22nd March 2014
There was a knocking on Xav's door and he called out for whoever it was to come in, turning away from the full length mirror attached to the inside of his wardrobe that he had been stood in front of. Zed entered the room and closed the door behind him. What struck Xav as odd was that Zed, who was usually very confident and brazen, seemed nervous. He was wringing his hands together and his demeanour seemed shy.
"Hey," Xav greeted him. He held up his hands, showing the two shirts he was holding. "Which one do you think? Blue or black? I know Ireland won't care what I look like, but I still want to look good for her. I just can't decide which one's best."
"Black is morbid, you'd look like you were going to a funeral. I'd wear the blue," Zed advised him.
Xav nodded his head in thanks and pulled the shirt on, buttoning it up. The blue shirt was actually one of his smartest and as he checked himself out in the mirror, he knew that it was the right choice and matched his favourite jeans perfectly. "So what's up?" He asked Zed, turning to face his youngest brother again. "I don't have long, I have to set off in half an hour."
"Yeah, I know." The brothers sat down on the edge of Xav's bed and Xav waited patiently for Zed to gather his words. "I need some advice, and you're the one I'm going to because... Well, because you're here really. It makes it easier than calling one of the others. And I can't talk to Yves because he doesn't have the experience."
"Okay," Xav said slowly, having no idea where Zed was going with the conversation. "Shoot. I'll try my best to provide some big brotherly advice, but no promises that it'll be any good."
Zed didn't laugh or even crack a smile at his joke. Instead he was blushing – a totally rare thing for Zed – and was frowning slightly. "Blue and I had sex for the first time on Tuesday. It was her first time but not mine, but it was our first time together," he babbled. His words didn't really even shock Xav all that much. Honestly, he'd thought Zed and Blue were already intimate, not that he'd thought a ton about it, but that was just down to Zed's past really.
"Oh God," Xav groaned. "Please tell me you used protection. You can't have been that big of an idiot. We don't need any more babies around here, thank you very much."
Zed's lips turned up into a little smile. "No, of course I did. It's not that. It's just... When you and Ireland were together, did it feel different for you? Different to any other girls, I mean."
"Why? Was it different for you?"
"God, yeah. It was so intense, Xav. I was literally shaking all over the whole time, and my heart was racing so fast I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. Seriously, I've never felt anything like it the whole time."
Xav tried not to smirk at how corny Zed sounded. Yet as corny as it was, Xav totally understood it. "It was the same for me. Our first time together was wild; it scared me. I think maybe it's because it was soulfinders connecting in the closest physical way possible? Or because she's the first girl that you've actually cared about and loved?" Zed and Xav were alike in the way that neither had had girlfriends before, not long-lasting serious ones anyway, so their relationships with their soulfinders were totally new to them. "Was that what you wanted to talk about?"
"Not exactly. I haven't seen her since, Elliott took the girls away for a couple of days. We've been texting, but it's felt a little awkward, and she's due back tomorrow. How am I supposed to act around her now? What if she regrets it? She didn't at the time, but now she's had to time to think... I'm just worried it's going to change things between us."
"Oh, it definitely will," Xav answered, nudging him with an elbow. "Zed, she loves you. If it's going to change things, it'll be for the best. It's just going to make you closer. With me and Ireland, it was at a time when I was still questioning her loyalty for her dad – after though, after feeling how special it was for us, I just knew that she'd choose me over Oliver, no matter how long it took her to. And I was right. Yeah, sex can ruin relationships, but I think with soulfinders it just strengthens the bond, you know?
"Just act how you usually do around her, and don't expect her to jump back into bed with you straight away. She might want to, or it might take her time to want it again. If you're that worried, just talk to her about it when she gets back tomorrow."
"Yeah I will. I've already caused problems by not talking to her about stuff, so I'll just check with her that everything's still fine with us. Thanks, Xav. I think I needed to hear that, just to stop me worrying so much."
"No probs," Xav stood up. He went over to his desk and pulled on the long dark coat thrown over the back of the desk's chair. "Listen, I better go. It's the first time I'm seeing her in there and I only get an hour. I don't want to waste a minute of it, so I can't be late."
