Disclaimer: I wish I own Naruto. Sadly, I don't.
Chapter 6: It All Falls Apart
Sakura leaned against the railway on the top of the roof as the wind whisked the few strands that escaped from her bun. The morning's past events kept replaying in her head.
"I'll protect you,"
"I want to know the present you. I want to be your friend."
It was ironic that she grew up with these words. Blurs and outlines forming images like the negatives of a filmstrip flitted through her mind.
Memories made her heart ache, tearing open the innumerable stitches on her heart. She felt the hole expanding, engulfing her soul into darkness. Sakura knew this feeling well and she knew that tangling with the younger Uchiha would be a bad decision.
The moment that he took her hand into his own, there was an overwhelming sensation that she couldn't define. It was an emotion that she lacked within her; an emotion that hadn't materialized in years. It made her heart flutter, and Sakura realized she had never felt the feeling so prevailing. Of course, there were times when the feeling would cast its shadow in her heart (like the time when she first met Hikari) but she would overlook it. This was the first time it engulfed her fully, along with fear.
It was lunch hour and below her students were chattering away, spending the last few days of summer outside under the sun before autumn settles in. Sakura found it rather relieving that none of the students spent their lunch hour on the rooftop. It had became her sanctuary; a place where she spent lunch hours by herself.
"Boo!"
Sakura hitched a breath as she whirled around, facing the intruder who dared to make her panic. "Tenten!" She cried out in alarm and put a hand on her heart, "You scared me!"
Tenten smiled brightly and held up a bento box. "Surprise!"
"What are you doing here?" Sakura demanded as her eyebrows scrunched together.
Tenten feigned a sorrowful face as she moved one hand to her heart. "Is that something to say to your best friend who got off work early just to have lunch with you? Especially right after that gibberish text you sent me? I don't even run to work when I'm late, yet I sprinted here when my best friend's in trouble."
Sakura sighed languidly, but nonetheless, a small smile graced her features. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Tenten rolled her eyes, "You better be. How come you never told me Uchiha Sasuke attended this school?" Her lips pouted as she shook her head disapprovingly.
"I guess I forgot? I was never exactly his fan." Sakura smiled a lopsided smile, which clearly conveyed her apologies. "Everything keeps happening successively. Even I can't sort out all the consecutive events that played up until now."
"No kidding. Look at the tabloid on your relationship with Itachi. What kind of friend are you, who keep secrets from her best friend?"
Unconsciously, Sakura stiffened at the proclamation – the taboo word which reminded her of Naruto. Tenten could deal with her elusiveness since they'd grown up together and it was in Tenten's nature to forgive easily, but for Naruto, who valued their friendship over everything, it was a different story.
"It was during that time. You remember how I used to admire Itachi-kun and how I used to hang out a lot with Sharingan and everything. When Mother disowned me, his flat was the only place that would take me in and shelter me. It was Itachi who helped me get through the first stages of that turmoil."
Tenten's warm chocolate eyes softened at the revelation.
"Although I don't know Itachi personally, I am very grateful. He's the reason why you're still alive today, aren't you, Sakura?"
The pink-haired woman nodded her head just like a child admitting to an offence he'd done.
"I am very grateful to him too. If it weren't for him, Hikari wouldn't be alive today."
"So, explain."
"Explain what?" Her eyebrows raised perplexedly at her the brunette's curt statement.
Tenten held up the handheld device that was a rather shocking shade of yellow, "Why did you send me this gibberish text? Tenten! What am I supposed to do? Help me! I'm so confused."
"Tenten!" Sakura whined childishly as a scowl was formed upon her face, "You know how embarrassed I get when I hear my own words being articulated. "
Tenten rolled her eyes, "You're not answering the question, Sakura." She elongated the syllables of her friend's name.
"Well, Sasuke made a proposal to me."
"UCHIHA SASUKE PROPOSED TO YOU?" Tenten's let out an abrupt and crude screech that even Sakura, who realized her mistake in the wording of the statement, couldn't reach in time to clamp her friend's mouth shut.
"Tenten!" Sakura's teeth grind together as she hissed out her name venomously, "The whole world probably heard that and they're probably launching Operation Kill Sakura now."
The other girl ignored the reprimand as she repeated the same question animatedly, "Uchiha Sasuke proposed to you?"
