As always I begin with a HUGE Thank You to all who reviewed, from the readers who have been here right from the start, whose names I look for when the emails come in, and the new ones that get me excited that someone new has found this story.

Now I feel guilty because I don't feel like this update isn't up to scratch, but the last week or two has been so rubbish, and busy I haven't had the chance to go through, and twist it to what I want. I doubt anyone reads these, but I will tell you why for once, and if anyone has any experience let me know. Our dog Seth, has been having seizures for the past month, and we have gone from being told it was most likely a parasitic infection causing them, to epilepsy which he is now on medication every twelve hours for, however now they are starting to consider it could be a tumour. He's only 4, and my son worships him, so its all a bit crappy right now.

Anyway all I ask is you Read, Enjoy, and PLEASE REVIEW

In The Middle

With her lunch tray in hand Meredith bypassed the table George was beckoning her to, and with a determined air crossed the cafeteria to a much more rowdy one occupied by her half-sister, and some of the other fellow Interns. Unwilling to put on a show for an audience, the need to clear the table was paramount, so Meredith summoned up her best Ellis Grey impersonation, and dropped her tray on to the table top with a bang. She waited until all six pairs of eyes were on her, and she had their full attention before staring pointedly at each occupant one by one until hasty excuses, and apologies were made, and Lexie was left alone.

"Now that was just mean Juliet."

Lexie scowled up at her from her seat, a juice box half way to her lips, and Meredith sighed. For the past three days this had pretty much been the sum total of their relationship. Meredith would try to talk about what Lexie had seen Sunday night, only for Lexie to shut her down with a quip much like that one, and a feat of avoidance that Meredith would have been proud to pull off. It was almost as if Lexie had somehow regressed a decade, and taken on a muted version of Meredith's own stroppy teenage persona.

Such uncharacteristic behaviour for Lexie, hat Meredith might have been amused if it wasn't for the nagging feeling that all the progress they had made since Lexie had returned, was slowly sliding away. It was why she was indulging in some uncharacteristic behaviour of her own, all in a bid to prevent damage to their relationship they wouldn't be able to repair. It had lead her to pursue Lexie for the past few days even in the face of such blatant rejection, going against every instinct calling her to just let her half-sister be in the hope she would come around on her own.

There was no time for the softly softly approach, not when the clock was ticking down to the dinner with Thatcher, and if anything could push them past the point of no return, it was that particular ordeal. So she was not being a Grey about this, she was going against everything she knew, and was being a Shepherd. Or, rather she was using the Shepherd method of never being able to let something go, much like a dog with a bone, with just a touch of Ellis Grey to get the point home.

"Okay first off Juliet was an idiot."

Meredith started unable to resist answering the dig, before refocusing on the conversation she had been building herself up to, and practising all morning to have.

"I get that you are mad at me, but we are due to have dinner with your parents in six hours, so this has to stop. We are going to sit here, talk like adults, and not like the spoilt little brat you are currently acting like. Okay? It's time to grow up Lexie!"

The whole time she was speaking Meredith was inwardly wincing at just how much Ellis she was channelling, and how easily it came. With another flashback to her own teenage meal time play book she anticipated Lexie's next move, and with a smile of satisfaction took the seat closest to her half-sister looping her leg around the chair leg to stop her from moving.

"No, no-one moves until we talk."

"Fine." Lexie grunted in frustration, giving up on the struggle to free her chair. "How was Juliet an idiot?"

"Lexie."

"You never specified what the conversation had to be about."

"Fine. Well for starters Juliet falls for the enemy, the one guy she knows she can't have, and..."

Meredith trailed off seeing the slight irony of that statement, but decided to continue on with her theme nevertheless. This was the longest conversation either her, or Derek had had with Lexie in days, and she wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

"And, then she blames everything that happens all on fate, like she had nothing to do with it. When if she had actually thought it through she would have realised maybe that was all the time her, and Romeo got. They had it, and it passed so it was time to try to move on, and find another happy ending. But no, instead what does she do? She drinks the bottle of poison, and falls asleep in the mausoleum. How stupid was that?"

