As always a MASSIVE THANK YOU to all of you who took the time to review the last chapter!

I have lagged behind in getting this up again, I'm not loosing interest don't worry, it is just RL getting in the way. However, we should be back on track now for weekly posts rather than the 10 days I've hit.

Okay this chapter has been the biggest pain to update on to this site so I'm too scared to do a final read through in case it crashes on me with an error message again, so please if there are any mistakes or what not go easy on me.

So all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW.

Remedy

Derek was well aware he was attracting attention, and had been since he had first entered the hospital this morning. There had been glances, and whispered conversations in the elevator, and he was certain if Seattle Grace was in anyway like New York-Presbyterian then the gossip mill was already running at full speed, as it did for every prominent new arrival. His personal file no doubt held no secrets now, neither he guessed did his connection to Meredith, and he was sure there was probably at least a dozen rumours floating about to explain his sudden move across country.

However, Derek hadn't come into work for his first shift early, or made sure he was first through the door when the coffee shop across the street had opened ten minutes ago to be so easily put off. For as much as he hated being the centre of a gossip storm, what he hated more was that he hadn't seen, or spoken to Meredith in over twenty-four hours. It was why with coffee's in hand he had stationed himself outside the resident's lounge.

The mistake he had made yesterday had been allowing his frustration with his sisters persistent calls to get the better of him. In a fit of annoyance he had turned his cell off, chucking it without a second thought into the glove compartment of the rental car he had leased that morning. The loss of the near hourly calls had only aided him in getting completely engrossed with what he, and the realtor had stumbled across, with the rest of the world forgotten.

On a whim Derek had agreed to check out a property much further away from the hospital than he originally wanted, and it was on the drive over he had spotted a for sale sign on the side of the road. His interest piqued, he had pulled over, and the very second he had stepped further on to the land he had felt that same instinctual certainty he had the first time he had crossed the walk way of Seattle Grace. In that single moment he was done looking, he didn't care what the price was, all he known was this was where he was meant to be. The ground beneath his feet had felt like the first solid foundation of the life he wanted here in Seattle, the life he wanted to share with Meredith.

It was only when he had returned to the hotel later that evening with a head full of plans, he had remembered his cell phone, and the call he was expecting from Meredith when she was ready to leave. There had been missed texts from Meredith dotted throughout the day inquiring how the house hunt was going, but the most important message mixed amongst the easily ignorable voice-mail's from his sisters was the one that brought his evening down around his ears. It was simple, and to the point, and told him Josh was back, and had come to meet her to take her out to dinner. She hadn't said he shouldn't come over, but Derek hadn't been deaf to the tension in her voice to know his presence would only complicate matters further. So, instead of taking Meredith to show her exactly how he had spent his last day as a free man, he had checked out of the hotel, and spent his first night in an Air-stream trailer alone.

When the door to the lounge finally opened, Derek took an eager step forward only to step back again in disappointment when Izzie Stevens emerged instead. Izzie, the very same person who he had inadvertently dropped in it with Meredith on Monday night. The subsequent fallout had started out as amusing, Derek had always enjoyed being a spectator to one of Meredith's rants rather than the person on the receiving end, however the entertainment hadn't lasted long.

In the middle of Meredith berating Izzie for handing him a weapon of blackmail on a plate, Derek's gloating chuckle which had earned him glares from both women, seemed also to set Izzie off on a defensive attack. In the attempt to defend herself, and the slip up she had made in the O.R gallery she had revealed details of that day that had made his blood run cold. The chair falling back as he had jerked up from the kitchen table had brought Meredith's attention back to him, and before he had had chance to open his mouth she had ushered him upstairs away from prying ears.

Once there whilst he had paced the small space, and with only the minimal amount of prompting Meredith had given him the full story, and as he had demanded holding nothing back. When she had come to the end Derek hadn't known whether to kiss her to remind himself that she had in fact survived, or to release all the fear it had filled him with in a row about what could have possibly gone through her head to even put herself in that position in the first place.

However, before he could settle on which option to take, Meredith with one further confession had left him dumbstruck with one fatal swipe. To be told so calmly how the whole time her hand hand had been on that bomb she had been trying to remember the last time they had kissed, had made his legs weak beneath him, and he had lurched back as if she had physically punched him in the stomach. With shaky legs, and tears burning his eyes he had crossed the room and crushed her to him, unable for probably the first time in his life to find any words.