"Not like that!" Sakura raised both arms into the air in frustration and Tenten mentally retreated. The girl in front of her looked as if she was going to explode by the second at her inanity. "Who would propose to a stranger, much less Uchiha Sasuke?"
"You just said 'Sasuke made a proposal to me." Tenten argued childishly.
"He made a proposal to become friends." Sakura drawled out the ending word.
"So?" Tenten asked rather idly as she dug into her bento box and took a bite of her lunch, "What's the big deal?"
"You don't get it, do you?" Sakura frowned; her emerald eyes turned a rather pretty hazel green shade in the sun.
"That you might potentially get yourself a hot boyfriend? That I perfectly understand."
The frown on Sakura deepened, "Tenten! I'm being serious here!"
"You suck the life out of everything," Tenten grumbled and she shoved the bento box to her friend, "But I'm being serious now. Just loosen up and accept his friendship. It will do you good, especially since you're always cooped up in your secluded sanctuary compromised of Hikari, Naruto, Jiraiya, and me. It will help you move on and create your new life."
"It's not that," Sakura mumbled softly as she stared wistfully at the sky the seemed to stretch endlessly across the horizon. "It's just that I felt something I haven't felt in a while."
"Oh," Tenten paused at the rather unforeseen confession just made by her friend. "And what is it?"
Sakura stared down at her hand, "It was hope."
"I'm afraid I'm not getting you."
A painful expression forged its way onto Sakura's face. "Hope leads to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointment. I don't think I can handle that."
Peiterusa Kinetsu found herself fidgeting uncomfortably in the chair as she glanced from the influential person on the other side of the table to her surroundings. Just like its owner, the room and the atmosphere were outlandishly hostile. On a usual basis purple and yellow complemented each other, but as for the shades chosen in her boss's room they collided like residues of oil and water mixed together.
It was reassuringly quiet. Usually Pei did not like silence, but sitting in the Anko Mitarashi's office, silence seemed to be her only comfort.
Suddenly, Anko's frigid voice cut through the pleasant silence, causing Pei to turn back to the woman she did not want to have a confrontation with. "Do you know why you're here?"
Anko Mitarashi, her boss, had an imposing aura that wrapped around her like a boa constricting wrapped around its prey. Her lips pressed grimly against each other causing Pei to gulp. If possible, the tincture of Anko's already hypnotizing dark eyes darkened even more as she stared into Pei's dark chocolate brown ones.
"I-Is it the matter c-concerning the Uchihas?" She answered, quite hesitant in her response.
"Damn right it is." Anko snarled as she threw down the newspaper and pointed treacherously to the headlines: THE UCHIHA BROTHERS; EACH WITH HIS DUBIOUS AFFAIR. "Who gave you the right to publish this?"
"I-I—"
"What is the motto of The Gazette, Kinetsu-san?" Anko swiftly interrupted the reply; deciding that her previous question was a rhetorical question.
"The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." The motto came sprawling out mechanically like the computer's sound system.
"Exactly," Anko nodded acquiescently, satisfied with the answer, but Pei knew that the discussion wasn't going to end there, "So can you explain to me the truth of this article?"
She thrust the black and white article closer towards Kinetsu, who felt as if she was going to collapse. "W-well, Honda-san spotted Uchiha Sasuke outside a woman's house and-"
"So how did you know that this woman was his wife? Why did you assume that the child who resembles him was his son? What evidence do you hold for this affirmation?" Anko bombarded Pei with questions which seemed to be endless, ignoring the pallor of the Pei's skin which was blanching whiter by the second.
"G-gomenesai!" Pei burst out crying as she lowered her head to show the sincerity of her words.
"Kinetsu-san, you know I don't tolerate mistakes. That was the first thing that I said when you arrived here three months ago." Anko's stated callously as she stared into her kouhai's eyes. "The journalism industry is a competitive field and your mistakes can cost us a fortune. Think of the consequences! If Star Dust decides to press charges for slander then our company might, and will, have to declare bankruptcy. Can you fully take responsibility for this?"
"I am so sorry!"
The woman in front of her seemed to whimper, but Anko displayed no empathy. Instead, she continued with her brutal lecture, "Make this your first warning, Peiterusa Kinetsu. We, The Gazette, are prideful that our information consists of the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth. Don't stain our reputation. I will let you go considering that I was absent during this grave lapse. Note that this will not happen again. Are we clear?"
