Thank you so very much for all the reviews! They are so appreciated!
A/N: So, this chapter brings back the Malec. PLEASE READ:Just a few logistical things. Like I mentioned before, this story doesn't take into consideration much from the plot of the books beside how Magnus and Alec met and how he healed Alec. So Clary and Jace don't think they are siblings and Jocelyn is fine and not in a coma, etc.
Disclaimer: The characters and universe belongs to Cassandra Clare.
Warnings: Overall, this story deals with very sensitive subject matters, including sexual abuse of a minor (not explicitly described), internalized homophobia, self-destructive behavior, language and adult sexual content.
Learning to Be
Chapter 15: Central Park
The sun beamed down on the East Meadow. The meadow, tucked away on the northeast side of Central Park was alive with families and groups of friends, picnicking, reading and playing games.
Jace had insisted that the Lightwoods spend the afternoon at the park like they used to when they were younger and he had invited Clary and Simon to join them as well. Alec was originally reluctant but anything that would get Max out of the Institute was better than the anxiety of the constant alertness he kept up within the walls of the Institute. He hadn't slept at all that night and neither had Izzy. He had leaned against Izzy for the majority of the night, his eyes trained on the door as his brothers slept.
Izzy had held his hand the whole night, occasionally whispering into his ear about how much she loved him, how it wasn't his fault, how it was okay if he was gay, how he was strong. It was hard to listen to or believe. He had spent months believing the things Manson had told him, over and over again as he did whatever he wanted to him. But sitting with Izzy yesterday, just letting the words wash over him, it made him feel different this morning, almost like he could try to believe something else.
Max was sitting under a tree with Clary and Simon. They were looking at a book he had picked up at the airport and it looked like Clary was showing him how to read what she had called manga.
"Alec, pay attention!" Jace yelled as a frisbee came whizzing passed him. Jace threw his hands up in frustration and Izzy laughed. Alec gave him a sheepish smile and jogged over to the fallen frisbee before letting it soar in the air towards Izzy. The three siblings were tossing the frisbee around and it felt good to be outside spending time doing something mindless and entertaining for once. Chasing after a plastic disk definitely fell into that category.
Just as he caught the frisbee being returned to him, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He tossed it to Jace before calling out. "You two continue." He jogged to the side of the meadow and pulled out his phone.
Magnus, the Magnificent Calling.
Last night, before he started talking to Izzy, he had been texting with Magnus. Magnus had texted him soon after their tense call with a lighthearted joke and they had bounced back harmless texts to each other until Izzy noticed Alec texting. It was nice.
He flipped open the phone and held it to his ear. "Hi Magnus."
"How are you this afternoon, my dear Nephilim?" came his silky voice. Alec couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach but he tried to ignore it. Izzy's voice floated into his mind. "It's okay if you're gay."
"I'm all right."
"Did you sleep last night?"
Alec sighed. "Not much, talked to my sister instead."
"Well, I just finished with a client in your neighborhood and was wondering what you were doing."
"I'm at the park with my siblings and Clary and Simon."
"And I wasn't invited?" Magnus joked lightly.
Alec blushed. Could he invite him over with everyone around? Would they think they were more than friends? Alec bit his bottom lip. They were just friends. And nobody but Izzy thought that he liked boys. Alec shook his head. He wasn't going to think about it.
"Want to join? We're at the East Meadow off 5th avenue and 97th street." Alec hoped that he sounded nonchalant.
"I think I will take you up on the offer, if only to see you."
Alec's blush depended and his heart raced. "Okay, see you soon." He couldn't keep the nerves out of his voice.
Once he hang up he looked over at his family and their friends. Max was now seated between Izzy and Simon and Jace and Clary were lying on their stomachs on the grass a few feet away, their feet in the air, knocking against each other playfully while Jace traced his finger against a rune on Clary's arm.
Alec thought he would feel a pang of jealously but thinking about it only drew him into memories that made him remember that if he hadn't have ever longed for Jace, Manson may have left him alone. How many times did he mention the blonde while he hurt Alec?
"Shh, stop crying. I know you like it, Alec. I see the way you look at Jace."
