A/N: I'm so sorry! I cannot begin to express how sorry for the unbelievable hiatus between updates. Life got busy, writer's block settled in...I mean I know the direction of the story but sometimes the details are hard to get down on "paper". I hope I haven't lost readers over this hiatus. I also I haven't responded to reviews. I am so grateful for them! And I want to get back to replying with this chapter. Any feedback so so greatly appreciated!

LAST TIME ON LtB (because it's been so long): Alec confronted Manson in the training room by using Manson as target practice with daggers. But then he found a box amongst the man's stuff and everything that was said became too much and he ended up hurting himself with one of the daggers. He called Magnus and Magnus found him in his room, bleeding out. Magnus healed him. Alec, scared of his feelings for Magnus and Magnus's feelings for him, tried to offer himself up for sex, thinking that that's all Magnus wanted him for and that this way he would protect himself from heartache. He also has very distorted sense of self-worth and thinks he was being punished for having feelings for the same sex. Jace sees them in a compromising position and sees the scars. He finds out about the cutting and tells Izzy (with Alec's permission). Alec tells Magnus everything and is finally starting to accept Magnus's support. Izzy and Jace confront their parents and demand that Manson leaves the Institute that night, no exceptions. And that's a quick and dirty recap of the last 5 chapters.

Disclaimer: The characters and universe belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Warnings: This story deals with very sensitive subject matters, including sexual abuse of a minor (not explicitly described), internalized homophobia, self-destructive behavior, language and adult sexual content.

Learning to Be

Chapter 21: Leave

Robert stared at his wife as she laced up her boots, wondering when his life had spiraled so out of control.

He had followed Maryse into the Circle and ended up exiled to the Institute.

He had almost left her but then there was Max. He didn't want to think about how he had been willing to leave his 9- and 7-year-old children before he knew about Max.

And then there was Alec. He ran his hand through his hair. Alec had always been too quiet and gentle for Robert to truly understand. He never had the spunk that Isabelle lived by or the ruthlessness of Jace in battle.

When he had stopped talking altogether, Robert didn't know what to do. Nothing he said or did elicited a response out of the boy.

Robert was annoyed. No, that was too simple a word. He was frustrated, angry even. He had gotten into another fight with Maryse about Alec, among other things. All he wanted to do was nurse a drink at some shithole bar far away from the Institute but they had a Clave engagement tonight and he had to ready himself to put on a nice face and play the happy couple.

He entered the library and found Alec curled up in an armchair, a heavy book propped open on his lap. His head was tilted down and his bangs fell into his face.

Robert approached his son and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Alec?"

Alec's reaction was instantaneous. His whole body seemed to flinch away from the touch. His head snapped up and his eyes were wide with what could only be described as fear. His cheeks instantly flushed red, as he seemed to register Robert. He snapped the book shut and uncurled his legs. He looked at Robert but didn't say anything.

The older man fleetingly wondered who Alec thought he was when he touched him to cause such a reaction.

"Alec, your mother and I have an engagement tonight. It will be a few hours. Hodge is sick. I need you to watch the others for us."

The child ran his hand through his hair. Robert almost smiled at the mannerism that he seemed to have picked up from him.

The smile fell away before it even formed as the boy just nodded in response.

"Order takeout for dinner."

Again, a fucking nod.

Robert clenched his jaw before speaking again. "How much money do you need for dinner?" It was a stupid question but he wanted to ask something that required an actual response.

It was like a game he played.

Alec shrugged his shoulders.

Robert wanted to scream.

Alec watched him expectantly for a moment but when Robert didn't say anything else, he opened the book again.

Frustration quickly gave way to full on rage. His wife couldn't stop yelling at him and his son wouldn't say a word.

Without thinking, he grabbed the book out of Alec's hand and threw it across the room.

"When I ask you a question, you respond!" Robert yelled. "Do you understand?"

He had tried patience. He had tried just talking to him, softly, kindly. He had tried begging him to tell him what was going on. He had tried not speaking to him at all, hoping he would come to him. Nothing worked.

