Author's Notes: - Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

This was the one episode I was looking forward to doing. I've had this planned since very early in the story.

The transcript was taken from Springfield! Springfield! Movie & TV Scripts.

Enjoy.

Tim sat at the edge of the moon pool, his hand trailing in the water as he talked with the Seaquest's resident dolphin.

"This isn't the first time I've thought about this, you know," he sighed, "It's been bugging me for a long time. Like how everyone in my life has something happening, but me."

He rubbed his forehead annoyed, "Like Lucas, he's this huge brain. Guy is gonna be this big-time scientist, no doubt about it."

Darwin said nothing just moving to be petted.

"And Ford," Tim continued obeying the unspoken command from the dolphin, "Man! He's so cool-headed, does everything by the book," he grimaced. "I can't even find the book. And Ortiz," Tim shook his head, "That guy is never bummed. Piccolo's like a walking game show, if I were him I'd jump off a building but he seems like the happiest guy I know." Tim sighed, "Then there's Kate."

"Kate friend," Darwin stated when Tim stopped talking.

"She is my friend," Tim whispered, "But I did the dumbest thing in the world and fell for her."

Darwin didn't say anything as Tim batted at the water.

"I know she'll never feel the same for me," Tim continued, "She's smart, beautiful whenever we go somewhere on leave there is a queue of guys trying to talk to her and I can't compete. Besides she'd never look at me any other way. She's happy to be my friend. You know?"

"Darwin happy, too," the dolphin told him.

"You swim and eat fish," Tim grimaced exasperated, "I'm stuck in the parking lot of life, everyone's going someplace except me. I mean, I even think my hair is starting to fall out."

"Darwin bald," the dolphin reminded him, "Swim faster."

Tim grimaced even more, "Thanks, Darwin. Sharing makes this so much easier."

x

Tim wandered through the corridors of the boat he saw Lonnie talking with Lucas and tried to slide past without either of them seeing.

"Tim," Lonnie called before he could get away, "Tim, did you hear about Lucas?"

Tim forced his face into an expression of interest, "No."

"Come on," Lucas winced looking slightly embarrassed, "It's nothing really."

"Yes, it is. It's something," Lonnie told Lucas before turning back to Tim, "Did you hear?"

"No," Tim sighed, "Let me guess, Lucas was voted 'best hair' on Seaquest?"

"Come on," Lonnie chuckled thinking Tim was just trying to be funny

"Most popular?" Tim tried again unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"Syndicated Science published an article Lucas wrote on aquatic soil evaluations in the Caspian Sea," Lonnie told him with a proud smile.

"Oh," was all Tim could think to say.

Lucas shrugged slightly embarrassed. "It's a speculative piece, apparently the editor liked it, but it was probably just because of my age. Just kind of like a novelty thing."

Lonnie gently pushed his shoulder at his modesty, "It was great work."

"Well," Tim gave him a quick nod, "Congratulations."

Lucas gave him a smile, "Thank you."

"You know," Lonnie continued as Tim started away, "One day we're all gonna be able to say we knew this guy way back when he was a nobody like the rest of us."

"I can't wait," Tim muttered under his breath.

He continued further on relieved to leave Lonnie and Lucas so he could get back to his own thoughts. Not much further through the corridors he found Dagwood.

"Hey, Tim," Dagwood smiled in greeting, "How many Daggers does it take to change a light bulb?"

Unable not to smile slightly at the large man Tim said, "I don't know, Dagwood."

"One," Dagwood grinned at his joke.

Tim genuinely laughed softly before he found himself asking, "Dagwood, how would you feel if I left Seaquest?"

"For where?" Dagwood asked slightly confused.

"For good," Tim replied.

Dagwood grimaced at the thought, "That would be bad."

"Well," Tim defended himself, "Maybe not for me."

Dagwood thought about this for a moment before replying, "Well, then Dagwood doesn't know how he would feel," the dagger looked at his friend, "How would you feel?"

"Better," Tim stated.

"Then that would be good," Dagwood told him,

Tim sighed softly, "Thank you, Dagwood."

Dagwood smiled back sweetly, "Welcome."

It had been a quiet week onboard the Seaquest, until the news was received about the prison break apparently led by Ford. Nathan had spent it going over proposals from the crew regarding projects they wanted to do, reading up on the latest experiments from the science teams, they'd managed to do a full system diagnostic and several preparedness drills.