"I will not let it happen again."
"Kinetsu-san, that wasn't my question. Are. We. Clear?"
Pei gulped and whispered a meek 'yes'.
"Good," Anko diverted her attention to her computer screen and began typing away. "For your retribution I want you to write a repentant article, apologizing to Uchiha Sasuke and to our audience about your suppositions on his affairs. Deliver it to me when you're done so I can edit the final draft. You are dismissed."
The timid woman stood up and hastened to the exit of the room, almost pushing over the part time worker who was stumbling in with a stack of files.
"Anko, can't you be just a little temperate?" The short woman demanded with her hands on her waist as she stared dejectedly at the files which had tumbled onto the floor from the impact.
"I can't help it if they're making mistakes." Anko replied nonchalantly without sparing a glance at the woman. "You don't see me scolding you, do you?"
A sigh escaped Shizune's lips as she bent down to pick up the files. "Do you know what they call you around here? The Wicked Witch of the West."
She rolled her eyes and sneered, "How original. I could definitely come up with a better one."
"But my point is," Shizune immediately interjected, "If you treat them nicer, then they might try harder."
Anko scoffed at the suggestion. "I don't have time to dawdle around. If I don't scold down, no one's going to, and do you realize how competitive this industry is? The Gazette is on the verge of closing down because Orochimaru is getting tired of it. Not only will I lose my job, but so will the other hundred workers connected or affiliated to our company."
"What?" Shizune's charcoal eyes widened at the bombshell, "You never told me that!"
"Of course not. Imagine the company if they found out. He's giving us a chance though. If we are able to run the ultimate story – a story that no one knows – then that snake will continue to uphold the company."
Shizune knew that Anko cared for many things. It wasn't in Anko's nature to display these affections, but no doubt, she cared for comrades. While she was a workaholic, outside the work place Anko was an easy-going, hyperactive person.
"So how are you going to get this 'ultimate story'?"
The dictating woman held up the article that was on her desk and pointed to the picture on the front cover. Although the face could not be seen, pastel pink hair was the extraordinary attribute of the girl pictured as the renowned Uchiha Itachi leaned down towards her; their distance too intimate to be just normal acquaintances.
"Her."
"What about her?"
"I saw this girl at the younger brother's school. It's a possibility that she's related to Jiraiya, who is the director of the school board. Although I don't hold any evidence, I know that the old punk pulls strings and bends rules for a few students."
"No…" Shizune gasped in disbelief.
"How do you think Uchiha Sasuke, at the age of twenty, is able to masquerade as a high school student?"
"What? I thought he was eight—"
"He's not. The entertainment lied." Anko shrugged.
Shizune was confused. "Then why don't you run that story instead?"
Anko shook her head as she pointed to the woman who was declared as Itachi's special lover. "No. That's not the ultimate story I'm looking for. The one I'm looking for lies within her."
"Itachi's clandestine lover…" Shizune trailed off perplexedly, unable to understand what Anko's logic.
"Haruno Sakura." Anko licked her lips like a cat licking milk. "I saw her stepping out of that limousine with Jiraiya when I paid a visit Uchiha Sasuke. The way she carried herself, the way her aura encompassed her like shields and barriers, and the broadcasting of her relationship with Itachi – who we know, has not a single factual girlfriend – shows that she is hiding something. While the other journalists are interested in their past history, I'm going to dig much deeper."
"Oh no," Shizune groaned in disbelief. She knew Anko's diligence and perseverance. What Mitarashi Anko wants, she would take drastic measures just to get, even if it meant travelling to the ends of the earth.
"Why would you go so far for her?"
"Why?" Anko reiterated the word like it had an obvious response.
A few seconds passed by, but for Shizune, it felt like a lifetime. Anko's journalism skills had invaded the conversation, for her lingering reply fabricated a suspenseful impression, up to the point where it was disturbing.
A beautiful cruel smile emerged onto her unnaturally pale face.
"Haruno Sakura doesn't exist. Now don't you think that's interesting?"
"Sakura! Sakura! Sakura!"
