True to her word, Harley remained awake all night, and her panic only increased as the hours passed and her father didn't return home. Morning arrived at last, and Harley was sick with worry, when a knock came on her door. That didn't help her calm down – her father had keys to get in. Someone knocking could only be someone like the police, to tell her her father had been in an accident, and was seriously injured or dead…
She opened the door in dread, which turned to annoyance when she saw Bruce Wayne standing there. "Mr. Wayne, what…are you doing here?" she demanded.
"Just thought I'd stop by," he said, smiling at her. "I brought you a gift," he said, holding up a wrapped box.
"That's…very kind, Mr. Wayne, but…I'm really not in the mood for a visit, especially not from you," she snapped. "Please just go…"
She tried to close the door, but he forced it back open, striding into the apartment. "Nice place you got here," he commented. "Y'know, considering the limited space."
"Thank you – please go," repeated Harley, holding open the door.
"You don't even want to open your present before I do?" he asked, smiling as he held out the box. "You'll want to thank me for it, I'm sure."
"No, I really don't!" snapped Harley. "Just get out!"
"Fine, I'll open it for you," he said, undoing the bow and taking off the wrapping paper to reveal a little black box. He opened this to reveal a huge, sparkling diamond ring.
"Yes, it is what it looks like," he said, beaming. "I wanted to ask you, Harleen Quinzel, if you'll marry me."
"Marry you?" repeated Harley, furiously. "I just met you yesterday!"
"Yes, and sometimes that's all it takes," he sighed. "True love, love at first sight, call it what you want. But I love you, Harley, and I want to marry you."
"Ok, well, I don't want to marry you," retorted Harley. "Now please just go!"
He approached her. "I'm a very rich man, Harley. As my wife, you could leave this cramped little apartment in this ugly area. I could get you anything you wanted…"
"I'm already getting everything I want!" interrupted Harley. "I'm going to college on a scholarship! I'm gonna be a psychiatrist, which is what I want, and I got there on my own, Mr. Wayne, by working hard and learning lots and standing on my own two feet!"
"But if you married me, you wouldn't need to go to college," he said. "You wouldn't have to work, or learn anything. You could spend your days in leisure, and looking after our brood of children, of course…"
"What part of no don't you understand?!" demanded Harley. "Believe me, when I do eventually have kids, as I hope I will someday, it won't be a brood, and it won't be with a guy who doesn't respect me enough to just take no for an answer! Now get out of my house!"
Bruce wasn't expecting her to actually shove him out, but he was taken by surprise when she did, slamming the door in his face. He stared at the closed door for a few moments in shock, then gave an angry growl, heading back down to his limousine.
"Marriage ploy didn't work, huh, Bruce?" asked Dick, lightly, as Bruce climbed in.
"No," he snapped, throwing the ring on the ground. "But don't worry, Dick. I'm not beaten yet."
…
About ten minutes after she had kicked Bruce out, there was another knock on Harley's door. She had been sobbing in despair and worry over her father, and was about to call the police, but at the knocking, fury suddenly ignited in her, and she threw the door open, screaming, "Just leave me alone, Bruce!"
But she was surprised to see no one there. She looked down to see a letter with no return address, and the words For the daughter of George Quinzel written on the envelope.
She picked it up, hastily tearing open the envelope and reading the letter inside:
My dear Miss Quinzel,
How do you do? We hope this letter finds you well. We're just writing to let you know that your father is currently being held hostage at Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane, and if you would like to see him alive again, you must come here alone tonight and be prepared to take his place as our prisoner. This is a permanent exchange, meaning that you will never again leave the asylum and will remain here with us forever. If you do not agree to this, or if you try to inform the police, we will have no qualms in taking your father's life, but the choice is entirely yours. We hope this arrangement proves agreeable to you, and we look forward to meeting you tonight.
Kind regards,
The Arkham Inmates
Harley stared at the letter in incomprehension, slowly processing everything it said. She let out a sob of horror, sinking to the ground and bursting into tears again. But of course she already knew what her decision would be.
