Damn 8 thousand word chapters. Couldn't very well cut in half again, though, now could I?
Anyways, this is indeed another way-too-long chapter. There's no way it could've been together with 29, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I think you all should enjoy it, though. The ending might make you have some... I don't know; mixed feeling, I suppose. I decided to take a chance with it, so just let me know what you think. If it's too much, then tell me.
Read the chapter and enjoy it. Shouldn't be too hard. I'm actually really pleased with how it turned out in the end. Hopefully you all are, too.
Syaoran's POV
I can't seem to fall asleep. It's a problem that I seem to be having a lot lately, and is really starting to unnerve me. The difference is that this time around there's an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. As if I didn't already have enough to deal with. Ever since I told Sakura that I have feelings for her, she's been on-edge around me. It doesn't help that all of our so-called 'friends' refuse to just leave it alone. Instead they decide to outright ask what's going on. When did people get so intrusive, anyways?
After about half an hour of absentmindedly staring at the ceiling, I give up on sleep, because laying in my bunk, listening to Takashi snore and wondering if he has a deviated septum isn't exactly what I consider soothing. I exit the cabin as quickly and quietly as the old floorboards and creaking door will allow, before heading down to the ocean.
The second my bare feet come in contact with the sand, I feel myself relax. Sitting down, I lean back and stare up at the night sky. The moon shines full and bright among the stars. There aren't many, and of all of them, a few blink in and out of existence, reminding me again of my least favorite form of transportation.
The reason for my distaste towards air travel doesn't have to do with the uncomfortable and far too cramped seating, or even the tedious security, as annoying as all of that may be. No, the reason I hate it is because every time I'm in that airplane, I have to look out the window at the Pacific Ocean thousands of feet below and remember that I don't have just one home. That alone has never bothered me much, though. What bothers me is the seventeen hundred miles between them. They aren't so much as on the same land mass.
After spending most of my life like this, one might think I'm used to it being that way. I am, of course, but as I've gotten older, I'm also forced to come to terms with the fact that when the time comes, I'll be forced to choose where I'm going to spend the rest of my adult life. Hong Kong is where my family and the company are; I have a responsibility to be there so that I can support my mother and sisters. But to do that would mean leaving my life in Japan behind. It's an inevitable reality that I'm not ready for, even with my graduation just a few months away.
"Li-kun?"
I blink at the sound of my own name. Usually I'm able to pick up on when there's someone approaching me from behind, but this time, I was so deep in thought that it took the person actually speaking to catch my attention.
I recognize the voice, but as I turn back to look at her, I'm still a bit surprised by who I find.
"Daidouji, I didn't hear you. What are you doing out this late?"
I watch the violet eyed girl survey her surroundings. "You haven't seen Sakura out here, have you?"
"No. Why? Is she missing?"
"Well..." Daidouji shifts uncomfortably, a worried look on her face. "It's not that she's missing per-say; she left the cabin a while ago to go for a walk. It's only been fifteen minutes, but–I don't know, really. I've just have this bad feeling ever since she left the cabin. I'm sure it's nothing and she's fine, but..." Daidouji trails off for a moment, then snaps out of it, shaking her head. "Never mind. Anyways, what are you still doing out here, Li? It's getting chillier out by the minute."
"Couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd get some fresh air."
"Oh," is all she says.
She doesn't turn to go or say anything, so I decide to ask, "Do you want me help you look?"
"Oh, no. It's fine. I know I'm being ridiculous."
"Are you sure? If it'll put your mind at ease, I really don't mind."
"Thank you, Li-kun, but I'm sure I'll find her soon, and when I do, I don't want her to think I was freaking out for nothing. I'll just go swing by the main building next. She probably stopped there to sit by the fire. Sorry for bothering you."
"Don't be. And if you still can't find her after checking the main building, come get me. Even if it is nothing, she shouldn't be wandering around so late to begin with."
Daidouji nods and turns to go. Now deep in thought, I gaze out at the ocean again.
Daidouji is a very perceptive person. At times it's almost as if she's psychic. Still, I have a hard time believing Sakura would be daft enough to put herself in a situation that would potentially get her in trouble, even if she can be a bit too thoughtless at times.
I sigh, and my eyes follow the nearly invisible horizon line from where the full moon shines down, casting its reflection upon the ocean waves, all the way to the way to the flat plain of rocks that extend off the shore. Then something catches my eye. In the night that's so dark, I can scarcely differentiate the ocean from the sky, there's a speck of light at the tip of the rocks. Squinting, I can just barely make out the outline of a person as they turn, casting the beam of light away.
What in the world? I think, frowning.
And then I don't have time to question it anymore. Before I can finish drawing in a breath, my lungs stop working.
