Maybe He's Born With It
Chapter Two
Author's Note: Well I don't know why I said it was a one shot when I immediately got ideas for a second chapter for this as soon as I finished the first. Apparently I wasn't the only one who wanted this continued. I have no idea how many chapters this will have, probably at least five.
I had way too much fun writing this chapter.
Duo stares at the clothes that are currently on top of Heero's duvet, fingers pulling at what hair he has left of what he used to call his goatee as he watches Heero sort through the pile, classifying things by length and colour.
"I thought I told you to shave that thing off weeks ago," Heero says after observing several reddish hairs fall onto one of the darker coloured dresses. He brushes it off and onto the floor.
"Why? There's nothin' wrong with my goatee."
"You do realise most women don't have goatees… Right?"
Duo sits on the bed, the skirt of one of the dresses under him.
"I'm sure there are some women who wear goatees or beards or some shit, 'Ro. Don't body shame."
Heero stops mid-shifting a dress to a different pile to give him a look and say, "I'm not body shaming." He drops the dress on top of the nearest pile. "I said 'most' women."
"So then why can't I sport a fashionable as hell goatee?"
"Because," Heero says, as he tries to figure out what pile to put an ombre patterned dress on. "We're supposed to be Dirtside aristocratic women heading off to a ball. From what Relena's told me and what I've seen online, even the women who sport beards and such shave or wax it off before a big social event."
"Ain't as progressive as the Colonies then." Duo lays on the bed, stretching out his legs as he rests his head on his arms. "Up here they don't give one single fuck."
"You knew that." Heero tugs on a dress, the skirt of which is under his roommate's backside. "Do you mind getting off the bed so you're not in my way?"
Duo sits up and shifts so Heero can remove the glittery skirt out from under him. Duo wrinkles his nose at the huge swathes of glitter now on the back part of his black jeans.
"Did Relena get us anything without sparkles?"
"I don't know," Heero confesses. "I haven't seen all of what she brought."
"'Brought'?" Duo asks. Heero's phone goes off and he thumbs off a response before he leaves the room, returning a few moments later with a large, overstuffed brown paper shopping bag, Relena not too far behind with one even larger. Duo groans.
"Oh hush," Relena says. "It's not that bad. It's for one night."
"Yeah, so meanwhile I get to endure this special type of hell for a few months before we get to that 'one night'." Duo folds his arms over his chest as Heero unloads the new bags and Relena excuses herself for "the last of the load."
"She brought this stuff? From where?"
Heero shrugs as he sorts the new additions onto existing piles. "I assume these are all from her personal collection of clothing."
"Relena owns all'a this?" He sweeps his arms over all the bags and dresses.
"She has to have a dress for every event, occasion, function, and then some," Heero responds.
"I guess so," Duo grumbles.
Heero holds up a black dress with nary a hint of shimmer on it.
"Look, no sparkles."
"That's 'cause it's all over your clothes," Duo says, pointing out the flecks of sparkle all over Heero's t-shirt and jeans. "The problem with this dress is it's fuckin' poofy as dicks though." Duo takes hold of the skirt to examine it. It feels silky with some kind of lacy material over the bodice. Duo's not a fashion expert, he's got no idea what any of these materials are technically called, or what makes the skirt poof out so much that it looks like a longer version of a ballet tutu. The plunging neckline of the latest sorted dress brings to mind one question Duo has yet to ask, and if he's honest with himself, doesn't want to ask.
"Hey, 'Ro?" Duo raises his voice a little so he's heard over Relena rustling plastic bags full of shoes.
"Yeah?"
"How are we fillin' the tops of these things out?" He tugs at the plunging neckline dress. "We kinda lack in that department."
Heero drops the dress he's holding onto the bed, his eyes staring at the bodice of it.
I didn't plan for that. He's not sure why it slipped his mind, considering he and Duo are biologically male and therefore lack certain anatomical features. Heero isn't sure telling others they are just "really flat-chested young ladies" would go over well.
"We could say we're female body builders comin' to a fancy-shmancy party," Duo suggests, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"The descriptions of the women Une wants are the complete opposite of that."
"We didn't hit puberty yet."
Heero cocks his head to the side. "We look too mature for them to buy that."
"Is there any way–"
"Not really."
So much for that glimmer of hope.
"So then what's the plan?" Duo asks. "We stuffin' with TP or balloons or some shit?"