It was even quieter at the moment as Kate was away on a course, giving her a chance to visit Bill and Janet. It always surprised him how much he missed the young woman when she wasn't onboard.

Now however he was having a conversation he never would have dreamed he would ever be having. Tim O'Neill sat stiffly on his left-hand side with the letter sitting on the table between them. Nathan was struggling to find something to say to the young man for the moment so went with the part of the situation that was easiest, "You know, you spelled resignation wrong."

"I did?" surprise filled Tim's voice.

Nathan nodded, not believing it himself considering who it was had written the letter, "Yeah, it's T-l-O-N."

"Oh," was all the other man said a slight annoyed grimace on his face at the stupid mistake.

Nathan sighed finally managing to start the proper conversation with Tim, "I don't understand this. I mean, you've got a great career in front of you on Seaquest and you're one of the most valuable men on the crew."

Tim grimaced, "Well, I don't feel that way, sir."

"How do you feel?"

"Like a football at a baseball game," the wry reply came with a slight tinge of bitterness, "I feel different. I've always been different. I was the guy who got a cold sore on prom night. I spent my entire high-school career getting thrown up against lockers by guys named Spike," he let out a sigh, "You know, nerdy O'Neill, geek who speaks twelve different languages but can't talk about anything except the business at hand."

Nathan looked at the younger man before him and replied, "That's not the way I perceive you, and I don't think it's the way the rest of the crew perceives you."

"Well, I don't think that matters, sir," Tim stated, "It's how I perceive me." He paused for a moment before continuing on, "You know, I…I want to reinvent myself in a way that I'm comfortable with."

"By quitting?" Nathan asked.

Tim shrugged slightly, "Yeah, you can say I'm a quitter. But maybe that's the point."

Nathan decided to push him a little, "How do you propose to begin this reinventing?"

"Well, I don't know," Tim licked his lips nervously, "But I have a partial idea."

"I'd love to hear some of the parts," Nathan told him doing his best not to bring up Kate. It wasn't fair to make the other man to feel guilty for feeling the way he did at the moment just because Nathan knew how much she would miss him. This was one of those moments he had to keep personal and professional completely separate, no matter how hard it was.

"Well," Tim started slightly hesitantly, "I kind of thought I'd move to a beach town, you know. And get someplace cool. But affordable, you know, right on the water. Maybe meet a girl and read some important literature. And then, I thought I would," he hesitated a little more before finishing, "Paint."

"Paint?" Nathan hated he couldn't keep the disbelief out of his voice.

"Yes, paint," Tim nodded, "I've always wanted to paint."

"Houses or portraits?"

"Sir," the younger man stated before explaining, "Gauguin was a stockbroker before he was a painter, and I want to paint like him."

"Like Gauguin?" Nathan knew he was pushing this a little but he still couldn't accept that his communications officer, one of the most valuable members of his crew wanted to abandon his career to paint.

"Yeah, you know," slightly nervous smile touch his lips, "Beautiful women and beautiful tropical places doing beautiful tropical things."

Nathan took a deep breath and decided to become direct, "Tim, don't you think you're going off a little half-cocked?"

"No, sir," Tim shook his head, "It's completely cocked," he tilted his head hopefully, "You gonna accept my resignation?"

"No," Nathan stated continuing on before the other man could say anything, "But I will give you thirty days unassigned leave."

Tim shook his head, "Sir, I've thought about this a lot."

"And now you're going to have thirty days to think about it some more," Nathan told him before handing him a locator, "I think you better wear one of these, too. We may have a need to know where you are."

Tim sighed as he stood to leave, "I don't think I'll change my mind, sir."

"Well, I hope so," Nathan faced him and saluted, "Good luck, Lieutenant."

Tim returned the salute with a sigh, "Thank you, sir," before he turned and left the room.

Nathan sat back down and grimaced. He wondered how he'd missed Tim's feelings of disconnection to the rest of the crew, hoping that the thirty days away from the boat would make the younger man realise he did belong on the Seaquest.

Kate smiled to herself as she headed back to her quarters; she had enjoyed her time away. The course had been extremely interesting and gave her a better grounding in some things she hadn't studied much during her courses. She'd stayed the week with Bill and Janet Noyce, where she was looked after and fed by Janet as though she was one of their own. It meant she'd returned with a ton of cakes and other goodies to share with her guys.