All I can do is watch the light abruptly change directions, darting to and fro along the wall of stone. Then there's the shrill cry that barely reaches my ears, but has me on my feet before I can ever register as the outline continues to slip and descend upon the crashing waves beneath it.
"No." My mind hasn't even thought up the possibility by time the word is out my mouth.
"Daidouji," I call over my shoulder. She looks back at me, startled. "Go get a teacher. Now!"
The frightened girl doesn't even waste a second to question my urgent words. Even if she did, I'm too far gone to hear her.
My feet pound mercilessly against the grains of sand beneath them.
Please, please. Please, don't let it be her.
Daidouji's words echo through my mind. She left the cabin a while ago to go for a walk.
It can't be, though. If something happened to Sakura, I don't know what I would...
I just have this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm sure it's nothing, and she's fine, but...
My legs move on their own, carrying me toward the rocks. Feet pound violently against the wet sand. My eyes never once leave the spot the person vanished. I can see them thrashing vigorously against the current, but the waves push them back under.
"Help!" The cry reaches my ears just as my bare foot hits the rock with a loud smack. I pull my t-shirt over my head and throw it aside as I go. Panic seethes through me. That voice… Suddenly the person is gone completely, dragged back down by the relentless waves.
Every single movement seems drag on forever: every second that passes, every step I take...
The water breaks around me and envelopes me in a bone-chilling embrace. Fully submerged, I swim downwards, reaching out to find something–anything. My hands are searching wildly when they finally make contact. Immediately, I wrap my fingers around the cloth in my hand and pull it close. Sure enough, when my other hand comes in contact, it meets human skin.
I wrap my arms around the person and pull them close before kicking back to the surface. The second my head is above the water, I'm gasping for air. The lifeless body in my arms lurches backward. Then my eyes land on the person's face and I feel my heart stop.
Sakura.
Her jaw hangs slack, mouth partly open. Strands of auburn hair stick to her face.
I'm too stunned to move for a second. Then the rough current pulls me back to reality.
The current fights to pull us farther out to sea. Each stroke feels like a never-ending effort to reach salvation. The rocks look just a few yards away, but the distance never seems to lessen. If anything, it feels even greater.
Everything feels wrong. My body doesn't feel like my own. I feel violently sick. The need to scream at the world leaves my body trembling, and my entire being aches for the one in its arms, so close physically, yet it's never felt farther away.
It feels like an eternity has passed by the time I finally feel the cold stone beneath the palm of my hand. With one strained movement, I haul both of our bodies onto the side of the rock. For a moment all I'm able to do is push myself onto my back and gasp for air. As I turn my head to the side, though, I forget about everything else except for the girl next to me who isn't moving.
I curse as I shove myself to my feet and grab Sakura under the arms to drag her the rest of the way ashore. A moment later, I'm dropping to my knees beside her. Hovering closely over her, I listen for her breath.
Nothing.
My heart seems to stop then. "No..."
Trembling, I bring my hands up and rest them in the center of her chest. "This isn't happening," I murmur to myself, pressing down on her chest. My mind races. I can't so much as think straight. How many compressions was it? Thirty?
I try to count. I try to focus on the medical treatment I've learned. More than anything, I try not to think about who the person I'm giving CPR to is. But I can't. Every time I try, I look up again only to find the pale, lifeless face of my best friend laying on the cold rocks beneath us.
I don't know how many I've done when I stop. Pulling my hands away from her chest, I move closer to her face. First I slip a hand under her head to angle it, and then I pinch her nose. I don't even have time to hesitate or think about it before bringing my head down. One long inhale, and I bring my mouth over hers. Then I breath out through my mouth and repeat.
Afterwards, I lift myself up and position my hands in the center of her chest once more. Before I can continue, though, strange noises draw my attention away from the task at hand.
Standing a few feet away, with her pale hands clutching her horrified face, stands Sakura's best friend. Frightening gasping sounds escape her gaping mouth. It's a strangled cry that makes my entire body stiffen. She gasps for air like she's in a room with the oxygen rapidly seeping out. Then she emits a loud, high, and grief-stricken scream. With it, everything else seems to stop. The sounds of the ocean cease, and the air around us stills to a halt.
Once it's over, the hysterical girl goes crumbling to the ground, caught mere seconds before hitting it. Terada keeps a firm grip on her arms to prevent her from slipping.
It pains me to watch as she struggles against him, fighting to get closer to the girl just barely alive before me.
From behind them, Ms. Mizuki comes running towards us. "I'll take over from here, Li."
Relieved by her presence, I pull away so that she can take over.
"How long were you doing this before we got here?" Mizuki doesn't look up as she speaks.
