Reference to: 'The Locomotion Interruption'; 'The Hamburger Postulate'; 'The Junior Professor Solution'; 'The Anxiety Optimization'
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As he came up the final flight of stairs Sheldon took his keys out of his pocket. Things had gone very well at the HR meeting he had at the university. Once they realized that he would resign if he couldn't move out of String Theory they made him an offer of a junior professorship which would allow him to work on dark matter.
A groan came from apartment 4B, stopping him cold in the hallway. Penny. Silence. He turned to his door and again she groaned. In fact the grunts were getting quicker like she was in the throes of coitus yet he knew for a fact that Leonard was still at work.
Sheldon crossed over to her door.
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
Knock Knock Knock "Penny!"
More grunting and groaning.
He quickly opened his apartment door and grabbed Penny's emergency key from the bowl. Sheldon then unceremoniously opened her door to find Penny on the floor doing some heinous stretching exercises with her IPod on.
Penny opened her eyes and gave out a shout of surprise before getting to her feet.
"Sheldon! What the hell?!" she gasped as she took off her ear buds.
"I heard sounds of distress and I wanted to make sure you were alright," he replied. "Goodbye." He turned to go.
"Sheldon, wait." He turned back. Penny thought he looked tired. "So what's been going on with you?"
"Well, I've become a junior professor, which clears up my dilemma regarding my area of research."
"That's good." Penny continued to do some stretching. "But what about you? How are you doing?"
"I'm unsure," he admitted. "Beverly's sending me for a brain scan this afternoon."
"Yeah, change is really hard," Penny said as she went to the counter for her bottled water. "I mean look at me, I've ditched the Cheesecake Factory to commit one hundred percent into my acting. Scary stuff but it's worth it."
"You're equating your career path with mine?" Sheldon snorted. "Penny, how many auditions have you been on?"
"I dunno. A couple of hundred at least."
"How many have you won?"
Penny paused before she aggressively put the cap back on her water.
"It's more about getting out there," she said testily. "Getting a reputation takes work."
"I've been involved with String Theory for twenty years. I've received accolades and awards for my work. Now I'm going on to dark matter research. Starting from scratch you would say."
"Why are you doing it?"
"Because it's the right thing to do," Sheldon said after a moment.
"We're both going for it," Penny grinned and began to stretch.
"The difference is that I have a reputation to fall back on. An established career," Sheldon countered. "You don't. You're twenty nine and what happens if you don't succeed as an actress? What do you have to fall back on?"
"I've got stuff," Penny stammered. "Look Sheldon, I've gotta get finished here before I go over some lines."
"Of course." Sheldon closed the door behind him.
"I've got lots of stuff," Penny said to herself as she bent over to touch her toes. "I can always go back to school"—even though I dropped out after Leonard harassed my history partner and I barely squeaked by the exam—"or I can get another job." She envisioned herself as a waitress and physically shivered at the prospect.
"I've got Leonard," she said quietly.
Suddenly she didn't feel like exercising.
XXX
"Alright, Dr. Cooper," said the technician through the intercom. "I have a series of questions to ask you that were given to me by Dr. Hofstadter. Are you ready?"
Sheldon closed his eyes in the PET scanner and took a breath.
"I'm ready," he replied.
"First of all I'm going to give you a name and I want you to describe that person. Amy Farrah Fowler."
"Brilliant neurobiologist and Counterfactuals player." The first woman I've ever loved.
"Leonard Hofstadter."
"A homunculus experimental physicist with a lactose problem and asthma." My best friend.
"Barry Kripke."
"A poor excuse for a physicist with an equally repulsive sense of humour." Who also bested me at my own research.
"Mary Cooper."
"A religious zealot who sings me Soft Kitty and—"
XXX
Leonard knocked at Penny's door before opening it to find his fiancée sitting on the couch in her aerobics clothing drinking a glass of wine.
"Hey," he said, seeing from the dejected look on her face that something was wrong. "Have a good day?"