"Yeah of course," Zed stood up and headed towards the door. He opened it but didn't leave straight away. Instead, he looked back over at Xav. "Tell Ireland thanks from me, alright? I know that doesn't even begin to cover what she's done for me, but she's the reason I still have a good future ahead of me. It's gonna be odd not having her around here for such a long time. I miss her."
Xav knew that Zed and Yves had come to rely on Ireland more than anyone in the family. She'd taken care of Karla, done all the cooking and washing and cleaning, made sure the boys got up for school every morning and grounded them when they stayed out past curfew. Really, she'd been like a mom to the youngest Benedict boys, despite only being a little older than them. Now they'd lost her. They'd lost another parent.
Xav gulped, trying not to get too emotional. "Me too," he replied. "I miss her too."
When Xav entered the visiting room of the prison, it was everything he had expected it to be. The prison was an hour away from Denver, a large ugly brick compound surrounded by trees. It soothed his mind a little that it was so secure even though he knew it was more to stop the prisoners escaping than for their own safety.
The visiting room was a big hall with about thirty or so tables, almost all of which were occupied. The tables were small and white, with one black plastic chair on either side of it. As he was led to a table near the opposite side of the room, he looked at the other prisoners as he passed them. It was visiting day for the women only, the men having theirs the next day, and there were many walking clichés here: butch women covered in tattoos, looking rough and grim as they faced friends and family members. Other prisoners didn't look as obvious, one of them even looked like the perfect housewife. He wondered what they were all in here for.
He sat at the table and waited a long time until he saw her. Well, it felt like a long time but the clock on the wall to his left said it had only been just two minutes. He pushed the chair back, standing up when he spotted her being led towards him by a female officer keeping a tight grip on Ireland's arm.
Ireland was looking straight back at him, her amber eyes wide. Her hair was down and messy, looking like it needed a really good brush, and she was wearing an orange jumpsuit that looked a size too big for her. When she got closer, he realised that there was a deep purple bruise under her left eye and her bottom lip was swollen. He'd known that fights happened in prison but he hadn't even thought of that happening to Ireland.
He moved to hug her when they reached the table, but the female officer put a hand out to stop him. "No touching," she said in a strict voice.
Defeated, Xav slumped back into his chair. They actually expected him to go twenty-two months without even being able to hug his soulfinder, or even hold her hand? This just made this all so much worse and when Ireland sat across from him and he saw the aching sadness in her gaze, he felt like crying.
She put her hands on the table, showing that her wrists were in handcuffs and gave him a smile. "Hey," she said quietly. "It's so nice to see you."
"Ireland. I'm so sorry, we tried our hardest to get the net to let you go free, Hazel was there all day with them fighting on your side. If I'd known that this would happen to you, I would have..."
As his voice trailed off, she finished his sentence. "Told the truth? No, you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have done that to Zed. Xav, it's okay. I expected to be in here a lot longer than that so I'm pretty happy with the outcome. It hurts that I'll only see you for an hour each week, but at least it's something."
Her words were along the same lines his family had been saying to try and make him feel better, and even coming from her it didn't make anything better. He looked at her face, trying to memorise just how beautiful she was to have an image to keep with him for the next week without her. His eyes lingered on the bruises and he gulped. "What happened?" He asked gently.
Ireland knew what he was talking about. "This is a savant prison, so a lot of the women here know who I am and what I've done. The men do too but we're only with them for two hours a day and they leave me alone because I stay near Evan's side, and they're pretty scared of him.
"There's a girl here who claims I killed her brother. She's probably right, but I've lost track of all my victims over the years. She was getting mouthy with me so I taunted her into a fight. She threw the first punch, but I got the best of her quickly. She had to go to hospital an hour later for breathing difficulties."
Xav made an audible gasp, looking at her as if she were insane. "Why would you do that?! You should keep your head down, stay out of their way. I don't even understand why you'd be so brutal, so calculatingly cold..."
