Chapter Thirty-One
It took Elliot a small eternity to realize that Olivia was leaving when she turned away from the table—if it had been any other time in her life, he would have assumed she was just making a trip to the lady's room. By the time he realized the seriousness of her actions, she was halfway to the door. When he tried to catch up to her, a crowd of people walked in and got between him and the entrance. By the time he reached the outdoors, she was halfway down the street.
"Goddammit, not again," he muttered under his breath.
But he was going to get her this time.
He could just make out the sparkle of her dress under the street lights as she passed under them. She was travelling at a fast pace, but he sprinted down the sidewalk after her, knowing that as long as she didn't run, he could probably catch up to her before she disappeared into the night.
It took almost an entire city block and his last reserves of lung capacity, but now he was right behind her. Not knowing how delusional she was, he decided not to risk spooking her, so he didn't touch her. Instead, he shouted from behind, "Liv."
But she didn't stop, didn't answer, as if she hadn't heard him, so he said, "Liv" again, while coming up beside her.
He was too winded to keep calling her name, so as a last resort, he grasped her arm and said, "Liv, wait up."
At the contact from his hand, she halted and spun to face him, yanking her arm away from him. "Don't touch me," she said, the force of her words nearly knocking him over.
"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'm just trying to talk."
She stood for a minute, catching her breath, and he used the opportunity to do the same, still on alert in case she bolted. But she made eye contact with him this time, and he thought that was a good sign. "I'm sorry, El," she said, still panting, her eyes glimmering with a mixture of furious repentance. "I just had to get out of there. It was too stifling."
"Okay," he said, careful not to give in to his urge to touch her arm. "But I need you to talk to me. When you run off like that—"
"I'm sorry." She clutched her purse to her like it was a safety line.
"Are you having . . ." He stopped himself, trying to gauge her mental status without asking intrusive questions, but he had to know whether she was going to bolt again.
"No, I'm fine now. I just . . . I started to feel like the walls were closing in, and I needed fresh air."
He breathed out a huge bundle of air, but now he fought back anger. "So what are we doing, Liv?"
Her eyes turned from stars to diamond-speckled coals in a flash. "What do you mean, El?"
"I mean, I need to know where I stand." He didn't intend for his tone to sound so harsh, and he worried that he might scare her away, but he couldn't stop the words from gushing out of his mouth now. "And from where I'm standing, it looks like you're giving up on recovering, giving up on us."
Her lips drew into a tight line, her dress glittering in the lights of the city even as her scowling face drew a dark wall blocking him from her heart. "Fuck you, Elliot."
He threw his hands up. "What? You keep saying you don't think you can do it. But I know you can do it." He kept talking right through her shaking head. "I know you, and I know you're a fighter, and I keep telling you—"
"That's right," she shouted, her eyebrows crowded down over her eyes. "You keep telling me. You have no idea, Elliot! You have no idea what it's like to be me, to have gone through what I've been through. You have no idea the demons I fight off every second."
"So tell me!" He was up in her face now, he didn't care. He was tired of the pity party she threw for herself—he wanted her to snap out of it finally and come back to him. "Scream it at me. But whatever you do, don't give up."
"Whoever said I was going to?" she said, exasperation in her voice as she closed the space between them even more.
"You said—"
"I said I had doubts. I didn't say I was going to stop trying. There's a difference, Elliot."
They were practically nose to nose now, and he noticed how beautiful she was, even when she was yelling at him. He softened his tone a bit. "So what is it you're so afraid of?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she said, her eyes pinpoints of accusations. "Losing you."
He ran a hand over his head, not sure what to say to that. "And just how exactly am I supposed to prove to you that I'm not leaving you, Liv? I've told you over and over again, but I don't know how to convince you . . ."
Their eyes locked in a wishful, wistful gaze, and in hers he saw wonder and fear and uncertainty and something else—love, perhaps? He didn't know, but if he couldn't tell her how he felt and persuade her he wasn't going anywhere, he would have to show her, prove to her that his love for her was everlasting.