I have to compose myself before responding. "Not long; I only got through one set."
Mizuki nods, gives Sakura two breaths, and returns to the chest compressions.
Right then, a new voice joins the commotion. "Tomoyo!" I force my eyes away from Sakura again to see Eriol running towards us with Takashi hot on his heels.
"One of you call an ambulance. Now." Mizuki's words are stern and commanding.
Terada complies without a moment's hesitation, letting Eriol take over calming the frantic girl in his arms.
A few feet away, Takashi takes less than a second to assess the situation, and steps up behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder. It's meant to comfort me, but I can practically feel him holding his breath.
I watch Sakura's face as water starts to trickle from between her lips. My body continues to shudder, and I reach out to take one of her cold, limp hands between my own. "Don't you dare leave me." I clutch her hand tighter, holding it close.
Seconds tick by, and again, I hear more voices. They all buzz in my ears, making it impossible to think. Takashi's hand vanishes.
"What's going on? Takashi... Who is that? Why-why isn't she... Takashi. Let go! Let go of me, Takashi! Stop... Sakura!"
More voices.
More sobs.
More panic.
More chaos.
And all the while, Sakura continues to lay unmoving on the rock, water trickling from her lips.
"Don't do this to me..." I whisper to her, squeezing my eyes shut and holding her hand to my face. "Please..."
Then I feel it. Like the answer to my pleas, the slightest movement comes from between my clasped hands. It's so faint that I almost think I imagined it, but when I look up I feel it again. This time it clamps down around my hand so tightly that I think my blood circulation will be cut off.
In front of me, Ms. Mizuki pulls her hands away as Sakura's face contorts in pain.
In a flash, she's coughing up water. I can practically feel the collective sigh that befalls the group of people surrounding the event.
I can't decide what to feel as I accept that Sakura is, in fact, breathing again. Her hand grasps mine as if it's a lifeline, and I realize that up until this point, it was me clinging to her for that same assurance.
"Sakura..."
Her actions startle me as she reaches out and grabs my arm to support herself. I help her stay up by holding my arm out for her to lean against and taking hold of her upper arm. She continues to cough for a while, her grip on my arm tight as iron. When she finally stops, she fall sideways, collapsing against me.
Everything is quiet then. Nobody says anything, but everyone watches as Sakura rests her head against my chest and breaths strangled gasps. Releasing my grip on her hand, I pull her tightly into my arms, not sure if I should dare myself to believe it. Believe that she's truly alright. There's no denying that the girl in my arms is alive, though. Not when her arms wind around my bare torso and her fingers dig painfully into the exposed skin of my back. It's a welcomed pain, though. A sign of life.
In the distance I can faintly make out the sound of sirens growing nearer and nearer. I try to ignore them, not wanting this moment to end. Not wanting to let go of what's in front of me. But as Mizuki's hand touches my shoulder, I know I have to let her go. Still, my grip tightens.
"Li," the woman's voice is soft and reassuring. "You can't carry her back on your own. She's going to be fine, I promise."
I know she's right, but it isn't until I've handed Sakura off to Terada and risen to my own feet that I realize to just what extent. Almost immediately, my knees give out beneath me. Takashi grabs my arm and pulls it over his shoulder before I can try again, which I'm thankful for, because my entire body suddenly feels stiff and weak. Be it from the cold winter air after the dip in the ocean, the overdrive of emotions, or a mix of both, every part of my body feels like it's frozen over.
"Thanks."
"Just take it easy, alright? If you don't catch hypothermia, you're guaranteed to keel over from exhaustion in your current state."
I decide to ignore him. The others part to make way for Terada as he hastily carries Sakura back towards shore. Mizuki follows close behind, giving the rest of us orders as we go.
"Sasaki, I need you, Mihara, and Yanagisawa to go fetch as many blankets as you can from your room and a spare change of clothes for Sakura. Hiiragizawa, you find a dry shirt and pair of pants for Li before he freezes. Yamazaki, watch over Li for now, and Daidouji, you come with me. Are we all clear?"
A few nod, but most just gawk at her before dispersing once we've reached the resort.
Everything following just gives me a sense of dread. The ambulance arrives and takes Sakura away before I have time to fully recover from my stiffness, and the rest of us are left to pack into one single vehicle and ride the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. The only upside to us getting there is that they decide to examine me to make sure my vitals are in check and they do so in Sakura's room. The others wait somewhere else in the hospital while I sit down beside Sakura, lock my fingers with hers, and allow the nurses to come and go from the room, checking both of us to see if there are any changes in our conditions. Sakura remains unconscious throughout the entire thing whilst I watch her.
