First off Thank You so much for the lovely reviews for the first chapter, they really do help and I'm so grateful for them. Here's chapter 2, and it is another introductory chapter , however I hope it answers some questions at least. All I ask is you read, hopefully enjoy and hit the button and review.

This Time

Part Two

Derek was unsure Meredith would answer, part of him expected her to get up, and walk back inside. To his surprise she stayed where she was, and with a heavy sigh slowly as if she was still trying to decide whether it was the right thing to do turned her head, and looked at him. Really looked at him. For the first time in so long she met his gaze head on, and instead of the blank stare he had feared, he found sadness clouding the green eyes. His hand raised tentatively to cup her cheek, and for a far to brief moment he felt her lean in to his touch before she pulled away. The shutters came back down, the moment lost as Meredith turned away to stare down the drive.

"I wasn't trying to punish you Derek. Hurting you was never my intention... I just wanted to stop feeling the way I did."

"Not one call, text, or email. Nothing. God Mer if hurting me wasn't your intention, then I don't want to ever know what it would feel like if you put your mind to it."

Derek's voice was purposefully little more than a whisper, but the pain that laced every word came through loud, and clear. When he reached out to cover her hand that was resting on the step between them with his own, Meredith knew she should pull away, but found she couldn't find the strength to do so. It was one of the driving factors of why she had to leave in the first place, because whatever she had told herself about the last time, being the last time it never worked that way. She had thought by now it would be easier, that distance and time would have worked in her favour, to lessen the pull between them. However all tonight had proved so far was that she had not been as over them, or him as she had hoped.

"I tried so hard to be angry with you. I really did, and I just couldn't. I felt a lot of things, but never anger. Not at you anyway. The only person I was angry at, was me. All I could think was how did I not see it coming, how was I so blind? I mean I know you, I know you better than I have ever known anyone, and when things hurt, you walk out, it's not personal, it's just what you do... But I didn't see it, and you know why? It's because you have never walked out on me before, you never hid from me, or closed me out, till now that is..."

"Derek..."

"If I had known this is what I would be left with, I would never have let you go. You told me you needed space Mer, and I felt I owed you that at the very least, but space to think isn't cutting me out of your life. I don't get how can you do that, and be okay?"

"Do you want to know what I've learnt since being in Seattle?"

Meredith changed the topic completely, and waited for the slight nod of his head before she continued. This would be the first time she said out loud what Susan had accidentally let slip when she had come round on her weekly visit to the old house of her mothers that Meredith had moved into. However somehow despite their time apart, and all the problems that lay between them, sharing something so personal with Derek still came so naturally.

"Ellis had an affair. That's what ended the marriage, and what denied me any chance of a normal family, or any real relationship with Thatcher. My mother had no self control, and look at that... Like mother like daughter."

"You are not your mother Meredith."

"Well apparently we are more alike than I ever thought. He was married too according to Susan, and where as Ellis left Thatcher, he obviously couldn't do the same...Who can blame him right? Us Grey women are hardly notorious for healthy relationships after all."

"If you are in anyway trying to draw some twisted comparison, then stop now Meredith because..."

A sound from the house caused Derek to fall silent, leaving his sentence unfinished, and Derek didn't resist when she pulled her hand free from underneath his.

"We shouldn't be having this conversation, especially not when there is a house full of people behind us."

"Including the new boyfriend. Josh, right? He's nice by the way. Thanks for that!"

Derek knew how jealous he sounded, and the flash of anger in the green eyes now watching him with an incredulous expression told him Meredith had also, and that he had no right to be.

"Really? That is the card your choosing to play? The 'Meredith has a boyfriend' card? You want to go down that path?"

For years Derek had battled with himself over the idea of Meredith dating, telling himself that it was normal, simply the big brother instinct kicking in, and he was only trying to look out for her just as he would any of his sisters. It was a lie he had had to tell himself so often he had almost come to believe it, until their first drunken kiss when finally everything that had confused him about Meredith, and his feelings towards her over the years, had finally begun to make sense.

"No Mer I don't. I don't want to argue with you, that is the last thing I want. I just … God I hate this. We have to talk, properly without having to watch every word. There are things I want to explain, and I want you to listen. Meet me later?"

"I can't."

"Please...?"

