February, 23rd 2014

I don't own any of the characters, CW and Eric Kripke do!

Beta for this Chapter: Ashqtara

A/N: Hey there my loyal readers :)

Soooo. This is a flashback and a suffering chapter at the same time. I don't know what else to say...except I thought there'd be more reviews on the Gabriel-centric chapter, really. Oh well.

Hope you agree with how I solved the little thing with Dean and Lisa's house ^^. Also, prepare for wump and lots of it :D

Now please enjoy :3

Chapter 15

It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Sam's head was still floating when he felt himself lower into one of Bobby's kitchen chairs. His senses didn't feel the fabric or wood underneath him as much as he registered his own fingers in his long hair. Long…yeah, maybe he should get a haircut? Dean always said he should…

Dean…

Was Michael telling the truth? Sam felt numb now that the archangel had just vanished right before his eyes, still in his big brother's body. It was as if now, something was eating at his mind from the inside, screaming, making him raging around like a wild animal. Making him want to stand up and slaughter demons with his bare hands. Where had this rage gone? He remembered suppressing it for some time now, ever since Lucifer had woken and even before that.

The demon blood, that had to be it. Ever since he had begun drinking it from Ruby, there was this rage in him that just seemed to grow stronger and stronger. But in the last few days…he hadn't even noticed its absence, really. Maybe he was too busy to pay attention to it but he had felt…better somehow. Was that the reason he hadn't consciously found out about Michael being inside Dean until when the archangel made it painfully obvious?

Anger, nagging his mind. He groaned and dug his finger deeper into the skin of his head.

"You go on like that you gonna pierce ya brain." Bobby warned good-heartedly and rolled up next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay, boy?" he asked. Sam looked up, hazel eyes a little cloudy, his vision almost blurry. For being gone so long, his unconscious anger now sure did a number on him. Was he sweating?

"I…I think I should maybe lie down a bit?" he said, not sure himself. What was happening? Wasn't he just thinking about Dean and Michael? Figuring out if there was a way to get rid of that archangel and his brother back. They didn't want anything to do with these creatures, right? Even if they wanted to help them? But what if they didn't? What if it was all part of some grant scheme again, like last time when they conned him into freeing Lucifer in the first place. But this wasn't Zachariah, this was Michael, the archangel Michael, the most powerful of them all.

Didn't that make it even worse though?

Yes…yes, Michael is the worst of them. You're right, Sammy. Don't you just want to tear him apart? Tear out every oh-so-beautiful little feather? I could help with that…

Oh no. no. That voice had been gone! Why was it back…w-why was Lucifer back in his head? And while he was conscious, too? This couldn't be good. Something was happening to him and it wasn't positive at all, he could just feel it.

"Sam?!" Bobby's yell tore through his thoughts and he was hauled back to reality, the voice pushed into the background. His breath had picked up without him noticing and he looked around in panic. Why was Bobby yelling?

"W-what? What is it?"

"I don't know, Sam, you tell me." Bobby's eyebrows were raised in worry and there was another presence in the room Sam hadn't noticed coming in. Huh? What was happening? Suddenly, there was a hand on his forehead. It wasn't Bobby's though.

"You're burning up." Abby stated, her tone worried and her hand quickly withdrawn. She rested both her hands under his yaw and drew his gaze to her, trying to look into his eyes. It made Sam stare deeply in those brown pools that were Abby's eyes and for the first time he really thought about how pretty she was for a hunter and how even concerned, that scrowl didn't change anything about that fact.

"You're pretty." He mumbled. Why did he say that? He didn't tell his mouth to say that! And why did he sound so…drunk? Sick? But he wasn't sick just a few minutes ago…had somebody mixed something in his drink? Abby was even more concerned now though, she had legitimate folds on her forehead.

