"Harley won't end up hurt, will she?" asked Arleen in concern, breaking in on the story.
"No, princess, not in any permanent way," said Joker, reassuringly. "I mean, reckless endangerment can be dangerous – that's why it's called reckless endangerment, after all. And you kiddies definitely shouldn't try it at home. But in the confines of a safe, fictional environment, pretty much anything is a good idea. Also, if you're crazy, pretty much anything is a good idea, and the Joker was definitely crazy."
"I feel kinda bad for him," spoke up J.J. "He's clearly trying his hardest to get Harley to like him, but she keeps being mean to him."
"Well, you can't force a girl to like you, J.J.," said Joker, shrugging. "And sometimes they act in ways that don't make a lotta sense objectively."
"And so do guys," agreed Harley. "Just look at your father."
"It is kinda sad, though," said Arleen. "Joker being rejected by Harley. I hope if he keeps trying, Harley will grow to love him. He seems nice and he deserves to be loved, unlike Bruce."
"And the others deserve to get the spell broken," agreed J.J. "They didn't do anything, after all, and they were still cursed. That doesn't seem fair."
"Well, when you get a little older, you'll realize life ain't fair, J.J.," said Joker, nodding. "But frankly, it wouldn't be a whole lotta fun if it was. If everything was fair and equal, there wouldn't be any room left for a little chaos, and that's where the fun starts."
"C'mon, Daddy, what happened next?" asked Arleen eagerly.
"Well, Harley was still reading in her room later when there was another knock on the door. She sighed, sick of being interrupted, and opened it.
"What?" she demanded, but no one was there. "Hello?" she said, looking around. "Professor Crane? Mr. Tetch? Is anybody…"
But she shrieked suddenly as a bag was forced over her head, and then she was seized around the waist and dragged off. She screamed and struggled against her attacker, but the sound was muffled by the bag, and whoever had grabbed her had a strong, firm hold. The bag over her mouth restricted her breathing, and she passed out from lack of oxygen.
She woke up to darkness. The bag had been removed, but she appeared to be in a windowless, airless room in the asylum. Her head ached from her fainting spell, and she suddenly felt a weight against her chest…
And she experienced a jolt of horror when she looked down to see that this was because a vest of chattering teeth explosives was strapped to it, primed to go off, and counting down from sixty seconds.
"They're ingenious, aren't they?" said a voice, proudly. "I invented them myself."
"Joker…what the hell are you doing?!" shrieked Harley. "Get this offa me right now!"
He chuckled. "Actually, I think it'll be more fun if you figure out how to either disarm them, or get outta the vest yourself," he said. "That's a real challenge for you, toots, not just reading some dusty books! And smart girls like challenges, right?"
"You think…I like being kidnapped from my room and rigged to explode?!" shrieked Harley, furiously.
"I think you're the kinda girl who's interested in adventure, excitement, and danger," said Joker, nodding. "And in extreme personalities! That's why you wanna learn psychology, right? So you'll get to meet all sorts of crazy people? Well, I'm the craziest guy you'll ever meet, toots! And now I'm proving it to you! So c'mon, get outta the vest! I know you can figure it out, a clever girl like you!"
"Joker, this isn't funny!" screamed Harley, who was trying not to panic as the seconds counted down. "You have to stop this right now!"
"No, you have to stop it," he said. "I believe in you, Harley! You got this, kid!"
Harley struggled, desperately trying to disarm the bombs or wriggle out of the vest, but it was secured like a straightjacket, and all the buttons she could press on the teeth didn't stop them from counting down.
"Joker, stop this!" she screamed, as the seconds got down to single digits. "Now! Please!"
"Ok, hang on," he sighed, pressing a button on the back of one of the teeth. Which did nothing – the seconds continued to count down. Joker frowned. "C'mon, it's supposed to work…" he muttered, pressing it again.
"You can't turn it off?!" screamed Harley.
"No, but don't panic…" began Joker.
"Don't panic?!" screamed Harley. "We're both gonna die!"
"Just stay calm, kid!" shouted Joker, scrambling with the buckles on the vest. "And be still!"
They were entering the final five seconds, and Harley squeezed her eyes shut, preparing for oblivion…
And then the Joker ripped off the vest, sending it flying into the far wall. It exploded in a blaze of fire and rubble, making the wall and the ceiling it supported tumble down with it. Harley screamed as bricks and mortar headed right for her…and then the Joker jumped in front of her, shielding her with his body as the structure surrounding them collapsed.
Harley coughed, choking on the dust as she gradually opened her eyes. Joker reached into his jacket, striking a match as he looked around. "Where the hell are we?" gasped Harley, looking up at the roof of debris over their heads.
"Under the asylum," said Joker, slowly. "There are a million branches of tunnels down here from the old sewer system. It's like a maze."
"But you know the way out, right?" asked Harley.
"Um…I'm sure we can find it," he said, smiling at her. "We got nothing but time, after all."
She stared at him. "You expect us to just wander around a maze of tunnels just hoping to find a way out? We could get hopelessly lost and die down here without some sort of guide! What about Ivy? She can talk to plants who have roots down here – maybe they could show us the way out…"
"And how are you planning on talking to her?" asked Joker. "Nobody knows we're down here. The room I took you to was soundproof because I didn't want anybody interfering in the joke."
"The joke?" repeated Harley. "The joke to strap me in explosives and hope I figured out how to escape before they blew up?"
"That's the one!" chuckled Joker. "Sorry about the off switch not working, but you gotta admit, that added an extra layer of comedy…"
Harley punched him in the face. "You nearly got us both killed for a joke!" she shrieked. "And now you've got us both trapped down here with no way out! How on earth can you possibly think that's funny?!"
"Well…it's funny that the joke didn't pan out quite how I expected," said Joker, slowly. "But it worked in that it got the two of us spending more time together! Got no choice but to hang out here, huh? Can't choose your books over walking with me this time!" he laughed.
"Look, you idiot, forcing me to spend time with you by endangering my life isn't going to make me like you anymore than forcing me to stay in the asylum in exchange for my father's life is gonna!" shouted Harley. "You can't take away a woman's free will and expect that that's just gonna make her do what you want her to do! Jesus, you and Bruce Wayne must have the same mental disorder!"
"Bruce Wayne?" repeated Joker. "I ain't got nothing in common with that spoiled, rich twit!"
"You do," retorted Harley. "Your total disrespect of my choices and opinions, for one thing. He didn't take no for an answer when I told him I wasn't interested in him either."
Joker stared at her in surprise. "Gee, I kinda thought…all dames would want a guy like that, handsome and rich…"
"All women aren't the same!" snapped Harley. "And I want a little more in a man than just handsome and rich!"
"Yeah? Like what?" he asked, interested.
"Never mind," growled Harley. "It doesn't matter. We'll probably die down here, so I don't need to worry about the kinda man I want anyway."
"Sounds to me like you're just impossible to please," retorted Joker. "You don't want Bruce Wayne, you don't want me, what do you want?"
"I want a guy who can treat me with respect!" snapped Harley. "Who doesn't try to kill me as a joke! Who really values me, as a person, for who I am, not just for my looks or because I'm the only woman who's ever come to the asylum! A man who gets me and understands me, in a deeply personal, unique way! A man who would sacrifice everything he had for my happiness. That's what love is, J! And I want a man who loves me, truly loves me! You're not the only one in the world desperate to find true love, y'know!"
She glared at him, and then headed for one of the tunnels. "Anyway, I guess we both won't ever find our true love now," she muttered.
"Maybe," he agreed, following her. "Or maybe they're closer than we think."