Alec snapped his attention away from his adoptive brother and looked out into the street. He wrapped his fingers around the wire of the fence and tried to force his mind away from unwanted memories. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jerked away instantly.
It was Izzy.
"Sorry."
Alec shook his head and returned his attention to the runners jogging passed them.
"Who were you on the phone with?"
Alec untangled his fingers from the fence and turned around. He hadn't really thought through what he would say about Magnus.
"I was talking to Magnus," he said honestly.
Izzy's face instantly brightened. Alec shifted uncomfortably.
"How did this happen?"
"I went to see him the other day to thank him like you suggested."
"And?"
"We've been talking ever since."
Izzy practically squealed and Alec's eyes widened, darting towards the rest of their company.
"Izzy, calm down. We're just friends."
Izzy nodded absently. "Yeah, of course."
"Izzy...please, we're just friends." He thought about his feelings for Jace. They were so tied to the horrors of his childhood.
"You would like it if Jace was doing this to you, wouldn't you, you pathetic little brat."
His face blanched. He thought about his confused feelings about Magnus. The way his heart raced and the fluttering feeling in his stomach when he was around him. Would he be punished for these feelings too?
"It's okay if you're gay."
Was it okay? Did he believe Manson or Izzy? But what could his younger sister possibly know about it all? The Clave was very clear on their thoughts about it and his parents would side with the Clave. Besides, Manson had stripped him of any possibility of feeling comfortable or safe or worthy of somebody else's affection. He shuddered just thinking about it. Magnus would be disgusted if he knew the things that he had let happen to him.
"Alec, are you listening to me at all?"
"Huh, what?" Alec said, snapping his attention to his sister.
"I was saying that I see Magnus coming here now," she said, pointing down the path lining the Meadow.
Alec looked in her direction and bit his bottom lip. Magnus was wearing deep purple skinny jeans and black high tops. He had on a black belt with a grey tank top tucked in and a black leather jacket. His hair was spiked and glittering subtly in the sunlight. He was gorgeous and Alec realized that he had missed seeing him after a night of not being at the warlock's loft.
"Hi Magnus," Izzy said happily as the man reached the two Lightwoods. "It's so nice to see you again!" She gave the warlock a big hug and grinned widely as she pulled away.
Magnus chuckled lightly. "Nice to see you too Isabelle."
"Thank you so much for saving my brother. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't showed up."
"This world would be too drab of a place without this gorgeous Nephilim."
Alec blushed and tried to protest but Izzy was already talking again.
"I'm going to go talk to Simon and Max. I'll see you in a bit," she said before jogging away without another word.
"So, you had a client in the area," Alec said, awkwardly.
"Yes, an infuriating ifrit that is always in need of something. But I can't complain, not with my price range. How are you enjoying the park this fine fall afternoon?"
Alec looked back at his siblings and friends. "It's nice."
Magnus's eyes roamed over Alec and Alec shifted uncomfortably. "What are you doing."
"Making sure you're okay. You look tired."
"I'm fine. You don't have to worry."
"Oh, my dear nephilim, I don't know what you have done to me, but I worry nonetheless."
Alec blushed.
"As a friend, of course," Magnus added, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Now, are you going to introduce me to your youngest brother?"
The two boys walked over to the rest of the crew. Jace and Clary had joined Izzy, Simon and Max under the tree and Jace was talking softly to Izzy. Once they approached Jace looked up and narrowed his eyes at Magnus.
"Bane," he said with an even tone.
"Magnus, it's nice to see you," Clary said brightly.
Simon looked at him suspiciously. "I'm not going to turn into a spider or something, am I?"
Magnus laughed and Alec felt the same butterflies in his stomach. His laugh was perfect. "Only if you drink things you're not supposed to."
"You're hair is sparkling," Max said, looking up at the stranger.
Magnus smiled. "I like things that sparkle."
"This is Max, my youngest brother. Max, this is my friend, Magnus."
Alec and Magnus sat down on the blanket they had spread out.
"Nice to meet you little man," Magnus said, putting his hand out. His nails were painted black except for his index fingers, which were painted in a bright purple. Max shook the his hand.