"Okay, you really need a bed right now." She decided and with amazing strength for such a thin body, she pulled him to his feet and supported him on his way down the hall. Sam wasn't fighting her, tried to stand on his own so she didn't have to carry all his weight, which wasn't a small one, with his height. Bobby rolled behind them, telling Abby where to go. Sam could see Castiel and Gabriel in the living room as well as Adam. While the younger hunter pretended to read, shooting the others an occasional glance, Castiel and Gabriel were having a heated quiet discussion in a language Sam couldn't understand. Probably enocian.

When there was finally a mattress underneath him, he was out cold before he even hit the cushion.

~.~.~.~

Dean on the other hand felt pretty awesome. His conscious seemed to be wrapped in light, tight and secure, while he was still watching what was going on outside his body. It was like having front row seats, just not the privilege to react to what you see. That was the only thing that really sucked. Sure, at one point, Michael even asked his opinion but sitting there and just watching was somehow really unsatisfying. He wondered how all the other vessels managed to just do that or if other angels were not as generous and let their vessel watch what they were doing. Did that mean Michael possessed an actual conscience? Was that possible?

Well, he wouldn't know until he asked, right?

"Hey, Mike? Where we going?"

There was a chuckle in response to the nickname.

"You really have to nickname everything, do you?" Dean shrugged.

"So? Doesn't answer the question." He commented, but there was a grin on his face. He did have a tendency to nickname people or…yeah, almost anything.

"Heaven. You're going to like it." Michael finally answered. Dean lifted a spiritual eyebrow.

"Really? No offence but my last experience there wasn't that rosy." Michael chuckled again at that.

"That was just the memory replay. Didn't Castiel explain it to you? You first replay your best and worse memories, what sums up your life, and then you get to your own personal paradise. Every soul needs the reflection to gain complete inner peace." He paused, sighing. "But I have to admit that my soldiers may have messed with yours a little. They were allowed to, too. I'm sorry about that. I promise, once it's your time, nobody will mess with anything."

"Um thanks…I guess." He said, looking unsure. If he was honest, he had already guessed that Zachariah had been behind the whole memory thing last time, making them suffer and seed conflict between the two brothers.

But nothing could ever drive them that far apart, right? Make them want to fight each other for their lives. Then again, what had caused Lucifer and Michael to drift apart that far? But no, no comparing angels to humans. That was probably completely different...hopefully.

"We are here." Michael interrupted his confused thoughts. It's not like it had taken long. They had been there in a spread of wings. He wanted to actually see those wings at one point though…

When Dean focused back on his surroundings again, his breath was taken away. Or at least it would have been, if he was the one in control of his body.

He was standing in a beautiful garden, surrounded by unnaturally green plants, unbelievably colorful flowers and water so blue and clear that it could pose as a mirror. His green eyes scanned everything around him in wonder and he felt that Michael let him whirl around on his own and explore the garden. Because this was THE Garden. Capital G. Paradise, Eden, whatever you wanted to call it. The one garden that humans were banned from according to the Bible.

"Oh no, that's not quite correct. But I'll tell you that story another time." Michael chimed into his thoughts. He began to hate when the angel just answered to what he was thinking. Maybe a habit of theirs? Well, an annoying one as far as he was concerned.

Nobody was there, at first. At least nobody human-like. There were plenty of ghost like shapes he couldn't quite make out, lights without a body that shone beautifully. But nothing he could exactly place.

Until Michael apparently turned a switch.

In a matter of a few moments only, their head –okay that sounded really weird- was filled with voices. Worried, begging for an answer. And Dean remembered that day back at Lisa's and how the angels had reacted…

~.~.~.~

Somehow, it was actually unbelievable. He had managed to get Sam to safety and have Lisa and Abby with him and he could go in here alone without having to hold anything back, without a secret he had to protect. Now, knocking on that door, he felt nervous either way. Was Ben okay? Did they do anything to him? He couldn't help but try to keep his unlimited anger at those angel bastards buried. Because if he got through this, they would leave Lisa and Ben alone, Sam as well. And that was everything he asked for right now. He was the one who had turned himself in, not them. Their business was with him, not his family.