Once she'd dropped her things off, Kate quickly found the gifts she'd brought back and started out to find the recipients.

Wandering through the corridors she found Miguel first.

"Hey," she greeted him with a grin, "I have something for you?"

He gave her a suspicious look, "How painful is it?"

Kate laughed, "Only your favourite kind of pain," she handed him the disc from her bag.

"The brand new Bloodstones album," he cried in astonishment, "This just came out."

"I know," Kate smiled, "I had to be at the store for it opening almost missing my ride back here just so I could get that for you."

Miguel hugged her in his big brother way that always made her smile, lifting her off the ground.

"I must get you really bad music more often," she chuckled when he set her down again, she hoisted her bag, "I have something for Lucas and Tim too. Do you know where they are?"
"Lucas is on the bridge," Miguel told her staring at her for a moment before asking, "You don't know about Tim, do you?"

Worry covered Kate's face, "Know what? Is he okay?"

Miguel grimaced, "Tim left."

"What do you mean left?" the confusion filled her voice.

"How did I end up doing this?" Miguel muttered to himself before looking at her, "Tim resigned from the Seaquest. The captain gave him thirty days leave to think it over and he left a couple of hours ago."

"He just left?" hurt filled her voice, "Without saying anything."

Miguel winced, "He talked to the Captain."

x

"Tim left?"

Nathan sighed as Kate burst into the ward room, "Hello to you too."

She frowned at him before she pulled a box out of the bag she was carrying, "From Janet. Now tell me what the hell is going on?"

Nathan took the box he knew was filled with cookies before taking a seat, he motioned Kate to join him. She sunk into the seat and waited.

"Lieutenant O'Neill resigned his commission," Nathan told her, "I gave him thirty days to think it over away from the boat. He left this morning."

Kate frowned slightly in disbelief, "Did he leave a message?"

Nathan shook his head, grimacing as he watched her take this in.

"Okay," she said after a moment, "I have a present for Lucas so I'm going to go see him."

"Kate," he stopped her, "About O'Neill."

"What about him?" she asked coolly, "He just turned out to be like everyone else in my life. Why would I care?"

Nathan caught her arm, "You don't have to pretend to be fine about this, Kate. It's only the two of us here."

"I am fine, Nathan," she patted his hand, "This just proved once again that the only one I can truly count on is you. I'll see you later."

He sighed watching her leave the room. He didn't begrudge O'Neill's need to discover who he really was but Nathan just wished it hadn't come at the expense of Kate losing her faith in people once again.

The sun was shining as Tim stared at what he'd put on the canvas so far. He'd been at this less than a day and it was already very obvious that painting wasn't for him.

Tim wasn't sure what he wanted to do now. He couldn't go back to the Seaquest, he couldn't go back to feeling like that but at least he knew being a painter was out.

Reaching into his bag for some water the small picture he'd brought with him caught his eye; it was a picture of Kate, Miguel and Lucas from when they were rebuilding the Seaquest. Tim smiled to himself as he thought back to when it was taken.

Lucas had been talking about some ideas he had for upgrading the vocorder. Tim had picked the camera up to move it so he could take a seat and just suddenly pointed it at them. Miguel had caught Kate and Lucas round the shoulders pulling them close while they all laughed. When Lucas had printed the pictures out Tim instantly grabbed a copy of it getting it framed on one of his afternoons off.

Staring at the three grinning faces looking back at him Tim sighed, guilt suddenly hit him for not waiting to tell Kate goodbye before he remembered the reason why he hadn't.

Tim stopped in front of her, "I wanted to see you before you left."

"I was trying to avoid you," Kate admitted with a shrug, "I don't do goodbyes."

Tim gave a soft smile, "Well this time you have to."

Kate didn't move so he stepped into her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. After a moment she hugged him back closing her eyes.

"I'm really going to miss you," Kate confessed not moving from the embrace.

"I'll miss you too," Tim replied.

Tim shook himself, she had told him she didn't do goodbyes so he made sure she didn't have to. Besides he knew that he'd tell her the truth if he had to face her and he couldn't have faced that rejection.

"I love to watch an artist at work," a woman's voice pulled him out of his thoughts and back to reality.

x

Miguel knocked on the door to Kate's room wondering why he was sticking his head into the lion's den but he knew how close Tim and Kate had become.