"Are you a warlock?" he asked, looking at him in awe. "Is that why your hair sparkles?"
Magnus laughed and Jace snickered. "I am a warlock. But my hair sparkles because I put glitter in it."
"Oh," Max said, still slightly confused. "I've never met a warlock before."
"Well, I'm glad to be your first encounter."
"That's all great and everything, but when did you and Alec become such good friends?" Jace said, not too kindly.
"Jace," Izzy said warningly.
"Do you have a problem with us being friends?"
Jace narrowed his eyes, looking at the warlock with distrust. Jace stood up. "Let's talk."
"Jace," Alec said, warningly. "This isn't necessary." Alec's heart was beating rapidly. Why was Jace acting so hostile over him being friends with Magnus?
Magnus got up. "Don't worry Alec, if alpha-male here needs to chat, we can chat."
Alec groaned, feeling defeated. Suddenly he thought it was a very bad idea to invite Magnus to the park.
xxxxxx
Magnus followed the blonde teenager to the far end of the meadow, slightly amused at the boy's reaction to his presence.
"So, to what do I owe this indignation?"
Jace turned around to look at Magnus angrily. Magnus narrowed his eyes, becoming more annoyed than amused.
"I don't know what your plan is, Bane, but I'm not going to let you mess with my parabatai," he hissed.
"And why exactly would you think I am trying to mess with him?"
Jace gripped the fence with one hand as he continued to glare at Magnus. "I saw the way you looked at him at the party. And you were hoping it was him when I returned to your place."
"And is that a problem? Are you telling me that you have a problem with me because I like men?"
Jace rolled his eyes. "I don't give a rat's ass who somebody wants to be with but I will skin you if you mess with him."
"I highly doubt that you would succeed in skinning me alive but how exactly do you think I'll mess with him?"
Jace looked back at Alec, who was watching them from a distance. Jace was visibly upset and Magnus felt like there was something he was missing.
"I don't know anything about you. All I know is that you throw wild parties and that you're a powerful warlock. Maybe you sleep around, maybe you don't but either way, if you hurt him...if you do anything he doesn't want...if you make him upset in any way, I will find out, Bane. I will find out and you will regret it."
Normally, Magnus would be furious, having someone address him the way the Nephilim was but watching Jace's agitation and his genuine fear for his brother's wellbeing, Magnus could only look back at Alec, worriedly.
"I have no intentions of hurting him."
"Intentions and actions are two very different things, Bane."
"I'll keep that in mind."
xxxxxx
The group sat around in a circle playing a card game that Simon had explained to to them. Alec was seated between Jace and Magnus and wasn't really paying attention to was going on. Ever since Jace and Magnus had returned from their conversation, Jace had attached himself to Alec's side and occasionally glared at Magnus. Alec felt his face heat up, just wondering what Jace had said to Magnus. He knew Jace could be harsh but Magnus didn't seem to be scared away.
"So, my mom just invited you all over for dinner," Clary announced after they finished the game. She looked at Max. "There's a great manga store by me that we could check out first, Max."
Max beamed excitedly and looked at his siblings. "Can we, can we please?"
Clary looked at Jace expectantly. "I'm in. Izzy? Alec?"
"You guys go. I still need to go for a run and stuff," Alec said lamely. He didn't feel like spending the rest of the day with Clary and her family but with Max all the way in Brooklyn for a while with Jace, he would feel better.
Jace hesitated, looking between Magnus and Alec.
"You guys go, I'll stay here with Alec," Izzy said, nonchalantly.
Alec scowled but didn't voice his annoyance at his siblings acting like he needed a babysitter.
"All right, then, let's go," Clary said happily, before saying goodbye to Alec, Magnus and Izzy.
Once half the party had disappeared down the street, Izzy got up. "Well, I'm actually going to meet up with a friend."
"That fey boy?" Alec asked.
"Maybe. Magnus, can I talk to you for a moment?"
Alec groaned. "Not you too, Izzy. Leave him alone.
Magnus stood up and smiled at Alec. "I'm a big boy, Alec. Don't worry about me."
xxxxxx
"So, are you going to read me the riot act as well, dear Isabelle? You know, I was actually present when the Riot Act was passed in in Great Britain in 1714 but that's story for another day."