"Dr Stevens."

Derek shook of the chilling memory to greet Meredith's house-mate, but her only response was a glare. Cristina Yang who was following closely behind the blonde saw his look of confusion, and paused in the doorway.

"Barbie holds grudges, she's a bitter Barbie that way… Is one of them for me?"

It wasn't, but having already obviously pissed off one of Meredith's friends Derek thought it beneficial to at least make an effort, especially when Cristina was the only other person in the hospital who knew what was going on between him, and Meredith.

"Sure."

"Thank you."

Cristina took the cup with a smirk, a smirk that told him she had understood exactly what he had just been thinking, and enjoyed the power it gave her.

"Your welcome."

When the door opened once more a second later Derek felt his chest tighten as Meredith emerged, the urge to lean forward, and kiss her almost undeniable. He stopped himself in time, and instead settled for holding out the coffee to her.

"Good Morning."

Meredith wasn't surprised to find him waiting right outside the lounge for her, if she was honest she had been more amazed when she hadn't been accosted by him in the car park first thing this morning. She had no choice but to accept the coffee he pushed into her hands, and as she looked him over she found herself on the receiving end of one of his more charming smiles. It was one she knew well, it caused the skin around his eyes to wrinkle, and always made him look more a mischievous boy than a grown man of thirty-seven. This wasn't the Derek she had been expecting especially after the news she had left on his voice-mail last night.

"You're very cheerful."

"It's my first day, I'm allowed to be cheerful."

"Well thank you for the coffee." Meredith said noticing for the first time this wasn't something he had grabbed on his way through the hospital.

"Your welcome,"

Derek murmured falling into step with her, earning himself another smile when he bumped her shoulder.

"And see I remembered the rule."

"I'm impressed."

"Well I am impressive."

"So you like to think."

"I remember you always thought so too." Derek bent to whisper in her ear, laughing as she choked on the coffee, which earned him a sharp dig in the ribs.

"So where were you all day yesterday? I tried to call."

"I know, I'm sorry I turned my phone off,"

"Have you actually spoken to them?"

Meredith asked, not needing him to explain any further why he had done what he did. Since he had arrived Monday morning, just two days ago she had spoken to Nancy and Kate more times than she had in the whole month previously. So far they seemed to see her as an innocent bystander, but Meredith wasn't sure how long it would be before they decided she was a co-conspirator in their brothers quest to avoid them.

"I've spoken to Liz, and Amy."

"Liz, and Amy are not who I was on about."

"Does texts count?"

When Meredith shook her head he sighed.

"Then no. You?"

"Yes, because someone has too. Yesterday Nancy tore in to you for your irresponsibility, your lack of impulse control, and the obvious career suicide you have committed. Kate, on the other hand thinks this may be an early mid life crisis, like a delayed response to your divorce."

"Ah not much different to the voice-mail's they leave me then. You do know there is only one reason I came here don't you?"

"I do."

"Good, then nothing else matters."

"Derek that doesn't mean you can keep avoiding them. The longer this goes on, the worse it's going to get, they will want blood, your blood not mine. Just be a big boy, and tear the band aid off, and get it over with. Otherwise one of them will get it in their head to fly out here, and that is not what you want."

"Okay Mom,"

"Take that back."

"Make me."

"Such a child,"

Meredith shook her head with a laugh, more aware now of the people around them as they reached the nurses station where her Interns were waiting. With a wave of her hand she signalled for the four to follow behind, before turning back to Derek.

"So how did yesterday go?"

"Well as of last night I am no longer living in the hotel."

"You found somewhere in one day?"

"I did. The actual sale is obviously not finalised, but the current owner has no problem with me being there."

"That was quick!"

"I know what I want. I saw it, and knew I had to have it. It's very Seattle. So what did you do yesterday?"

"I was actually with Dr Nelson. He wanted to talk all about the cowboy from New York who the Chief has flown in to take the job he thought was his. Just like with Nancy when she ripped you to shreds, I found myself agreeing with him too."

Derek took her arm, moving her with him to the side so they were able to drop behind her four interns.

"You missed me."

"No."