"Are you saying you don't believe in fate, and true love?"

"No what I'm saying is maybe you can't help who you love, but you can decide what you do with it! I believe love, like life for the most part is about making choices. It works both ways, you can chose to be with someone even when you know its wrong like Juliet did, but you also have to chose to save yourself, and walk away."

For a moment Lexie looked stunned before she shook her head as if trying to clear it, and brought them quickly back round to the original bone of contention.

"Anyway that's not the point, the point is she had a secret boyfriend, which is something you both have in common."

"It's not that simple. I wish it was as simple as that."

Meredith tried, but Lexie only shook her head giving more of the reaction Meredith had expected would come her way at some point.

"Well to me, it is. You two are together, and I only found out because I caught you dry humping against a wall like a pair of horny teenagers. Were you ever even going to tell me? I mean, I thought we were finally becoming proper sisters, and then I find out this whole time you were living a secret life."

"Seriously? A secret life...? Well I'm glad someone took their daily dose of drama pills today."

"It's not funny Meredith."

This time it was Lexie channelling her inner parent, and she sounded so much like Susan that if it wasn't for the thin ice she already knew she was standing on, Meredith would have laughingly pointed the fact out.

"Your right it's not, and I am sorry you found out that way. However, if you had stuck around Sunday, or any other day either of us have tried to talk to you then maybe you would understand this a little better."

"Understand what? You, and Derek are together, what else is there to understand…? Just tell me am I the last to find out?"

"Apart from Christina I haven't told anyone, and I had no plans too either."

Meredith said lowering her voice a touch, though it had never crossed her mind that Lexie would actually tell anyone about what she had saw, she was all too aware of the interest her other friends had in Lexie's very public cold shoulder, and the attention they were paying now.

"Why? What is so wrong that this has to be some big secret? Did you cheat on Josh?"

"No I didn't cheat on Josh!"

"Then why? I just don't get this Mer."

"This thing with Derek, and me it's more complicated than you know. We have nearly a lifetime of history together, his family are my family, and we have proven we can hurt each other how no one else can. None of this is simple."

"You still could have told me."

"No I couldn't."

"Why not? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you… This isn't about you, or us Lexie. Honestly two weeks ago I thought it was over, okay? We were done, we had been since I got on the plane to Seattle, and I was trying my best to move on."

Meredith stopped to open her water, holding up a hand to stop Lexie from talking.

"More importantly you like Derek, and he likes you too so despite whatever problems he, and I were having then, I wanted you to still like him, because one day I had hoped we would go back to being friends."

"Hang on, I'm confused..."

Lexie pushed her plate of half eaten food she had been picking at while they spoke away, and for the first time really looked at Meredith. Meredith watched as she put together all the pieces of information, and her look of confusion disappeared, and she leaned forward towards her.

"You were together before, when he was still married?"

"It shouldn't have happened, I'm not proud of it, and nor is he… For two months, it wasn't a long term thing, it wasn't planned it just happened."

"And that ended when you left, which means you didn't just leave New York to work here, you were leaving Derek too?"

"Yes."

"So what does that mean for Josh, is he what you meant about trying to move on?"

"Something else I am not proud of."

"But, you didn't cheat, and, you didn't speak to Derek the whole time you've been in Seattle...Right?"

"Right."

"So what changed?"

"Christmas."

"Which is why you were so weird when you got back, and he turned up here out of the blue like that."

"I wasn't weird."

"You were weird. God I told Josh you were fine, that you two were fine all because Derek was here, and then you dumped him..."

"It's not your fault."

"No I know it's not. God Mer you made such a mess of it all."

"Now do you understand why I haven't been shouting it from the rooftops?"

"I guess... Do you love him? I suppose that's a stupid question, but you do right? This is serious?"

"We're taking it slow, he asked for a chance, and that's what I am giving us."