He and Tim had been friends since they'd both come onboard the Seaquest. They'd met on the transport to Pearl Harbour from their previous postings and had in their time onboard, before Bridger had taken over as captain, become part of each other's family.

In some ways he was surprised when Tim had befriended Kate, mostly because Tim usually couldn't speak to a beautiful woman without tripping over his own tongue and Kate was beautiful. But it wasn't that surprising in others since Kate had needed someone to reach out to her and Tim understood the loneliness of being the odd person out.

Somehow the three of them and Lucas had become a group spending their downtime together watching movies, playing cards or just making fun of one another. Miguel had noticed something was going on with Tim recently but he'd not pushed because trying to get Tim to open up when something was bothering him could be an exercise in futility.

"Hey," Kate smiled when she opened the door.

"Hey," Miguel replied a little taken back as this was not what he'd been expecting, "You okay?"

Kate looked at him confused, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Tim leaving?" Miguel asked less sure than when he'd knocked on the door.

Kate shrugged, "It was his choice."

Miguel stared at her.

"Nathan told me he approved our proposal for the WSKR upgrades," Kate smiled, "We can start work tomorrow."

"Sure."

Kate grinned, "And I still have cookies and cakes from Janet Noyce. See you then."

Miguel nodded still a little bemused by how unaffected she was by this and stared when the door closed.

Sighing again Miguel decided to go get something to eat.

x

Tim groaned, opening his eyes confused trying to work out what had happened and where he was. Looking around he saw he was in a shuttle, he frowned confused at the woman piloting before the memory hit him.

"You're Mariah," Tim stated coldly, "You led the Dagger uprising at the GELF colony."

Mariah nodded before telling him, "I want the navigational stealth codes for Seaquest."

Tim frowned, "What makes you think I can help you?"

"You're Seaquest's communications officer," she reminded him.

Tim stared at her, "I resigned."

"I want the codes," Mariah demanded sharply.

"I can't help you," Tim replied grimly.

Mariah hit a button on her console and Tim felt pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before spike through him. It was like hot needles were being shoved through every part of his body and seemed to go on forever.

It finally stopped and Mariah demanded again, "The codes."

The remnants of pain slid through Tim's body but he firmed his jaw and shook his head grinding out a sarcastic, "Sorry."

He saw anger in her eyes before she hit the button again. Pain exploded once more, this time worse than before and Tim blacked out.

x

"Do you want to talk?" Nathan asked softly as he walked with Kate towards the bridge.

"About what?"

He rolled his eyes at the calm voice, "How about the fact Wendy had a vision of O'Neill and he might be in trouble?"

"Why would I care?"

Nathan caught her shoulder stopping her walking, "Look, Kate you're angry at him. I know this, I get it," he cut her off before she could reply, "But you're doing what you always do. I've seen the wall before and I'm not buying it, kid."

She sighed softly, "Nathan, I need the wall otherwise…" she paused and finished, "I need the wall just now."

Nathan squeezed her arm, "Okay. I'm here when you want to talk."

Kate nodded before she started walking towards the bridge again. Once there she headed for her station and took over from Jeffries.

Nathan watched her for a few moments before he walked on to the bridge and demanded, "Where are we?"

Kate scrambled out of her seat to Nathan, reaching him the same time as Lucas finding him unconscious with blood coming from a head wound he'd received when he went flying across the bridge after forcing Lucas into his chair.

"Nathan," she cried fearfully.

"He's unconscious," Lucas called back to Jonathan.

The commander frowned before ordering, "Take him to the medbay."

Kate saw the medics move to the prone captain and was about to follow when she felt Jonathan's hand on her arm.

"I need you to take your station," he said to her softly.

"Jonathan…"

He cut her off, "There's nothing you can do for him. We need you here."

After a small hesitation she nodded and headed back to her station. Kate knew she was shaking a little seeing Nathan like that and ignored everything else while she forced herself to calm down. After a few moments she realised there was an argument going on about what to do now. Sliding out of her seat she moved to Ford.

"Not now, Kate," he stated sharply.

"Yes now," she replied in a harsh whisper, "Listen to me. Stop thinking military and start thinking thief."

Jonathan looked at her confused but waiting for her to elaborate.

"This guy wants us dead," Kate told him, "But he's hiding. Bait the trap, let him think he's getting what he wants."

Jonathan nodded, "Helm, play dead."

"What?" Brody demanded.

"He wants us destroyed," Jonathan noted, "Let him think he's got us."

