Harley woke up late the next day to a knocking on her door. For a moment, she forgot where she was and what had happened, and looked around in confusion at the huge, beautiful room. Then her memories came flooding back, and she held back tears as she sat up. "Just a second!" she called, dressing.
She opened the door to reveal Crane standing there with a stack of books in his arms. "Good afternoon, Miss Quinzel," he said, smiling at her. "I recalled what you said last night about your love of reading and your desire to learn psychology, and I was wondering if I might take the liberty of teaching you, since you're unable to attend university at this point in time. I used to be a college professor myself, so I have some experience with students, and I thought it might be an agreeable way to pass the time for you, since you're to be with us for the foreseeable future. It'll be an informal qualification, of course, but it's better than nothing."
"Oh…thanks, Professor Crane," said Harley, surprised. "That sounds great, actually. At least I'll get to learn something."
"Excellent," he said, beaming. "Here's some reading for you start with," he said, dumping the pile of books into her arms. "I suspect the field has changed throughout the many years I've been cooped up in here, but a strong, solid foundation in the basics is important. I'll leave you to it – call me when you're done," he said.
Harley shut the door and dumped the pile of books on the floor. Then she picked up the top one and sat down on the bed to read it. She was interrupted a few moments later by another knock on her door.
"Did you forget one, Professor…" she said, opening it, but her face fell when she saw the Joker standing there instead, smiling and holding a tea tray.
"Just wanted to apologize for last night, toots," he said, holding out the tray to her. "Hatty suggested bringing you some tea as a little peace offering."
"Oh…thanks," said Harley, holding open the door. He put it on the table inside her room, looking around and whistling.
"Boy, Hatty don't do subtle, does he?" he chuckled. "Y'know, I think he might have a slightly disturbed mind, to be this obsessed with one thing!"
"You would know," said Harley, dryly. "Thank you for the tea," she said, nodding at the open door.
"Whatcha reading?" he asked, ignoring her dismissal of him and picking up the open book.
"Psychology textbooks," replied Harley. "Professor Crane has offered to teach me."
"Looks kinda dry and boring," he commented, flipping the pages. "You wanna get to know broken minds, you can't find that kinda stuff in a book. You gotta talk to one."
"Like you?" asked Harley.
"Sure, if you wanna talk," he said, shrugging. "Or we could go for a walk, maybe. It's kinda nice outside, for Gotham. I mean, it's cloudy, but at least it's not raining."
"No, thanks," she said. "I'd rather do some reading."
His face fell. "Gee, hurt my feelings like that," he muttered. "You'd rather read a buncha boring, academic crap than go for a walk with me?"
"That's right," agreed Harley. "And I don't really care about your feelings, just like you didn't care about mine when you trapped me here."
"Well, yeah, I'm a bad guy," he agreed, shrugging. "But you're meant to be better than me. Y'know, so you can teach me how to love…"
"I'm not going to teach you anything!" snapped Harley. "Especially not that! Now please get out of my room before I have to throw you out again!"
"Ok, ok, I'm going," he said, heading for the door. "And you look really nice in that top, by the way. Matches your eyes," he said, turning to smile at her. Harley said nothing, but slammed the door in his face.
Joker sighed, pulling out the list from his pocket. "Giving her stuff doesn't work," he muttered, crossing out a line. "Neither does suggested leisure activities or compliments. Jesus, what's wrong with this dame?" he asked, putting the list away. "Just my luck that this is the one we get stuck with – we couldn't have blackmailed a more normal girl?"
He headed back to the Rec Room, where the others were gathered. "Did you make up with Harley?" asked Tetch.
"Nah, your tips didn't work," retorted Joker, throwing the list at him. "Got any other great pieces of romantic advice, Mr. Perpetually Single?"
"I have one," said Ivy, who was watering her plants.
"Oooh, this is going to be enlightening!" sighed Joker, sarcastically.
"Find out her interests," continued Ivy. "And take an interest in them. If you bond over common ground, it's much easier to plant the seeds of romance in it. I mean, the less you think of her as a challenge to be met or an object to be won, and more as a human being with likes and dislikes, it'll be easier to get along with her."
"No, she ain't easy to get along with whatever I do," growled Joker. "She's a difficult dame. Uppity, high-strung, no sense of humor…"
"Well, at least you liking her ain't a problem," commented Two-Face.
"I don't like her!" snapped Joker. "I mean, she's pretty, I guess, but it takes more than that to be my true love!"
"It would probably take mental health problems, for a start," commented Crane, who was devising a list of questions for Harley after she was done reading.
"You stay outta it, nerd!" snapped Joker. "And stay away from Harley, huh? Unless you wanna be a scarecrow forever, she ain't for you! And she wouldn't be for you anyway if you stayed a scarecrow forever, because no dame could love a scarecrow!"
"I am merely trying to make the girl's stay here a pleasant one by indulging her interest in psychology!" snapped Crane.
Joker snapped his fingers. "Wait, that's it!" he exclaimed. "She's got an interest in messed up minds, and mine is the most messed up mind out there! I just gotta prove that to her, and I'll be a mental case she can't refuse! I gotta do something really reckless and crazy in front of her that'll leave her no choice but to be fascinated by my insanity!"
"Joker, I'm really not sure that's the best way…" began Tetch.
"Pammie just said I gotta indulge her interests!" protested Joker. "And a gal who's interested in craziness has gotta be interested in the King of Crazy! I just gotta show her that's who I am! I gotta really get her attention in the most obvious and dangerous way possible!"
"No, Joker, please!" begged Tetch. "If either you or her are killed, we'll never break the spell!"
"But J will be dead," said Ivy, thoughtfully. "So there's that upside, I guess. Might be worth it."
"Sneer all you like, Pammie, but I got a good feeling about this!" chuckled Joker. "If Harley's gonna be my true love, I gotta win her on my own terms. And in that spirit, I'm off to go build a death trap! Toodles!"
Two-Face sighed heavily. "Thinks trying to get a girl killed is gonna win her heart," he muttered. "J was right – we're doomed."