"Okay…But, you're happy? Cos since he got here you haven't been so youish so you must be, I mean you even agreed to this dinner without Mom using me to beg you."

"Yes I'm happy. Can this be done now? Do you have any more questions, or are we good?"

"We're good, but no more secrets Mer."

"Fine. This means you have to be okay with Derek too, no more refusing to be on his service."

"Oh thank god because it was really hard to be mad at him, with you it was easy, but he kept throwing these really great cases in my face, and I really wanted to be his Intern again."

Meredith laughed mostly in relief, before shaking her head at her sister,

"So does this mean you will be riding with us tonight?"

"I can't. Cristina said my sulking face annoyed her so she put me on discharge, which means I'm going to be a little late, but I promise I will be there before you eat."

"Molly has already seen sense, if you desert me I swear I will have Cristina put you on enemas for a fortnight, and doing Scut will seem like a dream."

"I don't see why I have to go anyway, like you said Sunday you have a wing man now."

"Yeah, and Derek is great with people, he's a Shepherd which means he's naturally chatty, and charming, and annoyingly good in all social situations. I need a socially awkward Grey in my corner."

"Talk of the devil,"

Lexie said as Derek came up behind Meredith, his smile wide, and for half a moment she expected him to kiss her, before he swerved placing down his own lunch tray as he nudged her shoulder, his smile changing, softening as he looked, and waited for Meredith's returning smile.

Ever since Sunday night she had been going over the time Derek had been in Seattle, and as always with hindsight everything seemed so different. Meredith harder to read the only major change she had noticed was she seemed happier, and though her, and Derek had been consistently spending time together it had been the same as what she had seen over the years. Today, with her eyes open to what was actually going on there was no mistaking how far gone Derek was especially with how he was looking at her sister.

"Little Grey your smiling at me, and not scowling, this is progress."

"We've talked."

"Good, I'm glad." Derek smiled at her before his full attention once again returned to Meredith "Which explains what happened to our lunch plans."

"No I told you this morning you needed to try, and make friends."

"I am making friends, that doesn't mean we can't eat lunch together. If you had been in my O.R with me earlier, you would have seen me at my most friendliest. Ask any of my scrub nurses, I was positively charming."

"I have told you blame the Chief it's his new policy, no specialising for second year residents."

"Richard doesn't set the schedules, Miranda Bailey she's the Chief Resident right, so she does the schedules? Maybe that's who I need to make friends with."

Both sisters laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing. You do that, go make friends with Bailey."

"Your acting like she wouldn't want to be friends with me. I'm a great friend to have."

"Of course you are."

"I am. So are we all carpooling tonight like a proper little family?"

"Lexie will be late."

"So just me, and you then?"

"See how excited he is? This is why I need you!"

"Do you not realise you are being used by my mother just to get Meredith there? There is a real reason Molly has chickened out tonight, and it is called Grey sickness."

"She's more dramatic than you with a hangover,"

"She likened me to Juliet earlier."

"Ouch," Derek pulled a face "Did you get the Juliet is an idiot rant?"

"Mm Hmm,"

"She has been repeating that since the eighth grade. Her teacher ended up giving her a lecture about fate, and love which disgusted her even more, and it all ended with her writing a letter home to Ellis about Meredith's attitude, and unwillingness to participate in class activities."

"Did you get in trouble?"

"No, Ellis told poor Ms Synder she was a frivolous simpleton, and she had more plans for her daughter than to end up a simpering lovesick fool."

"Oh wow..." Lexie exclaimed before looking at Derek "Well Valentines day will be fun for you then."

"Mer doesn't celebrate."

"She doesn't? Mer..."

"Its commercial rubbish." Meredith said taking a huge bite of her sandwich that had largely been forgotten till now, before nodding towards Derek.

"It's not as if he can pretend he doesn't know these things."

"I do, and I still love her,"

"Aww Mer maybe he is your Romeo, but without the crappy ending."

"Rules." Meredith said looking at Derek, then turning to Lexie. "And, you can go back to not speaking to me for that."