Frantic footsteps echoed through the large house as Hikari came dashing into the room with wild innocent eyes that Sakura knew meant trouble. Whenever she repeated Sakura's name, Sakura just knew that the six year old was going to ask for something impossible. The girl tended to have too much of a ludicrous imagination for her own good.
"Please! Please! Please! Can I bring my friend over?"
Sakura blinked.
Once.
Twice.
"Naruto-oyajii said I could, right?" Apparently, the small child did not noticed Sakura's dumbfounded expression as she continued on with her speech, catching no breath at all. "Right Oyajii?" she pranced back to the man who followed into the kitchen with a forthcoming grin on his face.
"What did I tell you, Hikari-chan?" He narrowed his eyes and thinned out his lip and threw her a stern look, "If you keep calling me Naruto-oyajii, I'm not going to let you bring over your friend."
"Hai! Hai! Naruto-niisan! Hikari promises you not to call you Oyajii anymore! Now can I please bring over Sota-kun?"
"What?" Jiraiya's voice thundered through the room. Apparently, no one had heard the keys rattling in the lock. The gangster resembling man strutted into the room with a deep frown on his face. "Hikari-chan already has a boyfriend!" He bellowed.
"Hai! Hai!" The blond haired grinned, oblivious to the implications made by the older man. "Sota-kun is my first friend!"
Jiraya grinned suggestively at the response only to have Naruto whack him on the head.
"Old Man, she's only four!" Naruto practically growled at him. "Get that through that thick skull of yours and stop thinking perverted things! Now leave this place and come back when you're ready to act like a proper adult." He pointed through the door that led to the deck outside the house.
"My own children have forsaken me!" Jiraiya whined hysterically while Sakura, who finally composed herself, rolled her eyes.
"You're such a drama queen, Jiraiya-oyaji."
"Sakura-chan!" Jiraiya cried, "That's not a nice thing to say to your dear uncle!"
Naruto snickered at the scene playing out in front of him.
Sakura didn't even spare him a glance, "I would take it as a compliment, you know," she stated somewhat rather monotonously making it sound rather phony.
"Stop being so cold to me," Jiraiya pouted, "I just suggested something rather distorted for Hikari and Sakura-chan goes and gives me a cold shoulder while Naruto-chan rebukes me! Did you two forget I was the one who raised you guys?" He squatted down and pulled the youngest girl in a warm embrace. "Oh Hikari-chan, only you will understand and love your Jiraiya-oyaji! Sakura-chan and Naruto-chan are too cold to care about me! They can only criticize my actions! What did I do to deserve this? You must make sure never to grow up like them, okay? "
The older children rolled their eyes while Hikari looked up, rather bewildered at the scene that had played out for her.
"Umm, can Sota-kun come over?"
"Hikari-chan," Jiraiya coughed before straightening himself up and looking serious and stern, "You can't have Sota-chan over."
"What?" Hikari exclaimed feverishly, "But I told Sota-kun he could come over this weekend!"
"Aren't you afraid?" Jiraiya cocked an eyebrow at her. At that moment he was looking very grave, "Boys have cooties and you should be afraid of them. You can catch them, and if you do, you will never grow up to be pretty."
Hikari's eyes widened like saucers as she processed the information. Naruto, who was taking a sip of water and was reading the daily news rolled up the thick gray sheets of paper and whacked Jiraiya in the head, "Stop teaching her stupid things!"
Sighing at the childish play, Sakura bent down and took charge in answering Hikari's question. She took Hikari into her arms and stroked her hair, saying, "You can have Sota-kun over this Saturday. I'll give you a piece of paper for you to give to him so that his mother can call me, okay?"
Jiraiya looked rather livid at the Sakura's agreement to the request. "Sakura-chan! Aren't you afraid that this Sota-kun will steal her away from you like a knight in shining armour?" He put both hands on his hips with a scowl on his face, which looked rather comical with the suit he was wearing.
"How about that thing called 'cooties'?" Hikari looked worried. Although she hadn't understood a thing that her uncle declared frenziedly, she had caught on to the thing about losing her beauty. Hikari did not want to become ugly. She dreamed of being a princess in those bedtime fairy tales Sakura, Naruto-nii, Tenten-nee, Jiraiya-oyaji and sometimes Hinata-nee told her. It was her dream to become a beautiful princess when she grew up.