Alec blinked, his eyes following the trajectory of the book.

"Did you hear me, Alec?" he hissed.

Alec looked at Robert blankly.

In that moment, Robert wanted to hit him. Anything to provoke a response. Instead, he grabbed the boy by his arms and roughly pulled him out of the armchair.

"Fucking speak to me when I talk to you," he yelled, spit flying into Alec's face.

His finger dug into his arms and he could feel his son shaking. Shit, he thought. He pushed Alec back and he fell into the armchair. Alec wiped away the spit from his face. He refused to look at his father.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Alec, listen," he said, trying to sound gentle.

Alec just shook his head and stood up. Still not looking at the older Lightwood, he walked out of the room and left the man to his own demons.

"Robert, are you listening to a word I'm saying?"

Robert blinked and looked at his wife. "What?"

"Izzy and Jace are going to want to come with us."

"No, I'll do it," he said. "You stay here with the kids."

"Bullshit, Robert. Last time I stayed with the kids, you let the bastard walk free."

"Don't fucking act like you're damn innocent in all this, Maryse. Tell me, did you ever talk to Alec about it? Did you ever insist on going to the Clave after he left?"

"I was in shock."

"For four years?"

"Fuck you, Robert."

The door opened and their two middle kids walked in.

"No one is arguing about who's the bigger coward here. There's enough room for both of you to share the title," Izzy snapped. "So stop arguing and let's go."

"I'll do this on my own, Izzy."

Jace laughed harshly. "Yeah, because the last time, you did such a stellar job."

"Jace," Robert said warningly.

"You and me, dad. We go get him," Izzy said.

"You and me," Jace added, looking at Maryse. "We'll wait at the entrance."

Robert stared at the two teenagers. Part of him wanted to snap at them for thinking they were going to order them around but he suppressed the urge and nodded.

"Fine."

xxxxxx

Izzy marched through the east wing, her whip wrapped around her arm and her father falling into step beside her. She had no room for her father's indecisiveness. That man was not going to spend another moment in the same place as her brother.

"Here," her father said.

Izzy stared at the door. She clenched and unclenched her fingers, trying to center herself before rapping on the door loudly.

When no one answered, she quickly made use of an unlocking rune and swung the door open.

The man was sleeping on his back, shirtless. His shoulder was wrapped in gauze and faint bruises and iratzes littered his torso. Jace had mentioned taking his fist to him but that didn't explain the bandaged shoulder. Did somebody else pay him a visit?

Izzy would find out later. She continued to stare at the man and her heart started racing, like it was ready to jump out of her throat any minute. She clenched her fingers around her whip as she imagined the man hurting her brother.

"Isabelle," Robert started but Izzy wasn't hearing anything. She flicked the whip quickly and it snapped loudly as it sliced through the man's chest.

"Rise and shine, bastard," she called as the man yelped and scrambled to his feet.

"What the fuck," he hollered as he tried to adjust to the light.

He clenched the wound the whip left and stared dumbly at the two Lightwoods.

Finally registering the scene in front of him, he reached for a dagger lying on the bedside table. Izzy was quicker. With a flick, her whip wrapped around his wrist and she tugged on it violently, causing the man to go crashing to the floor.

Manson, already weakened by previous wounds, groaned but before he could get up, Izzy shoved her foot underneath him and forced him onto his back.

"He was a fucking child!" she screamed. She felt blinded with rage. "You sick fucking bastard!" She pressed the heel of her boot into his crotch, almost relishing the scream that ripped through his throat as her boot crushed into his privates.

She bent forward and drew out her seraph blade. She ripped away the bandage covering his shoulder, revealing a healing dagger wound.

"Did Jace do this to you?" she asked, smiling almost manically. She pressed her blade into the wound.

"You crazy bitch," Manson hissed.

"Hell yes, I'm a crazy bitch!" she snapped. "You think all the Lightwoods are gutless sacks of shits like my parents? You messed with the wrong fucking family."

The man's eyes darted behind her to Robert. "Don't bother looking at him. I'm the one crushing your balls."