"Oh yeah, terrific," she replied in a bitter tone. "I lined up some auditions, did my exercises and came to the conclusion that I am an idiot." She finished her glass of wine and went for the bottle on the table to refill. "Leonard, if I don't become an actress what the frak am I gonna do?" She took a sip of wine. "I mean I'm twenty nine and have nothing to fall back on. I'm a two time community college dropout, my résumé over the past nine years has me working as a waitress. I've got a big fat zero."
"You have me," he said adamantly.
"YuP." She took a gulp of wine. "I have you." She finished off her glass. "What am I gonna do?"
"How about we get you back to the Cheesecake Factory—not forever," he added quickly as Penny flashed him a death glare. "I mean until you decide what to do, whether it's a new career path or going back to school. Whatever. It'll give you something to live on while we figure things out."
"But it's like giving up," Penny pouted.
"No it's not. It's a strategic withdrawal."
"I guess."
Leonard grabbed the bottle of wine and poured some into her glass.
"Now we can put that acting stuff to bed and get working on a real future for the two of us," Leonard said gently. "You've got your biggest role yet—Mrs. Penny Hofstadter. I hear Angelina Jolie was fighting for it."
"Yeah I bet," Penny said with a little drunken smile. "I need some time."
"Of course." Leonard fidgeted. "Just to be clear, you mean time to sort stuff out not time to think over our impending marriage, right?"
"You're all I have, remember?" Penny said weakly.
"Yeah, there's the enthusiasm I know and love." Leonard gave her a light kiss.
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As the coffee finished burbling in the coffee maker Leonard hummed to himself as he got two mugs down from the cupboard. Last night with Penny had been good. Actually the past week had been more than good since Penny decided to forego acting. None of this early to bed stuff he'd put up with while she was prepping for her auditions which she never won. No, this past week was all about them. Wine, snuggling and sex.
"Your humming is becoming perilously close to whistling," Sheldon warned from his spot on the couch as he finished his cereal.
"Sorry. Just in a great mood." Leonard poured out the coffee and went to the refrigerator for his almond milk.
"Yes, yes, coitus." Sheldon went to the sink to wash his dishes.
"Not just that. Penny and I are in a domestic routine. Plus she's off to the Cheesecake Factory to get her job back today so things will become more stable from a financial perspective."
"Penny could barely afford her apartment with her waitressing salary. I fail to see how this will make Penny 'more stable' since either she's stable or she's not," Sheldon tsked as he dried his hands with a paper towel. "Really, your grasp of the English language is appalling."
"You know, I'm in such a good mood I'll let that slide," Leonard grinned. He put his milk in the refrigerator and took up the two mugs. "Now if you'll excuse me I've got to rise and shine Sleeping Beauty."
"Watch your throat," Sheldon warned.
"You got it," Leonard said and exited the apartment.
Sheldon went to his room to prepare for his shower since his bowel movement was delayed. He had no idea as to why—yesterday's routine was as normal, his fiber calibrations were accurate. The only thing that seemed plausible was that he was stressed at the prospect of teaching his first class this morning. HR had set up the half-course and, while Sheldon had guest lectured before, he'd never been in complete charge of a class. However, it wasn't the prospect of teaching that had him anxious as much as what this all represented—his first foray into a new career.
He opened his closet to look over his clothes. Being a junior professor meant wearing suits. Sheldon's eyes went to his purple plaid suit even as his hand took out his sports jacket. He looked at the apparel in his hands, how he'd gone shopping with Amy and Penny to pick out 'less dorky' clothes suitable for date nights. Only now there were no date nights so what did it matter how he dressed?
"I'm Sheldon Cooper, for goodness sakes, not a fashion bunny," he murmured.
Again his eyes went to his plaid suit before he took out a grey shirt and slacks and closed the door.
XXX
Penny applied some pink lip gloss to her lips and smiled at the bathroom mirror but the spark didn't reach her eyes. Today was the day she started her new life—only her new life meant going back to the Cheesecake Factory. It meant Leonard but it also meant she was a loser.
She turned off the light and exited into her bedroom to find a pair of flats to wear.
What bothered Penny the most about today was that there was no illusion that things were getting better. When she came to California with Kurt she had dreams of being an actress. While she waitressed it was merely a side job until her career took off. When she filled in paperwork, under 'occupation' she put 'actress'.
Now she was just a waitress.