"I missed you too. I just got caught up in wanting to get everything sorted, and then I got your message about Josh, and thought it was better I didn't come over..."

"Yeah it was awkward."

Though she had known Josh was due back yesterday, she had been trying so hard not to think about it, or what lay ahead that when he had turned up at the hospital last night, she had been genuinely shocked to see him. She had gathered her wits just about enough to remember to call Derek before she left, but not enough to find a credible excuse to avoid the dinner for two he had planned.

"I had to try and explain you were here, which wasn't easy when the last he had heard from Rob was that we were still fighting, and then..."

"Did you?"

"I couldn't … Everyone was there when I got home. I will, I want too, it just never seems the right time, and don't tell me there isn't a right time, I know that its just… its hard."

"Okay."

"Really, it's okay to not be you know, I don't expect you to be a completely different person here Derek, and the Derek I'm used to wouldn't be okay."

Derek stopped, and glanced around them to make sure there was no one close enough to overhear.

"Remember I have no moral high ground here Mer… I want to be with you, but I don't want to push this with us, or push you when your not ready. It may be hard to believe, but I have learnt from my mistakes."

"Just so you know I haven't … Not since we arrived in New York. I couldn't, I can't..."

For a moment she thought he hadn't understood what she was trying so hard to say without actually having to say it. This wasn't even something she had ever wanted to bring up within the four walls of the hospital, but she needed him to know especially now Josh was here in Seattle too.

"Oh…"

When the pleased smile began to replace the look of confusion he had worn Meredith knew he had understood, and in a very Derek way obviously saw it as some kind of compliment. For her all she knew was that it seemed like a betrayal almost to both men if she had slept with Josh after Derek had confessed his feelings for her. Last night she knew Josh had been expecting to stay over, she had seen no way to let him down gently until Cristina had arrived, and Meredith had latched on to her best friends presence. It had worked so well without rousing too much suspicion in him because of how common it was for Cristina to crash there, and more than once in that past Josh had found his place taken in her bed with Meredith unwilling to kick her friend out.

"Stop looking so smug!"

"Sorry,"

"Seriously stop!" Meredith repeated when the smile showed no sign of disappearing even when she slapped at the arm closest to her to drive the point home.

"I'm trying too."

"Why are you hitting him? Actually I don't care just keep away from the hands, I'm his intern today, and I need a good surgery after being stuck on scut for two days."

Neither of them had noticed Lexie's approach, and Derek used the distraction to move himself out of arms reach as Meredith continued to glare at him.

"Thanks for the concern Little Grey."

"Well Little Grey is certainly better than Three..." Lexie said with a smile, "So if you're doing the whole nickname thing, does that mean you've accepted being labelled Dr McDreamy?"

"McDreamy? Who on earth..."

Derek started only to come to as stop as he remembered what he had thought was just an insignificant comment in passing between two best friends. It only took one glance at Meredith to tell him he was correct, and he sighed in frustration.

"How could you?"

"I didn't do anything. It was Cristina."

"You agreed to it. Don't deny it, I heard you in the elevator."

"I'm sure it won't catch on."

"Well…."

Meredith shot her sister a look, but Lexie either chose to ignore the very clear meaning behind it, or saw this as some kind of payback for the teasing over Mark.

"All the nurses know, and apparently you've earned a little bit of a following already… Your very dreamy apparently."

"All the nurses know?"

"I'm sure Lexie is exaggerating."

"I'm not."

"Well just think of how proud Mark would be. It's your first day, and you have a fan club."

"Fix it."

"I cant…"

"Hand on a bomb."

"You wouldn't?"

"That would distract Nancy. She would forget me in a flash, and would be on the phone with Mom before you had chance to even think of anything that would come close to a justifiable excuse for landing me with that nickname."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd if you dare then I will..."

"Give it up Mer, you have nothing."

"I'll tell Mom it was you and Mark that teapeed the house that Halloween, stamping all over her roses in the process, because you were drunk off the scotch you stole from the Sloan's."

"Hand on a bomb."

"I'll call Nancy myself, and tell her it was you who smashed that crystal vase not Weiss, and that it happened when instead of house sitting you let Mark throw that party."

"Hand on a bomb..."

There gazes locked in a silent war before Meredith stepped forward, put her hand on his chest, and whispered into his ear.