I feel a mixture of things as I sit beside her. Part of me, of course, is relieved that she is alive; however, another, much darker part plays the nights events over and over again within me.
What was she even doing out in the first place? What was she thinking by going so close to the water? Did she not think it was dangerous? Could she really be that dense?
It doesn't help when the more personal and selfish thoughts plague me.
What would I do if she had died today? She's the one person on this earth that I don't think I could ever live without. I want to protect her and treasure her, so how is it that she almost died right in front of me? I can't protect her from herself, but what will I do if I can't even save her afterwards?
The questions all begin to blur together eventually, and when my body eventually gives way to much-needed sleep, I'm not sure if I should be thankful or fearful of the dreams to come.
Sakura's POV
When I wake up, the first thing I think of is water. Ironic, really, seeing as I almost drowned in the accursed liquid, but with my mouth dry and tongue with the consistency of sandpaper, all I can think about is how soothing a nice glass of water would be.
As my mind tries to recall the taste of ice water, I try to move my jaw. It stays stiff against my will at first, like a box with rusty hinges, but after using more pressure, it snaps closed, so that my teeth meet with a biting sound. I try to swallow next, which turns out to be a big mistake. If I thought my mouth was like a desert before, then Sahara must be the name of a lake.
After a few suppressed coughs, I manage to pry my eyes open. Immediately, I wince and squeeze the shut once more, blinded by the piercing white walls that surround me. In my mind I try to reply the events that led up to this. It all comes back to me easily once I stop to recall it, but the memories hit me like a ton of bricks.
The ocean. The pain. The sobs of relief as I experienced the terrifying sensation of not being able to breath for the second time in one night. After that, everything is a surreal blur. I can vaguely recall clinging to someone and seeing familiar faces all staring at me with a mixture of worry and tentative optimism. Then, all too soon, the person holding me let go, and suddenly everything was cold. Even as another pair of arms lifted me up and carried me away to somewhere warm, the only true source of heat had vanished and I was left with a sense of loneliness.
There must have been an ambulance that came soon after, because I can remember the hands of paramedics as they went through some of the things a doctor would: taking my temperature, blood pressure, shining a light into my eyes (an action that now seems strange as I was perfectly conscious when they did it), even looking into my mouth. I don't remember much after that point, though, as I likely fell asleep again.
That all would explain the brightness, though. Almost experimentally, I dare to crack open my lids a second time. I have to blink a few times, but my eyes adjust until I'm staring at a wall that is not white as I had thought, but a bright shade of creamy off-white. For a while, all I do is stare at it. Then movement in my peripheral makes me jump a little and snap my head to the right.
Recognizing the face immediately, I relax into the bed and just stare at him for a while.
Syaoran sleeps soundly in a cushioned recliner at the side of my bed with his elbow resting on the arm of the chair to support his head. He has a blanket wrapped loosely around his shoulders and a shirt on that is way too white to be his. His chest rises and falls evenly and when I listen hard enough, I can faintly make out the sound of his breathing. My heart does a little skip as my eyes trace over the many contours of his face. Despite his otherwise peaceful demeanor, his mouth turns slightly down and his brows twitch together like he's having an unpleasant dream.
Without thinking, I start to lift my hand to reach out and touch him, but am met with resistance. Looking down, I realize for the first time that I'm holding someone's hand. Trailing my eyes up until they reach Syaoran's body and then back down again, I finally take note of how warm my hand is compared to the rest of my body. Our fingers intertwine in a comfortable grasp, and I can't help but blush at the thought that Syaoran was the one who must have done it.
Tightening my grip slightly, I reach across my body with my free hand and touch Syaoran's cheek with the tips of my fingers. His face twitches slightly and if I weren't so dehydrated, I would probably laugh. Curious to see how far I can get before he wakes, I bring a finger to the corner of his lips, and gently encourage the skin upwards, rather than down. He twitches again, only this time he also pulls our hands up a bit which makes me jump a little. Quickly recovering, I decide I've probably tortured him enough, so I lower my hand and try to call out to him. The best I can do is an incoherent mush of different sounds, though. Pain shoots though my throat again, and I decide to just tighten my grip on his hand and tug him a few times.
A grumbling sound comes from beside me, and I watch as Syaoran starts to lift his face from his palm and open his eyes. It's a sight that I find to be endearing to the point that my lips start to hurt from smiling too wide. It takes him a few seconds to fully come-to, but as his eyes meet mine, he wakes right up.
"You're awake. Sorry, I must've fallen asleep." He straightens in his seat and glances down at where our hands are intertwined. I don't know what I expect him to do, but when he carefully slips his fingers out of mine and rises to his feet, a wave of confusion and sadness washes over me. All I can do is watch as he turns away from me and reaches for something beside my bed.