Derek took hold of her hand again, softly running his thumb over her knuckles, and felt her answering shiver.

"Mer come on, just to talk."

Meredith knew what she should do, what her brain told her was the only sensible option, and that anything else would be just throwing away the life she had tried to build for herself. That rehashing the past would only continue to make this hard for them both, and any wish she had for them just to be how they were once, was becoming more unreachable. However it was drowned out by the much more persistent whisper that maybe in fact she owed Derek this, because though she hadn't set out to punish him, unconsciously maybe she had been punishing them both.

"Okay."

"I'll be at our spot after eleven, I'll wait for you."

She left him with little more than a nod, her expression unreadable and Derek watched her walk back inside unable to tear his eyes away until the door was closed behind her. Only then did he allow his head to drop into his hands, rubbing his face he tried his best to keep his breathing even. His mind rerunning their first conversation in two years, and each time becoming stuck on the same point. He still knew Meredith too well to dismiss it, there had been too much emphasis on what had happened with her mother for it to be accidental. This was all his fault. If he had only the courage to end the marriage sooner, to face up to his feelings, but instead he had let Meredith go, and lost the one person that had ever really mattered to him.

"Your mother sent me out to make sure you came back in. I did hope to find you and Meredith might have found some common ground out here, but I suppose it isn't that easy."

At the sound of his fathers voice Derek's head came up with a jerk, he made a move to stand, but Michael shook his head before joining him on the step. Derek couldn't help the flush that stained his cheeks at having been caught out as the older blue eyes raked over his face with a knowing gleam. It had been his plan to blame some incoming emergency at the hospital for his sudden departure rather than have to go back inside, and torture himself watching Meredith.

"I didn't think anyone knew I was out here,"

"Meredith can get in, and out of this place like a cat burglar. So if we were going to have any chance we had to learn to look for the signs of an escape beforehand. Don't tell her this, but she becomes fidgety when she's planning a break out, and wont quite make eye contact. You, on the other hand never sneaked out to learn how to accomplish it with the same mastery, especially with how to close the front door quietly."

A genuine smile lit up Derek's face, a chuckle escaping as he nodded in agreement. He had none of the skills of observation his father did, he had only realised what Meredith was doing because he had been tracking her movements as she did her best to avoid coming face to face with him.

"She is very proud of the trick with the door, even Mark can't manage it half as well."

"Meredith was a learning curve, a very steep one. I'm just grateful she never passed her vast skill set onto your younger sisters."

"You don't regret it though Dad? You could have let Thatcher and Susan take her back to Seattle, no one would have questioned it."

It was something Derek had never asked before because there had never really been a need. You only had to see the way his father looked at Meredith, or the light that shone in his eyes when he spoke of her, like now to see the obvious adoration. He only brought it up now to distract from what it was his father did want to talk about and Derek didn't have much doubt as to what it was. He had been fielding questions about just what had happened between him and Meredith from his whole family since Meredith announced her decision to move to the other side of the country. All except his father, that was it seemed up until now.

"Never. Meredith belonged here with us, her family. Not with virtual strangers. Every grey hair she has given me I wear with pride, each one means that I had some hand in who she has turned out to be. You look at where Meredith has come from, what was thrown at her when she was still so young, and yet here she is on the other side. A beautiful, kind, caring and compassionate young women... I am very proud of her, as I am you all."

Michael said in all seriousness, but with some inner amusement at Derek's obvious attempt to distract him from what he thought Michael was going to ask. The women in his life had all at one point asked him to step in and talk to Derek or Meredith, but each time Michael had resisted. He loved them both, and the relationships he shared with them individually he treasured beyond measure.

To pry with either of them, when they obviously weren't ready to talk was a sure fire way to get Derek's back up, and push Meredith away further. Neither being what he had wanted, he had allowed them both space, and he had been rewarded by Derek seeming to actively seek his company, and Meredith relaxing her guard enough for him to form at least some idea from them both of what had gone on. If he was right he couldn't say he wasn't disappointed in their behaviour, at the way it had obviously happened, however neither could he claim to be completely surprised.

"She loves you too Dad. You, and Mom are more important to her than I think either of you even realise."

"We do know son."

Michael said softly bringing his hand up to squeeze Derek's shoulder.

