yes indeed, you would never, after we all caught you groping Umikaze in the changing room outside the showers..."

"Goddamn it, Shigure!"

"I'm still very disappointed in you. Please remember that."

"Um...while that too was quite embarrassing, that...wasn't it..."

"Oh, right, yeah, speak, Umikaze! Speak!"

"It's...it's when...when the Admiral asked me to marry him..."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"

"HE PROPOSED TO YAAAAAA!? ADMIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL, YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD - "

"I feel as though I must take some very drastic actions tonight..."

"M-Murasame-onee-chan, y-you look s-scary with that big anchor in your hands..."

"He's supposed to marry me first! Admiral, you two-timing, scheming, fraudulent - "

"GIRLS!"

"A-Ahem! A-Anyway, please continue, Umikaze-san."

"Um...his proposal...it wasn't serious, he simply said it out of impulse because he said he loved my hair..."

"What a weirdo. Damned hair fetishists."

"I know, right. Fucker should jus' go explode somewhere. What does he think we are, heroines from some kinda eroge?"

"Well, Kankore is rated R-18 after all."

"So basically, what'cher sayin's that half the people who play this game are actually underage."

"Sssshhhhh, don't spoil DMM's trade secrets! They'll ban you!"

"S-So if the Admiral actually does marry you, does that mean he'll d-do you-know-what with you!?"

"What? What's 'you-know-what'?"

"Well, when he takes you into his room..."

"Turns off the lights..."

"Brings you to bed..."

"AND READS YOU A BEDTIME STORY!"

"Yeah, I love bedtime stories, poi!"

"SAVED, BOYS! FUCKING SAVED!"

"Yeah! Gimme some, Suzu!"

"Wow, you two get along really well, don't you."

"BFF's for life. Outside 'a time trials, 'a course."

"Speaking of which, moving on from Umikaze, next we have Yamakaze, but because she isn't even in the game yet, we'll have to skip her and go straight to our fiery redhead, Kawakaze! Kawakaze, what do you think is the best part about base life? Other than telling everyone you're the absolute greatest?"

"Uh, well, the best part's for me that I can two-vs-one against the Myoukou-Class, and I can prolly kick everyone's asses here. Except for Shigure-Aneki. She's the only one who can kick my ass. But really that's 'bout it."

"I just said not to talk about that."

"Too bad, I did. Seriously though, I didn't expect the food here ta be so great, y'know? I thought this was gonna be a bad rehash 'a the war from the old days, y'know, livin' off bad food 'n supplies. But it ain't that! We get good food, 'n the dorms are super comfy! Plus, the baths're great!"

"Not for you, they aren't."

"Huh? Suzu, whaddya mean? I wasn't bein' sarcastic, dafuq?"

"Don't lie, I always see you stealin' peeks at the other girls, especially when Murasame goes into the bath with ya."

"Oh my fuckin' - you jus' had ta bring that up, did'ja? For the record, my tits're bigger 'n yours, so you can go fuckin' eat a torpedo 'n shut right the fuck up!"

"Do I hear butthurt? Do I hear butthurt?!"

"Fuck you! Anyways, like I was sayin', the food's great, dorm's great, bath's great, everythin's great. Plus, the Admiral supplies us well 'n gives us the best equipment. Easy wins, easy life, ya feel me? Feels good bein' the best, man! Feels good, man!"

"Psh, yeah. Watch when Yuudachi kicks yer ass to the curb in the next time trials."

"Bullshit. Yuudachi-Aneki can't beat me."

"Hey, I so totally can, poi! I can prove it! The last time trials, I beat you, remember?"

"That's 'cause you were level 90 and I was only level 5! You were literally three seconds faster! Lemme repeat that: THREE SECONDS FASTER! With a goddamn eighty-five level difference!"

"Now you're just being nitpicky, Kawakaze! Kawakaze's a mean bully, poi!"

"N-Now, now, you two, please don't fight..."

"Don't worry, Harusame, we ain't fightin', we're jus' banterin'!"

"Yeah, speakn' 'a banter, your banter is fuckin' shit-tier. Get good, scrub."

"Why you lil - "

"Suzukaze, please!"

"Tch. Yer lucky Samidare's here, Kawakaze."

"Yeah. Oh wait, look at all the fucks I don't give...see, look, there they go...weeee..."

"Okay, if that's all that Kawakaze's got to say - "

"Oh, oh, wait, wait, one more thing! I like how everyone's so chill around here. If I wanna try my skill 'gainst other strong destroyers, 'gainst light cruisers, 'gainst heavy cruisers, 'gainst battleships, even, hell, there's always someone who's always up for a spar! I love it! Even if we both know I can't win, I still like the fact that everyone's willin' to help each other out, y'know? Help train up destroyers like me. I thought maybe people'd be all full'a 'emselves 'n not really give a shit 'bout us destroyers, but clearly that ain't the case. I like it."

"Great! So that was Kawakaze's take on the base, now finally let's move on to our very last member of the panel, Suzukaze! Suzukaze, what say you about life here in the naval base?"

"Well, believe it or not, I was one 'a the first ones outta all 'a us ta join this base. I was here even 'fore Shigure 'n Yuudachi came along. What everyone's said so far's cool 'n all, but I think the absolute best thing's that we all got each other now. We're fightin' all together now, fightin' a war we know we can win. This ain't gonna be like last time, so knowin' that as we sortie out 'n fight - it's really a great feeling."

"Ooooh, Suzukaze dropping the real talk? I like it."

"Not only that, but I think I'm speakin' for everyone here when I jus' think life in general is just fun here. Yeah, sure, you've all heard us banter 'n argue 'n talk shit a lot so far, but we're all sisters. When we get serious, we can do anythin'. It's totally awesome."

"Three outta ten, Suzu, too much mush, would not hear again."

"Shut the fuck up, Kawakaze, 'fore I give you a ten outta ten beatdown 'til yer runnin' off ta Umikaze cryin'."

"Psh. Talkin' big, are ya?"

"Maybe, but you won't be when yer cryin' like a lil' sum-bitch to Umikaze."

"Okay, okay, 'nough 'a that! So that brings us ta the end 'a our lil' live broadcast here, I wanna thank all our listeners for tuning into our first ever episode of the Shiratsuyu-Special! Our host for next time will be the Lucky Survivor herself, Shigure! Look forward to next week!"

"Bye~"

"Okay, girls, mics off, you're off the air!"

"Whew, finally we get ta blow this joint. I wonder if Irako-san's still out there makin' some more mizu youkan?"

"You jus' love mizu youkan, don't'cha."

"Mizu youkan is really good! I love the blueberry one!"

"Umikaze, wanna go get some 'n go to our room for some anime 'n chill?"

"I would love to~"

"H-Hey, don't leave me out!"

"We should all go together."

"Yeah! And we should watch One Punch Man, too! I heard from Yuubari-san that it's a great show!"

"Trust Yuubari-san ta know what's up with anime, huh?"

"Girls! Girls, you still need to hand the mics to me! Girls! Girls!? Oh, for the love of - "