Again, I try to speak his name, but my voice fails me.
"Don't try to say anything," Syaoran commands, facing me again and holding out a small plastic cup for me. "Drink this."
Looking from him to the cup, I reach up and gratefully take the cup. First I take a few small sips, and once I can feel it doesn't burn, I down the rest of the contents.
Syaoran looks satisfied, taking the cup from me and filling it up once more. This time when I've started drinking again, he turns and heads for the door. Immediately, I call out to him.
"Syaoran." This time my voice comes out, but the sound is raspy and strained.
He pauses at the door, his hand resting on the handle when he turns to face me again. It's the look on his face that concerns me next. Although he meets my eyes, there's a certain distance in his gaze, as if he has up a guard. Even his posture seems stiff, and when he speaks, it's apparent that he's doing it with a certain level of self-control he doesn't use unless he's trying to keep himself from saying something he doesn't want to.
"I'm just going to get a nurse and tell the others you're awake. I'll be back in a little while."
Then he swiftly slips through the door before I have time to protest. An unpleasant feeling settles itself at the pit of my stomach as I watch the door slowly close behind him. Looking down, I stare at the half empty cup in my hands.
The nurse comes in a few minutes later to ask me some questions and explain to me what exactly is going on. I listen and nod, but my mind always manages to stray back to Syaoran and when he's going to be back.
Is he mad at me? Why would he be, though?
I'm pulled from my thoughts when the door to my room slowly opens. My heart almost leaps though my throat in anticipation, but when the face appears in the doorway peering hesitantly inward, it's not a pair of amber eyes that I'm met with. Nonetheless, a warm feeling passes over me as the door abruptly swings the rest of the way open and the person on the other side comes sprinting across the room into my arms.
"Sakura! Oh, thank goodness you're finally awake. I was so scared when Li pulled you out, and then when we finally all got here, they told us you were unconscious!" Tomoyo finally pulls away from me so that she can see my face. Guilt washes over me as tears prick the corners of her eyes. "Don't ever do anything that careless again, do you hear me?"
I manage a stiff nod, to which Tomoyo just shakes her head and collapses against me again. On the other side of the bed, the nurse rises to her feet, smiles softly at us and exits the room.
"You scared me half to death, you know that, Sakura?"
"I know," I whisper lowly, pressing my face into her shoulder.
"And everyone else, too. We were all worried. They're all waiting in the lobby."
"How long?"
"Two hours. Maybe more."
"Should've waited at the resort. I'm fine, really."
Tomoyo pulls away from me. "None of us were about to leave you after what happened, Sakura. You almost..." She can't quite get the words out, which I'm thankful for. Even though I know what happened, I'm not ready to hear it said out loud. "Anyways, you should be thanking Li-kun and Mizuki-sensei. You wouldn't be here now if not for them."
"Syaoran?"
"Didn't I already tell you? He's the one who saw you and pulled you out. Even gave you CPR until Mizuki-sensei arrived. It was terrifying, really. I don't know how else to put it. He almost looked like he was going to be sick at first. Then, as more time passed, I thought he might just break down. He was holding your hand the entire time, saying something to you."
The warmth in my hand. The same warmth that I felt just moments ago when Syaoran's fingers were still intertwined with mine...
Tomoyo glances around the small room. "Speaking of Li-kun, I thought he was in here with you. They looked him over and let him stay with you even though the rest of us had to wait in the lobby."
I shake my head and cast a glance in the direction of the chair Syaoran was sitting in when I first woke up. "He was here, but then he left to get the nurse."
"Oh." Tomoyo nods understanding and then proceeds to study my face. "Did something happen?"
"No, not really. Well, maybe. I'm not sure. He was acting strange, though. All distant and serious."
"Really? You mean he didn't hug you and tell you how glad he was that you're alright?"
"No, none of that." In fact, he actually went out of his way to separate our hands.
"Well that's odd. Maybe he just need some time. After everything that's happened tonight, I can't say I blame him."
This answer doesn't satisfy me in the slightest, but before I can ask her to go on, the door opens again, this time to reveal the person I had initially been hoping to see on the other side.
"Sorry, is this a bad time?"
"No, not at all. What is it, Li-kun?" Tomoyo rises from the bed as Syaoran steps into the room.
"I let the others know you were awake," he says to me, then looks back at Tomoyo again. "Terada is going to talk to the receptionist about when we can leave, but it'll probably be soon. Also, Mizuki wanted me to come find you. She figured you would try to sneak in here sooner or later. Do you want me to go let her know where you are."
A bright shade of pink spreads across Tomoyo's face. "No, I'll go talk to her. Sakura, do you mind if I go?"
