Thank you so much for inspiring me and being so nice! It means so much, that kindness.
Chapter 11 [M]
"Red? Why Red?"
The way she said it, it was like music to his ears. Lizzy calling him by that dreadful fake name had begun to annoy him; It had begun to turn into something grating. Had she continued to call him that name while they resumed with what they were doing, he thought it was almost enough to destroy any arousal he had felt for good.
It was up there with the mere thought of other hugely unpleasant things, such as prison; federal agents, and being strangled by a pair of stockings. Most of all, it was the fact that it reminded him that she were under the impression that Kenneth Rathers was going to be making love to her. It would not have been him that was taking her higher with carnal sensations; To her, it was Kenneth, and Kenneth Rathers did not even truly exist.
"I thought your name was Kenneth?"
Red shut his eyes, disgustingly distracted, as he lowered his head to rest his forehead against her groin for a moment. He begged himself to pull it together. Why did he have to go and ruin it now, in making such a colossal mistake out of everything when things were just starting to move along perfectly? Now she was questioning him on it, and he did not have a logical answer ready. He felt far too preoccupied to even think straight; When he arched up to look at Lizzy again, he wet his lips with his tongue, tasting her on him; on his mouth, tongue, everywhere. She was so close to being ready, the beginnings of cunnilingus lubricating her wonderfully, and she tasted similar to that of an exotic gourmet dish.
"And it is," he said quickly, hoping to amend his careless slip-up. "Kenneth is my name, Lizzy. But Red is just... something that I prefer to be called. A nickname, if you will."
He felt as if he was falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit's hole, but he was starting to feel better when he stared at her; observing the way she was laid back on the pillow, her dark hair sprawled out around her, her chest rising and falling with anxious, flustered breaths as she tried to regain her equilibrium from what he had just been doing to her as a little side dish of foreplay to ease her nerves.
This time, she did not bother covering her breasts from him; her nipples were erect and he caught that quite plainly, though he was not sure whether it was from arousal, the chill in the room at being undressed, or a combination of both that was doing it to her. All he knew, was that she looked absolutely stunning and similarly sensuous. Already, her face was positively radiant and glowing with a thin sheen of sweat.
Beneath him, Lizzy's legs moved, inviting him over as she spread them apart slightly.
He understood what she meant by it then, that she was ready and that she was still, astoundingly enough, an all too willing participant with him. A part of him secretly still yearned for her to say no, to draw the line there and then to put it all to a stop.
As he moved towards her on the bed with his knees, Red heard his own breath become shallow. He watched her facial expression as she brought her legs closed slightly around him, her knees giving the bare flesh of his hips a mild squeeze, he noticed how very much so dilated her pupils were, overriding the blue of her irises. Indeed, she was ready, and as he positioned his hands on either side of her on the mattress, just inches near her shoulders, he felt her begin to shake as he brought himself over her and their bodies touched.
Red felt the muscles in his forearms strain and stretch as he kept himself above her, careful not to rest all of his weight onto her. His stomach brushed against hers, their thighs, hips, ankles. He watched the demure muscles in her throat twitch, a shadow of apprehension coming across her face.
Red held his breath as he stared at her face, his body starting to shake as he held back, restraining himself with all his might. He heard Lizzy gulp audibly as she clenched her eyes shut, blocking everything out. Her breathing was loud and unsteady- the only thing to be heard in the room. He felt so terrible then for what he was inevitably about to do to her, what he was about to put her through. He had spared her life that fateful night in saving her from the fire, although he had not been nearly as quick enough as he could have been in order to prevent her hand from getting burnt, and yet, here he was, about to inflict physical pain and anguish onto her.
But it was an utterly unavoidable and natural pain, he reasoned with himself. It was a necessary pain and after a few seconds, that pain would be over, no doubt.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he breathed apologetically, his voice taking on a guttural timbre. Clearing his throat choppily he tried again, wincing at the inevitable pain she must be feeling, when he pushed his way inside of her, gently, slowly, "It'll just be the most... fleeting..." The words died in his throat as an uncontrollable thick grunt left him at the glorious warmth, the tightness of her. Just as he had predicted, his bout of cunnilingus had seemed to have done the trick. She felt slick, slick and ready for him, though the way Lizzy actually felt was probably another thing entirely.