When those stubborn bastards didn't open the door, Dean fought the urge to yell at them. Okay, so that barrier thing was pretty efficient, huh? He should check out if he could do something against that…

A few seconds later, the door was gone out of his way and he stormed into the building and straight to the living room. There, he was immediately greeted by five angels, all looking pretty pissed and with their swords out. One of them was holding an angel blade against Ben's throat, who was still sitting in a chair but looked otherwise unharmed. At least something.

"Dean Winchester. How did you get through the barrier? Are you here for your son? Did Castiel bring you in?" the angel in the front asked. Dean recognized him from somewhere…right, he had been the one coming to him in that church, back when he had tried to contact Zachariah.

"So you're Zachariah's replacement now, or what?" he asked, lifting a skeptical eyebrow. The angel didn't take that well. He appeared before him and held the angel blade to his own throat.

The problem was, he didn't just zapp. Dean could actually see something behind his back unfolding, fluttering. Wings. Now that he thought about it, he could see them on all of them. They had different colors, some brown, some grey, but all of them were…well, beautiful, really. He got now why these creatures were called majestic. This looked fantastic. He silently wondered if he'd also have wings like that but shook the thought away. Ben was more important right now. He tried to make eye contact with the kid and to his surprise, he got it. Ben seemed panicked, which wasn't a surprise, all things considered. He'd been in here with these things for several hours, god only knew what they had told him.

"Don't worry, kiddo." He said, smiling. Suddenly, the angel before him seemed to have become furious. He nodded at his partner, and that one was the one behind Ben. And before Dean could do anything, Ben was knocked out with the two-fingers-to-forehead-thing. Dean felt the anger rise in him like nothing had triggered in a long time.

"HEY! Are you fucking crazy!? Leave my son out of this and go back to heaven where you belong. Michael isn't with him, you bastards." He protested and swatted the angel's blade away from his throat, stunning the angel responsible because he probably hadn't counted on that much strength. The angel who had knocked Ben out grumbled at him.

"Oh yeah? And how would you know that?" he asked, glaring daggers at the older Winchester now.

Dean would have smiled at their faces when he said the next sentence, but he was just too fucking mad to care.

"Because." He paused, standing up straight. "He's with me." He confessed. So, there. It was out. Now they could leave and rot somewhere else. His feet itched to run to Ben and see if he was okay. But his thoughts were interrupted when the angels suddenly started to…laugh! They were laughing their asses off, Dean didn't even know they could actually express that much emotion.

"Sure. Good one. Oh dear god, you really are as funny as they say." The angel in front of him laughed.

"Michael? With you? I'm sorry but I think we would know if our noble prince would have touched earth, on top of that in his true vessel. And you were so set on declining, do you actually believe that we would buy that? So, what were you trying to achieve, exactly? Run in here after you killed my superior and await some kind of praise for that? Please. Really? You Winchesters are dumber than I thought."

Throughout that speech, Dean felt his anger rising. It was bubbling up inside him like in a fucking pot of goddamn boiling water. Finally, with the angel's next words, he felt like exploding. Really exploding. From the inside out there was a force generating inside him like nothing he had felt before.

"Take the kid. We're leaving."

"Oh no, you're not." He grumbled, and finally, oh yes, finally, because it began to fucking hurt, he let the force inside him free.

A high pitched sound filled the room. Only it didn't sound like just a torture to the ears for Dean this time. It was a voice, a voice that was so fulfilling and powerful, he wanted to cringe under the force. Only that it was coming from himself, his own mouth, his chest…everywhere, really. It was exploding out the windows and leaving the angels before him in awe, eyes wide and wings drawn to their body in anticipation.

"I will not tolerate you questioning my word, soldiers. Do what I told you to do before I left. Nothing has changed. Carry out your orders and keep this to yourselves."

And before Dean even knew what he had done, the angels were on their knees before him.