"And whatever has gone on between you, I can safely say Meredith loves you too. I'm not going to ask awkward questions, you are both adults now so unless either of you decide to tell me, I will respect your privacy."

Derek turned to look at his father, and saw a world of understanding in the blue eyes.

"Thank you."

"You do need to fix this though Derek,"

Michael told him, and Derek rubbed his hands over his face up into his hair in a helpless gesture that Michael recognised as one he had often done himself. To look at Derek, was like looking back nearly thirty years in time, it was what made him so easy to read.

"I don't know how. I try to find the right words, but I'm not sure it's enough any more. I can't seem to reach her, I don't even know if she even wants me too..."

"Meredith has a habit of running away, we all know that, but maybe what you are forgetting is that if she cares about you, then she comes back. If she lets herself love you, then it tends to be the forever type, she is one of the most loyal people I have ever met that way. From someone with years of experience behind them I can tell you, words aren't always what Mer needs. She has been let down far too often to trust in empty promises, or platitudes. You have to show her, and give her something to believe in again."

"Dad..." Derek wasn't sure what to say, but he felt he owed his father something, and yet Michael just shook his head, nodding back at the house.

"I may not approve of how you have handled things, or how you went about it. However I love you, and ultimately all that matters to me is your happiness. Now we should get back in before your mother hunts us both down for loitering."

Meredith emerged from the cloakroom having splashed some water over her face, to follow the sounds of laughter to the den. She paused in the doorway to take in the scene in front of her, Josh was sat on the couch with a large familiar photo album spread out over his knees, Mark with Amelia was leaning over the back of the couch, Rob Lizzie's partner had his head buried in the cabinet where the albums were kept, whilst Lizzie herself sat next to Josh guiding his attention. With a deep breath, trying her best to push everything Derek away, she willed a more natural smile to her face as she stepped into the room.

"Traitors,"

She threw out at the other four, and Josh catching sight of her flashed her the large grin that had first attracted her to him. Brown eyes shone with delight as he pointed down at a photo that seemed to hold his attention.

"You can fish?"

"I can."

Meredith nodded crossing the room to sit beside him, the weight of his arm going around her shoulders as she leaned over to look to where he was pointing. A small laugh fell from her lips, a very real smile breaking through this time at the fond memories it pulled to the surface. She was stood beside a kneeling Michael who was helping her to hold a trout that seemed to dwarf her. She must have been about eight, on her first camping trip with the Shepherds, which she had had to beg Ellis to allow her to attend.

"I got the biggest catch that weekend. It was my first real time too, I'm all natural talent."

"You had Derek give you lessons for two weeks before we went." Mark protested, and leaning back Meredith smirked up at him.

"Those lessons didn't involve any water, and I had a point to prove. You said girls couldn't fish."

"None of the others ever wanted too. I lost thirty bucks that weekend. Played by my best friend... Look man, listen to experience and never make a wager with Kiddo cos she doesn't play fair."

"You are such a sore loser."

"You were a brat."

"I wasn't the one who put Derek's frog in the microwave..."

"For the last time I never pressed start!"

"But you did put it in Nancy's bed."

"Hang on. If it was Mark, why has Nancy always blamed Derek?" Amelia butted in to the shots being fired back and forth.

"Have you been listening Amy? Derek helped her rob me. And how do you know it was me?"

"I didn't..."

Meredith laughed for the first time that night as with a look of disgust Mark grabbed the cushion from behind Lizzie and threw it at her. Dodging the cushion Meredith found Josh watching her with a look she couldn't discern before he nodded back down at the photo.

"Whether you were a brat or not, you were very cute."

"Thank you."

Meredith smiled pressing a kiss to his cheek, and found herself not for the first time wishing that she could love him the way he deserved.

"Where did Mom get to?"

"She's roping the kids into laying the tables... Hey Mer where's the album with all the photos of us as teenagers?" Rob asked from the floor, and Meredith shrugged.

"I haven't seen it,"

"I wanted to show Josh the hair. God do you remember Grandma Malony having a fit because Mer turned up at that wedding with blue hair?"

Amelia asked before joining Rob, double checking the pile he had set aside.

"I don't think she ever forgave you for that, you ruined poor Sophia's photos."

