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Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.
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Bella Pov
He braced his arms against the door. "I'm sorry", I shake my head. He turns with worried eyes, slowly walking towards me. "It's my-", He starts but is interrupted by his house phone ringing. He motions his hand to the phone on the wall.
"By all means",I make the same gesture to the phone.
He walks over and answers it. His back is to me, and all that I can hear is murmurs.
All of sudden he turns around and looks at me. "Yes, she's fine here Charlie, I promise she's safe", I walk towards him. He runs his fingers through his hair, watching each step that I took. He leans back slightly and scratches his bare stomach looking away. "Charlie, if you would just-", Edward tries to say turning around. "Yes, sir. Hold on", He holds his hand over the speaker and turns back to face me. "He wants you to stay with him. He doesn't trust me", he rolls his eyes.
"Let me speak to him. ", I reach for the phone. He places it in my hand, leans forward and kisses the side of my face.
"Hurry back to me.", He kisses my shoulder. "Don't let him take you from me. His eyes glaze over as he looks at me with so much passion, it's too much. I look down at the phone in my hand and nod. He walks away.
"Dad?", I say.
"Bella, Carlisle told me that this boyfriend of yours and Edward got into a scuffle", I mod as of could see me.
"This guy, James Witherdale, I've been talking to him for a few weeks he is not my boyfriend", My dad gasp, but tries to cover it by clearing his throat.
"Did you say Witherdale?", He stammers.
"Yea, dad. He's been basically stalking me -", he cuts me off.
"Bella, why didn't you say anything? I need you here Bella, so that I can keep you safe", He says quickly in frustration.
"Dad, Edward is very capable of protecting me. I'm worried about you though. He kept bringing you up.", I thought it was weird before but now I'm worried, considering my dads tone.
He sighs. "Bella, Laurent Witherdale was an old buddy of mine. He went crazy and killed his wife. I was the one that put him away for life. He didn't make it one night in prison. He killed himself"
"And Laurent is James father?", My dad says yes. "And he wants me because you put his dad away for killing-", I think a moment.
"His mom, yes Bella. Now I have instructed the boy to bring you to Forks right now", My dad demands.
"Dad, I'm fine here. I was on my way to bed", he sighs.
"This may be dangerous, Bella. Be understanding.", I nod as if he can see me.
"Dad, get some rest. I'll come see you after work ok", He sighs again.
"Okay, if that's what you want, I can't make you.", He exhales loud.
"Okay dad, I'll see you tomorrow.", I start to hang up.
"Wait, Bella, listen I, uh", He pauses. "I can't make ya, but you should know that Jake is going through a hard time. You should make it your business to help him through it. He's always been there for you. You two need each other", I sigh. I miss Jake, I do, but he's only going to complicate my already confused mind.
"I understand Charlie, and I promise to make it my business", I chuckle.
"Okay, Bells. See you tomorrow kiddo", I murmur a 'see you tomorrow', and hang up.
I turn to see Edward leaning against the hallway wall, legs crossed, staring at me with a sexy glint in his eye. There's no denying my feelings for Edward, but there's this part of me that wants to listen to my head and not my heart. When I'm around him, I overthink, which means I can't focus on a singular thought, which means I'm really underthinking, and then I get a headache like right now. I rub my forehead.
This is my thought process around him.
Now do you understand my flustered emotional behavior. I'm a whirlwind. A catastrophic clusterfuck of mixed feelings and emotions, with a confused mind, and an emotionally crippled personality. I don't even know what's an acceptable feeling. I don't know how I am supposed to feel when he looks at me like that. It makes me almost uncomfortable.
I'm fucked up, but by nature, I don't want the others around me to suffer with me.
He doesn't understand now.
But he used to.
It's always been hard for me to develop relationships, which is a reason why Edward and I never tried. I thought I would change too much if we ever went down that road. We worked great as friends, I didn't want to loose that.
Now, we aren't really best friends so it may be different.
"He wants you to go to Forks. Let me know when you're ready", He starts to walk away.
"Edward, I told him that I was fine here", He turns back to me.
We stand in silence, me looking at the floor, and I can feel his eyes on my face. "Bella, about earlier, with Tanya-", He starts. I move my arms erratically.
"Honestly", I cut him off. He raises an eyebrow. "What you do with your time is none of my business", I say looking him in the eyes. He makes a face, and holds in a breath with pursed lips.
When he lets it out he takes a step towards me. "Bella", He starts. "I don't think you understand how much-", He says with each step before he's right in front of me, but I cut him off with the wave of my hand.
"Thank you, for-"I close my eyes and inhale, reopening my eyes as I exhale, my gaze set on my hands. I slowly look back up at him. "-everything"
He furrows his eyebrows, and flares his nostrils. "This is when you say, 'thank you for everything, but-", He puts one hand in his pockets, running his other hand through his hair with a tug.
"Yes.", I glance at him. "Well earlier was a mistake.", I say quickly, glancing up for a reaction. "I hope that you understand that I am emotional, and-"
"-and selfish", He cuts me off. "You are emotional and selfish.", He says as an explanation. "So I'm supposed to pretend that we didn't confess our love for each other and-", He say through gritted teeth.
"Edward. Just forget it, okay", I squeak out, looking up at his glazed over, dark eyes.
"What changed for you within the last ten minutes? Because I feel the same way that I have always felt for you.", He takes an impossible step closer, completely invading my personal space. His hands on both of my resting elbows, his eyes gazing down at me.
