Harley cried for what seemed like hours, until she couldn't find anymore tears. Then she wiped her eyes and headed out of her room, realizing that she hadn't eaten all day, and unless she wanted to starve to death, she would have to go out among the inmates again.
She heard voices coming from the room down the hall. Everyone looked up as she entered, and she glared around at all of them.
"Good evening, Miss Quinzel," said Tetch, smiling at her and standing up. "I trust you've found your room comfortable?"
"Yes," she retorted. "I only left it because I was hungry."
"Well, tea will be ready very shortly," said Tetch. "I'll just go check on it, actually. Excuse me," he said, heading to the kitchen.
Harley took a seat away from the others, deliberately avoiding the Joker's gaze. She noticed some books on a nearby shelf and picked one up, trying to distract herself from her horrible predicament.
"My dear Miss Quinzel, do allow me to introduce myself," said a voice. She looked up and started back to see the scarecrow standing in front of her – he had a shocking face up close.
"My name is Jonathan Crane," he said, bowing and kissing her hand. "And please believe me to be your very humble servant."
"What…happened to your face?" stammered Harley.
"Part of the spell, my dear lady, I'm afraid," he sighed. "I was cursed to be a scarecrow because of my fascination with fear."
"Fear?" repeated Harley. "I didn't know that was a very complex topic."
"Oh yes, my dear," he said, warmly. "Its causes and effects are most interesting – I can give you a detailed lecture on…"
"Don't bore her to death, Johnny," interrupted the green-skinned woman. "She's the only hope we've got right now."
"Fear is not boring!" snapped Crane. "You're not bored, are you, Miss Quinzel?"
"No, I…enjoy learning new things," said Harley, slowly. "I read a lot and…was hoping to go into psychology, actually."
"Were you?" asked Crane, his interest growing by the minute. "I majored in psychology myself."
"Many, many years ago," agreed Two-Face.
"Oh, do shut up, Harvey!" snapped Crane. "I'm not that old!"
"Just stop trying, Johnny," growled Two-Face. "First of all, it's pathetic watching you try to flirt, and second of all, she's for J."
"Nah, she's a nerd dame, Harv," muttered Joker. "I wouldn't want a nerd dame anyway."
"And I wouldn't want some idiotic clown who frowns on education!" snapped Harley. "Let's get one thing straight – I may be a prisoner here, but I have no intention of having any kind of romantic relationship with that man," she said, pointing at Joker. "I'm sorry you all have to suffer because of that, but I will never love him, not in a million years!"
"Well, we ain't got a million years, toots!" snapped Joker. "Y'know, I tried to be nice to you, but from now on, it's no more Mr. Nice Guy! I ain't gonna beg some dame to love me, and if you can't see what a great catch I am, then I don't want you anyway, because you're obviously a dumb blonde!"
"I got into college on a full scholarship!" shrieked Harley. "I'm not dumb! But because of you monsters, I will never be able to go to college, or get my degree, or do anything I wanted to do with my life, because I'm locked up in this place forever! So I hope you're all happy with ruining my life!"
She felt tears come to her eyes again, and she wiped them away firmly, looking back down at her book. The green-skinned woman came over to her, sitting down next to her. "J ruined all our lives too," she sighed, glumly. "It's his fault we're all cursed. I mean, there are some benefits to it for me – I can actually talk to my plants, which is great. But the green skin is definitely not a good look for me."
"Yeah, gee, it sure would be hard to be cursed with a deformity that completed obliterated your attractiveness," muttered Two-Face.
"It's not a competition, Harvey!" snapped the green-skinned woman, glaring at him. "I'm Pamela Isley, by the way, but call me Poison Ivy. And the guy sulking over there is Harvey Dent, but we call him Two-Face, because he hates it."
"Because I had a good life and a good job before my face got like this," muttered Two-Face. "And now I'm just another cursed freak, thanks to J."
"Look, for the last time, that curse coulda happened to anybody," snapped Joker. "If one of you losers had answered the door instead, we could all be blaming you for this right now!"
"But we didn't," retorted Ivy. "You did. Anyway, you're the one who doesn't know how to love. At least I love my babies."
"Dinner is served," said Tetch, re-entering the room. "Do allow me to escort you to the dining room, Miss Quinzel."
Tetch pulled out a chair for her at the table. "I'm sure she can do that herself," said Joker. "Nothing wrong with her arms, Hatty."
"It's called manners, Joker," sighed Tetch. "Not that you'd know a thing about that. As is serving guests first," he snapped, slapping Joker's hand away as he reached for a plate of food.
"Y'know, I'm getting real sick of being slapped tonight," growled Joker.
"Then maybe you should start acting like a gentleman, rather than a complete barbarian," retorted Tetch, placing the plate down in front of Harley. "It also couldn't hurt your attempts to woo Miss Quinzel."
"I ain't attempting anything of the kind," retorted Joker, digging into his meal. "She's made her opinion of me pretty clear."
"Can you blame me?" asked Harley. "Or do you have hidden depths and attractive qualities that I'm not yet aware of?"
"Sure," he retorted. "I got lots of attractive qualities! Don't I, guys?" he asked the room at large.
Everyone was silent, and Crane coughed loudly. "Guys?" repeated Joker. "Guys! You're just hurting yourselves here! Someone say something nice about me!"
"I'm honestly trying to think of something," said Tetch, stirring his tea. "It's very difficult."
"He's got…a sense of humor," said Two-Face, slowly. "Women like that, right?"
"Yeah, dames love that!" exclaimed Joker. "They're always going on about how they want a man who can make 'em laugh!"
"Can you make me laugh?" asked Harley, cutting up her food.
"Sure I can!" he retorted. "Got a million jokes just floating around in my head – that's why they call me the Joker! Here's a great one for you – what happened when the blonde got cancer?"
"Joker, no…" began Crane.
"She got chemo and her IQ went up!" chuckled Joker.
Harley put down her fork, and then picked up her plate. "My mother died of cancer last year," she whispered. "So I don't much care for your sense of humor."
"Oooh…awkward," said Joker. "Sorry, I didn't know that - I just meant for it to be a dumb blonde joke…"
"Yeah, because obviously I'd love those being blonde myself," said Harley, rolling her eyes. "If you'll excuse me, everyone, I'm just going to finish eating in my room. I'd like to be alone."
She left, and everyone rounded on Joker angrily. "You idiot, what the hell were you thinking?!" roared Two-Face. "Why would you even go with a dumb blonde joke?!"
"It was the first thing that popped into my head!" retorted Joker. "I'll do better next time…"
"It doesn't matter – you've already blown it," growled Ivy, picking glumly at her dinner. "She's never gonna like you, let alone love you, and we're gonna be stuck like this forever. Might as well just get used to the idea."
This understandably put a dampner on the evening, and everyone finished their dinner in silence.