Chapter 13

Red closed the bathroom door, sighing softly with relief at the silence that filled the room. Sam and Lizzy's bathroom was nowhere near what he was used to, as far as the impeccable standard of hotel rooms went, but when he glanced around, he was struck by the simplistic, homely and rustic feel even the bathroom had about it. It was not like a bathroom in a usual hotel room, which at times tended to feel clinical. It was well-lived in and cluttered with both Lizzy and Sam's belongings.

He stripped out of his clothes while taking care to fold each article of clothing neatly, placing them down on the closed toilet lid, sighing again in immense relief. Once fully unclothed, he yanked the plastic shower curtain back to run the hot water. He felt so thankful to have a moment alone all by himself without Lizzy near him to interfere; Everything was starting to feel so overwhelming, and it was only now that he was alone with only his own thoughts to preoccupy himself, that he began to feel in a state of panic over what had occurred last night with Lizzy.

While he could not bring himself to fully regret what had happened between them, it was more so the reaction that would inevitably come from Sam had he discovered what had happened between them. Red knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if Sam came to know of how Red had slept with his adopted daughter last night, their friendship would be potentially severed irreparably.

Years ago, Red had put Lizzy's life in his good friend's capable hands, trusting him to care for her and provide her a sense of normalcy in life. Comparably, Sam had done much the same thing to him last evening, in expecting Red to take care of and console Lizzy while he was stuck in the hospital. Yet what had he gone and done? He had gone against Sam's trust in the most worst possible way, in having sex with Lizzy, the girl he now considered his real daughter.

As he stepped into the shower, the response was immediate, the metallic head above him spraying hot water unto his body. While the water warmed him, it did not soothe him or alleviate some of the deep-seated guilt for what he had done. He held his head directly under the spray of water for a long moment as he placed his hands on the cool tiles to support himself upright, the steam misting around the bathroom so thick he was beginning to find it suffocating and difficult to breathe.

Good God, what had he done to Lizzy? How could he have let himself do that to her, especially after everything that had happened? While she may have been a month's away from being eighteen and, in all things considered, a young adult, he still refused to rest any of the responsibility onto her shoulders. The responsibility had been all his, it was all his fault. He ought to have been a responsible adult last night and stopped it before it happened. He should have-

Red's heart seemed to jump in his chest in fright when he thought he heard a loud knock on the bathroom door. He couldn't hear a single thing while he stood submerged under the steady spray of water. It was only when he stood back from under the shower-head, his hair soaked and dripping wet, that he heard her voice clearly as it bounced off the tiled walls.

"Kenneth? Um, Red?"

"Yes, Lizzy. What is it now?" He yelled out in confusion, blinking the water out of his eyes frantically. He cringed at the unintentional rudeness in his tone of voice and he paused, deliberately making adjustments to sound gentler, "Er, yes, sweetheart? Is there something you want or need?"

"It's just that you've been in the shower for a little over ten minutes." Ten minutes? Had it truly been that long? He hadn't even realized. "I... I guess I just wanted to make sure that you were still alive in here and that you hadn't drowned?"

"Well, as you can see by my talking to you, Lizzy, I haven't drowned. I'm still very much alive."

"You need my help with anything?" Her buoyant voice sounded closer to the shower curtain and Red quickly turned his back towards it, trying to cover his genitals as if it would even help.

"God, no!" He despised how petrified he sounded, as if he was an inexperienced, scared little boy at the idea of her joining him in the shower. His voice definitely was not cooperating with him this morning, and he cringed, making readjustments again,"I mean, while I'm thankful for the offer, I think I'm perfectly fine showering on my own."

He'd hate for her to think he didn't want her or that he was not grateful for the suggestion, at the very least.

"It's just that I... I've been doing this for the last twenty five years now. Due to that, I...I think I've got the general gist of it and can consequently manage showering on my own."

He smacked a palm against his forehead in irritation, clenching his eyes shut. Why did he have to sound like such a babbling fool to her constantly?

"But thank you," he forced himself to add, softening the blow a little. "Thank you for your considerate invitation, Lizzy. Tempting as it may be, I think I'll pass today." Now he was fretting over whether she would interpret that as him encouraging her, though it was too late now and he could not take it back.

Red waited, holding his breath as he listened for the moment Lizzy left, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Oh, okay then. Well, I suppose I'll just wait downstairs then. I'm changed and ready to go anyway."