She had barely begun eating again when her pager bleeped, and with regret pushed away her still mostly full tray as she got to her feet, and looked pointedly at Derek.

"I have to go, but later if an urgent case comes in don't hesitate to take it, or steal one."

"That wouldn't help me make these friends you are so insistent upon."

"I was wrong, you don't need friends."

"Dr Grey you will be in the lobby at seven pm, and so will I."

"I hate you."

"I know you do, and because I know how much you hate me I am going to escort you to your patient, and listen to all the ways you do."

Derek laughed grabbing his salad, and fork to go before glancing back at Lexie.

"Back with me tomorrow?"

"Please."

Lexie bent back over her meal, but she had barely swallowed another mouthful when the chair Meredith had abandoned was taken again.

"She looks happy?"

"Josh, hey…?"

"Oh are we not meant to speak any more?"

"No. No of course we can, Mer isn't like that."

"No I know she isn't, sorry… I just wanted to ask if she has said anything?"

"Mer doesn't really do that either…"

"I know, I didn't mean about me. I just meant she seems happy, or happier. I see her smiling, and I don't know I keep going back over everything, and..."

"She's my sister. Look we can be friends, but she's my sister, I can't talk about her with you now it wouldn't be fair,"

Lexie cut him off, and sent a desperate look over to where she had spotted Cristina watching them, but the other woman's smile only grew as she shook her head denying any help.

"I get it. We ended, so the wagons were circled…" Josh had followed her gaze to the other table where the four were sat watching them. "I just wanted to ask if you knew why her, and Derek fell out? They weren't speaking when we were in New York, it was a big thing the whole family were talking about it, and now it's like it never happened. He's here, and he's everywhere with her."

"Josh I didn't even know they had till recently." Lexie hated lying, and hoped the fact it was at least a half truth would help her now.

"Oh… So the not talking thing wasn't just me then, that's good to know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I shouldn't even care she has made it clear where we stand, but it's feels as if I am missing something that is staring me right in the face, and yet I cant see it." He shook his head "Forget it Lexie,"

"Josh, Mer never meant to hurt you, and I do know she cared a lot about you."

By the time she had stopped speaking he was stood ready to go back to his own table, and she couldn't help, but worry about what would happen if Josh stumbled across Meredith, and Derek like she had.

"You think?"

"Yeah I do."

"It just wasn't enough."

Derek had made sure he was in the lobby on time, however there was no surprise to the fact Meredith arrived ten minutes late, and looking as if she walking to her own execution. Throughout the drive he tried to start numerous conversations, only to garner little response if any, and instead he had no choice, but to watch her grow more withdrawn. When the navigation system finally had him pull in front of what he assumed was the Grey home Derek turned off the engine, and waited.

"Mer…?" Reaching out a hand he touched her cheek, turning her face so she was looking at him, and not staring blindly out the window.

"I'm fine."

"No your not. Look I know what I said earlier, but its not too late shall I turn the car around, and take us home? Call Cristina, or Lexie? Take us to the nearest bar? Just tell me what I can do to make this better?"

"Can you make me not love Lexie?"

"What?"

"Every time I come here I sit out here in my car like this, and wish that I didn't love Lexie, or could be happy without her as my sister. If I could then I could walk away from all of them without looking back, and I wouldn't have to know that I am about to walk in to that house, and feel like I was never a good enough reason for him to stick around… But, I do love her, and I love having her as a sister, so there's nothing you, or I can do except sit here just for a minute."

Without saying a word in reply Derek unclipped their belts, and pulled her into his arms. He anticipated her initial resistance of his offer of comfort, but when he didn't relent she clutched at him, and he held her tightly the same way he had all those years ago at the docks.

"Thatcher Grey is not my father. I don't want him to be, I wouldn't change what I had for the world, but no matter what I still feel like that fifteen year old. No matter how much time passes, how many of these I come to I still step in to a room with him, and it's like we are there again, right after Ellis died, and I get so angry at him you know for making me feel like that…"

"Hey do you remember what I told you that day when I found you?"