"It's easier this way", I say quietly.
"Easier on who", He breathes just as quiet. "Easier on you", He questions.
"I can't be good to you Edward. I'm not meant for you", He takes a step back like I had struck him across the face.
"I don't understand. Not fifteen minutes ago you were okay with us. Just tell me what changed for you", I shook my head licking my lips.
"I don't know", I run a hand through my hair, and exhale through my nose. "It's been an emotional night.", He looks away, with angry filled eyes. "Do you mind taking me to Forks after work?", I look up at him, his nostrils flare.
He nods. "No problem", turns on his heels and walks down the hall slamming his bedroom door.
I stand there trying to process what happened and why i had said what I'd said. I run another hand through my hair and bite my bottom lip.
I'm too impulsive for my own good. A trait that I begrudgingly received from my mother. "Stupid", I pat my forehead. Why do I speak before I heavily think about what's coming out of my mouth.
He loves me. I love him. What's the problem?
I sigh. I don't love myself.
Our families are right to keep us apart. Im never going to be good enough for him.
Never going to be anything.
Never going to be anyone's someone.
Never can I be Edwards someone.
You love someone set them free.
Bringing Edward down, or sucking the life out of him once again is not an option.
Edward pov
Why did I agree to drop her off at Charlie's? Sitting in a car for so long with impassive Bella is so much worst than anything I have had to deal with involving her. She's so fucking infuriating.
She's sitting next to me with an emotionless blank face as if we didn't express our love for each other just last night.
And then I hear her hum.
She fucking hummed, like it made anything better. I'm a ticking time bomb and she's fucking humming.
Soon I feel like she'll whistle, like this car ride isn't painful enough. I can't take this shit.
I pull over swiftly causing the car to jerk. She looks over at me confused.
"What is your problem?", I shout. Her eyes widen.
She points to the road. "I believe you're the one with a problem", she chuckles.
I stare at her with my mouth open, absolutely confused. "Are you fucking kidding me Bella?", she looks down. "Hell yea, I have a god damn problem. I confessed my love for you not twenty four hours ago. Do you even know what that means? What it took for me to do that", she raises an eyebrow, and folds her arms across her chest.
"Edward I don't know what you want from me?", she shrugs.
"You", I yell. She jumps slightly. "All I have ever wanted is you", I say my voice dropping with every word. "Do you know why I started those restaurants?", she shakes her head. "Because I'd hoped that you would come back to me and I wanted you to be proud of what I had accomplished for us"
"Except that there is no us", she says this with the most emotionally unattached voice and it broke my heart.
We didn't have this problem as kids. Bella was lively, and free. She did whatever she wanted. She got into trouble, and I would bail her out. Her impulsive way of living life is what made me fall in love with her. Soon after, I did whatever she wanted. I lived for Bella, and everyone knew it.
Bella came first.
My family even took on the philosophy.
It's like an enchanting spell. Anybody she comes in contact with is enthralled by her.
She has always been able to decieve us all into believing she is sweet innocent girl, when really she is something different. Something I have never been able to put my finger on. Something I wanted to fix.
I wanted to fix Bella.
I wanted to be the guy that Bella always wanted around, and always needed. I wanted to make her happy. Really, truly happy.
I turn towards her in the car. She doesn't look at me. "There can be. Why won't you give us a chance?",
"Do we have to talk about this?", she whines lulling her head back against the seat.
Is she intentionally trying to hurt me?
"How come you can cry and tell me exactly how you're feeling one moment, and then in the same breathe you're able to be cold and distant"
"I'm sorry", she says forcefully. "I am trying-", she starts.
"You're trying to hurt me", she says nothing. "But for the life of me, I can't figure out why", She stares out the front window with a spacey look on her face. "Bella are you even listening to me?"
She sits up straighter at my tone. "Yes, I hear every word that you're saying"
"But are you listening Bella?", she scuffs.
She fucking scuffs as if I'm the one being irrational. "Why do I even bother?", It's my turn to scuff. "You think that it was easy for me to tell you how I feel? To be completely honest with you"
She turns her head to look at me. "I was honest. I was. I told you everything. You think that was easy?",
"You told me pointless shit about our families. You gave me an anecdote of our life, not once did you mention how any of it made you feel", I raise my voice.
"I did. I told you that I was depressed for three months.", she looks at me as if I insulted her.
"Depression is a state of mind Bella. How did you feel?", she stares ahead, as I stare at her face. She makes no expression whatsoever. "How did you feel Bella?"
"I don't know", she whispers, no change in her body language or facial expressions.
"So you were just depressed for no reason.", she says nothing. "Bella?", I push.
"I felt alone okay", she shouts. "What are you a psychiatrist now? Can you please just drive?", I stare at her face willing her to give me some kind of sign that this is a joke. She hot, then she's cold, she's up then she's down, she wants and she takes, she sees and she does. She's impulsive, unstable, unreliable, unpredictable unremorseful, and selfish.
All of her flaws never stood in the way of me loving her. It made me want her more, it made me love her more.
Everyone thought Alice and I were bad influences on her when really, we were just the ones that took the blame for all the impulsive, wild things that Bella did.
When she left, I didn't help the situation by getting into my own fair share of trouble.
"Yeah", I sigh and turn back onto the road. "I'll just drive.", For her I'd do back flips over the moon. For her I would do anything. For her I would be anything.
But for whatever reason, she wont allow me to be, nor will she tell me why.
I look over at her stoic face.
Come back. I silently beg.
Come back to me!