Relena dumps the last of the bags on the floor, panting a little from having to climb up and down all those stairs so many times.
"What are we stuffing with toilet paper or balloons?"
Duo is quiet for a little bit. What's a polite way of sayin' this?
"Well unlike you we don't have–"
Heero silences him with a look. Let me talk.
"Do you have…" Heero makes gestures with his hands over his chest. "Fake…" He feels his face heat up. "…bra fillers?"
Smooth, Yuy. Smooth.
Duo shoots him a look. "Bras?! We gotta wear bras?!" It never occurred to him they might have to wear bras. He looks from Heero to Relena. "Look, I didn't sign up for none of this."
"What exactly did you sign up for?" Heero asks.
"You know…" Duo rubs his cheek. "I don't even know anymore."
"You agreed to do this mission that involves crossdressing as a noblewoman for the evening. What exactly did you think this involved? Throwing on a dress and calling it a day?"
Duo pulls at a loose thread on Heero's duvet. "Little bit, yeah. Look, I've never done this before, how was I supposed to know it was gonna be this hard and involved?!"
While Duo and Heero debate how easy or not easy it is to go from one gender presentation to another, Relena digs into one of the smaller bags and pulls out what look like fake breasts made out of silicone.
"Will these work?"
Heero turns around and notices what Relena is holding in her hands. Are those…
Duo's never seen Heero's face so red, and Duo's never felt his face this on fire before.
"What are those?" Heero's the brave soul who asks for confirmation.
Relena gives them a look of disbelief. "They're fake breasts."
The Vice Foreign fuckin' Minister is holding fake tits.
"You mean you've never seen…?"
"We kinda had others things goin' on at the time most boys are explorin' that shit," Duo remarks. Heero nods in agreement.
"Fair point," Relena says, her voice quiet. "The good news is I have two sets. One for you…" She gives the ones already in her hands to Heero. "And one for you." These ones are still in the original packaging.
Heero just stands there by the bed, awkwardly palming his first set of breasts ever. Duo would have laughed if this was a scene from a comedy film or show. As it stands, this isn't a scene from a comedy. It's a scene from his own life that is, indeed, happening for real. He covers his eyes with his hand and lets out a weak as hell laugh. Fuck my fuckin' life.
oXo
A few hours later, Relena is standing in front of Duo, adding the finishing touches to the silicone prosthetics the box names Falsies Express, making sure they're even on his chest before pulling away.
"Go ahead and take a look."
Duo refuses to look in the mirror, turning away entirely.
"I promise you, you don't look bad."
"Oh no?" Duo asks, folding his arms over his now much fuller chest. They squish under the pressure and Duo shivers at the foreign feeling. "They gotta be bad if he ain't lookin'."
"You look fine," Heero says.
"Speak for yourself, asshole." He faces Heero, pointing at him accusingly. "You're wearin' a towel over yourself! At least suffer with me!"
Heero pulls the towel tighter. "It's to preserve…modesty in front of the Vice Foreign Minister."
Duo snorts. "Yeah. Right. Since when did you ever give a fuck about that when those shorts left nothin' to the imagination after I helped her fish your ass outta the water when you fired off those torpedoes, huh?"
"You don't care when you're supposed to be dead," Heero retorts.
"Plus when the hell have you ever cared about modesty when you walk through our apartment na–"
"Will you look in the mirror and shut up, Duo?"
Duo holds up his hands. "Fine. Fine. I'll do it. I'll humour you both. I ain't happy about it, but I'll do it." He turns around and looks directly into the mirror.
"Holy shit." His own wide-eyed reflection stares back at him.
"I told you so," Relena mutters as she pinches the bridge of her nose.
Duo turns this way and that, viewing his new chest from every angle he can. He bounces a little and laughs when they obey the laws of physics.
"I dunno what I was worried about," Duo says. "I'm still fuckin' sexy."
"I told you that earlier as Relena put them on," Heero remarks. "And you told me to 'shut yer feckin' gob, Yuy'."
Duo narrows his eyes. "Look not everyone can pull off the crossdressing thing. How the hell was I supposed to know?" He crosses his arms. "'kay. Let's see you, 'Ro."
Heero doesn't move an inch.
"Heero, if I gotta rip that towel away from you, I will."
Heero smirks. "I might enjoy it."
"You fuckin' traipse 'round our apartment naked all the time, but gettin' your towel off is like tryin' to get through the Presidential Mansion's shelter shield."
