HONORABLE INTENTIONS
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Slim kept his hand on my arm as we made our way to the back of the house. My legs were shakin' something awful and it didn't make no sense to me how a man could get so weak in just a few days.
When I came out Slim was waiting. He could see I was having trouble staying on my feet and kept a guiding hand on my arm.
After being cooped up inside for so long it was good to be out in the open. There was a slight, early mornin' chill and the sky was blue as I'd ever seen it. Everything was looking fresh and clear and I wanted to stop and take it all in.
"Slim. Wait." I pulled up and he turned to look at me, frowning.
"You okay, Jess?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "Can we stop...for a minute."
"You're not gonna pass out, are you?"
"No...nothin' like that." I gave him a reassuring smile. "I...I just don't wanna go back inside. Not...right away. Can we sit for awhile?"
"Sure." He gave me a wary look. "You wanna sit on the porch?"
"Yeah."
Soon as we sat I had another coughing attack but it weren't as painful as it had been and wasn't no need to be spittin'. It was cooler in the shade under the porch and I shivered when a light breeze kicked up.
"You warm enough, Jess?" Slim asked, lookin' at me with that frown of his.
"Yeah. Plenty warm, Slim."
I hugged the coat tighter around my body and stared out into the yard. The sun was shinin' bright now to go with that clear blue sky. The air smelled of axle grease, saddle soap and horse. Gave me a strange feelin', like it was all new to me but familiar at the same time and something clenched inside my chest, an ache, but not like the coughin' ache I'd been feelin' the last few days.
"Slim? Who taught ya how to swim?"
"Huh? Where'd that come from?"
"Someone musta showed ya, you know, like Andy showed me."
"I dunno, Jess. Don't rightly remember having any lessons. Guess someone probably showed me. I was always down at the lake in the summer. I'd get in the water and help Pa move a stuck calf that wandered too far, or drive horses across a river. Feels like somethin' I could aways do."
I nodded.
We sat quiet for a few minutes. I turned my mind back to the river. What if I could a never found my way up, what if that tree weren't blockin' my path downstream, if Slim hadn't found me?
"Did ya ever think about dying, Slim? Like really dying. When it ain't gonna be all over quick, like from a bullet? When, you know...when you got time to figure out what you'd be leaving behind?"
I could feel Slim watching me, but I stared straight ahead out into the yard, seein' the chickens scratch in the dirt, the stage horses chewing on hay, standing quiet, waiting.
"Where's this coming from, Pard?" Slim asked and I could hear the concern in his voice.
"'Fore you could swim...did ya...did ya ever...go under and not know how to come up again. Thinkin' maybe you were gonna drown, that there was no way out?"
Slim moved in his chair, I could hear the rustle of his clothes, the squeak from that rusty nail I been meaning to fix.
"Has this got somethin' to do with what happened at the river the other day?"
I shivered again. "Yeah, somethin' like that."
"No Jess, can't say I ever had that happen. Leastways not that I remember." He leaned forward, resting his elbow on his knee, his chin on his hand. "They say drowning's a peaceful way to go."
I turned sharply and looked at him, "Well it ain't," I snapped and started coughing again.
Slim waited till it was over and then faced me, raising an eyebrow.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"It ain't peaceful at all, Slim. It's slow and it hurts and it gives ya time to think things through."
"Is that what happened when you were in the water?"
"Yeah, I reckon it was."
"Jess...I'm sorry...real sorry, I didn't know...didn't think it had come that close."
"It was before you got there. The current pulled me down deep and...and I couldn't find my way up and everything started closin' in on me. Never thought that'd be the way I'd go...Figured it'd be a bullet that'd take me out. It ain't the same as when you're facin' down a gun. There ain't time to think about dying then, all yer thinking about is how to get the other man 'fore he gets you." I stopped, rememberin' the feeling of bein' under water, not knowin' up from down. "Sure is different when you got time to consider things."
"How'd you make it out...to where I found you?"
"I got real mad. I thought of you and Daisy and Mike, my life here, what I was leavin' behind and I got mad as all get out and I weren't gonna let Deevy take that away from me. And then I thought how I was gonna shoot his head clean off his shoulders and ..."
Slim chuckled quietly.
"What's so funny?"
"I always knew that temper of yours would come in handy for more than just fighting. Seems it saved your life, Pard."
I smiled, too. "It wasn't my temper, Slim. It was you. What you've give me here, what we have with Mike and Daisy. And Andy. You saved me. Long before you got there with the lariat."
I stared down at my hands, plucked at a loose thread hanging off my jeans. "I wasn't ready, Slim. I wasn't ready to go." I lifted my head and looked over at my best friend.
