AN: Another day, another chapter edited due to that tricksy NSFW content. Find me as Unstoppablei at Archive of our Own to read the whole chapter in all its smutty goodness. Thanks!

Chapter 26: Bittersweet Calm

It took Morrigan nearly a week to make preparations for the trip to Mythal's altar, and from the ravens she was receiving Errol wasn't sure if Cullen and his small contingent of forward troops would arrive before or after they left. She busied herself with the affairs at Skyhold and abroad, locking herself away with Josephine and Leliana for long hours in the War Room, directing resources like puzzle pieces across the great map and waiting for news.

It wasn't until the eve of their trip that Errol finally made her decision to approach him. Whether it was the best idea in the world or the worst, he was still their top fount of elven knowledge, outside of Morrigan, and she didn't trust Morrigan any further than she could throw her.

Errol leaned against his doorway once again and watched him paint in meditative silence, the nagging, forever question lingering in the back of her mind. After everything that had happened, why did she keep giving him chances? What chance was this now, fourth, fifth, sixth? Why was she so determined to right what was wrong between them, to fix what was broken? There was a tie that was forged through months in the Fade, when he taught her every night, when he was one of the only ones who believed in her, when he was arrogant and smug yet teased her and guided her, when he looked at her with pride and nothing else. She craved that connection again, couldn't believe it was just gone, swept away by this insane obsession of his. He was more than that, too smart, too methodical.

She wanted to believe they could get through this.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to stare?"

Errol jerked out of her reverie to see him regarding her thoughtfully. When they caught eyes he merely quirked his mouth and returned to his painting.

"I was… thinking."

"Very intently, one presumes."

She shifted on her feet. "I hear you're not coming to Varric's game tonight. You should. Everyone will be there."

His hand worked delicately, filling in the smallest patch of deep blue. "I would beat all of you too easily. I fear it would be no fun for anyone, myself included."

"My, don't we think highly of ourselves."

"It's not thinking highly if it's a fact." He contemplated, then changed his finely pointed brush for a larger one and dipped it in red, dragging paint across the wall. "Besides, there is much to do and little time to accomplish it all."

Errol glanced at his desk; it was covered in open books and scraps of paper with scribbled notes on them. "What are you researching?"

"Ways for you to return home to say goodbye," he said, shading the red deeply in one corner so that it created a rich shadow. She looked at him, surprised, and he continued. "It occurred to me that it is the only thing you have asked for yourself the whole time you have been here. After all I have put you through, if we both of us survive this, I would give you that."

Her hand drifted down, flattening out a crumpled piece of paper with what looked liked a sophisticated mathematical equation on it. She couldn't help but sound cautious. "Oh. Thank you."

He sighed and put down the pallet and brush, finally turning to her. "You don't trust me," he said flatly, and when she opened her mouth he shook his head. "It's all right; I've given you no reason to trust me as of late. I have been rather intrusive."

Errol couldn't help herself: she started laughing so hard she had to sit down on the edge of his messy desk to keep herself from falling over.

"That's what you call it?" she said. "Rather intrusive? Rather intrusive?"

He shifted, uncomfortable in the face of her laughter. "I am attempting to apologize."

She took a moment to calm down. "Sorry, I… sorry." She took a deep breath. "It's not funny."

"Are you quite finished?"

"Yes. I think."

He walked over and mimicked her posture, leaning next to her on the desk, so that they were both staring at the almost-finished mural, their pinkies touching. "It is not easy for me to say this."

Errol looked at him out of the corner of her eye. The atmosphere was suddenly very serious. "Are you really apologizing?"

"Perhaps." His gaze dropped to where their fingers touched.

"Perhaps isn't enough, Solas."

"Yes, then. I would ask that you… forgive me. I have been alone for a long time, and to find someone you want, only to have them run to the arms of another, is… trying. I should not have…" He trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.

Errol bumped his shoulder with hers. "I never meant to hurt you," she said softly. She hadn't paused to take his feelings into account before; she hadn't been able to, he had been too mercurial for that, like grasping at mist. She never really figured out if he truly cared for her or if he was just using her. But here, now, he seemed vulnerable for the first time.

"I know," he said. "And yet I hurt you. I have been foolish. Let me do this for you."

She leaned her head against his. Oh Solas, she thought. If only you had been like this all along. If only you had been open with me.

Out loud, she said: "We have to survive first."

"We will. Have faith."

"In what?"

"In yourself, if nothing else."

"Me against Corypheus?" she asked, then sighed, a little puff of air. "Come on, Solas. We all know how this is going to end."

"Is that what you're doing tonight? Saying your goodbyes? Is that why you're forgiving me so readily for my many trespasses?"

"I'm glad I came here, no matter what happens. I'm glad I met you."

His hand moved to lightly cover hers. "That's not an answer."

"Yes it is."

"You will not die, Errol. You must have faith in that. You have grown incredibly in your time here. You have beaten him every step of the way."

"My spies, military, and dumb luck have beaten him at every step. I've never faced him alone, not since Haven."