When she nodded, he smiled in the way that never seemed to fail in reminding her just how far she had fallen for him.

"It still fits in every way, if anything we have only managed to love you more."

"You kissed me."

"What?"

"You kissed my forehead right after you said all that."

Meredith smiled for a moment, a blush staining her cheeks, and Derek looked confused at the sudden change of expression. She hadn't meant to say anything more, but sat here with Derek, with him looking at her in that way of his seemed to have disconnected her mouth from her brain.

"I had such a crush on you after that day."

"I had discovered hair products by then." Derek laughed "I would love to tell you the same, but that would have been slightly weird."

"And illegal."

"There is that. If its any consolation I had noticed you by your nineteenth birthday."

Meredith's only answer was a look of disbelief.

"It marked the beginning of me convincing myself everything I was feeling was simply the big brother instinct kicking in. You may have made a pact with Liz about Mark, but we had one too."

"A pact?" Meredith laughed in disbelief.

"Yes."

"So you, and Mark?"

"And Weiss, Sam, Martin and ugh…"

"Oh my god… Sam had that huge party after I got back from Europe that me, and Liz crashed. I was dancing with Martin, and you punched him."

"He was all over you, and I know what you are doing?"

"I don't know what your talking about."

"Your avoiding going in there, so instead we are sat out here doing this. I don't mind, I like talking to you, I want us to know these things but, you can do this Mer. We'll just go in, eat, make polite conversation, then thank them for the meal, and leave. I will be there the whole time,"

"You think it's that simple?"

"We can try… You're not on your own this time. Ready?"

"No."

She admitted, and Derek cupped her face pressing a kiss to her lips.

"You can do this, it will be over before we know it, and I promise the next time Susan suggests one of these I will have excuses ready for every night for a year."

"Promise?"

"I swear."

With one last kiss Derek came round to her side, and opened the door for her to step on to the side walk, his hand finding hers, their fingers knotting together. They stayed that way until they reached the front door, and Derek raised a hand, and knocked the door. Susan answered almost immediately, her face breaking into a wide smile at the sight of the two of them.

"Meredith, Derek it's lovely to have you here, come on in."

Derek placed his hand discreetly in the middle of Meredith's back, as he followed just a step behind in to the house. As soon as he stepped into the hallway he found his eyes drawn to the framed photos lining the walls, a smile forming when he spotted Meredith.

"Thatcher, Meredith, and Derek are here."

Susan called before noticing what had captured Derek's attention. It was a photo of all three Grey girls sat eating a picnic. Lexie was sat closest to Meredith, and the adoration in her eyes was almost tangible.

"It's a lovely photo isn't it. I think Meredith you must have been..."

"Seventeen," Derek cut her off, raising his hand up to touch Meredith's hair. "The green hair only came about because her, and Liz my sister got the bleaching process wrong. You were worried about getting Liz in trouble so you decided to go with it… You made out it was deliberate, and went to that shop..."

"The little one Downtown, I was their best customer, they used to give me discounts on hair dye."

"The old guy was a creep,"

Derek laughed, and Meredith nodded

"He was, but his wife was lovely. Do you remember Mom's face?"

"She tried so hard to not beg you to go back to that weird red colour, even though she had hated it."

"Then Mark told Grandma Malony I was paying homage to her Irish background, she was still so bitter about Sophie's wedding that..."

"She called you Carman for weeks."

"Carman?"

Susan asked butting into the conversation, and Meredith nodded with a smile, feeling more relaxed with this trip down memory lane than she had all day.

"She's a Celtic witch, or something."

"Oh…" Susan said looking suddenly doubtful, but Derek smiled in reassurance.

"My Grandmother cried when Mer got accepted to Dartmouth, despite all the evidence we could give you otherwise she did love her."

"Derek she told everyone she was crying in relief."

This time Susan did laugh as she lead them through to the living room.

"She seems like quite the character."