"Sophia managed that all on her own...Maybe I should offer a family freebie. I think that's where Nancy gets the bitter shrew personality from, dear old Grandma Maloney. Amy look in the cabinet behind you, I bet Mer has hid it."

Mark stared at her for a moment as if trying to read clues from her face before going over to cabinet himself.

"You can't escape this Kiddo, its a family tradition. Even Lizzie suffered through it."

"Liz suffered through nothing, we went to high school with Rob, there was nothing he hadn't seen, and anyway we are not going there. Josh is limited to young sweet, and innocent me. Lets not ruin that image..."

"He cant handle some Dark and Twisty?"

"Dark and Twisty?" Josh asked looking between Mark and Meredith as if they were speaking another language only for Amelia to smirk.

"You haven't seen Mer when she's got the dark and twisties yet? You must have. She goes to the dark side, hits the tequila, sleeps with inappropriate men… Oh my god you weren't one of those inappropriate men were you?"

"Amy..." Meredith tried to protest but Josh took the teasing in his stride with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm a fellow, Mer was only an intern when we met so does that count?"

"Nope. You'd have had to be an attending... A married one at that! Damn Mer Seattle is making you soft!"

"I'm not soft I am hardcore.."

"Are we talking about porn now?"

"Why are you talking about porn?"

Derek asked coming into the room averting his eyes away from the way Josh's fingers were ideally playing with Meredith's hair. He took the arm of the couch Meredith was sat on, hating the way she moved away when his thigh touched her arm as if she had been burnt.

"I'm not, Mer and Amy are."

Mark protested, giving up his search to stand beside Derek.

"Your talking porn with my baby sister?"

"No your best friend is simply a perv! We were talking about the dark and twisties, I cant find Mom's photo album with the teenage years in."

"Well that's because Dad hid it." Derek lied easily, and was rewarded with the fluttering of Meredith's fingers against his leg in a silent thank you as he felt Lizzie's attention centre on him as Amelia sighed in disappointment.

"Anyway Mom wants you all washed up, dinners ready."

Derek watched Meredith leave the room leading Josh by the hand , his stomach twisting into a tight knot. So caught up in the sight he didn't realise Lizzie had hung back until she nudged him with her hip as she passed him.

"You hid it... Don't even try to deny it. I know you did, and so does Mer."

"It makes her uncomfortable. If it was just us, she would be okay, but haven't you noticed she'll make an excuse and leave the room if anyone else is here...? So when I heard Amy ask Mom where it was when I got here, I thought I'd save her that on her first night home."

"I'm not criticising Der. You sticking up for Mer again, its nice to see..."

Lizzie's smile was wistful as she looked around the room, at the albums still spread out over the floor.

"I've missed Mer, but until her and Mark were sat bickering l hadn't realised how much, and then seeing you cover for her like that... I don't know. it just felt right. I hope you two make up whilst she's here Der, cos otherwise she'll go off back to Seattle again, and then it'll be too late, you'll get too used to not being in each others lives."

"I am trying, I promise. You go on, Nancy and Kate are helping Mom dish up which means one of us is getting stuck with the kids, so not only will I come to Mer's rescue tonight I'll also come to yours..."

"Volunteering to play referee to the rabble, you my brother are either a saint or seriously sucking up."

Derek forced a laugh as grinning she reached up to kiss his cheek, unwilling to admit that the real reason was he wasn't sure he could eat a mouthful with Meredith and Josh at the same table, and he needed to think about what his father had said, to find some way to prove to Meredith what he wanted was her.

Derek only believed she was truly coming when he saw her emerge from the bushes at the top of the slope and begin to head down towards him. As she came closer he could see the silent argument she was having with herself all over her face. Pushing himself up from the small wall he'd been sitting on Derek crossed the short distance to her, he took her hand and guided her over the uneven ground just as he had so many times before.

"Thank you for coming Mer. Was it hard to get away?"

"I told them where I was coming, well not exactly where, or that I was meeting you. I left Dad trying to explain to a confused Josh about this place. You know the last time I came here was my last night in New York... I was so homesick those first few months, you'd have thought I'd never left before."

Meredith murmured staring out over the water, her eyes tracking the lights of the last ferry of the evening. The gentle pressure of a hand covering hers brought her eyes down, and without looking at him she turned hers over so their fingers could lock together as she turned her attention back to the water. She was allowing herself this moment, allowing them both one moment of peace, before they tore to pieces every wall of defence she had built around herself for the past two years.