Penny came out of the bedroom, grabbed her purse from off the couch and exited her apartment. She dug out her keys and locked her door before descending the stairs. As she reached the second floor landing her phone rang.
"Hey Penny," sniffled Bernadette. "You have to get over here right away."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just home with a cold. So, want a job?"
"I'm not going to take care of Howard's mother," Penny said seriously.
"Nothing like that. Stuart's doing a great job so just get your butt over here pronto. Unless you've got something better to do."
"Actually I was"—Penny thought about the yellow vested uniform and denim skirt she'd have to wear—"on my way over." She hung up the phone. "No way this could be any worse," she shrugged.
XXX
Sheldon sat in his empty classroom.
Not one student had signed up for his course. Apparently he was 'too difficult' and 'too condescending'.
"I didn't want to teach these poopy heads anyways," he mumbled to himself but inwardly he worried that this would affect his position as junior professor. If no one would take his classes he might be forced back into String Theory and that wasn't an option.
"Knock knock," said Howard as he knocked on the door frame. He took in Sheldon's slumped shoulders and glum demeanor. "It's lunch time, Sheldon. Your class is over."
"It was over before it even began," Sheldon sighed as he got up from his desk and began putting his notes into his briefcase.
"Hey, things happen. Just give people time to get to know you and—I mean I'm sure that your reputa—Let me buy you dessert," Howard smiled even as Sheldon glared.
"Told you he wouldn't be busy," said Leonard as Raj and he came to the door. Leonard looked around the class. "I see you've been teaching a room of your peers."
"Apparently," Sheldon grumbled as he took up his briefcase and the gang exited the room.
XXX
"Things were rough today but I'm positive it'll improve," Leonard said soothingly as Sheldon and he walked up the stairs to their apartment.
"What makes you certain?" asked Sheldon. "There's nothing logical to support your statement."
"Call it a gut feeling," said Leonard. "Making this leap to junior professor is a big step and you just have to let people get used to the idea that you're not as—Sheldony—as you once were."
"I don't feel any less 'Sheldony'."
"Give it time," Leonard said as he heard Beyonce bopping away from their floor. As they got to their landing it was obvious the music was coming from Penny's apartment. "You should be more like Penny. I mean she went out and got her Cheesecake Factory job back and just listen to her all bouncy and whatnot."
Sheldon didn't say anything as he unlocked the door and stepped into his apartment.
"Looks like it's celebratory sex tonight," grinned Leonard as he crossed to Penny's door and knocked before entering. Immediately he winced at the volume of the music but what had him particularly confused was the state of the apartment as the living room was practically blanketed with Penny's clothes.
"Oh!" gasped Penny as she came out of the bedroom walking awkwardly because she had the foam toe separators on so as to let her toenails dry. She turned down the stereo and waddled her way to the couch and sat.
"What's going on?" asked Leonard, pleased at the radiant smile on Penny's face.
"Bernadette's got me an interview at her company tomorrow!"
"That's terrific," Leonard grinned.
"You better believe it is." Penny took off the toe separators and put them in her nail polish box on the coffee table. "I can get out of debt and keep up to date on my bills and pay you back for the car you gave me."
"You don't have to."
"Sweetie, you better believe I do," Penny said happily. "Finally I can be an independent woman taking on the world on my terms!"
"Great," Leonard said, less enthusiastically.
"Anyhoo, I've gotta have a shower and set my hair. Then I can pick out what I'm gonna wear." Penny grinned. "I am so not going to blow this opportunity." She stood up and gave Leonard a kiss. "After I'm finished with them they'll wonder how they got along this far without me." She went to her bedroom to strip for her shower.
"Great," Leonard grumbled with a frown.
XXX
"Your test results aren't terribly surprising," said Beverly evenly from her desk in New Jersey.
"It's a tumor isn't it?" replied Sheldon as he adjusted his monitor to better see the neuroscientist.
"I couldn't be that lucky," Beverly said. "Your serotonin 1A receptor function is abnormal in the mesiotemporal cortex, raphe, anterior cingulate gyrus and left orbital cortex, which is common in patients with mood disorders."
"But I don't have a mood disorder," Sheldon said defensively.