"You will not die. And you won't be alone."

"There through the end, huh?"

He moved to press a chaste kiss to her hairline, then resumed his position. "I kept you alive from the moment you stepped through the Breach. I will not let you die now."

She smiled. Here, on the eve of battle, she finally felt like things were normalizing again. "I missed this."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a moment more. Then, she said: "I spoke with Morrigan. She knows about me, but she won't tell."

Solas huffed, his disdain for the witch clear. "Unless it's advantageous for her, I assume."

"She wants to summon the spirit of Mythal."

He looked down at her, suddenly interested. "Oh?"

"You'll come, won't you?"

"If you want me to."

"I don't think anyone else here is quite as qualified to face down an elven God, if it comes to that."

"I'm honored by the invitation," he said, and she heard the smile in his voice.

"Good." Errol stood and stretched. "We're leaving before dawn. Morrigan said it's not far; with a hard day's riding we can hopefully be there and back by nightfall. I don't want to risk being away from Skyhold for too long. We have no idea what Corypheus might do next."

"I will be ready," he said, standing as well, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Sure I can't change your mind about the game?"

"Believe me, you don't want him there," a new voice said, and they both turned to see Varric beaming beatifically in the doorway. "Just talk to anyone who's played anything against him. He'll learn something he's never even heard of, go up against a pro, and leave them walking out without any money or breeches."

"I do have a rather impressive collection of won breeches," Solas said solemnly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. Errol laughed as Varric grabbed her hand.

"Now come on, Sunshine, you can talk to Chuckles about his pilfered pants later. Wicked Grace waits for no one, and I've got a surprise for you."

Errol paused in the doorway, amazed, as always, by Varric's ability to bring everyone together. They were in the otherwise empty tavern, two tables pushed together and several barrels of ale rolled out just for them. Almost everyone she cared about in all of Thedas was already seated – and there at the far side of the table was Cullen, still in his armor and looking tired and a little lost as Iron Bull urged him to take a gulp from a foam-topped mug.

Errol was torn between being elated and furious, and Varric's hand tightened on her forearm. "Now now, Sunshine, it's not Curly's fault."

"When did he get back? Why didn't anyone tell me?" she asked, just as Cullen looked up and met her eyes, his shoulders sagging with obvious relief to see her standing there.

"Not that long ago, and we were looking for you, honest. But the game was about to start, and I thought, hey, why not arrange for a little treat? I had to beg and maybe bribe him to come. Thought it would be nice. Isn't this nice?"

The dwarf sounded unsure. Errol looked down and relented. "Okay, it is nice. But he must be exhausted."

Varric brightened and flashed her one of his infamous smiles, suddenly cocksure again. "Eh, he can sleep when he's dead, which, considering Corypheus, might be next week for all we know. Now, let's play some cards."

Errol followed him fully into the room. She circled the table to kiss Cullen's temple and run her fingers through his hair before taking her seat, the weight lightened for a few precious moments. Her favorite people in one room, on the eve of a final battle that was fast approaching.

"…he saluted, turned on his heel, and marched out like he was in full armor," Cullen said an hour later as he finished his story, his tongue loosened by drink, sending the rest of them into a fit of giggles. Errol laughed so hard that she snorted, making everyone else, including Cullen, laugh harder.

"Always sexy, Sunshine," Varric said, shaking his head.

"I try." She caught Cullen's eye and winked. She turned her attention back to Varric. "Remind me to teach all of you Poker sometime. Then maybe I'll actually win a game."

"Blah blah blah my world is so great," Iron Bull drawled in a bored voice. "Sure your music is better but what's a world without dragons, or battle, or me?"

"Sounds like a pretty good world, actually," Blackwall quipped, even his sins forgiven in the face of the oncoming storm, and they all laughed. The ale was flowing freely, the fire was warm, and every little jibe made them laugh like schoolchildren.

"Don't worry, Bull," Errol said after a long drink. "This world is much better, mostly because of the dragons, the battles, and you."

"Don't tell him that, he'll get ideas," Cassandra said with a mockery of her usual disgusted noise.

"Come now," Dorian said, leaning back and crossing his arms. "Are you honestly telling us that our world is better, even with a crazed Magister-darkspawn trying to destroy everything and the political infighting and murder and at times quite frightening lack of hygiene?"

"Even with," she said, smiling at them. "Because all of you are here."

There was a moment of awkward silence in which everyone seemed to blush and no one could meet her eyes. Finally Dorian coughed. "Well it seems like the stress has finally gotten to her. Maybe she should see a healer? Fractured skull, perhaps? Or she's possessed?"

Errol smiled to herself and took a long drink as everyone laughed.

"Okay Sunshine, your turn to tell a story," Varric said as everyone tossed more money into the pile at the center of the table and Cullen lost another piece of his armor to Josephine. "Something fun from before you came to us. What were you like?"