Sakura threw the old man a wry look before smiling gently at the small infant, "Don't worry! Jiraiya-oyaji was joking, wasn't he?" She threw the man in question a dark look. "There are no such things as cooties."
Hikari nodded, but the look on her face didn't look reassured at all.
"Hikari-chan, I've been friends with Naruto all my life. In fact, I met him when I was seven. Do I look ugly to you?" Sakura asked pointedly.
"No, Sakura is really pretty!"
Naruto ruffled her blond hair while proclaiming, "Sakura-chan has always been really pretty!"
"See? There are no such things as cooties. Now go change and we'll eat dinner."
"Hai!" Hikari smiled brightly like rainbows and cotton candies and she rushed out of the kitchen, only to skip back in and pull her uncle to his feet. "Jiraiya-oyaji, you're such a liar! But there is something I want to show you!"
Jiraiya, who was squatting on the floor and pouting, followed the girl joyously and declared boisterously, "Hikari-chan is the only one who cares about me."
"Well Sakura-chan, do you need my help? " Naruto flashed a grin and Sakura stiffened. "Because you know—"
"Naruto, we need to talk," she interrupted him "About the other day…"
She peered up at him from the corner of her eyes, but his expression was indecipherable. Azure eyes like deep blue whirlpools hardened into ice and his lips thinned out from his usual boyish grin. In fact, Naruto looked so serious that it scared her. The number of times she had seen this expression could be counted with her fingers, and when he wore it it meant that he was in his staid mood that was fit enough to murder someone.
However, she knew he didn't want to kill her. While his eyes were hardened, she could detect a hint of betrayal in his eyes. She bit her bottom lips at that. Betrayal, she had betrayed him in some sense, but—
My life is my own and no one else's.
And she decided she wasn't going to apologize to him. She was supposed to live for herself. The image of Haruno Sakura was created so that she could live as a new person. There wasn't any use going around apologizing when secrets from the past were meant to be buried. It wasn't like she did anything wrong besides running away without telling him.
But he's your best friend.
She bit her lips again. It was habit she had developed when she was under stress, nervous, or facing a difficult decision. Did she want to tell Naruto? Naruto had always been there for her.
I owe him that much. He deserves to know.
And he really did, she realized, because while Itachi was her hero, Naruto was par up to that level – maybe even more. He was like her guardian angel. Both risked their futures and pulled the strings to help her take on a new identity to recreate her life. She had never been fair to Naruto, simply because she depended too much on him. She knew that even with all the mistakes she caused, he would always be there to catch her.
"Are you finally going to let me into your life, Sakura-chan?" He was eerily calm, which was something she wasn't used to. "Or are you going to leave things hanging again?"
"I—"
"I thought I was important in Sakura-chan's life. I thought that even though Sakura-chan didn't reciprocate my love, at least I still held importance in her heart, but who would've thought," he paused, "That Sakura-chan would run to another man, who happens to be Uchiha Itachi?" Naruto spat at the name as if it was poison to the veins.
"It's not like that—"
"Why can't Sakura-chan accept me? Why is it everyone else except me?"
"You don't—"
"Of course I don't understand anything. I never understand anything and I'm unreliable. Of course you wouldn't choose—"
"Naruto!" Sakura slammed her hand down on the countertop, jade green eyes blazing with fury. "Would you just listen for once?"
The atmosphere darkened and she could feel her eyes stinging with tears. She was so angry that she wanted to cry. The confrontation wasn't supposed to be like this. Naruto was supposed to be the understanding one. He was supposed to be his joyous, happy-go-lucky self and listen to her apologize. He was supposed to listen and understand. He was supposed to—
"You are so selfish, Sakura!" His voice was low and furious. She flinched at the timbre of his voice and the omission of the 'chan' did not go unnoticed. It was so un-Naruto-like. What happened to the friend that was always with her, the friend who always comforted her?
"I've always listened to you. I've always supported you and did my best to stay by your side, but what did I get in return? Nothing! Not a damn fucking thing! You ran off during that time when you were the most vulnerable. You never considered Tenten or me. You only thought of yourself and even with her, you still seduced that stupid, ignorant jack—"
Slap!
His eyes widened at the impact on his cheek. It was hard enough to leave a red mark.