So he crossed the centimeters between them and kissed her lips, locked his onto hers like a vice, like he would die if they ever came apart. She didn't try to pull away, didn't flinch, just accepted his lips on hers and the flicker of his tongue in her slightly parted mouth. And then she grabbed his body, pulled him close to her, and he knew that he had her like a fish on a hook.
They stayed that way, lips locked together, mouths and tongues hungrily absorbing one another, breaths flaring out of nostrils in gasping huffs, for a seeming eternity, until the last star burned out in the sky. Her heart pounded into his chest, and then his joined in, forming a dreamy rhythm that spread down to the veins in his legs, until he had to pull away for fear he might lose control. His hands explored her hair as he breathed into her ear, "Let's get away from here. I know a place . . ."
She nodded, her eyes closed in pleasure, still trying to catch her breath. And then she opened them and looked at him, and the sparkle in her eye matched the gleaming of her dress. "Yeah," she whispered. "Let's go."
She didn't know how it had happened, but they were now in a bar. And not just any bar, but the same one she had met him in the first time after he got back into town. He had led her in by the hand, and somehow she hadn't felt the need to run away. Instead, she was tranquil, calmed by the idea that she could slip into the shadows of this dark place and nobody could ever find her.
But she grasped onto Elliot's hand, holding it like an anchor and a promise of the future. He took her to an oasis of quiet in this noisy place, and waited like a gentleman for her to slide over. She caught him watching her out of the corner of her eye, his face mesmerized, like he was seeing his favorite celebrity in person. She smiled to herself, feeling a sudden surge of power over him.
His eyes never left her as he scooted in across from her, and then he clasped her hands on top of the table. She held back a shy smile, suddenly feeling like they had just met for the first time. He ordered drinks for her and said, "You hungry?"
"Not really," she said, her voice low and husky, and her tone came out a little flirty, to her embarrassment.
But by the look on his face, he didn't mind, flashing her a slightly up-turned mouth. The magic of the moment only lasted a moment before the darkness tried to fill in the spaces, though, and twinges of uncertainty filtered through her chest, causing it to constrict. "What if—"
He hushed her with a finger to his lips. "Listen to this song," he said, staring out into the thin air, cocking his head to the side.
She focused on the sound coming from the jukebox, and realized it was a song by Adele. Elliot was on his feet before she could even blink, holding out his hand to her. "Wanna dance?" he said, and she only hesitated for a nervous second.
The music sounded out as he led her to the empty dance floor:
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again.
He pulled her into his chest, their outstretched hands clasping, and they swayed ever-so-slightly to the melody, flashes of lights glimmering around them.
You make me feel like I am fun again,
You make me feel like I am young again.
She closed her eyes and leaned into him, her feet moving in time with his, her breath matching his, her head resting against his temple.
However far away, I will always love you.
His hand tightly clutched her back, and it was hard to believe this was the same hand that beat Tucker to a pulp in retaliation for what he did to her. This same vengeful hand now held her gently, guiding her on the dance floor, and she marveled at the peace she felt at that revelation.
He brushed a wisp of hair away from her ear so he could whisper, "Liv, you're so beautiful."
She smiled into his face, and he must have felt it, because he turned enough to reach her lips, engaging them in a slow, sweet kiss. When he let go, she gasped, resting her forehead against his, feeling like nothing could ever go wrong again. "Can we . . . go back to my place?" she said softly.
He looked into her eyes, creases forming in his forehead before he answered. "I . . . want to, but . . ."
She closed her eyes and sighed. She would have to prove to him she was sane, and how did she do that? "Elliot," she said, giving him a determined stare. "I'm here. I'm with you, not off in some paranoid delusion where vicious criminals are waiting to assault me around every corner."
He didn't say anything, just stared at her in bewilderment at the dilemma he faced, and she knew he would be reluctant to allow her intimacy into his world if he wasn't completely certain she was capable of consenting. "Elliot," she said, squeezing his shoulder. "I don't know what to say to convince you, but you're going to have to trust me. Have I sought out drugs? Have I been drinking heavily? You've seen me—I've been out of the house, I haven't flipped out. Aside from tonight, I haven't been spooked. I'm ready, and . . . forget it."
