The day of my twentieth birthday had come around, and yet, there wasn't a single smile to be had. I couldn't do this, not for another year in a row. This was getting beyond a joke now, and yet, I insisted on wearing a bracelet you used to wear all the time. It does suck that things are like this, but at the same time, it could be what I've been needing all this time. Who knows how the world wanted to punish me for something I didn't even ask for.
It was gone, all gone, and yet here I remain. Maybe I wish I was in the heart of the storm, to be swept away into death, because it sure as hell would be better than living without you. It's like someone ripped half of my half out, because losing a best friend; a lover, for fuck's sake! It's not fair at all. I know I have to confess myself to you, but without you here, it's pretty fucking difficult.
I saw you get shot. I saw you fall to the ground, blood, blood... It was horrifying. I couldn't do anything about it though, oh no, not at all. My superpowers were fucking useless, they weren't worth shit. No matter how many times I went back, the result was the same. You die, I save you, yet you die anyways. What the fuck is going on? This isn't okay, not at all, not with everything I've felt and experienced. I'll never let this be the sole, true fact of everything ever.
But hey, Super Max right? I can't stand the name anymore. I can't stand the word "hella". I can't stand guns. I can't stand so many things, because they're all related to you, y'know? Each of those things are just reminders of things that once were true. They're just the salt to the wounds I didn't willingly need. They're just like spitting in my face, as I remember the times we had together, no matter how good or bad they were. It could be worse, but as far as I can see, it ain't getting better anytime soon.
I don't feel happy anymore. I don't feel like taking selfies, photography is just a joke to me, now that I've seen what I have. Mr. Jefferson fucked with my head, and all I have now is bitterness, that's the saddest bit of it all. No matter who tries to lower the walls I've constructed since that day, they fail, every time. I don't give them the fucking chance to succeed with it. Maybe this stubbornness will get me killed, because evidently I'm not brave enough to do it myself.
But those are all thoughts. Feelings and emotions, they're not cared about so much because everything around me is materialistic. There's no respect to things everyone shares, simple things which people cannot help. So, here I sit, at the ruins of what was your home. I can't seem to move myself from here, like this will be my eternal resting place until you return to me, somehow, in some way. I wish I could turn back time further than I already can. I wish I could see, hear, touch, smell... Even taste you again. I miss all of you, every last strand of existence you held.
Maybe by standing up here, and moving away, I could begin to search for you, but who would I go with? I'm terribly alone, I surely can't do this without another person; or can I? I'm not even sure myself, but I suppose I better get something to eat, else I'll starve to death before anything gets resolved, once and for all.
I just want my closure, my true closure. There was an entire world out there, and yet, everything seems so fucking isolated here. There wasn't any variation in the landscapes and the seasons were a joke; why did I come back here in the first place, anyways? Was it the fact that you might still be here? My memories haven't been the same ever since that fucked up week, and now, things just looked grim.
I get myself to the Two Whales diner, which remarkably is largely intact after the tornado which devastated this place. I'm not sure how it is still standing, but maybe it down to good ol' American steel - or something patriotic like that. In any case, it's good that a few people still call it home, else I'd truly be alone in this ruin of a town.
Inside, Joyce was still here, serving her egg and bacon omelettes as though Arcadia Bay was still complete, whole... Unlike myself. With a shake of my head, I make my way into a booth, the exact one I sat in when you and I met here, on that fateful day. I proved that I could manipulate time and space, and yet-
I couldn't be thinking of such depressing things, I had to eat. This was my one opportunity in the day to see how Joyce was doing, and I spend it thinking of you; it's just horrible. I can't even stand the thought of you anymore, and that... Is just icing on a cake I could not even look at, or acknowledge its existence. Even with the bitterness I feel right now, I have to let it sink below my facade, else I'll just be reduced to tears in a place of hope.
"Howdy there Max, I haven't seen you here in while..." She approaches me, her order notepad on the ready, but it's clear that she can see through all I've put up to try and protect myself from falling into despair. "... C'mon darl', you have to chin up a little bit. I'm sure Chloe is out there, somewhere..." She frowns a little, though I know that my face is slumping into that sad expression I've often caught myself with in the mirror many a time before. With a sigh, I lean back in the seat.
"I know, Joyce- A-and thanks, for..." I don't even know what I'm thanking her for. Her presence? Her care, despite what happened around here? If anything, I deserve as much the same fate as Chloe, to be missing and alone, to potentially be dead as well. But of course, the universe won't let me just die like that... There's still a job to do around here. I'm unsure if I can do it, though...
"Max, you being here is enough of a thanks I need. I know, it's been a hard couple of years, but Arcadia Bay will be back sooner than you think!" Joyce smiles softly, though I can see the stress on her face. Her hair is greying prematurely; maybe David has been hard on her, despite them officially calling it quits when you went missing. Though, what she says about Arcadia Bay... Maybe I'm just blind to small progress, like, I could save a life or end it if I wanted to, and know each side of the consequences- I-I guess it just doesn't cut it for me. I know that the town has largely been cleaned up, but there's always this nagging in my head to find a way to revisit old locations, and find a way to prevent the disaster in the first place.
Maybe that's where my search for you will lead me; I hope so, but if not... It's okay. No matter how sad or down on myself I get, I'll always care for you. I have to, because almost everyone else isn't. It makes me want to cry, and-
"Come'ere." Joyce whispers, sitting down beside me and giving me a rather motherly hug. Man, I haven't felt one of these in such a long time, but it's a comfort I've really needed for a long time. Ever since that fucked up week... Without you here, it's just been grating on every aspect of my life. I don't even know what to do beyond look for you, if I'm perfectly honest. Maybe that's just who I am, someone who does not know what to do.
I lean into Joyce, and just cry a little. It's okay, it's only a few tears... Eventually she wipes them away, as well as the makeup I've been using for a while now. It kinda makes me look like you, in a way, but I'll never be as pretty. Even in this crooked state, I can feel humour and happiness... Somehow. It is short lived however, and while Joyce seems to have kindness beaming out her ears, I just can't get over the happenings of the past few years. Before I totally give in to despair, she snaps me out of it.
"Now, how about I fix you up some of your favourite pancakes, and you tell me all about the last few years. I know you went off to Portland for a while there; courtesy of your friend Warren. But, for now, just get that belly of yours full, and we'll talk you through it all. It'll be okay, girly." With a genuine smile, Joyce goes off to do just that.
I'm sure William would show the same support as her. Chloe, your mother is so amazing. I only hope her heart isn't broken so bad after her breakup with David. But hey, for now, those pancakes sound like a much better thought, to me.
I can already smell the sweetness already.