Sakura hissed low and dangerously, "Don't you say what I'm think you're going to say, Naruto. Don't you dare! You and Uchiha Sasuke are the same, and like I told him this morning, Itachi was and is my hero. I don't give a damn about what people think of me, but I do care what they think of him."
"Why? You never thought of much about anyone around you, before. So why start now?" He laughed disdainfully. "When did Haruno Sakura start caring about the world?"
She threw her hands up into the air and nearly shrieked in frustration. "When did I start caring about the world? I've always cared! I've always cared about every little single damn thing. Maybe if I didn't – maybe if I hadn't – then the outcome of today wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't need to be dead. I wouldn't have to carve a new beginning for me. She wouldn't be half alive right now, floating in limbo! He wouldn't hate my guts! The whole world wouldn't be out there to get me! Oh, Uzumaki Naruto, when did you become so insensitive?" By the end, she was so furious that her insides felt like a boiling pot of water. Rage and pain bubbled from the heat of fury, battling against her spirit that was trying to fight against the pressure in her chest. She could hardly breathe.
Naruto glared at her and pointed to the left side of his chest with his thumb. "This is where it hurts the most. It hurt five years ago, and it still hurts now. My heart feels as if the weight of the universe has crashed down onto me and refused to move. Everything hurts, Sakura."
"No you're not," Sakura said stoically, "We've been through this before, Naruto. I can't see you that way and I know that I will never be able to. You have Hinata-chan now, so hold on to her and let me go! Why don't you be an adult about this and think about the woman you said you love this much!" She imitated the blond boy the previous days before when he spread out his arms to exaggerate the extent of his love for his girlfriend.
"What right do you have to tell me to be an adult when you still act like this is five years ago?"
"I've been trying!" She snapped back feverishly, "I've been trying to be mature! Trying to grow up! Trying to be independent and be someone this family can rely on, but I can only try! I'm not done growing up! I'm still depending on people even though there are people relying on me! When I left that time, it wasn't like I wanted to! I had to leave! You know that too. She would use that to get her way, and I didn't want the family's name to be stained. I didn't want them to be caught in my... mistakes." The tears that stung her eyes had escaped her pale lids and were trailing down her cheeks.
Naruto's contorted face, full of rage and devastation loosened at the sight, but Sakura cut in sharply, "Don't give me that look, Naruto. I don't need your pity! The last thing I need is your pity."
She inhaled a sharp breath to fight back the tears and calm herself. "So what if my life is so fucking messed up? It doesn't matter, because I don't regret being where I am, now. Of course, there are many things I regret from the past, but if God was to give me a second chance, I will not take it. I originally wanted to explain the whole situation about Itachi. I wanted to confide you in it, because I wanted you to know that you matter. Of course, I meant what I said back then. Don't cling onto me, Naruto. I will never return your love, and I won't hesitate to leave you again."
"Then what about Itachi? Do you hold special feelings to him? "
"What I feel about Itachi has nothing to do with you, Naruto."
"It does too!" Naruto interrupted harshly. "You left me for him! You ran away to him! Why is Itachi so special to you?"
"I told you," She snapped back, "I did what I had to!"
"No, you didn't! You could've come running to me or Tenten, but you decided to play hide and seek and left us, only to come back four months later! You didn't need him! Was it because he was handsome and good looking that you chased after him? Tenten and I were looking out for you, but you repaid us by running off to some rock singer."
"Don't talk about Itachi that way!"
"Then tell me why I have to respect him, because with the way he's now, I don't respect him at all. He has done nothing to earn the respect of Uzumaki Naruto!"
"You wouldn't know!"
"You tell me then!"
"Itachi stopped me from trying to kill myself!"
He was lost for words and once again, Naruto could only watch Sakura's retreating figure disappearing out the door as the door slammed behind her.
For Kurenai Yuuhi, there wasn't a patient as difficult as the one in front of her. She, herself, was known to be one of the top therapists in Tokyo, counselling various patients, from mental breakdowns to cognitive disabilities to depressive disorders to relationship problems. However, Sakura always left her with something to ponder about. Just when the therapist thought she finally understands the patient, the girl would say something and lose her all over again. It was like an endless cycle of hide-and-seek.