"Yes, my prince. I'm sorry. Please, forgive me."

"Do as you're told and you are forgiven. Leave the boy and leave this family on their own. But protect them from evil. It is the wish of my vessel. His list is with you, protect them and all will come to pass as it should."

And with the flutter of wings, the angels bowed and simply vanished from sight.

~.~.~.~

Now, the moment had come to return to the other angels. To restore order in Heaven. But that also meant that Lucifer would probably find out. Michael was very aware of that. This war had to start at some point though and he would rather have it start with him in the right position than not.

Michael made Dean aware that in the last years, he had been fairly absent, only doing necessary duties that were awaited from him and letting his employees do all the planning. That the absence of his father had struck him hard and that he had dealt with his responsibility in an inappropriate way. Was that an excuse or what was it supposed to be? Dean didn't really know and he couldn't care at the moment, because in a few seconds short, he was surrounded by angels.

So many fucking wings, that was all he could see for the moment. But that wasn't it. With Michael inside him, he could even see the true forms of the ones without vessels, the glowing, the ones with several heads that didn't look human at all. But it was too much to process, still, too much to look at to really focus on anything at all. They were swarming him, checking if he was okay, asking questions.

When Michael raised Dean's arms to the side, though, everything became quiet.

And so it began that heaven had a leader again. And it was in the body of Dean Winchester.

~.~.~.~

Sam was thrown back into reality for a third time in a row, breathing heavy and vision out of focus.

"No…no. Stop. Please. Leave me alone."

"Sam?! Oh god what's happening?" Abby sounded desperate, her voice quivering, again trying to shake him awake from his nightmares. Sam couldn't see, the presence in his mind still too strong, trying to draw him in again for more torture. How had he suddenly come to so much power over him? How could he suddenly suppress his own conscious like this?

"Has this happened to you before? Can you hear me? SAM? Oh God, where is Dean when you need him…" and her hands were there, anchoring him to the bed, keeping him from lashing out and hurting himself. But he was stronger in his struggles for control, not only over her but over his own body and mind. Were these grunting and heaving sounds coming from him? His surroundings were drowned out again. He tried to answer Abby that this wasn't normal, that he hadn't had nightmares this bad ever in his entire life but he couldn't speak, couldn't get him mouth to move for him. She should ask Dean about it. But Dean wasn't there, right? Dean was with Michael…

Aaah, yes. Get back in here. Come on, Sam. We had so much fun…

"NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he felt himself screaming.

"Can- ge- s-me help h-re?" Abby's voice sounded like hearing it through water, footsteps followed and he felt a hand on his forehead, other, stronger hands holding him down. Then there was the trickster in front of his face, blurry but recognizable. He felt warmth coming from the hand, probably his healing touch but nothing seemed to happen. His vision got a little clearer and the fever seemed to spike down but that was about it. Still the devil in control of his mind.

Gabriel. Oh, so he's alive. Should have known. But he can't help you. I'm older than him, Sammy boy. Come play with me. Come on, don't be shy.

"Damn it." He heard Gabriel mumble. "I can't help him. Luci's too strong already. MICHAEEEEL!?" the yell sounded clearly in his ears and even deeper than that, chilling to his bone. But there was no answer, just silence and the worried glances of his friends. Silently (since his voice was still gone), Sam begged that Dean was okay. Probably was. Michael would treat him right if he wanted to survive. He would, wouldn't he?

So Big brother's in town, huh? You knew that Sam? How could you not tell me? I'm deeply hurt. I want to see him in person, you know? This vessel doesn't hold out much longer. How about you give me a ride and we can visit dear Michael together? Just like family. Your brother and yourself, all peaceful. Maybe I won't even have to harm him. There was an evil chuckle (as cliché as that sounded, Lucifer himself actually pulled it off). If he bows to me, that is.

Sam winced at the flashes of red behind his eyelids, instruments of torture blinking into his view, cutting into his consciousness.