That night, as she walked out of Gotham City toward Arkham Asylum, her thoughts were half filled with concern for her father's welfare, and half with concern for herself. This deal meant she wasn't going to college, she wasn't going to be able to help her father retire, and she wasn't going to fulfill any of her dreams. Heck, the lunatics might just kill her the moment she arrived, and not even keep to their agreement – they were crazy and unpredictable, after all. But she didn't have a choice. She wasn't going to sacrifice her father's life just to give herself a chance to live. She wasn't that selfish.
She stood at last in front of the huge, iron door of Arkham Asylum, and knocked tentatively on it. It swung open with a creak, and Harley stepped inside to darkness.
"Hello?" she called, looking around. "It's…uh…Harleen Quinzel! I got your note, and I'm here to save my father!"
The lights snapped on suddenly, temporarily blinding Harley. When she opened her eyes, she saw a group of strange and terrifying-looking people standing in front of her, the same group of people that her father had seen last night.
They all stared at her in wonder. "She'll do, right?" demanded the two-faced man, turning to the clown.
"I dunno – what if I don't like her?" asked the clown, looking at Harley skeptically.
"What's not to like?" demanded the two-faced man. "She's semi-attractive…"
"Semi-attractive?" repeated the scarecrow, gazing at Harley. "She's…the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"
"Not too hard, considering you've probably just seen her and Pammie," muttered the clown.
"She's not for you, Jonathan," said the man in the top hat. "She's for J."
"A woman is not for anyone!" snapped the green-skinned woman. "She's not an object! I mean, I'm hoping she's the one too, but she undoubtedly has her own preferences and desires in a man, and I'm willing to bet clown-faced moron isn't on the list!"
"Shut up, Pammie!" snapped the clown.
"Where's my father?" demanded Harley. "I want to make sure he's safe and sound before I agree to stay here forever."
The green-skinned woman nodded, snapping her fingers, and Harley watched in astonishment as a plant by the door suddenly stirred and slithered off down the hallway. It returned a few moments later dragging her father behind it.
"Daddy!" she exclaimed, racing over to him and embracing him. "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"
"Harley, you shouldn't have come here," he whispered, hugging her tightly. "I don't know what these monsters want with you, but I won't let them hurt you!"
"You don't have any say in the matter," retorted the green-skinned woman, snapping her fingers again. The plant ripped Mr. Quinzel away from Harley, dragging him toward the door. "You're free to go, as promised. Take him back to Gotham, my pretty," she said to the plant. "And see that he gets safely home. That was part of our bargain, and we may be monsters, but we keep our word."
"Wait!" cried Harley, racing after the plant. "Let me say goodbye to him!"
The green-skinned woman nodded, beckoning the plant back. "Make it quick," she snapped.
"No, Harley, let them kill me!" whispered Mr. Quinzel, seizing her again. "I won't let you do this! I won't let you sacrifice yourself for me!"
"I gotta, Daddy," she whispered, tears in her eyes as she buried her face in his shoulder. "I gotta. I love you so much, and I can't bear to lose you."
"You think I can bear to lose you?" he demanded. "I won't be able to cope when I think about you trapped in here, imagining what they could be doing to you…"
"Hey, I'll be ok," she whispered, with more confidence than she felt. She forced a smile. "Just think of it as me going places, Daddy."
"Harley, no, please…" he whispered, tears in his own eyes.
She kissed his cheek. "I love you, Daddy," she whispered.
"Harley, no! Harley! Harley!" he shouted, but the plant pulled him away and slammed the door shut after him.
Harley broke down in tears, her sobbing echoing off the walls of the asylum. At last, the man in the top hat cleared his throat. "Well…do allow me to show you to your room, my dear," he said, holding out a hand to her.
"You mean my cell?" demanded Harley, wiping her eyes angrily.