Manson had been reduced to whimpers as she added pressure with her boot and her blade.

"So this is how it's going to work. You're going to leave the Institute and you will stay far, far away from my brother unless my brother wants to confront you. And if you don't, I'll cut of your balls and shove it up your ass. And I am not exaggerating.

"Isabelle," her dad said.

Izzy mind cleared slightly. "The only reason I'm showing some restraint now is because I need to talk to my brother first. But know this, no one gets away with hurting my family. So, stay alert."

And with those last words, she released her boot and drew her blade back. She stepped back and turned to her father, who was standing there, looking almost shell shocked at his daughter.

"He might need some help getting out of the Institute."

xxxxxx

Izzy stood in the bathroom, the door slightly ajar, washing the blood off her blade when she heard a rap on the door.

"You decent?" Jace asked.

"Yeah."

He pushed the door open and leaned against the doorframe. "You okay?"

She turned around and looked at Jace, her eyes red-rimmed. "I scared myself, Jace. I don't know what I would have done if dad hadn't said my name."

Jace wrapped his arms around her and drew her in. "He's gone. You did that."

"You left him in just the right state," Izzy said, smiling slightly. "You took a dagger to him."

Jace looked at her, confused. "No, I didn't. I didn't have a weapon with me."

Izzy drew back. "Hmm, that's odd." Maybe it had something to do with the Clave business that brought him here in the first place. "What time is it?"

"Almost 6. Damn, we didn't sleep at all," Jace said. "I should go get Max from Clary's."

Izzy nodded. "I'm going to check on Alec."

"You going to be okay, Izzy?"

Izzy smiled softly. "I'll be fine." She squeezed his hand before leaving the bathroom.

Nobody messed with her family.

xxxxxx

Magnus cracked open his eyes at the sound of soft knocking against wood. He blinked his eyes, trying to chase away the sleepiness. He pulled at his arm, only to find it trapped under a boy in his bed.

No, not his bed. Alec's bed.

Alec was curled up on his side, his face buried in Magnus's chest. Magnus brushed some of the teenager's hair away and smiled sadly. He looked so peaceful, like the world had not thrown him enough pain to last him a lifetime.

"Alec," came a female voice that Magnus recognized as Isabelle Lightwood.

Sighing, he slowly untangled himself from Alec, careful not to wake him.

He opened the door. Izzy was wearing the same clothes she was wearing at Central Park the day before. She looked like she hadn't slept at all.

"You stayed the night?" she said, slightly alarmed. She looked passed the warlock to see her brother sleeping soundly in his bed.

"Yes, do you have problem with that?"

She continued to look at Alec. Feeling satisfied that he was unharmed she shook her head. "No, I think you're good for him." She stepped into the room and closed the door.

Alec moaned softly and shifted in the bed, his eyes fluttering open. He sat up in the bed slowly and ran his hand through his hair. He blinked a few times before seeming to register the two people in his room.

He looked slightly alarmed and his relaxed posture tensed.

"Hey there," Magnus said, smiling.

Alec's cheeks instantly flushed. "What's going on?"

"Well, your sister here woke me up with her ruckus."

Izzy walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right, I guess," he said, his eyes still swinging between Magnus and his sister.

Magnus moved closer to the bed and leaned against a wall.

"Jace spoke to me," Izzy started carefully.

Alec tensed immediately and he turned away, his face turning even redder. Izzy placed her hand over his. "Hey, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

Alec laughed hollowly. "I'm so tired."

"I know but you're not alone in this now. Okay?"

He nodded absently before standing up. His eyes fell on the pile of clothes on the floor, a dagger and a wooden box half covered by stained clothes.

"Damn it," Magnus cursed, his eyes following Alec's gaze. He had fallen asleep with Alec before getting rid off all the reminders of the horrible image of Alec lying on the floor, bleeding out with that dagger by his side. He lifted his hand to magic them away but Izzy stopped him.

"Wait, did you use a dagger?" she said, looking at the stained blade.

Alec shrugged, like there was no point in being anything but honest now. "It was there and I was…I was in a bad place."