Elizabeth had done her best to try and feel relaxed, yet nothing had prepared her for how it felt for Kenneth to be inside her, penetrating her. Though she was not sure what she was expecting exactly, she hadn't counted on it feeling so invasive, as if he was stretching her. She forced her eyes open to glance up at him, realizing their bodies were one. There was a slightest bit of moisture welling from out of the comer of her eyes. The moment was really a shock for her, despite how attentive and gentle he was being. When she glanced up at Kenneth's face, she did not think anything could be all the more intimate, staring into each other's eyes while he was inside her. It was not something she had experienced before.
She could hardly bring herself to feel even a little embarrassed over her emotional state when the tears started drooping down her cheeks. It wasn't so much the pain that was doing it to her, that slight dull sting. It was more so how overwhelming the situation was. It felt wrought with emotion, with sensation. She could feel him everywhere, all on her skin. She could see that it was taking him everything he was worth to be still and patient, his shoulders shaking. As he lowered himself ever so slowly on top of her on the mattress, Kenneth brought his hand up, his knuckles brushing along her wet cheeks.
"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice sounding strained and hoarse, as though he could not quite catch his breath. "If it's becoming too much for you, then I don't expect you to-"
"No," she forced herself to speak, her voice shaky yet decisive. "Please, Kenn- Red. I...I want this."
"You sure?" His face was so close to hers, that it was almost inaudible.
He had to be sure that this was something that she wanted, that she would not come to have any regrets the morning later. As for himself, he was fairly confident that he was bound to have plenty of them, though it was something he could live with. But if Lizzy had come to regret this... if she had second thoughts and resented him come tomorrow morning... Red did not feel as though he could have tolerated it, if she had. Slowly, Lizzy nodded, her eyes fluttering downward heavily, more tears clinging to her dark eyelashes, but that would simply not do.
"Lizzy, look at me," he said, and then to soften the unintentional rough edge to his voice, "Please."
He was in control, Elizabeth at his mercy. When he asked her to look at him, she did so naturally but also little cautiously. Above her, he looked intently down at her, his head slightly angled to the side, his lips parted as he breathed shallowly. The instant her eyes met his, she found she now could not look away. There was such startling tenderness and softness in his expression for her that it took her breath away, that someone could possibly even begin to look at her like that.
Though it was hard, Elizabeth managed a small smile. She reached up and touched his cheek, he leaning into her palm as he closed his eyes tight, and then she brushed her fingers through the side of his hair until she reached the nape of his warm neck, gripping it with her fingers.
Slowly, guided by Kenneth, their bodies began a paced movement.
"Kiss me," she rasped, knowing it would make her feel better.
Kenneth obeyed quickly, their mouths moving in unison with the slow sliding of their bodies. This lasted for quite some time until both Elizabeth and Red himself felt breathing had become too suffocated and difficult while kissing, and as their lips parted, moans Elizabeth did not even know she could make before were left from her breath, circling the room. A low noise left Kenneth, almost like a growl, and she never knew a man could make such attractive sounds before.
The stinging and invasive feelings gradually began to leave Elizabeth and she began to feel more accustomed to him every time Kenneth slowly pulled back a fraction, only to thrust into her again. Soon, overcoming those foreign and intrusive feelings, were the most amazing sensations of exhilaration and excitement. Her fingers were still wrapped around the nape of his neck tightly, slippery with sweat, while she moved her other hand greedily to grip his hip, her fingers digging into the mounds of his flesh, clinging to him as he moved, each thrust he made making the feelings inside of her all the more intense. An unknown, limitless amount of time passed. Elizabeth's body began to tense, overcome with a blinding sensational orgasm that suddenly erupted, plummeted, consumed, numbed.
"Christ, Lizzy," Kenneth whispered in a shallow breath as he found his own release seconds later, his voice sounding different, and she looked up into his eyes, noting his expression.
She found herself watching his face intently, captivated. It made her feel all sorts of exhilarated when she watched him unravel, shocked that something she was participating in had such power to make Kenneth lose control and be affected in such a way that he was. It felt so shocking to her that he was unraveling himself in such an exposed, personal way to her. He groaned throatily, his face twisting in ecstasy as he drove into her one last time, then she felt the immediate loss of him inside her as he withdrew from inside of her quickly, falling back onto the sheets.
Elizabeth realized how much she was still shaking, how exhausted she felt.