"No, I mean your room," he said. "I decorated it myself, very tastefully, I think. But I'd welcome your opinion. Do you like red? It always reminds me of painting roses for the Queen of Hearts…"
He continued to babble as he led her down a long corridor, at the end of which was Harley's room. The man in the top hat opened the door to reveal a beautiful, spacious room, decorated in red plush velvet and playing card designs.
"This is…beautiful," admitted Harley, grudgingly.
"Thank you, my dear," he said, bowing as he took off his hat. "I do my best."
He kissed her hand. "Jervis Tetch, at your service. As are we all here, my dear, your very humble servants. We're hoping you can be the one to save us, you see."
"Save you?" repeated Harley, puzzled. "From what?"
"The spell," he said. "We've been cursed for so many years. Admittedly my transformation wasn't particularly extreme, I was one of the lucky ones, but we're hoping at last we can finally break the curse, with your help. That's why we needed you to come here so desperately, and had to go to such extreme measures to convince you."
"How can I help you break a spell?" asked Harley in confusion. "I'm just a regular girl."
"We are fervently hoping you are not, my dear," said Tetch with a wry smile. "We are fervently hoping you are special."
A knock came on the door, and the clown entered. He cleared his throat. "Can I…uh…have a moment?" he asked, nodding at Harley.
"Of course," said Tetch, bowing once more at Harley and leaving. "Welcome to Arkham, my dear. I do hope your stay is a comfortable one, and do feel free to join us for tea at six."
The clown shut the door after him, leaving him and Harley alone. He cleared his throat. "So…uh…did Hatty explain things to you?"
"He explained that you all need my help to break a spell," retorted Harley. "But he wasn't specific as to how."
"Er…no," said the clown slowly, running his fingers through his hair. "It's a little awkward, y'see…uh…I have to find my true love."
Harley just looked at him. "That's the only way the curse can be lifted," he continued. "Me finding my true love. And it's been…uh…a lotta years that we've been cooped up in here, and people have stumbled across us, people like your dad, but never…uh…a girl. And I kinda need a girl to be my true love, being a heterosexual male and all. Whole thing probably coulda been over with a long time ago if I'd been gay!" he laughed. "Coulda just picked Harvey as my true love or something. I mean, there's Pammie, but she said no, so…anyway, you're a girl, and everyone's kinda hoping…myself included…that we just kinda…hit it off. Couldn't hurt to try, huh?" he asked, smiling at her and holding out his hand. "I'm J. But people call me the Joker."
Harley continued to stare at him in disbelief. "You think…making me stay here as your prisoner and forcing me to come here by holding my father hostage is a good way to make me love you?" she asked, quietly.
"Well, no, not really, but desperate times call for desperate measures," he said, shrugging. "And we're kinda running outta time, so…we did what we had to do. It ain't so bad here, and we're not such bad people, really. I mean, we can be, we're homicidal lunatics and all, but once you get to know us…well…we're not really such bad guys."
Harley slapped him suddenly across the face. "I am sick to death of being blackmailed!" she screamed. "And being manipulated and forced to do things I don't wanna do because of the whims of other people! You think you can just ruin my life and take me away from my family, and that I'll just magically love you for that?! What kinda crazy, sick, messed up mind do you have?!"
"Well, the shrinks say…" began Joker.
Harley slapped him again before he could finish. "Get this, pal!" she shrieked. "I don't love people who hold me prisoner, I don't love people who take me away from my father, and I don't love people who are crazy enough to think that forcing a woman to do things she don't wanna do is a great way to win her heart! I ain't never gonna love you, and I ain't never gonna help you break any stupid spell – you deserve to be cursed, you heartless monster! Now get outta my room!"
Like Bruce this morning, Joker also wasn't expecting her to literally shove him out, but she did, slamming the door in his face. He stared at it, and then headed slowly back down the hall to the Rec Room, where the others were gathered.
"Well? How did it go?" asked Two-Face.
Joker let out a heavy sigh. "We're doomed," he muttered.