Bruce Wayne's butler, Alfred, opened the front door in response to the incessant knocking. "May I help you, sir?" he asked.
"Yeah, hi, I need to speak to Bruce Wayne, please?" said George Quinzel, looking flustered.
"And may I ask who's calling?" said Alfred.
"It's George Quinzel…uh…Harleen Quinzel's father," said Mr. Quinzel. "I don't know if he's mentioned her to you, but he gave her a ride home a few days ago in his limousine…"
"Ah yes, the young lady who lives in the unsavory part of Gotham," said Alfred, nodding. "Yes, I was reluctant to drive Mr. Wayne's limousine there – the sort of people in that neighborhood have probably killed for less. No disrespect meant, of course, sir. Please do come in, Mr. Quinzel," said Alfred, holding the door for him. "Mr. Wayne is in his study – follow me."
"Sir, a Mr. George Quinzel to see you," said Alfred, opening the door to Bruce's study. Bruce had been watching television, flipping channel after channel in the hopes of finding a news story about himself, because he was just that vain.
"You must be Harley's father," said Bruce, turning around and beaming at him. "Has she reconsidered my offer of marriage?"
"Offer of…um…no, that's not why I'm here," stammered Mr. Quinzel. "I'm here because my daughter is in trouble. She's been kidnapped."
"Kidnapped?" repeated Bruce. "I'm not the police…"
"I already went to them," said Mr. Quinzel, nodding. "But they said they won't attack Arkham because their men can't fight the kinda threat that lives there. They said it's supernatural stuff that they're not equipped to deal with. But I can't just leave my daughter in the hands of those maniacs! I'll go back alone if I have to, and die trying to save her, but I just thought…if you really cared for her, you would help rescue her too."
A slow smile formed on Bruce's face. "Rescue?" he repeated. "You mean charge in there, guns blazing, that kinda heroic stuff?"
"I'm not sure if guns will work on the monsters, but I'm willing to try anything," said Mr. Quinzel. "I can't give up my daughter. And a rich guy like you will be able to be a real threat, mount a whole assault on that place, and take my daughter back by force. If the police won't act to stop crime and bring the perpetrators to justice, then they're forcing citizens to take the law into their own hands. But somebody's got to do something."
"Yes!" exclaimed Bruce. "Yes, you're right! Somebody's got to do something, somebody's got to step up and be the hero Gotham deserves, and the one it needs right now! And that somebody will be me, because I'm rich enough to do it! And after I save Harley, she'll be sure to love me, because everybody loves a hero! This is perfect! Dick!" he shouted, calling for his ward.
"Yeah, Bruce?" asked Dick, entering the room.
"I need a costume! And find one for yourself too! Heroes need a good look, something cool and scary that will strike fear into the hearts of criminals! Mr. Quinzel, do you want a costume too?" he asked.
"Er…no, thanks," said Mr. Quinzel, slowly. "I kinda just wanna rescue my daughter as soon as possible…"
"Of course we will," said Bruce, reassuringly. "But there's no point to heroics if you're not gonna do them in style! I wonder what kinda costume would be best. What's a really scary animal?"
"Uh…a bat?" suggested Mr. Quinzel.
"Yes!" exclaimed Bruce. "Yes, that's perfect! I'm going to be…the Batman!"
"You really think…dressing up in a bat costume is the best way to rescue my daughter?" asked Mr. Quinzel, wondering if he hadn't made a mistake getting Bruce involved. But it wasn't like he had a choice.
"Yes, I do," said Bruce, firmly. "I think it's a great idea, and I'm really glad you suggested it!"
"I didn't…" began Mr. Quinzel.
"Never fear, Mr. Quinzel," interrupted Bruce. "Your daughter will be back home very soon. The Batman will see to it!"
"C'mon, puddin', Bruce Wayne as Batman?" interrupted Harley in reality, breaking in on the story. "I know this is a fantasy story with curses and enchantresses and stuff, but that's really ridiculous!"
"What, you buy magic but you don't buy that?" asked Joker.
"Nah, it's too unbelievable," said Harley, shaking her head. "You gotta have some basis in reality, even in a fantasy story. And making that idiot playboy billionaire into the World's Greatest Detective just doesn't work."
"I happen to enjoy the limitless possibilities for storytelling that the fantasy genre provides," retorted Joker. "And trust me, this works. You'll see."
Harley rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, puddin'."
"It's not the most unrealistic possibility," spoke up J.J. "I mean, it would explain why Batman has so many weapons and gadgets and things, if he's a billionaire. He can afford to spend his money on stuff like that."
"See? It ain't that unbelievable," retorted Joker.
"If Bruce Wayne is as bad a guy as he is in this story, then it makes sense for him to be Batman, who's also a bad guy," said Arleen, firmly. "Because whoever Batman really is, he's definitely a bad guy."
"You got that right, princess," said Joker, kissing the top of her head. "And the scariest thing about him is that most people can't see that. Most people think he's a hero. Most people idolize and adore some bullying thug, while making the people who oppose him seem like monsters. And if people call you a hero for long enough, you begin to believe it. Just like if people call you a monster."
"Unless you got other monsters who love you," reminded Harley. "Because it ain't about how the world sees you. It's about how you see yourself. And you're always gonna find at least one person who thinks you're as special as you really are. Like how your Mommy and Daddy see you both."
"So that's why the Enchantress Leland cursed Joker and the others?" asked J.J. "So they could stop seeing themselves as monsters by learning to love themselves, and having somebody love them for who they really are? Because if J finds his true love, he can't really be all bad."
"Well, I ain't gonna spell out the moral for you, J.J. – this ain't one of those stories," said Joker. "The great thing about fairy tales is that people take their own morals from them. I mean, some people see the story of Beauty and the Beast as kinda a bad message for people, but they're idiots who don't get it. It's about the transformative power of love, and about what makes a person a hero, and what makes a person a beast, and how that's sometimes not the people you expect, and not the way round you think it should be. It's about how beauty is more than skin deep, and about how love is for everyone, not just pretty people. It's about how even if the world sees you as an outcast, you can always find another outcast who thinks you're just the greatest. And it's about how sometimes, even monsters deserve love, and happy endings."
"This story does have a happy ending, huh, Daddy?" asked Arleen. "With Harley and Joker living happily ever after, and the curse being broken and everything, huh?"
Joker smiled. "You'll just have to wait and see, princess."