No conscious pattern of thought seemed able to pass in her mind coherently. She felt stunned by the experience, yet also slightly sad for some reason she did not fully understand. It was not due to anything Kenneth had done, and she knew that. Mainly it was overwhelming, everything she seemed to feel all at once. She knew she would never be able to forget this. She would not forget the way Kenneth's tongue tasted, the way he felt inside of her. Her first time. Her first time experiencing sex with somebody, and it was with him.
She felt her face flame with heat when Kenneth turned on his side, propped up on his elbow. Both of them were equally as naked as each other but she did not seem to mind that. She couldn't seem to bring herself to care that she was completely exposed and bare to him right now. They were silent, laying comfortable on the sheets until both of them regained their breath properly and Kenneth spoke.
"How was that for you?" Kenneth asked, a concern in his voice that made her feel warm inside. "How did you find that? Did you feel it hurt more than what you were expecting?"
It took Elizabeth a long moment to find the proper words to describe it. What they had done, what she had just experienced and shared with him... there were no words for it. "It actually didn't hurt as much as I thought it would have," she admitted hesitantly, staring up at the ceiling. "People at school- girls particularly- they...they make such a big deal about it hurting, the first time. Like your... your hymen breaking. It didn't hurt that much at all."
"Then I'm glad." Kenneth placed his rough hand on her stomach, rubbing up and down. It made her stomach muscles clench and spasm.
"You could probably tell," she said shyly. "You could probably easily tell that I hadn't done it before."
"Not at all. If you hadn't told me, I don't believe I would have actually really known."
"Was that okay for you?" The words left her mouth nervously before she could stop herself. She knew it was probably silly of her, but she felt worried that she was lacking so much more than any other women he had no doubt slept with. His ex-wife Carla, especially. "I mean, was I... okay? Or... on par with other women you've slept with at least?"
Red found he had to hesitate at her words. What she was asking of him, it was unexpected. He hadn't once thought to consider that she would feel inadequate or worried, thinking other women to be in terms of competition. He thought about all the countless women he had slept with over the years; many of them far different than the last. To compare or to judge a woman's sexual performance felt ridiculous, when he knew all women were mysterious and vastly unique creatures.
But it occurred to him that she was seeking reassurance. He could not fault her for that when to lose your virginity was such a precious, built-up event for young women.
"You were wonderful," he said, though that word did not seem suitable enough for all that she had been. He bent his head to press a kiss to her decolletage, moaning when she stiffened and shuddered beneath his lips. She was so very responsive to everything he did, it humbled him. "And I'm certain the second or third or forth time will be all the more marvelous."
He hadn't given thought to how she may have interpreted that comment. The instance it flew out of his mouth, he cringed. How very presumptuous of him to assume that there would even be a second or third or forth time with Lizzy. He would not have been surprised in the slightest if she would be left mentally scarred by what he had done to her for the rest of her life. No doubt, she would spend the rest of her life beating men off with a stick in disgust due to the way he had defiled her; dirty old man that he probably was in her eyes.
"I don't think I'd mind a second, third or even a forth time with you," Lizzy muttered daringly.
A hiss left Red's clenched teeth at her words and his upper lip twitched in shock. It was the very last thing he had expected her to say, and as usual, she never seemed to cease to surprise him. It was like what she had said to him in the car, about how she could not believe any woman would dare to have an affair if he were their husband. But surely she did not understand what she was saying; she was young, so, so terribly young. Surely she did not mean what she was saying at all. She couldn't.
Simply because he did not know what was appropriate to say in response to that, Red shifted down on the sheets, passing a hand across his face before dragging it into the strands of his hair. What had he created? He wondered fearfully. Could she not understand that there couldn't possibly be another second or third or hell, even a forth time between them? It only sunk in then along with Lizzy's bold words of just what a terrible thing he had done. He had gone against Sam's trust in such a terrible way. He hardly thought he could stand to look at Sam now once he returned back from the hospital without feeling sick.
His emotions felt in a tug-of-war as he let his hand fall from his hair slowly. He had enjoyed making love to Lizzy, and if he had to be honest, it had felt incredible. There was just... something about her; He could mull upon it all for hours in order to try figuring out what that nameless something was that she had. He just enjoyed her company and spending time with her. Being around her was just such a gas.