"I will never do that trick with my tongue, ever again."

She stepped back with a smug smirk all of her own, and knowing the debate Derek was currently having with himself about how serious she was Meredith raised an eyebrow, daring him to test her.

"Fine. Will you at least try to talk to Cristina?"

"I will."

"What? What did she say?"

Lexie demanded, but before either of them could make up anything up Meredith felt an arm drop around her shoulders, and her whole body froze as Josh leaned in, and kissed her cheek before he turned his attention to Derek.

"Hey Derek good to see you. I couldn't believe it when Mer told me you had moved out here too, if you need any help settling in just let me know."

Derek had no choice but to shake the hand held out to him, nor did he have any control over the wave of pity he felt wash over him when he watched the younger man look at Meredith with his whole heart right there for everyone to see. If he knew one thing, it was what it felt like to love Meredith Grey, to have her, and feel that wholeness only to watch her slip through your fingers, and that was what unbeknown to Josh was in his future. All the same, no matter how much he sympathized with the man for what was to come, it didn't make watching him with Meredith any easier.

"Thanks. I should get going, Little Grey I'll page you once I've changed, and we can see what we can find to entertain you."

"Little Grey?"

Josh repeated with an obvious note of questioning in his voice, and Meredith had to tear her eyes from watching Derek disappear down the hallway to answer.

"It's what Mark calls Lexie, I think Derek has decided to use it here too, which does make sense when people constantly get confused."

"It's certainly better than 'Three' or 'Other Grey' or worse when you hear 'I wanted the good Grey'."

"Has anyone told him the nurses already have a nickname for him?"

"He does, and he hates it."

"Well it's not just the nurses that are singing his praises, ever since I came in this morning Tom, Matt, and David the Neuro fellows haven't talked about anything else. They went nuts when I said I'd already met him back East, I never knew he was such a big deal..."

"You didn't…? Derek, and Mark are like two of the top upcoming surgeons in the country. Derek is known for taking these impossible cases, and I mean Mark is already the go to guy for plastics on the East Coast."

"Mark again?"

Meredith teased her half-sister in payback for earlier when she had revealed Derek's nickname, something she had hoped when she had realised how far it had spread yesterday would just slip right past him.

"Oh I hate you."

"What's this?" Josh asked looking between the two women as Meredith continued to laugh.

"It's nothing, just a sister thing. So I have to go, my interns are waiting...Josh can we maybe go for a drink at Joe's tonight, or something?"

"Sure. I'll wait for you in the lobby. Does this mean you aren't free for lunch?"

"I'm with Hahn, so no probably not."

Lexie was just about to follow Meredith's example when Josh stopped her with a gentle touch to

the arm.

"Mer she seems okay right? I mean has she been okay since she got back?"

Josh had always thought of Lexie, as a lighter, more open version of Meredith, and along with Izzie she was always the most welcoming of the group to him. When they had first met a few months ago he had not long learnt about her existence until Meredith had pulled the car over to take a call from her. He had always assumed, and never been told differently that Meredith's family lived back East like his own. There had been no mention whatsoever that Seattle was actually home to a whole other side of Meredith's family, and he had only become more confused when Lexie rather than Meredith had tried to explain how the 'your dad isn't my dad' theory of Meredith's actually worked.

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"This is between us right?"

"Of course."

"New York, and meeting the Shepherd's it didn't go how I thought it would. I was worried I would come back, and she would be just as distant… Do you think it could it was just the family stuff like she said?"

"Probably Mer hadn't been home in a while, and she said so herself when I asked how it went how much she had missed everyone. And, you know, she's my sister, and even I don't know what's going on inside her head half the time. She hasn't said anything to me, and since Derek arrived she has seemed really happy."

"Yeah I haven't seen her smile like that in a while."

"Well there you go. Maybe it's what she needed, Derek being here is just like a piece of home!"

"So you think I've been worried about nothing?"

"I do." Lexie nodded, and she was pleased to see when Josh's much more familiar grin was back in place.

"Thanks Lexie. I'll catch you later."

Derek had barely had time to change into the new navy scrubs, before he was paged to the pit for an incoming trauma, and stepping on to the elevator to go meet Lexie he found one of the two people he had to blame for his new title. Sadly it wasn't the member of the guilty party he would most like to take a ride in an elevator with.