I shake my head. "Tell the others I'm alright, though."
"I will," she promises. "Keep her company for me?"
Syaoran nods and makes way for her. Once she's gone, he closes the door quietly and crosses the room. Not once does he say anything or meet my gaze as he makes his way to the chair and pulls it farther away from my bed before sitting down in it. It makes my chest ache to watch him act so distant towards me.
"Syaoran..."
"How are you feeling?"
Startled by the abrupt question, I stumble over my answer. "Alright, I guess."
"Good."
He doesn't show any sign of continuing, so I dare to speak again. "Please look at me."
It takes him a second to comply, and I take note of how he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes briefly in that second. His face remains calm and emotionless as his eyes meet mine.
"Are you mad at me?" My voice is a whisper, unsure of what to expect in response.
Syaoran studies me for a while. "Why would you ask that?"
"The way you're looking at me. Talking to me, too."
"Am I doing something unusual?"
"You are! Don't act like you aren't meaning to. Ever since I woke up, you've been acting strange."
"How exactly, if you don't mind me asking?"
I gape at him momentarily before pulling myself together. "Well, for one, you haven't called me by my name once since I woke up. It's not just that, though. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just thought... After what happened, I assumed you might be a little more, I don't know, happy to see me. But so far, you just feel distant."
"So you assume I'm mad at you?"
"It's the only explanation I can come up with. If I'm wrong, then I'm sorry, but if I'm right, will you please at least talk to me about it?"
Syaoran's eyes watch me for another moment before he turns away. "There's nothing for us to talk about. I'm glad you're alright, and that's all that matters."
"Syaoran..."
"Don't. Just don't. It's been a long enough night as it is. Now just rest until they decide if they're going to discharge you."
"I don't want to rest, Syaoran. I want to know what's bothering you, because whatever it is, it's bothering me now, too."
Another long moment passes before Syaoran finally sighs and turns to me again. "Look, we've been through enough for one day without me getting irritated and yelling at you, so can we please just not get into this right now?"
"No, we can't just not get into it right now. If you want to yell at me, then alright, yell at me, but please don't do what I did to you. Don't shut me out under the assumption that I won't understand."
He shakes his head, propping an elbow up on the arm of the chair to run a hand through his hair. "This and that are entirely different things."
"How so?" I challenge.
"Well, for starters, one of us hadn't almost died back then." His tone is laced with venom, and I start to understand.
"So this is about earlier," I state.
He shoots me a dark look, and I flinch away. "Of course it's about 'earlier'."
"Is it because I made everyone worry? Or because I stupidly went wandering off late at night?" My voice starts to rise as the words come tumbling out. "If it is, then I know how idiotic it was. I shouldn't have even been out there, let alone by the water-"
"You're right, you shouldn't have," he says, abruptly cutting me off in a harsh tone. "But you were, nonetheless, and look where we are now."
I frown at this. "Yeah, I got it, alright."
"Have you?" He raises both eyebrows at me in a way that quickly has me feeling undermined. "Because I'm pretty sure from the way you're shrugging it off as if it's nothing that you haven't quite put it all together. You seem to have forgotten, but you almost died less than three hours ago!"
The words are like a slap to the face. They leave me reeling afterwards, trying to maintain control. "Is that really all that's bothering you? That I'm too calm?"
"No, Sakura, it's not. It does piss me off, though, especially considering all of the grief you've caused."
"Well, excuse me for that. I assure you, I wasn't overly fond of it, either. But, hey, you don't seem too torn apart because of it, so at least I didn't cause too much grief, right?"
The second the words are out of my mouth, I'm regretting them. At first he just sits there, gawking at me almost in disgust. Then he turns away, running a hand over his mouth and rises to his feet, pacing across the room. It's then that I recall the words Tomoyo spoke to me earlier.
He almost looked like he was going to be sick at first. Then the more time that passed, I thought he might just break down. He was holding your hand the entire time saying something to you.
"So that's how it is?" The sound of his voice snaps me back to the present, and all I can to is stare at his back in horror while he speaks. "You think I don't care."
No, I want to say. I know he cares. I know because I've clearly hurt him. The way his voice sounds so deeply offended, yet still heart-wrenchingly pained makes it painfully apparent. My voice fails me, though, and instead of speaking, I swing my legs over the side of the bed until my bare feet touch the cold tile.
"But of course. That only makes the most sense, right? After all, it's not like you're my friend or anything." His words are like a knife to the chest. I press a fist close over my heart as I reach the end of the bed and stop a few feet from him. He keeps going, though, this time turning to face me as he speaks.