"I'll be done in just a short second," he assured her, feeling as though he had a mouth full of cotton. "Allow me to just get changed first and then I'll take you to school."

His stiff shoulders sagged in tremendous relief when he heard the bathroom door close after Lizzy left him alone. It was awful of him but the thought of her climbing into the shower with him, equally as naked and in such close proximity to each other... it would have only been a mere disaster just waiting to happen. He'd dodged a bullet with that one.

He leaned his shoulder against the wet tiles, raising both hands to rub the water out of his stinging eyes with his fingertips. He felt so contrite and terrible with himself, particularly with how disappointed she had sounded by his refusal. She had sounded so eager, so hopeful at the idea of sharing the shower with him, and while Red was all for water conservation, he wanted to begin doing the right thing now.

From that point forward, he wanted to do the virtuous and righteous thing- for both Sam and Lizzy. He would have to be mindful to keep his distance from now on, to ensure that what had happened last night was not a nightly occurrence. It was the best way to go about it, for Sam. He'd had a taste of the forbidden fruit last night, savoring it and enjoying it as much as he possibly could, and now it could simply not go on.

Once was more than enough with Lizzy, Red tried to convince himself as he turned off the shower taps, reaching through the plastic curtain to grab the towel from where it was draped on the rack. He shook it out, drying himself hastily while muttering under his breath.

"Never again," he whispered to himself firmly, speaking as a stern teacher would to a disobedient child. "What happened with Lizzy last night is something that you are not to do ever again."

He had enjoyed and cherished the experience while it lasted, but that was it; it would be a singular, once-in-a-lifetime event.

It would be easy enough. He tried to give himself a bit of a pep-talk as he fastened the towel around his waist before slowly opening the bathroom door, peering out and listening cautiously. He could not hear Lizzy moving about, but hopefully she would not intercept him on the way up to the guest bedroom. Realizing he would have to take his chances, Red darted out, walking briskly up the stairs while carrying his old clothes up into the room. He paused by the guest bedroom door, looking in, wide-eyed with nerves.

To his immediate relief, Lizzy was not anywhere waiting for him in the guest bedroom either. He knew he was being ridiculous and rather paranoid, but it would help had he not have to be forced to deal with her right now. The drive to her school and being confined in the car with her would be torture enough as it was.

All he simply had to do was get through taking Lizzy to school, and then that was it. She would be gone for over eight hours and he could drop into the hospital to visit Sam and check in to see how his good friend was going. It shouldn't be difficult.

He closed the door, getting changed into a fresh pair of clothes as quickly as humanly possible. Then he found his comb, brushing his damp hair and trying to assemble it into something at least remotely neat and passable. Why he was bothering to do that, he had no earthy idea, until it occurred to him that it may have been all for Lizzy. He stopped what he was doing immediately, scolding himself. He was preening for her- the very last thing he should be doing. It should not matter what she thought about how he looked. If he looked unappealing as possible to her, then all the better.

He had to take a few moments to breathe out deeply through pursed lips. Just the mere thought of having to endure being alone in the car with her after what happened last night... it terrified him. But he was being ludicrous and he had to face her.

When he trod downstairs slowly, gathering the keys for Sam's car, he was unprepared for it when Lizzy suddenly appeared from out of the kitchen, her bag slung over one shoulder, her hands busy carrying all of her books.

"Ready?" she asked, and it took Red a dreadfully long moment to regain the use of his voice.

"Yes. Yes, I think we're ready now."

When he stepped forward to assist her in opening the front door, she grinned at him thankfully. After locking the house up, he watched her move down the steps carefully, his eyes landing on her backside in her black jeans. Why did the jeans she chose to wear have to seem so impossibly tight, he wondered, his eyes inappropriately glued to her. Was it some sort of deliberate game to her where every move she made was to both entrance and tempt him?

He patted the pocket on his trousers, double-checking he had his cigarettes for reassurances sake while he held the passengers side door open for her. Once Lizzy was safely in and buckled, he shut the door, striding over to the driver's side. He just wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible and, hopefully in the meantime, she would avoid mentioning anything directly related to what had happened between them last night.