"So I'm told its you I have to thank for my new nickname."

"Do you hate it?"

"Yes."

"Good. I would think less of you if you didn't. It's the hair and the..."

Cristina tapered off waving a hand in his general direction.

"And unknown to everyone else its got a heavy hint of irony, what with the whole cheating on your wife thing, and driving Meredith to move across the country."

"Right. Well thanks for that. I suppose there is nothing I can say to make you put a stop to it, or at least come up with something less embarrassing?"

"Nope."

Silence reigned for a few seconds before he saw Cristina shift out of the corner of his eye, and with her arms crossed over her chest turned to look at him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can, though I'm surprised your asking for my permission."

"Are you sticking around? Or is this just some ploy to boost your ego, and prove she hasn't moved on from the great Derek Shepherd?"

Derek couldn't really be offended by her tone, or her question, not when he had a slightly less frank version of this conversion with his own Father only a few days ago. However, where as his Father had expected an answer Cristina obviously didn't as she continued to talk.

"I stayed with her last night, she used me as an excuse for Josh not to stay. Don't get me wrong I don't like Josh, he's boring, he's an ass kisser, a mediocre surgeon at best, and god knows what Mer sees in him, but he does love her, and he would never hurt her how we both know you did."

Derek was all too aware he had no right to tell her none of this was any of her business, he hadn't grown up in a house full of woman, and not learnt how female relationships worked. This was Cristina's business, because like he had realised Monday she was one of those people who had been here for Meredith when he hadn't, more so than any of the others as she was the only one Meredith had trusted to tell everything to.

"I love her, and I won't hurt her again. Look you don't have to believe me, but I only came here to be with her. I haven't pushed her to do anything she doesn't want too, I'm a lot of things, but I'm not that guy."

"You better not be. Since I met her, Mer she has lived at an eight you know, on any given day its an eight, and who can blame her with all the Thatcher issues, and the dead Mommy issues, and the mess you caused…"

"I know. You don't have to tell me that, I know okay?"

Derek interrupted, for a moment Cristina simply stared at him before giving him a sharp nod.

"Good."

"So we're okay? Your not going to be like Izzie, and glare every time you see me?"

"Do you care?"

"Me personally, no. But, you are her best friend, Mer doesn't let people close that easily, I don't want her to feel as if there is a choice to make. So when it comes to how it would effect Meredith, then yeah I care."

"You don't need to worry about Izzie, after a while you'll realise when she's like this is the only time she's semi normal."

With that she stepped off the elevator, and Derek decided that could only mean they were fine, or as fine as they would ever be. Cristina Yang wasn't someone he would pick for a friend, and he could see why Mark had described her as scary, but whilst she was a part of Meredith's life then he had no choice, but to learn how to get along with her. For the next few hours he kept an eye out for Meredith to no avail, and to his surprise it was her who came in search of him when he was waiting for the results of an MRI. She came with the offer of lunch, and ignoring her protests Derek led her to the walkway.

"We could have eaten in the cafeteria." Meredith joined him leaning back against the railing, accepting half of the sandwich he had grabbed from one of the machines.

"We could, but that would mean sharing your attention with everyone else, and I wanted to ask you something?"

"I'm listening..."

"Will you come, and see my new place tonight?"

There was a slight edge of nerves to his voice, and Meredith hated that she was about to disappoint him, but she had no other choice, this the way it was wasn't fair to any of them especially Josh.

"I would, but I have to talk to Josh…"

"Are you sure?"

"Don't you want me to?"

"Meredith you know what I want, I just don't want you to feel as if I have pushed you in to anything. If you want time, take it."

Meredith's eyes narrowed and Derek sighed,

"I don't like it okay. I hate even the idea of him touching you, but this is your life, I can't come here, and expect you to change everything."

"You sound so much like Dad when you talk like that...How about you come to mine, and wait for me, I may need a Tequila partner."

"Will it earn me another Seattle story?" Derek asked not wanting her to see how happy he was that she had asked him to be there for her.

"Maybe, but only if you can keep up with me."

