Author's Comments: Sorry it took me an extra day to publish this chapter. I had to spend the night in the ER last night after passing out for no apparent reason. After 7 hours of waiting, and an EKG, and blood work, the ER doctor's official diagnosis is, "a fluke".

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed as soon as she crossed the threshold, focusing on Elliot's steadying hand on her sleeveless shoulder. I can just turn around and go back, she thought. I don't have to do this.

And then she smiled, remembering the moment earlier this evening when she had passed through a different door—the entrance to her bedroom—and Elliot's mouth had frozen open, gaping at her. She had chosen the short sequined blue dress that she loved so much but hardly wore, trying to add a touch of color to the shades of black and white in her life.

He had finally forced his jaw to close so that he could smile at her, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his mouth for a polite kiss. "You look . . ." he said, wordless for a second. But then he snapped out of his starry-eyed trance. "Radiant."

She smiled sheepishly. She wasn't used to making herself up for men—usually it was a matter of looking professional, or getting casual for a night out after work. But she had spent a long time on her eyes and lips, and getting a few curls in her long, straight hair, and finding just the right sparkling necklace to match the dazzling diamond earrings that she saved only for special occasions.

And if there was ever a special night, it was tonight. But she had one stop to make before she could relax and enjoy this evening with Elliot—she had to visit with Tucker first.

She didn't have to, of course. And she kept reminding herself of that, so that she could back out if waves of anxiety crushed her. But she knew she needed to do it, for her own sanity, so that she could leave that terrible night in the past and move on with her life.

As soon as she stepped through the door to the visitor's room, she was assaulted with sensations she had not experienced this intensely for several weeks—intrusive memories of a whip cracking, voices punishing her with their threatening tones, shadows of phantom assailants dashing through her line of vision. With her eyes still closed, she slowed her breathing with great effort, and then she reminded herself that she could leave the visitation room at any time. Besides that, Elliot's solid hand on her shoulder reminded her that she had someone here to protect her, if the impossible happened and Tucker broke through the chains that would bind him to the table.

She opened her eyes and moved toward the table where Tucker would soon be led out. Elliot pulled the chair out for her to sit, but she shook her head. Something about standing made her feel safer—she wanted to be able to bolt as far away from Tucker as fast as possible. Elliot stood behind her, his hand squeezing her shoulder to remind her of his presence.

The door opened, and a Mr. Clean-sized security guard led Tucker through the door and chained him to the table. Tucker cast an angry glance at Elliot, and then smirked at Olivia just before sitting down, and she focused on not showing any signs of the terror she felt, so she could prove to him how little he had gotten to her, even if it was a lie.

Despite her best efforts though, she broke out into a cold sweat, trying to keep beads of it from forming around her hairline by focusing on Elliot's hand sliding down the side of her arm until it grasped her gently at her side.

Tucker took advantage of the silence in the room to say, "You look amazing."

And she did—she had purposely dressed for her date with Elliot, in her blue sparkly dress and high heels, before coming to see him so that she could show him what he was missing. She did not acknowledge the compliment, however, merely stared at his face, noticing scuff marks below his eye and a gash on the opposite cheek, apparently fresh. Good, she thought. Maybe he had taken some hits while here in prison.

"Enjoying your stay in the castle?" she said, her eyes hardening.

"Enjoying the stripes on your back?" She fought the urge to ball up her hands into fists. His voice was like a cheese grater on her nerves. "I'm betting they've hardened into rutted scars by now," he said.

She felt Elliot start to surge toward Tucker, and she blocked him with her arm. "It's okay, Elliot," she said, "He can't hurt me anymore."

She watched Elliot back up until he was behind her again, resting his hand on her back. And then she and Tucker glared at each other, until she broke the silence between them with venom in her voice. "It's fine, Ed. You may have hurt me, but you never broke my spirit. And I'm not the one who has to sit in this hellhole for fifty years," she said, referring to the sentence he had been given for convictions of sex trafficking and rape, in addition to the aggravated assault charges he faced from his plea deal in her case.

She glanced away before meeting his gaze again, boring holes through him with her eyes. "I'll admit, you broke my trust so bad that I almost gave up on ever believing in another person. But as someone recently pointed out to me, I'm stronger than the experiences I've gone through, and I'm tough enough that I can build a life out of this even better than the life I had before."

Elliot ran his fingers gently down her back in support, and her muscles relaxed a little as she sighed. "So, I just wanted to come by and give you one final message before I never have to see your face again. Fuck you, Ed."

And then she spun on her heels and advanced to the door, turning to look back just in time to see Elliot fake-lunge at Tucker, causing him to flinch. But it was only when the guards escorted her outside the visitation cell and into the lobby that she felt she could actually take a breath, and only when Elliot took her by the hand and led her into the parking lot that her heart started once more, after feeling like she had hit pause on her pulse.

She turned to face him, and he brushed a strand of loose-curled hair back from her face to say, "I'm proud of you, Olivia Benson. That took a lot of courage."

She smiled, wrapping her arms around him before she said, "I don't know if I would have done it without you there, El." Then she pulled away from him and opened her own door, watching Elliot's eyes widen at her sudden glee. "Now let's go eat. I've suddenly got my appetite back."