"Oh no, we aren't friends at all. In fact, I don't even know what I'm doing here. Perhaps I'm simply here because I happened to stumble across somebody daft enough to nearly drown in the middle of the night, and I happened to be the one to pull her out of the water before her heart stopped beating. Yes, that must be it. There's no other explanation. Because were I her friend, and especially if I'd had feelings for her-imagine the horror then! I would have undoubtedly had a near heart attack upon realizing just who it was I had pulled out of the water. Shall I continue, or have you had enough?"
He actually stops then to raise his eyebrows questioningly at me. I'm not amused in the slightest by his sarcasm, though. I glare up at him through misty eyes and fight the urge to reach up and slap him hard across the face. Still, I hold back, because despite all of his cruel sarcasm, I can see the desperation in his eyes.
"Are you done?"
"No," he says, dropping the sarcastic undertone. "I'm not, because what you don't seem to understand is exactly what you did to me today. I pulled your lifeless body out of the ocean today, Sakura! I had to perform CPR on you, all the while not knowing if you were even still alive. For me, Sakura, I watched the girl I love almost die right in front of me while I was still trying to save her."
Syaoran's words shake me to the core and I find myself trembling and forcing my head down, tears threatening to fall from my eyes and hands tightly grasping the side of the bed. He doesn't stop, though.
"And had you died–had you never woken up, do you know what I kept thinking? If you had died right there, right beneath me while I tried to save you, I would've spent the rest of my life knowing that I couldn't protect you. That I couldn't save you. And I'd always have to wonder 'what if'. What if it had happened just a little differently? Would she still be here? Would she be sitting here next to me rather than in a grave as cold as the waters she drowned in?"
"Stop it!" A storm of unpleasant emotions seeps through me, and my heart clenches. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing out the buildup of tears. "Just stop already! I get it, alright? I was scared, too, you know!" I yell as loudly as my gasping lungs will allow, my body feeling completely out of my control as it trembles. "I thought I was going to die! I thought I was dead! I didn't think I'd ever see my family again. My friends. It terrified me. It still does! I almost died! I'd never have gotten to see anyone again! I'd never get to see you again! I didn't even get to say goodbye. Or thank you. Or tell you that I never want you to leave me, no matter how selfish it may be, because I know I can't ask that of you. It's selfish and greedy, but I just... I can't-"
"Sakura?"
What... At the shock on Syaoran's face, I scarcely have time to recall what I've just said. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Silence envelops the air around us. I don't mean to, but my eyes trail downward. Something comes over me at that moment, making my entire body almost ache to be closer to the warm, protective figure before me. I want to wrap my arms around him and entangle my fingers in his hair. To press my body to his and tell him that I love him. That I want to spend the rest of my life in his arms feeling warm, loved, protected, and utterly at home.
Then, with a foreign sense of courage and spontaneity, I'm sent lunging forward. Maybe it's the fact that I underwent a near death experience, or it could be a delayed response to all of the things Syaoran has said to me over these past few days that always leave me feeling both loved and lonely. Then again, perhaps it's just because of how utterly tired I am of all this. I don't know; nor do I really care, because whatever it is, it has me dragging Syaoran's face down to mine and crashing my lips clumsily against his. It's an unskilled and rushed movement that, while sloppy, feels so right that I find my body moving on its own press farther into the one in front of me.
It doesn't take long for Syaoran to react. It occurs to me that maybe it isn't just me who can feel this strange need. For all I know, it could be fogging up his judgment as it may or may not be doing with my own. None of it seems to matter anymore, though. We're all that's left. Just two people in love, both equally terrified of losing the other. So we allow the intoxicating feeling of need and passion to monopolize our bodies until we're all but falling into each other.
I don't know how long we kiss for. The only thing in my mind is the feeling of Syaoran's lips against mine and how perfectly they seem to mold against each other as Syaoran carefully inclines my head to bring our lips moving in a perfect unison, despite my own lack of experience.
We kiss feverishly, as if it's the first and last time we'll ever get to experience the touch of the other. One of Syaoran's hands carelessly slips inside the gown, causing my breath to hitch slightly as his fingers run along my bare spine. Soon enough, though, I melt into the touch until he settles the hand on the inward curve of my lower back. I, in turn, snake my arms around his neck and clutch his shirt with one hand while the other eagerly runs though his tousled yet pleasantly soft locks.
It's a mixture of pulling his frame closer to mine and pushing my own forward until we're pressed flush against each other that results in me dragging him down with me when I fall back onto the bed behind me. I lose the feeling of his warmth then. Our lips never part for more than a second, but his body loses contact with my own when my back meets the cushioned surface. Instead, it hovers over me, dominant yet protective. Were it anyone else, I would undoubtedly be terrified and struggling to be let up, but with Syaoran I feel safe, like nothing in the world could possibly hurt me as long as he's here.