She wasn't sure if she would be in the right mood to share a story from the past two years, but it was what they had agreed to when he had finally found the words to talk after she had told him everything about the day of the bomb. She had had no power to refuse him anything, after seeing the utter devastation on his face when she had told him about the one thing she had obsessed over when she thought she was going to die, but to give herself a little control she had issued two conditions. The first was for every Seattle story he had to share a New York one, and ultimately she had veto power.

"That's not fair I haven't done a Tequila binge since..."

Derek trailed off as green clashed with blue, and Meredith finished his sentence for him.

"Our first kiss."

"Mm hmm yep."

"Oh…"

Meredith flushed, it didn't matter how drunk she had been it still stood out in her memory in crystal clear clarity. It had been the night everything had changed between them, the turning point that had started them both on the course that had lead them to where they were today. Derek had arrived at her apartment unexpectedly, but in what had started to become a familiar routine of his after another row with Rebecca, with a bottle of Tequila in hand to replace the one they had drunk together only a few days previously. It had been when they reached nearly the half way point of the bottle when she had decided she needed to eat if they were to continue, and he had followed her into her tiny kitchen. She could still remember the exact moment Derek had suddenly stopped in his teasing of her cooking skills, and whilst she had still been laughing he had lent towards her, and kissed her before pulling away, a look of shock on his face as if he couldn't believe what he had just done. Just as she knew now, Meredith had known then that that was when she should have moved away, broke the moment somehow, and pretended it had never happened. Instead of doing what she knew was the right thing, she had acted on instinct alone, on the feelings that had been there for so many years, and grabbed hold of his sweater to pull him back to her.

Their mouths had crashed together hot, and hard, with none of the hesitancy from before. He had crowded her against the counter, his hands cupping her face holding her there so she had no option of pulling away even if she had wanted too. It was her who had initiated the deepening of the kiss, and he had moaned when she had thrust her tongue in to his mouth wanting to shut the voices in her head up with the pure pleasure of the experience of Derek. Instead of thinking how wrong this was she had concentrated on the feel of his hips grinding against hers, the touch of his hand slipping down her back to her ass, clutching at her, dragging her even closer to him before the need to breathe had beaten them both.

"Well there will not be a repeat of that."

Meredith tore her gaze from his, unable to ignore the darkening of the blue that told her he had been reliving every moment of that night just as she was.

"No? What about what we did after on that ratty old couch you got from Mark."

"Definitely not!"

"That's a pity."

Derek teased swiping his tongue across his bottom lip, and watching Meredith track the movement with hunger flaring in her eyes, before with a wink he changed the subject completely.

"So for my story tonight I want to know about you, and Cristina?"

"You mean how she became my person?"

"Your person?"

"Yeah, you know the person you would call to help you drag a dead body across the room…You would call Mark,"

"Or you…"

"Yeah, before I would have called you."

"Now?"

Meredith could see she had stung him with her choice of words, and quickly tried to explain what she had meant.

"Now I have Cristina. I couldn't call you because you would worry too much about me, you would be all about me, and not the actual task of getting the job done. Cristina she would get it done, she would shout at me to keep it together, and I would because she's my person. She would worry later, but only once everything else was taken care of."

"Ah I see. Yeah now I definitely want to know how you became friends."

"Okay, and you'll talk to your sisters before I get back. I have three missed calls already today."

"I'm actually thinking of getting a new number." Derek took a large bite of his sandwich, and Meredith sighed.

"Then you better get me one too whist your at it."

Derek nodded grinning, dropping his hand down to rest over hers on the barrier.

"That's the spirit… Just think of us as the modern day Bonnie, and Clyde."

"Weren't they killed…?"

"I doubt Nancy, and Kate will go that far, well Kate wouldn't, but you never can tell with Nancy."

Meredith finished the last of her sandwich before checking the time.

"I have to get back to Hahn the bloods she wanted will be back, but please for me talk to them!"

"For you I will seriously think about it."

Meredith could see Josh waiting for her in the lobby, his blonde head bent over what she assumed was a new journal, and hesitated in taking the final few stairs down towards him. Instead, she found her eyes returning back to him, and for a second she tried to imagine what the future would have looked like if their trip home had gone differently, or whether it really didn't matter if it was now, or five more years down the line they would have always come to this.

"What are you doing? Are you planning on throwing yourself down the steps? Has one day with McDreamy, and the Cardio hog in the same hospital drove you to this."