He let out a quiet huff then leaning over he gave my shoulder a squeeze and said, "We're not ready to let you go, either, Jess." Then he smiled with that look of understanding in his eyes and I knew there weren't a need for anythin' else to be said.
"There you are, I thought I heard you two out here." Daisy came through the door carrying a cup in each hand. "I thought you boys might like some coffee."
Me and Slim looked at each other then back at Daisy. "Thanks, Daisy. You sure know how to read a man's mind," I said.
"Oh, it's not too hard, Jess. Are you warm enough, dear?" She asked, handing a cup first to me then to Slim. "Now, Slim, don't you let him overdo it."
"I'm fine, Daisy. Hardly coughin' at all." I said, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth I got the urge, but tamped down on it.
"Are you hungry, Jess?"
"Yes ma'am," I said, "Feels like I haven't eaten for a month."
"Good. Then I'll cook you both some breakfast, how does ham and eggs and hotcakes sound?"
"Sounds like maybe I should be askin' you to marry me, Daisy," I said, grinning up at her.
Daisy tsked and said, "Oh, Jess." She turned to go inside but then looked back at me, "Now, not too long out here. You're still not well enough, really, to be out of bed."
"No, Daisy, I reckon we'll be coming in soon." I said, taking a sip of my coffee. And boy it sure tasted good.
Slim and me sat, quiet, drinking our coffee just thinkin' things through. Until I started up coughin' again...and it was one of them ones that wasn't gonna quit. It was getting' real hard to breathe and Slim started hittin' me on my back and kept at it till I was able to spit somethin' up. When it was over I sat there gasping for breath and wipin' at my eyes.
"Come on Jess, we better get you back inside." He hooked a hand under my arm and pulled me up. I was gettin' that shaking feeling in my legs again, and my knees nearly folded under me when we stepped inside the ranch house.
"Oh, Jess." Daisy came hurryin' over and took hold of my other arm, both of them leading me back to bed.
"Take his boots off, Slim." Daisy said as they lowered me to the side of the bunk.
"I...ain't a cripple...I can do it." I said.
"Sure you can, Pard." Slim tugged my boots while Daisy stripped off my jacket, then they helped me lie down.
"I'm going to make you some tea before you eat breakfast, then I want you to rest. I'll call you when it's ready."
I nodded. I guess the walk across the yard had taken more out of me than I thought. My eyes slid shut and I drifted off, lying on top of the covers, this time with my clothes still on.
It was the smell of frying ham and freshly brewed coffee that eventually pulled me awake. I figured by the way the sun was lightin' the room that it must be mid mornin' some time. Takin' it real slow, I made my way to the main room.
"Jess, you're up." Daisy made her way in from the kitchen. "I was just going to wake you. How are you feeling, dear?"
"Much better, thanks, Daisy." My legs still felt weak and my chest wheezed, but not like it was before.
"Sit down and I'll get you something to eat." Daisy headed back to the kitchen while I sat at the table.
"Where's Slim?" I called out.
"Sitting out on the porch. Sleeping I think." Daisy reappeared with a plate stacked with ham, eggs and hot cakes and all thoughts of Slim immediately left my head.
I was feeling a real need to shovel the food in my mouth as fast as I could but I took my time, rememberin' what happened the last time.
Daisy fixed me some coffee and insisted I down another cup of that dad blamed awful tea. I knew better'n to argue with her so I did as I was told.
By the time I was finished eating, some of that weak feeling had left me and when I stood to take my plate to the kitchen even my knees were holding up better.
I'd just dropped my plate into the bowl of wash water when I heard the sound of a horse ridin' into the yard.
"Who do you suppose that could be?" Daisy asked, making her way to the window. "Oh, it's Sheriff Cory."
"I wonder what Mort wants?" I asked more to myself than Daisy and moved towards the door, grabbing the handle. But Daisy put her hand on my arm.
"Jess. It won't take much to start you coughing again, or get your fever up."
"I'll be fine, Daisy." I smiled at her, "You women fuss too much." And I opened the door and escaped before she could answer me.
Slim was awake and standing by the porch rail waiting for Mort to ride up.
"Slim." I said in way of greeting.
"Jess." He replied.
"What do you suppose he wants", I asked, nodding towards Mort.
"Beats me." Slim said, making his way down the step and over to the hitchin'rail.
Mort dismounted and tied his horse, openin' his saddle bag and taking somethin' out. He came towards us.
"Howdy, Slim, Jess. Well, you certainly look a lot better than when I saw you last," Mort said, looking me up and down.
"Reckon I feel better, too. What brings you out here, Mort?" I moved to stand next to Slim.