"Did you…did you confront Manson last night?"

He looked at Izzy. "How do you know that?"

"I…he had his shoulder bandaged. It was a dagger wound."

Alec nodded absently, his eyes back on the evidence from the night before. "I went to the training room last night. But he was there. Dagger practice." He shivered, like a cold hand had run over his spine.

He looked at Magnus. "That night you found me on 92nd street."

Magus nodded. He would never forget that night.

"I had bumped into him on the street."

Izzy growled.

"I was frozen. Like I'd been paralyzed. He was in control…again. He said some choice words and…and I just listened dumbly."

"Alec."

Alec shook his head. "And once he left, I couldn't stop myself and the next thing I know, I'm bleeding out on the street."

Izzy gasped, tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.

"So when I saw him in the training room last night, I had to prove to myself that he wasn't going to have that control."

He laughed.

"And I did. I took back some control. So, yes, I gave him that dagger wound."

Izzy beamed at him, her eyes still glistening.

Then he frowned, looking at the pile. "And then I spiraled out of control again and well…you saw the result, Magnus."

Magnus walked up to Alec and held out his hands, close to his face. "Can I?" he whispered.

Alec nodded shyly. Magnus cupped his face with his hands and drew him close, pressing his lips into his hair. Alec seemed to melt into the touch instead of flinching away.

"I know it doesn't feel like it but you took a huge step last night, confronting him."

"Even if I proceeded to use the dagger on myself afterwards?" he replied sarcastically, his voice muffled into Magnu's shirt.

"There isn't a magical fix to this, Alec. If there was, it would be yours."

Alec nodded softly, his hands gripping Magnus's shirt tightly. Magnus could feel Alec's heart beating against his chest. He knew that Alec was scared. Scared that he trusted Magnus like he did…that he was starting to depend on him for emotional support he wasn't used to getting.

Magnus held him tightly. He was not going to disappoint him.

He looked over the boy's shoulder at Izzy who was still staring at the pile of clothes.

She knelt down and picked up the box half hidden underneath the clothes.

"Why does this box look so familiar?" she asked softly.

Alec pulled away from Magnus and looked at Izzy. Horror etched across his face almost instantaneously as she opened it.

"No," he cried out as he stumbled forward but it was too late.

Izzy gasped and her hand flung to her mouth as she stared down at the content. Alec rushed forward and grabbed the box out of her hand, snapping the lid back on and clutching it tightly.

"Alec?" Magnus started.

Alec shook his head. Izzy stared up at him before speaking, her voice quiet and laced with horror. "He took pictures."

Alec grimaced and shoved the box behind him on the dresser, his hand gripping the edge of the furniture. "I don't want to talk about it."

Magnus's eyes narrowed, a deadly look crossing his face. He wanted to focus on Alec. He wanted to focus on being there for him. He had pushed aside the anger, wanting to direct all his energy on Alec but it was becoming harder and harder to stay away from the bastard that destroyed this Nephilim that he was falling quickly for.

"Where is he?" Magnus said, blue sparks flickering from his fingertips.

At that Isabelle seemed to snap out of her shock. "He's gone," she said. "I came here to tell you that...and..."

"He's gone?" Alec whispered, his hushed, disbelieving voice barely audible.

"Yes, he's gone."

"How, where? I don't understand."

"I paid him a visit...with dad. He's not coming back to the Institute, not unless he wants to lose body parts."

Alec blinked away tears, staring at his sister in disbelief. Magnus tried to approach him but Alec moved away.

"With dad?" He sounded so broken all over again.

"Alec," Izzy started.

"I don't understand, Izzy."

"Alec, listen..."

"I need...where is he?"

"Alec, he's gone."

"No," Alec snapped. "Where's dad?"

A/N: Well, I promise not to go that long between updates! Well, what did you guys think of Izzy? Or Robert for that matter. I know that Alec may not reacted in the expected manner to Izzy getting Manson out but he will eventually. And then we will get into more about going to the Clave. Right now, he needs to work out some other issues first. Please let me know what you think!