Brody nodded, "Nice plan."

x

Silence filled the bridge as they played dead in the water, finally Miguel's voice cut through the air.

"Mother has contact," he called, "Sending you the co-ordinates."

Jonathan nodded, "Brody. Ready weapons, fix enemy position and coordinate maximum response."

"Position fixed, sir," Brody replied.

Jonathan took a breath, "Signal for surrender. If there's no response in five seconds, destroy her."

"I'm getting a signal, sir," Tony spoke up from the communications console.

"Hold your fire," Jonathan ordered, "Put it up on the vidlink."

The image appeared quickly revealing Mariah, the GELF who'd led the uprising all those months ago at the beginning of the tour.

"So," she smirked at Jonathan, "We meet again."

"Yes, we do," Jonathan replied without flinching, "Are you surrendering?"

"Never," Mariah snarled at him.

Jonathan nodded, "Then under the rules of war sanctioned by the UEO, I'm going to destroy you and your ship."

"And one of your own as well?" she asked, reaching out to one side Mariah dragged her prisoner into view.

"Tim," Kate's surprised gasp was heard by most of the bridge.

"I'm sorry, sir," Tim apologised.

Jonathan stepped forward, resting a hand on Kate's shoulder, "How do I know that's really O'Neill?"

Mariah gave him a smug smile, "You don't."

"Hey, Tim," Dagwood suddenly stepped forward, "How many Daggers does it take to change a light bulb?"

Everyone turned to stare at the large man who was intent on the screen in front of him.

Tim licked his lips before answering, "One."

"That is really Tim, sir," Dagwood turned to Jonathan, "Dagwood knows."

Jonathan stared at the screen unsure if he could condemn this man, his friend to death.

"This is my fault, Commander," Tim stated, "Do what you have to."

Tim was moving slowly but at least he was out of the infirmary bed. He pulled on his shirt and started to button it, annoyed that his fingers weren't working properly after whatever Mariah had used on him. The Captain was lying in the next bed, still recovering from the concussion he'd received when Mariah had fired upon the Seaquest.

The door opened and Tim saw Kate standing there concern covering her face. She moved to the Captain first, resting her hand on his arm for a moment talking softly before she turned to him.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked with concern in her voice as she studied him intently.

Tim nodded, "I'm fine."

"Good," Kate told him before she walked out.

Tim watched her go confused.

"She's not happy with you just now," Bridger spoke up making Tim turn to him.

Tim winced, "Because I didn't tell her I was leaving."

Bridger slid to sit up properly and motioned him to sit as well. Tim did as ordered waiting for the other man to speak.

"Kate doesn't trust people easily," Bridger reminded him, "But she trusted you and right now she feels that you've broken that trust."

"By leaving?"

Bridger shook his head, "By not saying goodbye."

Tim sighed, "She once told me she didn't do goodbyes."

"That was a long time ago," Bridger reminded him, "Look, Kate has quite a few abandonment issues. I'm sure she's mentioned it to you. Give her some time, she'll get over it."

x

Tim took a deep breath before he knocked.

"What do you want?" Kate asked when she opened the door, her voice cold.

"To talk to you," Tim told her.

Kate shrugged, "We have nothing to talk about."

She turned to head back into her room so Tim reached out and caught her arm, "Kate…"

Kate spun back to him, her eyes darker than he'd ever seen them, "You want to talk to me? Fine," she slammed her hands against his chest pushing him back, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Kate…" he winced as she let her anger loose.

"You left," she pushed him again, "You left without a word. You couldn't have hung around a few hours to even tell me yourself? Instead I heard it from Miguel."

"I needed…" he started, wincing when she shoved him again. This time his back hit the wall.

"You needed what?" Kate snarled.

"I…" he stammered, a little overwhelmed by her anger.

"I thought we were friends," she glared at him

"We are…"

"Obviously not," she cut him off again, "Otherwise the person I thought was my best friend wouldn't have left without saying anything to me. You didn't even leave a note."

Kate shook her head and turned away starting back into her room.

"Wait," Tim called, "Kate, please."

She spun back, her eyes dark with anger and her face set like stone, "We are done, Lieutenant."

The use of his rank instead of his name made him flinch, "Kate, I'm sorry."

"Go to hell," she snarled, with a flick of her hair Kate slammed the door to her quarters leaving him staring at it.