"Hmmm," Errol said, sorting through her cards. "I'm not sure if I can tell you what I was like, but I can tell you what I did. Undergrad had a lot of escapades. It's schooling you get for higher level jobs, but you live with other students and you're all 18 to 22 years old and away from home for the first time with access to alcohol and other substances—"

"I like where this is going!" Iron Bull said, pouring himself another beer.

"Are you sure Curly's going to want to hear these stories?" Varric said, snickering at the blush that had already crept up Cullen's neck.

"No, tell tell!" Josephine said excitedly. "And Cullen, your shirt now, please, did you think I'd forget?"

"I won't tell any of the really bad ones," she said, waving her hands. "How about this. I was twenty-one, and Jules and I decided to sneak onto the roof of one of the tallest buildings on campus for some topless sun bathing. All of the windows were supposed to be locked but we knew of one that never was, so it would be private, our little secret. Of course, we didn't know about the parade that day…"

By the time she finished the story the game was nearly over and even Cassandra had her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.

"… so we ended up across the border and the rashvine lasted for a week!" she finished, substituting rashvine for poison oak so the ending wouldn't go over their heads.

"That can't be true," Varric said, sounding impressed.

"That's scandalous!" Josephine said. "It would ruin the Inquisition if anyone found out! … Tell it again."

Errol giggled into her beer. "Okay, it's 80 percent true. I'll leave you to figure out the twenty percent that's false."

"The five-legged dog," Dorian said.

"The man with the hooked hand," Blackwall said, leaning in. "That part can't be true."

"A country named Canada," Iron Bull said. "If you're going to lie at least make it believable."

Errol started laughing so hard she was actually gasping, her face turning red, her head dizzy from beer and lack of air. "You guys," she sputtered when she could speak, beaming at them. "I love you guys."

"Boss, you are the sappiest drunk I've ever seen," Iron Bull said, shaking his head.

"So, one more round?" Varric said, tossing in the last of his silver.

"Yes," Dorian said gleefully. "Our dear Commander still has his pants on."

"I can win this one!" Cullen insisted. "It's just taken me a while to discover Josephine's tells."

"I'm going to watch," Errol said, leaning on her hands and grinning. "I'm just want to know what Josie will do with a pair of used men's small clothes."

"Hang them from the flag pole?" Varric suggested.

Cassandra made a disgusted noise. "Of all the childish—"

"Hey Seeker, did I tell you I'm working on another chapter of Swords and Shields?"

Cassandra was immediately engrossed in her cards, the tips of her ears pink.

Varric smirked. "So, like I was saying, flagpole?"

The tavern was quiet after everyone left. Errol leaned against the fireplace, reveling in the warmth and the pleasant buzz of alcohol. "Thank you," she said to Varric. "I needed this."

"We all did," he said. "Final battle coming soon and all… we needed to make some good memories. I wanted to make sure everyone remembered that you're not just the Inquisitor."

His words hit her hard somewhere between her stomach and chest. She swallowed. "Thank you."

"Not that I think…" He dragged his hand down his face. "Ah shit, I always say the wrong thing."

"No, no, it's good. I have the same thoughts."

"It's just… it's easy to forget that you're not just an icon or a symbol, like those statues of Andraste holding bowls of fire."

"You'd never forget," she said, and he shook his head.

"Nah, how could I? I've heard you say things that would make a sailor blush. I don't think anyone in this room tonight will forget either. History might make you an icon, but these people? They'll remember that you got drunk and told them all that you loved them and snorted when you laughed. That's what matters."

The pressure was still heavy on her chest. "I'm glad."

"We'll—" He seemed to struggle with the words. "We'll play another game when this is all over."

She nodded. "Yeah, sure. Absolutely." Her voice sounded hollow. She straightened and tried to perk up. "Anyway, I should bring Cullen his clothes. After all of that and Josephine just gave them to me. His sprint of shame was for nothing."

Varric coughed and looked both guilty and smug. "Yeah, about that. I had a feeling the evening might play out something like this, so I took the liberty of locking the back exit, you know, the one through the storage room that anyone looking to make a quick escape would use? I also might have… tampered with the inner lock so it would jam behind them, trapping the unfortunate person in there in the dark. Just a bit of fun." He coughed again. "Okay, actually it was Sera's idea, but she got drunk before she could implement it."

"Wait, so you're saying that Cullen is currently trapped in the storage room?" Errol asked incredulously. "Naked?"

He nodded. "You might want to do something about that."

She started to giggle helplessly. "Varric, you might be my best friend. Don't tell Dorian, he takes his title seriously."

"I take it just as seriously, Sunshine," he said, lifting his chin. "That's why you gotta promise me that me and Bianca will be there for any final fight between you and Corypheus. I won't sit on the sidelines and let you do all the dirty work." She opened her mouth and he held up a hand. "But for now, no arguing. You've got a trapped Commander to attend to and I've got a kitchen that's calling my name. Goodnight, Sunshine. See you in the morning."

"See you," she said softly as he ambled out.

Errol collected Cullen's clothes and turned toward the storage room. She had some good memories to make.

Soon, she feared there wouldn't be any good memories left.