"Denial. Interesting." Beverly scribbled down something on her IPAD.
"There's nothing to deny. I've undergone some changes over the last two months but that doesn't mean I have a mood disorder."
Beverly looked over her glasses directly into the camera.
"So you're unaware of your abrupt swings in behavior over the past four years?" she said seriously.
"I don't know what you mean," said Sheldon, albeit with a touch of unease in his tone.
"From what my notes indicate your imbalance commenced when you procured a clowder of cats as a replacement for your girlfriend."
"Amy wasn't my girlfriend then. She was a girl/friend but not—"
"Subsequently, your instability began to affect your vocal tone as over time you've become higher-pitched, not to mention the over-usage of Texas euphemisms and drawl. As your relationship with Amy continued you've become misogynistic and extremely infantile. Over our later conversations you've discussed your exploits when consuming alcohol, traipsed around the university in a French Maid's outfit, fretted over your contemplations of coitus and have generally whined about women, work and my son." Beverly snorted. "Frankly, if I wanted whiny I'd talk to my son."
Sheldon was taken aback.
"Why didn't you say anything before now?" he gasped.
"Sheldon, you're my friend; but more than that, you're case study three oh two. Why would I interject into your life when that would compromise both?"
"Point." Sheldon sat back in his chair as he pondered. "I've followed through with your earlier advice and have switched to a junior professorship in order to pursue dark matter research. My class is a failure as no one has registered for it and so I spent my morning sitting in an empty classroom. I don't like this feeling and I worry about what this will do for my career."
"Are you finished whining?" Beverly asked.
"I'm not whining," Sheldon replied with a bit of a frown. "I'm merely stating my position."
"Your logic is flawed. You're missing the crucial point regarding your classroom dilemma—and that is the fact that you actually see a problem."
"What do you mean?" Sheldon asked, surprised.
"Having no students means you have time to work on your research unimpeded," Beverly said dryly.
"You're right," the physicist nodded. "It would be like my researching days." A little smile crossed his face. "You've solved my problem."
"Oh, I highly doubt that." Beverly sat back in her chair. "I have to say, Sheldon, your change doesn't become you."
"Amy breaking up with me has been a distraction as of late." He noted the look of distaste on Beverly's face. "And I'm whining again. My apologies. I hadn't realized I wasn't myself."
"Obviously," snorted Beverly. "Since the Sheldon I knew stood firmly in his convictions instead of offering token apologies. Goodnight."
The computer monitor went black and Sheldon stared at his reflection on its screen.
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Leonard got a text and left his stir spoon in the spaghetti sauce to check it.
Penny: Home.
"Perfect," Leonard said. The spaghetti was ready, the sauce was ready and most important of all, his sympathetic face was ready. After all, there was no way Penny was going to get that job. She didn't even have a college degree and she'd be a pharmaceutical rep? He shook his head derisively as he lit the candles on the dinner table. Fortunately he was there to help float her through until she could get on her feet.
He went to the refrigerator for the wine and popped the cork. For some reason the sound made him feel as if this was a celebration.
The knob turned and Penny entered her apartment absolutely beaming carrying two bags of thick binders.
"I got the job!" she exclaimed happily.
"That's too bad," Leonard said sympathetically until he realized what she had said. "You did?!" he gasped.
"You betcha!" she said as she set the bags down by the couch before slipping out of her heels. "The interview was really tanking but then we got on to the subject of Bernadette and how bossy she is and things took off from there! I totally aced it from that point on and long story short you're looking at the latest pharma rep at their company!" Penny babbled, completely ignorant of Leonard's shocked look. "Anyhoo, they're giving me"—her phone rang—"just a sec. ... Hey Ames! I got the job! Yeah, totally." Penny went to her bedroom, turning at the door. "Just a sec." She looked to Leonard. "Smells great. I won't be long." She entered the bedroom. "Leonard cooked. ... Yeah, I could get used to this," she laughed.
Leonard wasn't pleased.
With a scowl he ladled out the spaghetti and sauce and served the table. He then poured out the wine and drained his glass before refilling it.
Penny came out of her bedroom in her comfy pants and a tank top.