Red felt glad he had a shower, because as he reversed out of the driveway, already he was perspiring like crazy. His mouth felt dry, his tongue permanently stuck to the roof of his mouth. He could not recall a time where he had felt so sick with anxiety.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, noticing how her fingers were stroking the scar tissue on her wrist. Just like that, he saw last night all over again. How it had felt to feel her soft, delicate fingers on his back, how she touched him. How it felt to caress Lizzy with his own bare hands and at how smooth and supple her flesh was. How her skin felt beneath his lips, so tender and soft. How she smelled, like lavender from the shampoo, how she tasted, her tongue flickering in his mouth.

Instinctively, his hands tightened over the steering wheel as he swallowed dryly, his knuckles straining white under the tense grip.

"You know, you never properly explained it to me?"

And her voice. Good Lord, the way she sounded when she moaned at the things he were doing to her, how so very receptive she was, how the noises she made were like such heavenly music to his ears; the best symphony he believed he had ever heard.

Red had to clear his throat, before asking hoarsely, "Explained what, Lizzy?"

"Red. Why the nickname Red? Or is it just because it happens to be your favorite color?"

His mind was frantic as he searched for a plausible enough reason. "The Boston Red Sox," was the only coherent explanation he could come up with in such short notice.

"The baseball team?"

"Yes, that's right. I'm known around certain circles to be an enormous Red Sox fanatic."

It was not a total untruth; In fact, one of Red's most earliest and fondest memories was getting to watch the baseball team play live at Fenway Park when he was a young boy with his father. When he was much younger, he couldn't have gotten enough of showing his support for his local hometown team, though nowadays, with how busy he was, that had changed dramatically. It was not a complete lie, though.

"So that's where the nickname Red came from? Because your a big Red Sox enthusiast?" She did not seem as though she was uncertain to believe him, at the very least.

"Yes. An old friend called me it once due to that, and ever since that first time, it was just something that... stuck. Now everyone that knows me well calls me it." Lying to her was becoming quickly easier; His hesitance was gone and, much to his pleasure, they started flowing more easily and convincingly.

"Guess that makes sense then, why you would be called that," she murmured after a long moment, and it was like a breath of fresh air to him. "There's something else that I don't get though..."

"What?" He was only half-listening, watching the traffic far ahead of them. The road seemed heavily congested this morning for some reason. "What isn't there to get, Lizzy?"

He had no idea where she was attempting to take the conversation at all. Until he heard what she said next, though he was unsure whether he had even heard her correctly to begin with.

"The multiple passports in your bag maybe?" She was being short with him, her tone curt.

It was a feeling of horror unlike anything Red had ever felt before. Even during a meeting with an associate that had gone disastrously wrong which had resulted in him getting his kneecap shot or a near brush with a Federal Agent was incomparable to this. He felt in sheer and total horror as he brought his eyes to where Lizzy sat. She was already staring right at him, her mouth slightly agape, expecting him to answer and explain. His biggest fear had come true- that she would eventually come to know the truth. Not an important part of the truth, but a big one nevertheless.

His first defense was to lie and play dumb, though it took him a good minute to compose himself out of shock, the blood trickling out of his face. "I'm not so sure that I understand what this is in reference to?"

She had seen the passports in his bag, though he was unsure of when that could have been. All he knew, was that Lizzy had obviously looked through his belongings to find them. A part of him was disgraced, yet another side of him felt privately relieved that the secret was now out.

"What? So are you saying you don't know about the passports in your bag? The ones with all the different nationalities and identities?"

There was so much that he had to say, yet it was impossible to know where precisely to start. "You went through my very own private belongings?" was all that Red could manage in annoyance.

"I was curious. Besides they fell out of your bag. It wasn't like it was something I did on purpose, like I... I was deliberately snooping around."

"Haven't you heard what happened to the cat that felt too curious for its own good?" He was doing it on purpose, prolonging it until a reasonable enough explanation came to him.

"Of course I know. Curiosity killed it."

He could feel her stare burning into him, and when he glanced in her direction again, he was correct in the assumption. She was staring at him heatedly, her blue eyes filled with questions. God, what had he done? Why did he have to be so sloppy? He should have concealed the passports better in order to prevent all of this.

"You want to know what the worst of it is?" she went on quietly.

She was so hurt and upset. Red watched as these emotions overcame her right before his very own eyes, her body physically raked with them. Everything she was feeling right now- all due to him and his deception- it was so palpable. But it was also a hugely necessary deception. She may not ever come to properly understand his reasons why, but in his mind, it was perfectly justified.