Isabelle gave him an odd look. "Look, I know that Jace probably warned you sufficiently but Jace doesn't know everything and I think that you're a good person and I think you could be very good for Alec."
"Sister's intuition?"
"Yeah, I like that. But that doesn't mean that if you hurt him..."
"You'll skin me alive. I love how you Nephilim think you could actually succeed in such a task but I get the sentiment."
"Look, just be careful with him, okay."
"Why are you so protective?"
"I'm his sister."
"It's more than that." Magnus was slowly putting the pieces together but he just didn't have everything he needed to figure out the puzzle that was Alexander Lightwood.
Izzy looked over at Alec. He was now walking towards them.
"Look I'm done with you guys terrorizing Magnus. Can we put a stop to this?"
Izzy smiled. "Of course, dear brother." She hugged Alec tightly and whispered something into his ear. Alec blushed and turned away slightly. Izzy gave him one more squeeze before jogging away.
"You have an interesting family, Alec," Magnus finally said.
Alec sighed as they walked back to the blanket under the tree. "I know."
"They love you very much."
"I know. But I'm sorry. They were being too much."
"Especially because we're just friends, right?"
Alec blushed again. It was so endearing. "Right," he muttered.
Magnus sat down on the blanket and stretched out his legs, patting the spot beside him. As Alec settled into the sheet, Magnus snapped his fingers and a basket appeared in front of them.
"I hope you like cheese and crackers. There's also some jam and a bottle of sparkling cider."
As if on cue, Alec's stomach growled.
Magnus smiled. "Perfect. Let's eat."
xxxxxx
Alec hadn't felt so content in such a long time. Magnus kept pulling out different cheeses and explaining where they came from before making him try them. Sometimes he coupled them with a story from the places the cheese originated from and Alec found himself laughing on more than one occasion.
"I love your laugh, Alec. Beautiful, like a rare gem."
"Why do you say that?" he asked, his cheeks flushed.
"Because I don't hear it often enough but when I do, it practically sparkles."
Alec's cheeks reddened and he looked away.
"You have some jam on the corner of your mouth," Magnus said. He lifted his hand and made sure Alec saw it before slowly reaching out for his lips. Alec watched the fingers carefully, willing himself to stay still and not flinch when Magnus touched him.
Magnus paused just in front of the corner of his lips. When Alec didn't move away, he brushed his thumb against his skin, the stickiness of the fig jam coating Magnus's thumb.
Alec felt a tear spill over his cheek but he didn't back away. He had let him touch him without flinching. He could feel the pattering of his heart and the way it seemed to swell with desire for the affection. He was terrified.
He remembered what Izzy had whispered into his ear just before leaving. "There is nothing wrong with your feelings, Alec. They are pure and beautiful. Just like you."
More tears spilled down his face.
"I'm sorry, Magnus."
"Shh, it's okay."
He didn't know what to say. "I'm just so tired."
"Come here, Alec." He held his arm out.
Alec blinked, feeling unsure.
"You can trust me."
Tentatively, Alec shifted closer and let the arm curl around him. He sat, tensely, waiting for something bad to happen.
"You should sleep. I'll make sure nothing happens."
Just thinking about sleep made him feel drowsy, remembering how he had not slept at all last night.
"What if I have a bad dream?" He hated sounding vulnerable.
"You won't."
Alec nodded, even though he didn't really understand.
xxxxxx
Ten minutes later, Alec's head was resting on Magnus's lap, the rest of his body curled perpendicular to Magnus, fast asleep. Magnus ran his fingers through Alec's hair, looking down at the beautiful shadowhunter, his long eyelashes sweeping over his cheeks and sighed. He was in so deep. All he wanted was to make this Nephilim feel safe and loved. What had he gotten himself into?
A/N: Well, that was my longest chapter even though it didn't have much plot...mostly Alec's introspection and Malec moments. But I would really like to hear what you think! Especially, when it comes to Magnus and Malec, because that's always hard for me. Let me know :).
Next up, Alec is going to try to confront someone.