It was an immediate ego boost when she would listen to him talk, as if she believed he knew everything as he was older than her, the way she made him feel as though he was so interesting to her and so attractive as a male of the opposite sex. Even what they had done together minutes ago had stroked his ego in reassuring him that all was not lost, that... despite being thirty-eight, a young beautiful woman her age still wanted him sexually.
Perhaps all this merely meant, was that he was suffering from some form of early midlife crises if such a thing even existed?
Or perhaps it did not have anything to do with any of that at all? Perhaps he was over-complicating it?
"Tell me something personal about yourself," Lizzy whispered, shaking him from his thoughts. Red found himself relieved that she had at last spoken again, that she was unknowingly stopping him from overthinking.
Something personal about himself? It was hard for him to find something to say, something to tell her that would not give away too much. "I absolutely hate dolls. I would even go so far as to say that I have a phobia of them," he settled on lightly, his heart picking up in rate when she laughed in amusement.
"Your afraid of dolls?" she repeated, arching her brows in disbelief. "Why dolls?"
"I am, and it's sadly true. In a room, if there's a doll, I swear that the very first thing I must do is turn it around so that it isn't facing me." He knew it was not quite the personal thing she wanted him to tell her, but he enjoyed the hell out of making her laugh. "It's something to do with the eyes, I think." Just merely speaking of it, it made him shudder. "Those beady, vacant glassy eyes. The... the way they always seem to stare at you, like they're judging you. They're terrifying."
"You know that wasn't what I meant..."
"What did you mean then?" All right, so he was playing dumb. He knew precisely what she meant.
If felt as though the muscular organ of his heart froze when she shifted down with her body against him to rest her head on his bare chest, strands of her hair tickling him. The movement alone only seemed to serve as a reminder of just how wrong this was, of just what a terrible thing he had done to Sam. He closed his eyes shut for a second before opening them to peer down at where she lay on him. Her lips were still pulled back into a dimpled smile, her straight teeth gleaming up at him. Good God, she was beautiful. Why on earth would she have wanted anything to do with him, least of all sexually? Why hadn't she stopped him?
"As hilarious as it is to hear that your afraid of dolls even at your age, that wasn't exactly the personal thing about yourself that I was referring to." Her smile waned as she licked around her lips, her eyes squinted in thought. "I meant more like... where were you born? Where did you grow up? Stuff like that?"
"Boston, Massachusetts," he answered unhesitatingly. Lizzy knowing where he was born and where he grew up was not something dangerous for her to know.
"What has been your favorite era so far?" She wanted to be creative with her questions.
"My favorite era?" he repeated softly for a moment, considering it. He had no idea in the slightest of why she was asking, but it did amuse him. "That would have to definitely be the eighties. The great and wonderful eighties."
"The eighties? Why?"
"Just the... fashion trends and the fact that I were in my twenties. It was probably the most easiest time of my life, those thirteen or fourteen years ago." Now that Lizzy had gotten him thinking about it, he was hit with the most curious sense of nostalgia. "And the girls... Girls would always gallivant about wearing the most shortest spandex mini skirts." He tongued the side of his cheek, a laugh escaping him as he shook his head. "I remember there was this one jacket that I would constantly wear all the time, laden with shoulder pads."
He suspected he was boring her to death when she grew alarmingly quiet. When he brought his eyes down to check on her, to his relief he saw that she was still very much listening, hanging off his every word.
"Good God, and the hair. You mightn't be able to believe it now simply just by looking at me, but I had such a thick mane of hair back then. My skull was... teeming with hair, much more than it was now, and I had a mullet. Mullets were so trendy back then, and something about a guy prancing around in the streets with a mullet tended to drive the girl's wild back in those days. Now, not so much for... obvious reasons."
"You had a mullet?" She sounded so filled with disbelief.
"I did, though... nowadays that isn't something a person is usually proud to admit."
"I can't even imagine it. You with a mullet."
"Then consider yourself lucky," he retorted in jest. "I'm sure if you could, you'd be positively... appalled. Back then, I so naively assumed it made me so cool."
"Appalled? Oh, I don't-" Her words were cut off when a yawn assaulted her. "I don't know about that," she finished, closing her mouth up again. "Did my father have a mullet, too?"
"Yes." He felt her laugh silently as her head shook against him. "Take it from me that Sam's mullet was all the more horrendous than mine. The only peculiar thing was that Sam never seemed to get the same amount of attention from the girls as I did. Even after all this time, I still cannot figure out why that was."