"Got some news on the reward money." He said, "And this." He handed me my gun belt.
"Where'd you find that?" I asked. Feelin' like a part of me had just been give back.
"Gladys Moore. She brought it into my office yesterday. Deevy left it on the floor at her place when he took you away."
"Well I'll be dadgummed." I said then started coughing.
Seems my lungs weren't completely right, 'cause that burning feelin' was back and I grabbed at my chest tryin' to ease the pain while I coughed long and hard. Slim and Mort grabbed an arm each and hauled me into the house and sat me down at the table. And that brought Daisy runnin' in from the kitchen.
I could hear her making accusin' noises to Slim and Mort, like it was their fault I felt like I was being torn in two.
Finally it eased off and I looked up at three worried faces frownin' down at me.
Then I buried my head in the palm of my hand waiting for my breathin' to get back to normal.
"Back to bed with you, young man." Daisy ordered.
I shook my head. "No...I wanna hear...what Mort's...got to say."
Next thing I knew Daisy was gone but didn't waste any time coming back and handing me a cup of water, telling me to drink it slowly. I did.
"Thanks, Daisy," I said, putting the empty cup on the table.
"I'll get you boys some coffee," She said, heading towards the kitchen.
"You sure you're okay, Jess?" Mort asked
"Yeah, comes on sudden like. I'll be all right." And I pulled myself up straighter in my chair.
"What did you find out about the reward money, Mort?" Slim asked, leaning forward and resting his arm on the table.
"Seems the Morgan brothers were wanted in half the territory. Cheyenne, Rock Springs, Casper and Rawlins. You got around $2000.00 coming to you, Jess. And...uh..." Mort started digging inside his shirt pocket, pulled out a wad of cash and tossed it on the table in front of me. "I believe this belongs to you."
"Deevy still had it?"
"He ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, Jess." Mort said, tipping his hat back and then pulling it down tight on his head.
"Figured that," I said.
Daisy came in with the coffee pot and two cups, filling one each for Mort and Slim.
"Daisy?" I asked, holding my cup up.
"I'm making you some tea."
"Aw, Daisy..."
"If you insist on staying up instead of resting then you'll drink more of that herbal tea. You heard what Doctor Burns said about staying in bed...and look what happened just now." She stood with one hand on her hip and the coffee pot held in front of her. Just out of my reach.
"But..."
"No buts. You'll thank me later." Then patting me on the shoulder she turned and left us to our jawing.
"Dadgum." I said.
"Who said he wasn't petticoat bossed?" Mort asked, smirking at Slim who was also grinning from ear to ear.
"It ain't that funny." I snapped at them.
"Depends on which side of the table you're sitting at, Pard." Slim took a sip of his coffee, eyes still glinting in amusement.
"Anyway, Mort," I said, changing the subject, "when do you expect the reward money will be through?"
Daisy came back to the table, carrying a cup in one hand and my sling in the other. "Jess, here, I washed your sling. You better put it back on." Placing the cup down in front of me, she reached around my neck and started tying. "You know what Doc..."
"Yeah, yeah...I know."
"You'll be glad you listened to him when you're all healed up." She straightened out the sling and held open a gap so I could slip my hand through. "There now, drink your tea and then you can have some coffee." And she turned on her heel heading back to the kitchen.
"Thanks, Daisy." I said, swiping a hand across my eyes while Slim and Mort snorted out a laugh.
"Yes, Daisy. No, Daisy." Slim mimicked.
"Why don't ya just drink your coffee, Slim. I ain't so sick I can't take you down one-handed." I said, glaring at him.
"Sure, Jess." Slim lifted his cup, still grinning.
I turned to Mort, giving Slim one last warning look, "About the reward money…."
"Tomorrow, next day at the latest. What do you want done with the bank draft?"
I looked over at Slim then back to Mort. "Thought I'd like to give some of the money to Griff's widow and Gladys. Help her to get settled back home. I know she's planning on leavin'. And...well...the rest I guess I'll put towards the ranch. 'Specially now me and Slim are laid up. We still got the chores that need doin'…fences mended, strays rounded up..."
"Jess you don't have to use your reward money on the ranch." Slim said.
"Sure I do. We're partners, remember. 'Sides, what else am I gonna spend it on?" I picked up the money Mort had got off Deevy. "I got this back, so I ain't wantin' for nothin'."
"That's a mighty fine gesture, Jess." Slim said, reaching over and squeezing my shoulder.
"It aint' nothin'." I said, running my finger around the rim of my cup.
"You gonna drink that, Jess, or just play with it?" Mort asked, getting' that twinkle back in his eye.
