"There you both are!" exclaimed Poison Ivy as Harley and Joker entered the Rec Room, still soaking wet. "Where the hell have you been?!"
"You smell terrible," commented Tetch, holding a handkerchief up to his nose.
"Yeah, just been for a dip in the sewers, Hatty!" chuckled Joker. "Not hugely pleasant, especially when you're being attacked by a giant crocodile-man. But no permanent harm done – just a scratch," he said, nodding at his arm.
"There's a giant crocodile-man living in the sewers?" asked Two-Face. "How did he get down there in the first place?"
"I dunno, Harv – go ask him," retorted Joker. "Just be sure to bring him some food before you do, or he'll just eat you instead."
"What were you doing in the sewers?" asked Crane, puzzled.
"Kinda a long story – I attached a bomb to Harley which I couldn't turn off, and it exploded and sent the whole room crashing down, and we landed in the sewers," said Joker.
"You…did what?" stammered Crane. "Are you all right, my dear?"
"Oh yeah, I'm fine," said Harley, shrugging. "But J's not – we need to get his wound cleaned right away. C'mon, J," she said, taking his hand and leading him out of the room.
"That horrible monster!" gasped Crane. "How could he threaten to harm that precious angel…"
"No, this is good," said Ivy, glancing after them. "I mean, his methods are questionable, no doubt about it, but Harley and him seem to have bonded a little. See, they're holding hands!"
"You think he's doing it?" said Tetch, hopefully. "You think he can get her to love him?"
"I woulda thought it would take a miracle," said Two-Face. "But Pammie's right – there's something a little more friendly in their attitude, something that wasn't there before. And they're looking at each other a lot more. Eye contact is always a good thing."
"Maybe she's staring at him in horror and disbelief, wondering what sort of beast could strap a bomb to an innocent woman!" snapped Crane.
"I told you not to get your hopes up, Jonathan – she's not for you," repeated Tetch. "But you should be happy – the spell might get broken after all!"
"Yeah, just in time too," muttered Two-Face, turning back to the enchanted rose as another petal fell off it. "Pammie, can't you do anything to that thing to give us more time?"
"I work with regular plants, Harvey, not enchanted ones," retorted Ivy. "I can't do anything about spells, and I can't communicate with magic plants. That's like a whole nother language!"
"Still, it couldn't hurt to try watering it or something," said Tetch. "Maybe moving it into the light a bit more…"
They suddenly heard a shriek from the room down the hall where Joker and Harley were, and everyone rushed to see what had happened. The shriek turned out to have come from Joker, who was now holding his wounded arm away from Harley defensively as she attempted to put some kind of ointment on it.
"C'mon, J, don't be a baby!" she snapped. "You have to put antiseptic on it or it'll get infected!"
"So let it get infected!" he roared. "That's torture, toots! It stings like crazy!"
"Would you rather put up with a little stinging or have your arm amputated?" she demanded.
"I'll take the amputation!" he retorted. "At least they got anesthetic for that!"
"You'd think a guy like you could take a little pain," commented Harley.
"I can take pain!" he snapped. "I kinda enjoy pain too, don't get me wrong, but that's beyond painful! You're not touching my arm with that again!"
Harley sighed. "Ok, fine," she snapped, throwing the rag down in the sink. "Let your wound get infected. See if I care."
"That's better," he retorted. He cleared his throat. "So...Harley, I was wondering if...you and me could have dinner together later, or something."
"I think we'll all probably be having dinner together later," said Harley. "Like last night."
"Er…yeah, but I kinda thought…maybe it'd be nice if it was just the two of us," said Joker, slowly. "Without the peanut gallery, y'know."
"We're right here!" snapped Ivy.
"Actually, I think it's a splendid idea," said Tetch. "A private dinner, by candlelight. You can use the old cafeteria – we'll spruce it up for you."
"Sounds kinda romantic," said Harley.
"Well, it don't have to be if you don't want it to be," added Joker, hastily. "Could just be a friendly candlelit dinner…"
"I didn't mean that as a bad thing," said Harley, smiling at him as she leaned against the sink.
"Yeah?" he asked, hopefully, approaching her. "You really wanna…have a romantic candlelit dinner with me?"
"Maybe," she said, grinning. "If you'll do something for me first."
"And what's that, toots?" he asked.
"Hold still," she said, suddenly grabbing the rag out of the sink and shoving it against his arm.
Joker howled in pain, but his look of fury twisted into a grin at her. "You little minx," he chuckled. "Normally I don't like it when the joke's on me, but for you, I'll make an exception."
"I'm flattered," said Harley, smiling at him. "And you'll thank me later when your arm doesn't fall off."
"We'll leave you both to it – lots of work to do before dinner tonight, and we'll all need to help. Come along, everyone," said Tetch, hurrying them away. "Jonathan? Jonathan!" he snapped, as Crane lingered behind, glaring at Harley and Joker. "Come along!" snapped Tetch, dragging him off by the arm.
"I can't believe she's actually falling for that idiotic brute!" muttered Crane. "She deserves so much better!"
"For your sake, you'd better hope she doesn't realize that," retorted Tetch. "Now we all need to pitch in and make sure this dinner tonight goes smoothly. It will be just the thing to help push them together. Pamela, use some of your most attractive plants to decorate the cafeteria. I'll be in charge of the cooking – if you could help me serve, Jonathan, that would be splendid."
"And what do you want me to do?" asked Two-Face.
"Do you still play any instruments?" asked Tetch.
Two-Face nodded. "Two. Double neck electric guitar and double bass."
"I can't imagine an electric guitar would necessarily set the most romantic mood," said Tetch. "But the double bass might do it."
Two-Face flipped his coin, which landed good side up. "All right – better start practicing," he sighed, heading off to his room.
"And I better start getting my babies to tear down the cobwebs and junk in the cafeteria and make the whole place look beautiful," said Ivy. "We'll make it a shrine to nature."
"And we'd better start preparing the menu," said Tetch, heading off to the kitchen with Crane following. "I'm thinking a French theme – the dinner there is never second-best, you know. Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres, beef ragout, cheese souffle, pie and pudding en flambe, ooh, and that grey stuff – it's delicious! And of course, tea with dessert."