"Don't look at me like that," she pleaded, shaking her head. "You don't get it. I can't keep my head down when it's well known to all of them that I'm a Hawk. The fight was Evan's idea and it made sense. I had to establish myself as being tough, as being someone they need to be afraid of. In here, I have to be the Ireland Hawk my dad brought me up to be. I got put in solitary confinement for the rest of that day, but since then all the other girls here have left me alone. I swear, this will probably be the only time you come here and find me like this."
Xav swore and ran a hand through his hair. He hated that she had been fighting and got in trouble for it, but he couldn't deny that it had been a good idea. If she couldn't blend into the background, then she needed to be at the top of the hierarchy and acting as a true Hawk was the easiest way to do that. Still though, he couldn't praise her on this; it just felt wrong to do so.
"You better be right. Please, I don't want you to get hurt."
"I'll be fine," she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She was hurting already, he realised. Maybe not physically, but it became clear to him that she was suffering with the knowledge of her sentence and there was nothing he could do about that. Of course she would be unhappy – who wouldn't be in her situation?
"Don't worry about me," she continued. "Look Xav, I don't want you to mope around about me being in here. I want you to be as happy as you can be. You need to carry on with university, become an amazing doctor. I'll be home for your graduation, just remember that. And I'll be so proud of you. Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself. Oh, and take care of your family. Especially Zed and Karla, but don't let caring for them take over your life."
"I can't even think about carrying on with my studies," he moaned. "How could I? I won't be able to focus."
"You have to. I'll never forgive you if you quit. Think of our future, one of us needs a good job and I don't see me being able to get one. Plus, this is your dream and I'll hate myself if you give that up for me."
"Fine," he sighed, knowing she was right. He couldn't put his life on hold just because she was in here. Yet he also didn't see himself being able to enjoy life very much without his soulfinder by his side. Since he'd met her he'd barely hung out with his friends, they didn't even know about Ireland or if they did they hadn't heard it from him, and he knew he should get in touch with them again. Partying didn't sound a very good idea to him though.
"I'll keep up with it, I'll look after everyone. They all miss you, by the way. Zed's torn up about it all, but I've made things okay with him already, so hopefully he won't do anything stupid. When you come out, the kids will all be older. The babies won't even know who you are, but we'll make up for the lost time.
"You know, my dad would have accepted you eventually. Just like mom has now. If he'd seen you do all of this for his family he would have been eternally grateful – and he would have used words like eternally grateful."
Ireland let out a short burst of laughter. Her eyes were shining with tears. "I love you," she said. "I love you so much. This is worth everything, you know that."
He nodded. "I love you too, I don't know how I couldn't after all that's happened. I'll wait for you, cupcake. I'll visit you every Saturday – I'll look forward to it each week, get excited to see you again. I'll be here the day you're released, waiting outside so I can take you home where you belong. I swear."
"You better be," Ireland grinned. He burned the image of her smiling into his mind. "I do have one more thing to ask you for though, and I feel so awkward asking and you can totally say no, alright?"
"What is it?" He asked cautiously, expecting the worst.
"Can we get married when I get out of here?" She blurted out. "I mean, I know that we're only nineteen now, so we'll only be about twenty-one when I'm released but... Well, I don't want to be a Hawk anymore. I don't want to have that name constantly associated with me and I don't want my own name as a reminder of my dad. Oh, and you know, I love you and want to spend my life with you, and all that. Like I said though, you can say no."
Xav cleared his throat, trying and failing to stop a smirk from appearing on his face. "Huh. Well. I always thought I'd be the one proposing and it wouldn't be in a prison for certain... I'm not sure Ireland Benedict has a good ring to it though, so I'm not sure that I should say yes. Besides, you didn't even get down on knee with a ring." He put a hand on his chest and pretended to be offended. "This is just a very big deal and I'm not sure I'm ready for the commitment yet-"
"Xav," she interrupted him, sounding exasperated. "A simple yes or no would suffice."
"Hmm." He rolled his eyes at her and laughed. "What the hell do you think? It's pretty obvious what my answer's going to be. Don't be silly. Of course it's a yes."
Author's note: I haven't been getting many reviews with the last few chapters and it's making me think that you're not liking them. I'm sorry if you're not. Thank you to those that are reviewing - I really appreciate it!
A hint about the next chapter: it's the final chapter!