At least you managed to get her relaxed and opened up. Yes, she must congratulate herself for achieving such feat. It had been four years since Kurenai counselled the girl. When the pink haired girl first attended her sessions she was stubborn and refused to answer any of her questions. In fact, Kurenai had lost her temper and told her to take a leave many times. It was ridiculous, because while the girl never failed to miss a single session, she never cooperated either.
"Tell me Sakura-san, are you making the effort?"
Haruno stared back at her, jade eyes void of any emotions. Fifty-five minutes had passed in the room and though Kurenai had decorated her room to make the patients (and herself) comfortable, she was feeling restless at the lack of progress in their therapy session.
"I came here, did I not?" The answer was bitingly sarcastic.
She could tell that Sakura was blaming her for her waste of time and lack of treatment. Honestly, she was trying, but the patient didn't seem to want help. This was the fourth week of therapy sessions, but the awkwardness between them hadn't faded at all.
"But you're not making an effort in our sessions. You made no attempt of talking. I let you sit here so that you could tell me your story when you're ready, but you refuse to answer any of my questions. If you're not making an effort to answer my questions, then tell me how you expect my help."
Her green eyes narrowed before she let out a snarl, "Maybe I don't want your help."
"You came here by your own will, did you not? If you don't want my help, you would've not come here."
"Itachi-kun made me come. It was against my will."
It was Itachi who had called her up and explained the situation of the girl. He had asked her the favour of accepting Sakura as her new patient, explaining the details and arranging the transaction. At that time, if Kurenai didn't know any better, she would've thought Itachi was dating the girl.
"He dropped you off in front of this building. If you didn't want to come here, you didn't have to drag yourself up to the ninth floor. Tell me the truth, Sakura-san. What do you want from being here?"
Expectantly, all she received was silence, which lingered in the atmosphere of the brightly-lit room once again. Kurenai started counting.
…one hundred and fifteen. One hundred and sixteen. One hundred and sevent—
"I want a reason to live."
Kurenai was stumped. Of course, there were patients who came in demanding help to live, but this girl wanted a reason to live. Was Sakura's situation really that bad? Was her soul broken to the point where she had no desire to live? They say that the eyes were like mirrors that reflected the inner soul, but when Kurenai peered through the depths of her eyes, she couldn't find anything besides grief. What had the girl done to deserve this much sorrow? She glanced up at the clock. Their session was over and Kurenai inwardly cursed. The girl was finally starting to talk, only to have her session be done and over with it.
Be damned with. She would willingly skip lunch if Sakura was willing to finally talk. It wasn't like she had anything better to do besides a lunch date—
"Our time is up." Sakura announced softly as she got up from the couch and grabbed her bag, attempting a hasty getaway.
"I'll see you next week, same time."
The doors shut.
Although Sakura made no acknowledgment to her reminder, Kurenai knew she would show up. What she was anxious was the fact if the girl was willing to open up again.
"How are you doing these days, Sakura?"
Kurenai wasn't sure what she expected when she saw the girl turn up. Of course, she had read the tabloids on the girl and she knew instinctively that it would bring trouble. It was kind of ironic that it would take four years for the scandal to break out, but really, she was glad it happened now. The girl had grown mentally stronger in the last few years. If it was the younger version of her, Sakura wouldn't have been able to embrace the brewing storm. Perhaps now, but definitely not four years ago.
"Great as always, Yuuhi-san. Life is filled with sunshine and cotton candies." A smile bloomed on the therapist's face. Though four years had passed, Sakura was still the sarcastic. It was good to know that some things didn't change.
"I read the newspaper. Nice photo you have there."
"Are you mocking me?" Sakura asked dryly, displeased at her therapist's light attempt of a joke.
"Relax," Kurenai pulled open her cabinet folder and rummage through the gazillion folders sorted out in alphabetical order. Sakura. Haruno Sakura. Why couldn't she find the folder? Oh right. It wasn't in the H section. "I'm glad you still hold some trust for me. It was a lot more than I expected."
The woman grabbed the patient's folder and spun the chair around to face Sakura with an inexplicable expression on her face. The hands folded in her lap clenched themselves together along with her jaws. Kurenai inwardly smacked herself. Obviously, Sakura was still sensitive on the subject and the five letter word.
Trust.
Such a simple word, yet it held such a powerful meaning. What Kurenai came to know over the sessions was that Sakura loathed the word. It wasn't the word itself, but more Sakura's relationship with of the word. She glanced down at her notes.