Meredith jumped at the sound of Cristina's voice, and clutched onto the bannister to stop herself tumbling down the stairs.

"I'm going to break up with Josh."

"Yeah you said that last night,"

"No I mean now, as in go to Joe's and do it."

"Your doing it at Joe's?"

"Is that not a good idea? Derek's sister always used to say if you break up with a guy in public it prevents them making too much of a scene, and Derek is no help."

"You asked him to help?"

"He's the only other person I've dumped. It's usually just consists of me saying I'm taking a shower, and you wont be here when I get back, and its over with."

"Your a surgeon Mer, think like one, it's one clean cut, and its done."

"I don't feel like a surgeon, I feel like I'm about to drown a puppy, I am putting him in a sack, and chucking him in the river."

"Josh is the runt of the litter, it's like natural selection, or survival of the fittest. It's being cruel to be kind. I'll do it for you if you want, I bet he's a crier."

"Don't I feel bad enough…"

"Opps too late to run, he's spotted you. And look he's all happy, I bet he's thinking tonight is his lucky night, when really he's about to get his heart ripped out, and dropped on to the floor with the peanut shells. Isn't love grand!"

Ignoring her Meredith took a deep breath, and finally took the last few stairs. For a moment she felt affection for him rock through her as he looked up, and his face broke into a wide smile at the sight of her. Her courage once again began to falter until she thought of Derek waiting back at home for her, and reminded herself Josh did deserve better than this.

"Hey you okay you look a little pale?"

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. Ready to go?"

His hand took hold of hers, and Meredith tried to respond in the right places as they crossed the road, and headed into Joe's. He left her to find a booth whilst he got the drinks from the bar, and Meredith had to fight the urge to bolt as she sat rigid in her seat. The instant her drink touched the table she grabbed at it, and took a long gulp.

"Josh I wanted to talk… I mean we, we need to talk,"

"That sounds ominous..."

Josh watched panic flare in the Meredith's green eyes, and he suddenly realised what he had avoided in New York was happening to him right now. The noise of Joe's, all the other patrons seemed to disappear leaving just the two of them, as it began to sink in she was ending it, or rather she was trying to build up the will too.

"Mer are you ending this? Is this why we're here, you want to break up?"

"I have too. I should never had let it get so far. I'm so sorry…" Meredith got out in a rush, but Josh only shook his head.

"I don't want you to be sorry I just want to know why?"

"You deserve more, you deserve better. I wanted to, I really wanted to. But..."

"Wanted to what Mer? Love me…?"

There was anger seeping in to his voice now, and Meredith hated herself for being the cause of the hurt she could see dimming the usually laughing brown eyes.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Josh."

"Stop saying fucking sorry,"

Meredith reached out for his hand only for him to snatch it away as if her fingers had burnt him.

"I am such a fucking idiot. I need to go."

"Josh wait..."

"For what? Do you want to tell me we could be friends? That its you, and not me cos by the sound of it is all me. I cant, I can't even look at you, I have to go."

Meredith stood, and watched him barge through the crowd trying to keep track of him until he became swallowed up in the mass of bodies by the bar. Her first instinct was to find a stool at the bar, but she knew she couldn't stay here not when she was pretty sure half the hospital had just figured out what she had done.

Meredith remembered little of the drive home, but when she stopped in to the hall way, and saw Derek sat on the couch, a bottle of Tequila and two glasses sat on the coffee table in front of him she let out a heavy sigh.

"You okay?"

"No."

"Drink?"

"Please..."

Meredith dropped her coat, and bag onto the floor in a heap before she sunk down onto the cushion beside him. Her head dropped on to his shoulder, feeling his free arm going around her as he filled the two glasses. It was a scene so familiar, and one she had longed for over the last two years, and needed more than ever tonight. She had had Cristina to drink with, to dance it out with, but nothing had been the same as having this, as knowing Derek was there to hold her, to catch her when life just seemed too hard as he had done for so many years before.

"Thank you."

Derek understood she wasn't talking about the drink he had just handed her as he turned, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Most people he knew would find it a little strange to comfort the woman you loved because she had just broken up with her boyfriend, but this, being here for her felt more natural than anything else he could think of.

"You don't ever have to thank me Mer."

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