I looked at them both and took a long swig of the tea, then shuddered and fought back a gag. "Dadgum, this sure don't get to tastin' any better no matter how much I drink." I finished the last of it and then called out to Daisy.
"Daisy! I finished the tea, now can I have some coffee?"
"Sounds almost as whiney as Mike, don't he, Mort?" Slim was grinning at me again.
"Don't recall ever hearing Mike carry on as much as Jess does." Mort said, lifting his cup and taking another sip.
"You two gonna rag on me all day?" I asked, "Or do ya think you could find somethin' useful to do?"
Slim lost his grin and turned all serious. "It's sure good to have you back to normal, Jess. You had us real worried there for a time."
"It weren't no picnic, that's for sure." I said.
"Here you go, Jess." Daisy came to the table and filled my cup with strong black coffee.
I took a sip and sighed. "That's a mighty fine brew, thanks, Daisy."
"You're welcome, dear." Then turning to Mort and Slim she asked, "Would you boys like some more?"
Mort slugged back the last of his coffee then stood up. "No thanks, Daisy. I'll be on my way. Got young Daryl Murdoch holding the fort for me back in town…anything could be happening. Jess, you take care of yourself, if the money comes through tomorrow I'll send it out with the afternoon stage."
"Thanks, Mort," I said, getting' to my feet, but as soon as I was up the room started to spin some and I had to grab a hold of the table to steady myself.
"Jess?" I heard a chair scrape on the floor and Slim was taking hold of my arm. "You okay?"
"Yeah….yeah. Guess I got up too quick." I said, scrubbin' at my eyes.
"Sit down, I'll see Mort out." Slim pushed me back in my chair. Only sittin' wasn't stoppin' the dizziness none and I could feel myself slippin' out of the chair.
"Sli….Slim? I don't feel…so…so good."
"No kidding, Pard." Slim grabbed at my shoulder trying to haul me back. "Mort, give me a hand. I think he's going to pass out."
"Lemme….lemme lie down." My head was swimmin' all over the place and my arms and legs weren't cooperatin' none.
"Slim? What happened?" Daisy was hoverin' around now, too. "Mort, Slim, get him back on the bed."
I felt myself being pulled to my feet, my left arm draped over Mort's shoulder and Slim with his good hand tucked under my right one. I tried to help but my legs kept foldin' under me and I was more dragged than carried back to bed. I lay down and curled on my side, holdin' my head and squeezin' my eyes shut. But the spinnin' wouldn't quit and I had to work real hard to keep my breakfast where it belonged.
"Jess, what's the matter?" Daisy was sitting on the bunk next to me, working at prying my hand away from my head.
"Dizzy," I gasped out starting to shiver.
I felt Daisy's hand rest across my forehead, cool and soft. "He's burning up again." She said. "Mort, will you send the doctor out when you get back to town."
"Sure, Daisy. I'll get on my way."
"Is he going to be okay?" I could hear the worry in Slim's voice.
Daisy didn't answer.
"I'm…I'm fine, just dizzy. It'll pass," I said but kept my eyes shut and my head real still. Until my chest exploded with more coughin'. I curled tighter in a ball, huggin' my rib cage and workin' real hard not to start heavin'. The cough eased off but my head throbbed like it was gonna fall clean off my shoulders and I couldn't help groaning.
"Jess?" Daisy was still beside me.
I turned my face into the pillow, still keeping my eyes shut tight.
"Slim, do you think you can manage to bring me a bowl of water? And a cloth? Let's see if we can work on his fever while we're waiting for Doc Burns."
For the second time today my boots were being pulled from my feet by someone other than me and a blanket was making its way over my shoulders. I shivered harder and hunkered down under the cover trying to get warm.
Doc Burns didn't arrive till late evenin'. Slim and Daisy fussed about how long it took while I spent the time coughin' my insides up and shiverin' up a storm… wonderin' if I was ever gonna feel warm again.
There wasn't a lot more the doc could do for me 'cept insist I drink that dad blamed awful tea again. Gave me a dose of laudanum, said it should make me feel better… musta worked 'cause I didn't remember anything more till the next mornin'.
Daisy acted like she'd been recruited into the army… makin' sure I didn't step foot outta the bedroom for the next four days. Slim was on ablutions duty and Mike assigned to guard the door. Seems he forgot right quick about us being pards. If nothin' else I needed to get well again to untie Mike from Daisy's apron strings. I spent most of my time in bed plannin' our fishin' trip.
Reckon it took me a good four weeks 'fore I could tend my chores without aggravatin' that cough. The bed rest helped my hand heal, too. Still ached when I used it too much and if I grabbed somethin' wrong it sure gave me fits but the Doc thought it was comin' along well and should get back to normal in time.
Continued in epilogue