"What, Lizzy? I... I'm not so sure that I understand what your-"

"- The worst thing is giving yourself over to someone in such a special and intimate way, only to learn that they've been lying about themselves and who they are the whole entire time." She shook her head back and forth, her eyes building with moisture. "It's like... taking advantage of someone."

He had no idea what to say. What could he say to make it better?

His mouth opened and closed, until he said in a hopeless whisper, "You mightn't ever understand my reasons why into not telling you who I truly am, but I-"

"- You what? Is Kenneth Rathers even your real name? I saw a lot of different names on the passports, Kenneth being one of them? Or is your name Bill or... or Roger?"

"No, my name isn't truly Kenneth Rathers. Nor is it Roger or Bill or even William."

"Were you even going to tell me or were you just hoping I wouldn't notice? Was my father? Does he know?"

"Yes, he knows, but no, Sam was never going to tell you who I am because it's not Sam's decision to make on that," he specified in a loud but clear tone, being honest despite it being something she no doubt did not want to hear.

Now he wished this has happened anywhere else but while he was attempting to drive her to school.

"Frankly, I wish we could do this somewhere else. I hardly think its the right time for this; arguing about it in the car. My license expired years ago and... honestly, this is really nerve-wracking enough as it is." It was a pitiful excuse, but one he hoped would work.

But Red knew she was not falling for it. When he turned left into the parking lot at her school, she did not go to gather her things and leave the car. Not even when he found a suitable space to park in. She simply sat there, staring. He had no idea what she wanted to hear from him at all.

"So who are you? I mean, who- what makes a man hide his identity the way you are? I mean, God! We had sex last night, my first time- I had sex with you and I don't even know who the hell you are!" She seemed repulsed by her own words, by the realization of it all, the very last thing he wanted her to feel. "Sure, it was... bad enough because your actually a close friend of my father's, but... what else were lies that you've told me?"

"Nothing else were lies!"

"Were you even married once by this... this Carla woman? Is she even really your ex-wife?"

"Yes, that part of it was true. I haven't lied about anything else that I've told you about!"

Even as he said it, he knew it was not true. There was the fire that he was present at when she was a little girl; the fact that he had been the one to save her and pull her out from the flames, rather than her father. He had given her to Sam and he had been funneling out money into Sam's bank account in order to help him afford to look after her and pay for her education ever since that night.

But all things considered, if he were operating on a need to know basis, they were not things she needed to know in his view. They were not important.

Lizzy was staring at him as if she wished him to squirm, and he found he was under her stare. "So its just your identity."

"Yes, that's it, Lizzy. I would never lie to you about anything. Everything else I've told you has been true!"

"So who are you then? I think I deserve to know that, don't I?"

He couldn't. He just... couldn't. "I'm sorry, but I... I'm afraid that I cannot tell you that."

"I had sex with you last night! I lost my virginity to you, and yet you think I don't deserve to even know what your real name is?"

"Red, that's my name and it is true. My name is Red."

"But its just only your nickname?"

"Yes," he admitted quietly.

"So what's your full name? Don't I deserve to know that, at the very least?"

Red opened his mouth, about to reply, before he hesitated and closed it back up again. He couldn't tell her. He just couldn't. To tell her would be the most dangerous risk of all. She couldn't know.

"My name is Red, Lizzy. And as far as I'm concerned, it's all you really need to know."

There was a long silence where he just watched Lizzy as she sat there, the sound of her ragged breaths filling around the car. It almost sounded as though she were having an attack, and he supposed he could not blame her. He felt ashamed at himself, knowing he should have at least probably been more upfront, but it was necessary. She could hate him all she wanted from now on and that was something he felt he could live with, if it meant withholding the truth about his real identity from her.

"God, I'm so stupid. So stupid," she said, the words a quiet murmur, though she sounded quite calm. She bent down, grabbing the shoulder strap on her bag. "I bet you had a great time laughing to yourself about this, didn't you? About how you deceived me, that you've won?"

"Of course not! Lizzy, I-" He could not even finish what he was attempting to say when Lizzy opened the door, climbing out of the car hastily. His insistent words were drowned out when she slammed the door shut roughly. She did not want to hear him out at all.

Here's another chapter. Thank you so much for inspiring me. Hope you enjoy this one! I apologize for my English again, if wrong and terrible. Hope you had a wonderful Easter!