Trust=Betrayal.
While Sakura had come a long way, Kurenai knew that they still needed many sessions. She wondered often if Sakura could ever recover from her past. The sin that the girl committed had trapped her in an abyss, surrounded with grief, self-loathe, and darkness. It was a good thing that Sakura had many people supporting her and helping her tread down the road of life, though Kurenai could tell the girl still refused to forgive herself. If Sakura wasn't able to look past her misdeeds, she would not be ready to survive on her own.
"All small talk aside, let's begin our session." Kurenai announced; her voice suddenly cool and detached. She materialized the copy of Three Gazette which featured the rather scandalizing news between Japan's legendary Uchiha Itachi and the girl present in her office.
"How do you feel about this article?"
She quickly made a note of the article on Sakura's file while waiting for the younger girl's response. The hands folded into Sakura's laps tightened as her eyes shifted around the room.
Finally, the girl took a deep breath and replied, "I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. That article is a vile and ominous sign. The world I've created will crumble soon." It sounded like a those eccentric predictions made by a seer.
Kurenai wanted to comfort her and reassure her that the world she'd built the past four years wouldn't crumble just like that, but judging from the last sentence of the article, the reporters would probably not leave the poor girl alone.
"Are you ready to face it?"
"Am I ready?" Sakura gave her a wry smile."I can never be ready to face it. When it comes, the blow never fails to leave a wound in me."
"What happened?"
"What do you mean?" Sakura pretended to be innocent, but she was oblivious to the teardrops that she had subconsciously shed. Kurenai watched as Sakura put her hands to her cheeks, wiping away the tears.
"It's only you and me here. No one else. Nothing will leave this room." Kurenai reassured her.
"The article demoralized Itachi-san…"
"…and?" Kurenai probed, aware of the hesitation in Sakura's voice.
"And a quarrel with Naruto." At the mention of the name, Sakura completely broke down. The tears were falling freely onto her face, representing the agony that she had bottled up inside.
"I'm sorry," Kurenai knew a bit of their history. She had managed to acquire some information on Sakura's best friend through the journal she assigned the girl far back at the beginning. She knew that Naruto was deeply in love with Sakura and while the girl could not let him go, she wouldn't accept him any more than a brother. Kurenai could imagine how ballistic the blond reacted towards the news. After all, jealousy was a sin, itself.
Sakura's hand clenched into fists and she didn't bother wiping away the tears again. "He still won't move on even though he has a wonderful girlfriend who loves him for the world. Although Hinata doesn't say anything, I can see that she's being hurt by his lingering feelings! Naruto is being blinded by my relationship with Itachi and the quarrel… the quarrel… I think I've lost my best friend."
"Naruto's supposed to understand me. Naruto's supposed to be my best friend in the whole entire world. Naruto's supposed… I don't know what's happening anymore, Yuuhi-san." Sakura's eyes turned to look around the room again, but Kurenai did not miss the haunted expression that reflected of a man surrendering to Death's hand.
"Sakura, look at me." The therapist ordered sharply. Although Kurenai knew she appeared to be composed, she could hear the pounding of her heartbeat, almost ready to leap out of her.
"You've come so far, Sakura. You can't give up now. You cannot take the easy way out again, and this time, you have people who are waiting for you – who need you. You cannot run away again." Because Sakura was in therapy, Kurenai knew that the girl could do something drastic and cause another catastrophe. She needed Sakura to come back to her present state, the state that she had worked so hard to create.
Slowly, Sakura turned to look at Kurenai, the expression of resigning to death slowly faded away.
"Sometimes, it's so much easier to run away," Her voice was hallow and she looked so miserable.
"It is," Kurenai nodded in agreement, "But running away won't solve the problem forever. It won't give you the end you need."
"You have to forgive yourself," Kurenai stated firmly "You may not know how to forgive yourself. You may not know how to forgive yourself, but it's only through forgiveness will you be able to heal yourself, Sakura."
A regretful smile cracked through her face as she stared down at her hands. "But sometimes, forgiveness just isn't enough."
A/N: Happy Halloween and please review! The last sentence of Kurenai's is taken from Louise Hay. Since I took forever to update, I hope the length of this chapter made up for it.
+K. Tram~
Publication: 10.29.11