My thoughts start to feel far-off as I register the knee beside my thigh and the arm beside my head, both keeping Syaoran's frame braced against the bed. His fingers twine with some of my hair and lightly graze my scalp while I let my own hands stray to his strong, sturdy back.
His lips finally stray from my own then. He doesn't pull away, but dips lower and sends a shiver and a gasp over my being when his lips tenderly kiss my neck a short ways down from my ear. All I can do is clutch desperately at his upper arms as he plants light kisses along my neck.
"S-Syaoran." I breathlessly gasp out his name. I'm putty in his hands even as he pauses his assault on my neck to lift himself up once more, this time not to immediately claim my lips once more. Instead, he looms above me and meets my gaze for the first time. His pupils are dilated, and for the first time, he actually looks both flushed and out of breath.
For the briefest second, something flashes across his face, and I half expect him to pull back and withdraw from me, never to touch me again, let alone ravish me with kisses. What exactly it is, or why it appears are both things I can't decide. He doesn't move, though. He doesn't swoop down again to suppress the sudden sense of dread building up deep within me.
I never get the chance to find out if he really will pull back, though. The two people outside the room make sure of that as the door swings open. I don't see them as they assess the scene in front of them, because not once do I allow my eyes to stray from Syaoran's. There's a treacherously long pause then, in which nobody moves or says anything, too shocked to react. But, given the situation, Terada is still the first in motion.
"Li! Get off of Kinomoto. This is a hospital, not a hotel," he snaps.
Syaoran is pulling away even before Terada has finished speaking. His movements are stiff as he rises back to his feet and takes a few staggered steps away from the me. I push myself upright, legs dangling off the end of the bed. Not once do Syaoran's distraught eyes stray from my own.
"I understand that you two have both been through a lot today, and your judgment might be a bit... clouded, but-"
Syaoran breaks the connection between us as the words sink in. He barely glances at Terada or the nurse on his way out the door.
"Li!" The man doesn't try to stop him, though. Instead, he shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Teens these days," he grumbles under his breath before turning to me again.
"Ms. Mizuki is filling out the paperwork for your discharge now, so you need to get ready to go."
I frown, still feeling dazed and lightheaded. "Get ready?"
He nods down at the hospital gown. "You can't wear that out of here." He holds out a stack of cloths to me that I didn't even realize he was carrying. I take it from him and glance it over to find some of the cloths I packed for the trip. "Mizuki had the girls grab you some clothes before we all left."
"Thanks."
Terada nods again and makes his way to the door. "I'll be outside. Come out once you're done and we can head to the lobby. Also, I spoke with your father over the phone, and he's having your brother come down to pick you up early."
Oh, please tell me he's lying. Unfortunately for me, his face remains serious, and I am forced to come to terms with my impending death sentence. Touya's never going to let this go. Then again, that's the least of my worries right now.
As Terada follows the nurse out, I realize that for the first time since I got to this dreaded hospital, I'm finally alone. Part of me is grateful for the peace and quite.
Another wishes nothing more than for it to finally be over, because in the isolation, I find my thoughts drifting to things I'm not ready to face yet.
It's these darn kiss chapters, I swear. They're the two longest. Last one was like 7.8k, and this one is even worse at exactly 8,045 words in my document. Not the point, though.
I really need feedback for this chapter. Like, more than usual. I didn't do a full edit of this chapter, and don't intend to until I get people telling me what they think. If the 'kiss' scene seemed too intense, tell me. It's meant to seem like they're getting caught up in the moment and not caring about anything else, so I'm not going to outright take the entire thing out no matter what, but I thought that maybe the audience would be more comfortable with it if it weren't so intense in terms of suggestive themes. I actually used Terada to try and add some comic relief afterwards. Hopefully that worked...
Also, thoughts on the first part: Syaoran's POV. In terms of flow, what did you all think? The beginning part was something I'd written over and over again in both points of view where Sakura woke up at different times and the people there were different. I went with this version, though, and with the way the chapter unfolds, I feel like it fits well, but I want to know if you all thought it moved too fast, or if maybe I should go back and add more detail or emotion.
I guess what I'm basically saying is for you guys to review, because I've put a lot into this chapter.
Barely started the next chapter, though. Have a beginning and end, but I have since planned out everything that happens from now until the end of the story, so I've gotta change some stuff to match that.
Remember: You don't need an account to review.
And Happy Presidents Day. Unless you don't live in the states, so you don't have the holiday. In that case... Well... Happy Monday(?). Happy belated Valentines Day to everybody, though.