Mh, this isn't really getting us anywhere…oh, that's it! Maybe I should show you some flashbacks, mh? Some old fun times. With your brother. The fun times he had down in my turf, with my demons. Show you how much he suffered, just because of you, just because he had to keep you alive and breathing. I'm sure you'd enjoy that.

"No…please. Just…leave. I will never…say yes…t- to you." He mumbled as a reply, trying to fight Lucifer out of his head. Damn, it was getting harder and harder with every second. Could he really defy him forever? What would he show him? His body was weaker, he felt like he had the damn flu or worse and he could do nothing but sleep, which was the last thing you really wanted when you had the fucking devil wait for you to torture you in your dreams.

"Sam? Please look at me. Oh my god, his eyes! Is he possessed?"

"No, has to be an illusion." A rough hand pulled at his shirt, stroking his tattoo to make sure it was still there.

"What is Luci playing at?" Gabriel's voice sounded again and he seemed on edge, wanted to do something but couldn't. Had to be frustrating. Hey, guess who was the most frustrated one in the room?

Sam felt himself whimper out loud, drawing in deep breaths or actually hyperventilating, whatever his body called for.

While Michael was on a pleasure journey God knew where with his brother, the only person and the only angel who could help him right now, he was here, trying to shove Lucifer out of his mind. But the guy was so persistent, so set on it and so god damn powerful, it was nearly impossible. He didn't even know what was reality and what a dream any more, with the fallen archangel twisting it into bizarre scenarios every goddamn five seconds.

Did he even want Dean to come here? Did he want to have Michael rescue him? Of course he wanted his brother here but the archangel? He wasn't really sure. And Dean…how did he still deserve the love and devotion his brother showered him with? How, after all they went through, could Dean still trust him? It was a miracle and a blessing but could he really want that for Dean? For his brother to be forced to care for him when he really didn't deserve it?

Images flooded his mind and he felt hot tears streaming down his face. Dean, torn apart, Dean, begging for mercy at the torturing hands of Alistair. It was just seconds, just flashes, but it was already killing him, making him want to curl into a ball and die, making him want to have succeeded in saving his brother from the pit, to succeed trading places with him after he was torn away from life by hellhounds before his very eyes. More sobs escaped his lips. He was a failure, a monster. There was demon blood inside him. Dean was destined for the highest archangel and he himself for the devil. What would that tell him in general? How could he still be worthy of even being in Dean's presence?

But he needed him, needed his big brother. How pathetic was that? Wait, was that him talking or Lucifer? He didn't even know any more, so intense was his turmoil.

Dean…Dean please.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want you to see me fail. You don't deserve any of it, you deserved a normal life, a normal brother. Be with Ben and Lisa, but be safe. I'm a freak and I'm sorry.

There's an illness inside me and it can't be cured. You have to run. Get away.

Dean…

From the outside, it probably looked like he was tossing around in his sleep extremely, maybe running a fever. Apparently, there was something wrong with his eyes, too? But what could you really do against an attack to the mind? What would Michael be able to do? It's not like he was the answer to everything, right?

He was just another goddamn angel trying to take away his family. Sam wouldn't stand for that. Yes, Dean deserved better. Dean deserved not having to deal with this any longer. So was Michael the answer to that? Was he what would take Dean away from danger?

Maybe he should just give in. Be done with it. Roll with it. It wasn't as if he could do anything anymore. Lucifer would just keep coming, keep torturing, keep going at him until he got what he wanted. And Michael already had his brother, so what did he have to lose? What was there to fight for if Dean was lost?

Just maybe, eventually, Sam should just say yes…

~.~.~.~

I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

~Demons, Imagine Dragons

This chapter is to show more of Sam in all of this. Despite my deep love for Dean I still love Sam too and this chapter dives into it, my rant last time probably was a bit foreshadowing on that xD. Hope you like it!

What do you think? PLEASE tell me, all reviews are love :3

*Does Sammy's Puppy Dog eyes*