"Not indestructible."
"Don't make me twin buster rifle your towel off."
Heero throws his towel down. "There, happy? It's off."
Duo stares, his mouth wide open. "Holy fuck." Clearly Heero has the body to pull off anything. A few strategic pieces of clothing and the transformation would be complete easily. Different clothes and Heero could be completely androgynous.
What did I tell you? Some people pull this shit off better than others and you are prime example numero uno.
"I'm up here," Heero says, pointing to his face, a hint of amusement in his eyes and in the slightest of smiles. Duo averts his eyes elsewhere and clears his throat.
"What are we doin' about…the other problem?"
Relena blinks. "What other problem?"
Duo mock-cries.
"Don't wear something really tight," Heero answers. He gestures to the dress Duo nitpicked earlier as "too poofy." "Wear that."
"You do not want me to wear that ugly thing."
Heero picks the dress up and throws it to him. Duo misses the catch on purpose. "I'll pay you a hundred creds to wear that."
Duo looks at the dress at his feet. "Buy me my favourite dinner and I will."
"Taking you to the pizza place down the street isn't money well spent. Be serious."
Duo chews his lip. What's a good thing I can have Heero do for me so I can get back at him for this shit?
Slowly a grin forms on his face, a dark look in his eyes.
"You're going to blackmail me, aren't you?"
Duo nods.
"I thought so."
For effect, Duo cackles. Heero winces.
"What do I have to do to get you to wear that?"
Duo picks the dress up. "For you?" Take me out on a date when this is done.
Heero quirks an eyebrow. "That dress is not worth me taking you out on a date."
Duo swallows hard. Shit. I didn't know I said that out loud!
Duo gestures to the huge pile of dresses. "Okay then, asshole, pick a dress that, in exchange for me wearin' it, you have to take me out on a date when this mission is over."
Heero walks over to the pile on the bed and rummages through it, examining different dresses, shaking his head at some, throwing others to the other side with a look of disapproval, until…
"This one." It's a dark blue dress covered in some kind of light, very flowy material Heero doesn't know the name of. The higher waist will disguise any 'oddities' and the longer length works well with his fairly tall roommate. And judging from how Duo's looking at it, Heero can tell he likes it too.
"Will this one work?"
Duo nods. "Yeah."
Heero hands it over and Duo unzips it.
"No peeking."
Heero rolls his eyes. Relena covers her eyes as a formality.
Duo unzips the long as hell zipper and steps into the dress before slowly pulling it up and over his hips.
"I may need some help." He pulls the thin straps halfway up his arms.
"What's the problem?"
"Well there's a zipper I ain't able to reach, my tits are in the way, and I think my hips are too big."
Heero goes over and tugs up on the fabric, freeing the part of the zipper that got caught in Duo's underwear.
"Tuck them into the top part of the dress."
Duo flushes.
"They're your own breasts, Duo, it's okay to touch them."
I'd rather you do it for me.
"Well you could be a gentleman and help a lady out with her voluptuous fuckin' tits here."
Heero hears Relena try and stifle a laugh.
"I suppose it's my duty as your date for this event to make sure you look good."
"Damn fuckin' skippy it is."
Heero presses down on Duo's fake chest and manages to get one in the confines of the dress. He pushes a little harder on the other once he discovers resistance and watches in horror as it pops out of the top and rolls down the length of the dress to the floor, where it rolls away a couple of feet before stopping. Heero and Duo look at each other.
The room is filled with an awkward silence. The worst type of awkward silence, in fact. Duo isn't sure how he can look Heero in the eyes right now, but he somehow can.
"That did not just happen," Duo says. "You did not–that did not–oh my fuckin'…"
"…sorry. I didn't mean to kill your womanly chest."
Duo laughs first. When Heero realizes he's still gripping the front of Duo's dress, he lets go and steps back.
"You look…a little…" He looks away, half biting his lip. "L-Lopsided." His voice cracks on that word and he can't keep the laughter in anymore.
Relena picks up the fallen breast and, one hand over her mouth to keep her giggling at a minimum, hands it to Duo. "Here's your breast, Duo."
Duo sinks to the floor in a laughing fit, laughing harder when the other one falls out of the top of the dress.
"Why…Why the hell are yours stayin' put?!"
Heero looks down at his own fake breasts. "I…I don't know. Magic, I guess."
Duo knocks them off and sends them halfway across the room.
"If mine fall off, so do yours."