"What's for dinner, Wilma?" she grinned as she sat at the table. "Wait, let's toast." They picked up their glasses. "To a new start."
"A new start," Leonard agreed with an ambiguous smile. They drank and then set their glasses down. "So you really think this is the best thing for you to be doing?"
"Leonard, it's a buttload of cash," Penny said with her mouth full. "You better believe this is best."
"There's a lot of studying involved," said Leonard as he listlessly twirled the spaghetti on the plate with his fork.
"Yeah, the manuals are huge but I figure I can crack them."
"But the words are big and all of the interactions are complicated and—"
"Leonard, I got the job," Penny said as she set down her fork. "I know what it entails. Bernadette and Amy are gonna give me a hand with some of the studying." She smiled reassuringly. "It'll be okay."
"What about asking me?" Leonard said, hurt.
"I don't want to bother you. You're my pop tart not my bran muffin," Penny winked.
"Yes but pop tarts are still a part of breakfast."
"Leonard, I want to do this on my own," Penny said seriously.
"Sure, sure," he said quickly. "I can see why. I mean you did pretty good with that history paper. Okay, maybe not as good as my paper would have been but it was still pretty good." He took a sip of wine. "Although this time if you screw up you could probably kill someone"—he caught her frown—"but that's neither here nor there." He held up his wine glass. "To Penny, a step into the future and—please don't leave me!"
"What?" gasped Penny. "Of course not! Leonard, this is for us."
"Of course it is." He gave a brave face. "My sexy fiancée has a new career. No need to be concerned." He brightened. "Hey, maybe we can move the wedding up?"
"To when?"
"Well if we line up early the Justice of the Peace should be able to see us tomorrow."
"Nice try," Penny said with a smirk.
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"Here you are," the redheaded waitress said with a plastered smile on her face as she set the burger platter on the table. "One barbecue bacon cheeseburger—barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side."
Although he was only one person dining Sheldon insisted on sitting at his usual table at the Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon let out an aggravated sigh as he inspected the platter. She took longer than Penny to get his burger assembled and given that his was the only order it was quite inexcusable.
"The bacon and cheese should be placed the other way around on the plate," he said. "It's a barbecue bacon cheeseburger not a barbecue cheese bacon burger."
"I'll remember that for next time," the waitress replied.
"Well that really doesn't help me this time, does it?"
The waitress nodded and then got the hell away from the table as fast as was professionally possible.
Sheldon assembled his burger and took a bite. Immediately memories of his feisty blonde-haired neighbor came to mind with her sassy comments and yellow tunic outfit that barely covered the cleavage exposed by her white lace top. He set down his burger and continued to chew, albeit more slowly. The burger tasted exactly the same as when Penny was here. Yes, that meant a sign of quality and consistency, but it also made him sad. Penny and the barbecue bacon cheeseburger were supposed to be inseparable but obviously this was not the case. Each has gone on their separate way. Like Sheldon's friends.
This restaurant table had seen everything from a mythical re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg to jokes about Leonard's lactose intolerance and sexual inadequacies, Raj's on again off again Hindu diet and Howard diving under the table to hide from an angry Bernadette. Sheldon frowned as he took another bite of burger. Now his friends were with their significant others and Amy's—
Sheldon had been at the Cheesecake Factory by himself for lunch but never for dinner. Previously he went to Big Boy with the guys. Leonard was the one who insisted on coming here because Penny was a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory. A routine altered because of a female.
If Sheldon wanted to re-establish himself then he needed to get back to what made him a satisfied individual—and a successful physicist. Since conversing with Beverly he'd thought about his life over the past four years and came to the conclusion that she was right, he had changed. Moreover, he wasn't happy. He was unsure about things and he didn't like that feeling. In fact the very idea that he doubted himself would have been preposterous to a younger Sheldon.
If Sheldon wanted to re-establish himself then he needed to get back to the basics. He was a full-on junior professor now and he had to make this work. The question was how?
Sheldon set his burger down. He couldn't finish it. It tasted too 'right'.
And right now everything was so wrong.
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Examination of Brain Serotonin Receptors in Patients with Mood Disorders: wwwclinicaltrialsgov/ct2/show/NCT00026832