She turned away from him, tired of feeling like she was on trial, defending her own character. As she started to walk away, he grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her until she faced him. "Liv, wait," he said.
She sighed again. "Elliot, I'm tired of this. I want you. I want to be close to you again, and I . . ." She sucked in her gut, getting up the courage to say what needed to be said. "I love you."
The world didn't really stop, but it might as well have, because for a few moments nothing existed but the two of them, looking into each other's souls, as if they saw each other for the first time. Something about the words triggered something in him, and in her, and she couldn't believe they hadn't verbalized yet what they had both known all along. "I . . . I love you, Liv," he said, as if she had ever doubted it.
And then the world spun around them rapidly, like they were on a drunken high, while their lips met, their mouths joining together, sending spirals of sparkly joy down her spine and into her legs. Her heart pounded into her chest, firing warmth into her belly, and she knew now it was time to go, before she pushed him onto the floor right here and now and got arrested.
Barely inside her door, Elliot pressed her into the wall, taking her breath away with his lips all over hers. His bulging muscles strained to hold her there, but she wasn't afraid. She gave back as hard as he did, shoving her crotch into his thigh, and then moaning loudly, not scared to let him know how he made her feel.
She felt his manhood pressing into her hip now, and she said in a low, breathy voice, "Take me to the bedroom, El."
He froze, staring at her with hungry eyes, and then he lifted her into his arms, honeymoon style, and carried her the entire way without hesitating. When he deposited her onto the bed, the clothes came off fairly quickly, even as gentle as he was. And then his hands swept over her body, savoring every nook of her, and she melted into him, enjoying the strength of his fingers in her flesh.
When he entered her, she gasped, closing her eyes to relish the bliss caused by their merger. The ecstasy nearly unbearable, every other thing in the world became shut out of her awareness, and the only thing that existed in the world was his manhood pressing into her. The pleasure accelerated, spreading throughout every nerve ending from the base of her spine up to the back of her skull, until she might explode, and she couldn't hold back a moan from her lips any more. He responded by rocking her more vigorously, and she curled her toes when her body pulsed, accepting his erupting ejection into her.
And then she gulped, not wanting this moment to end, but knowing she would have to return to earth now. But it was okay, because his body encircled her, cushioning her fall and protecting her from the outside world, and nobody—not Tucker, not Lewis, could penetrate the fortress he formed around her. He lay on top of her, stroking her hair and planting gentle kisses on her temple. "Elliot," she said, wanting to cry from elation. "I think you're right."
"About what?" he whispered.
She opened her eyes to find his gaze so close to her, she didn't know if it was possible for any two humans to be closer. His fading erection still inside her, she didn't move, didn't want him to ever leave her. "I'm going to heal, and I'm going to get better."
He nodded. "I know you will. Because you're Olivia Benson."
"But," she said, and his eyebrows lowered in worry. "Not only am I going to get back to my old self, I'm going to grow from this whole experience, because you were there to pull me up. You were my anchor, Elliot Stabler, and I'm never going to forget that."
Her voice cracked with the last few words, and he wiped away a tear that had started to form in the corner of her eye. "And I'll never let you forget it either, because I'm going to be right here to remind you. You saved me too, you know. You're my angel, Liv, and you showed me what it is to be alive for the first time in my life."
She smiled up at him, holding back tears, and he leaned down and gave her a kiss so passionate that made her realize she was better off than the angels, who must be so jealous of her ridiculous rapture right now. And if she had to choose between heaven and spending one more minute of her life like this, she knew what she would choose.
Author's comments: Thanks for those of you who stuck with it to the very end! Sorry it took so long to finish, I wanted to write this last chapter in one shot—I didn't think it should be broken up. I actually love this story, it has a special place in my heart. I hope you all enjoyed it too.