"I missed you...You asked earlier how could I be okay and I wasn't... I missed you every single day, I still do. I know you think being left behind was hard, but being the one to leave wasn't easy either Derek... Nothing about this has been easy, but maybe that's what we deserved..."

It was the simple truth. She had missed him more than she could ever explain. He had been such an integral part of her life for so long that she could barely remember her life pre Derek. All her memories growing up he was present in, he had had a starring role in so much of her life that it had sometimes felt like she was missing a part of her, over the last two years.

After her first time scrubbing in, her first thought after had been to call Derek, wanting to share that high with him, and she had pulled her phone from her scrubs trouser pocket before she had remembered she couldn't do that any more. There had been so many moments like that, or things she thought he would have found funny, and that's when real loneliness had struck.

Loneliness so strong it had been like a physical ache, and that was just the friend Derek. She wasn't counting the nights she had spent imagining he was with her or pretended whoever she was with was him. It was something she had decided needed to be kept separate, friend Derek from Derek the man she had fallen so hard for.

"I missed you too." Derek squeezed her hand a little tighter. "We did a bad thing Mer, that doesn't make us bad people, and I repeat it doesn't make you your mother either."

"You were married Derek. I was a bridesmaid at that wedding, and I still slept with you. Not once which you can almost excuse as a drunken mistake, no we had an affair. For two months I threw away every moral, every belief I had because..."

"Because you loved me?"

"Yeah, because I loved you and you were using me to get out of a bad marriage. See what I mean about Grey women and healthy relationships?"

"Is that what you really think?"

When Meredith didn't answer Derek swore loudly as he released her hand to take her by her shoulders, and force her to look at him.

"Look at me Meredith. Do you really believe I used you because I was unhappy? That you were my excuse to end it?"

"Didn't you?"

It was a thought that had haunted her long before she had left New York, not when he was with her, but afterwards following her around until the next time they were together.

"No!"

His voice raised as he flinched away from her as if she had slapped him. He paced the ground before swinging back round.

"I know I was selfish, and I took and I took without offering you anything in return, so yeah you can hate me for that, but I never...For fucks sake Meredith you were never the mistake, what happened between us wasn't a mistake! My marriage was the mistake..."

Meredith felt the breath leave her body, and sank down onto the wall never taking her eyes off him.

"I never hated you... I just thought we could go back, that with time I could move on..."

It wasn't what she meant to say, she knew it wasn't what he had expected after such a confession, but it was the first thing that came out of her mouth.

"And have you? I should have left Rebecca sooner I know that now. Is that what you wanted? Did you want me to follow you?"

"I wasn't trying to make you chose Derek, it wasn't a ploy to force your hand, I just wanted to stop living a lie. I wanted to be able to look people in the eye again, and not feel like a home wrecking whore."

"Don't call yourself that."

"But that's how I felt..." Meredith stared down at the ground beneath her feet, her foot kicking at the small stones that gathered there.

"I loved you."

His words had her head shooting up, her neck creaked at the movement and again she was left staring opened mouth at him. His shy bashful smile convinced her of the truth of those three words that she had never expected to hear.

"I loved you. That was what was ultimately wrong with my marriage, I was in love with you... Maybe I always have been. I don't know... I thought I loved Rebecca, at the start I thought I did, but then... It's you, its always been you and I was just... Blind? Stupid? Terrified? Take your pick..."

With a sigh he sank down next to her.

"And I don't know how to stop... I meant what I said earlier Mer, I cant keep doing this. You talk about us living a lie before, but that's what I do now, everyday...Do you still love me?"

"Derek I'm with Josh..."

Meredith wanted to run. The need to escape was pulsing through her body as his words pounded around her head. She needed to go, to think, to try and make sense of this. She wasn't sure what she had expected from tonight, but this certainly wasn't it.

"That's not an answer.."

With a hand on her cheek he turned her so she was looking at him.

"You talk about wanting us to go back to before but we cant go back. There is no rewind button. I cant be your surrogate brother, and I cant be just your friend, It wouldn't work just like it didn't before..."

"Derek, I cant, I need to go..."

"Mer just listen, I love you and I refuse to waste another two years here without you."