He was unafraid of making fun of himself. He had a self-depreciating sense of humor. Elizabeth realized then that it was one of the qualities she liked about him the most.
00
Elizabeth's eyes fluttered open. She felt heavy and unusual, tender in places that she had not felt tender in before. She refrained from moving, taking the seconds to comprehend what was happening, where she was and due to the fact that she felt she couldn't. Glancing down she realized Kenneth's arm was wrapped around her waist, his head resting close to her own. He was snoring in her ear. Loud. His boisterous, nasally sleeping sounds were not something that would have entered into her fantasies of the man. She suspected it was probably this uproar of noise that had roused her in the first place.
He was still unclothed on top of the sheets, she could feel that, and so was she, and parts of their bodies including some intimate realms were snuggled close.
She remained still where she was as some minutes passed. She contemplated either moving or simply sleeping again, though she realized she needed to urgently use the bathroom and that there would be no sleeping with all the noise that he was emitting near her ear. Her current position became uncomfortable, having remained so under his arm and the entire length of his body for an unknown amount of time, but moving was more complicated than it sounded.
When she could take it no longer, Elizabeth decided to make her moves slowly. She tried to shrink and roll under his arm and twist. The hesitance of her movements were done so that she would not wake Kenneth, but after three unsuccessful tries the attempt was dismissed. She would have to move swiftly, quickly.
For a shifting second she pushed hard against his hold and laid on her back- his arm still hung around her middle but his head a few inches away. His snoring stopped dramatically but only for a moment. It hadn't been enough to rouse him fully from his sleeping and again, though slightly softer and at more longer intervals, the snoring commenced. She sighed loudly. What was she to do? She felt as if she was on the verge of bursting if she could not get to the bathroom soon enough.
She had no choice left but to lift his arm and move out from under him. Watching his face while she gently hoisted his arm up by the wrist, she scooted to the edge of the bed, standing shakily while placing his arm down slowly on the bed again. Now that she had left the bed, she realized how cold and breezy the room was. It had been so warm, his body up against hers, his natural body heat warming her. Now that she had gotten off the bed and stood away from him, she felt the immediate absence of his warmth so intensely. Shivering wildly, she stood for a moment, waiting to hear his snores again. When she heard it come back, she sighed in relief. She was free, and she hadn't managed to wake him.
She felt suddenly embarrassed at her nakedness when she felt her nipples harden at the chill in the air, though no one was even in the house to see her. Her poor father was still at the hospital, and Kenneth was fast asleep; he wasn't awake to see her body either. Moving around the bed with light, unhurried movements, she saw her tank top and underwear lying on the floor and rushed on tiptoes to scoop them up.
She was only halfway towards them when her right ankle got caught on something, snagging through a loop, and she almost stumbled to the floor. She waited on all fours on the carpet until she heard Kenneth's snores begin again, reaching down to untangle what was wrapped around her ankle.
It was his bag, she realized. The bag he had brought to the house, his belongings. She couldn't help the curiosity she felt as she picked up a few, small pocket-sized books. Half of the contents had already spilled out anyway. It was not as if she was deliberately snooping.
Passports from different countries, in different languages and nationalities. There were multiple passports in his bag.
Opening the first one her fingers found, she felt her heart rate pick up at what she read.
Roger Raymond.
Dropping it, she grabbed the next one, opening it up hastily as she drew her tongue along her bottom lip.
The next one was a passport in French language.
William Burchfield.
Next one, in Russian. Bill Houston. Then finally, finally.
Kenneth Rathers.
When Kenneth's snores stopped dramatically, filling the room with silence, she stacked all the passports together, shoving them back into his bag quickly. If he had come to catch her snooping through his belongings, Elizabeth was not sure what he would do. But her mind was filled with questions due to the multiple copies of passports in his possession. Who had she slept with last night then, if Kenneth Rathers was not his name? Who even was this man that she had given herself over to last night, this friend of her adopted fathers?
Another chapter :) And more pieces coming together. Hope my English writing was okay as usual. I am always worried about that! Thank you so much for being so inspirational in making me write, your words are so supportive and I really thank you. My hopes this isn't a terrible addition! Would love to know what you think. There is drama upcoming, just a warning.