"She was."

"Do you remember Mer when you did the tour of Europe you went to Ireland, and kissed the Blarney Stone because it's meant to grant you the gift of the gab. Grandma Maloney always moaned about you rambling, so you got the photo put on a t-shirt for her, she said she would use it as a duster, but got it out to show off whenever anyone came around."

Derek had noticed the effect of the trip down memory lane, and tried to keep the conversation going with his hand still a reassuring presence on her back. However his attempts were ruined when he felt her tense, and they came face to face with Thatcher Grey.

"Meredith, hello its good to see you."

Thatcher nodded before reaching a hand to shake Derek's as Susan made a brief introduction, but though Derek made the polite replies necessary his whole focus was on the father, and daughter dynamic going on around him. He had never seen them together, and though he knew how strained the relationship was, he found he was still somehow shocked.

For the last twenty odd years he had watched a relationship flourish between Meredith, and his own father into something so filled with love, and affection that even with what he knew he had not been expecting something so cold. Even during the most strained times in the years after Ellis had died when Meredith had been in full rebellious mode, and seemingly on a mission to push everyone away, it had never come close to being like this.

There was no connection between them, Meredith held herself back, and Thatcher was making no attempt to reach out to her. Susan was the sole driving force here, and as they settled on to the couch with Susan, and Thatcher opposite Derek had to fight the urge to whisk Meredith back to the car. He could see the hand he had been holding up until Susan had opened the door between them gripping the edge of the cushion in a death lock, and all he wanted was to reach for it, and hold it. Any progress he had made was fading away, and he could see her slowly retreating back into her shell, and there was nothing he could do. The long silences that continuously fell Susan filled with countless attempts to draw Thatcher, and Meredith into conversation, but when Susan got up to check on the food it was only seconds later that Thatcher scurried from the room with a promise of drinks.

"See. Why do you think Lexie is late, and Molly didn't come."

"It's not that bad…" Derek tried when in reality even he was finding this hard. "You know what though, he kind of reminds me of you,"

"No he doesn't."

"He does. The whole rambling, nervous twitching thing you both do. On you it's endearing, I love it, but to see it on a grown man, it's slightly odd…"

"Yeah well when you frown you look just like Uncle Sal."

"I do not."

"You do."

"Your only saying that, because I said …."

Derek stopped mid sentence as he realised Meredith was smiling, not a forced polite line her lips had been set in for the past twenty minutes, but a real one.

"Thank you."

"Your welcome."

Taking a risk he lent over to kiss her softly, a mere brush of his lips, but when he pulled back Meredith's head dropped onto his shoulder for moment, just resting there, and he allowed himself to breathe a little easier. He had started to worry if by pushing her into this, he was running the risk of dealing with a Meredith he hadn't had much practice with in a while, and who had been a staple in the years after Thatcher had made an appearance in New York.

"Where has your father gone?"

Susan had reappeared her arms containing three photograph albums, and it brought Meredith's head up in rapid speed.

"Oh Susan, no. Derek has seen every imaginable embarrassing photo of me in existence, in fact he lived through them, he doesn't need to see your collection."

"But he's never gotten to see these. And, he seems a lot better at ageing you than I am, and a much more willing helper than any of you have ever been, so he may be able to help with some dates I never marked."

Meredith dutifully made room for Susan as she planted herself between them, and spread the first album out over her knee's, giving Derek another glimpse into a world he had never been privy too. The first few pages were easily identifiable it was the summer after Ellis had passed, and there was such an aura of a lost little girl around Meredith they were almost hard to look at.

"You all look so young here, I think this is the one, and only set we have with your natural hair colour Meredith,"

Meredith glanced over, and though she nodded she didn't voice an opinion, but it was apparent Susan wouldn't be satisfied .

"Lexie was so jealous of your lovely blonde hair. Do you remember?"

"I do."

Meredith agreed when she really she could remember little of that first trip except for how much she had missed home. She had spent hours watching Thatcher with a curious fascination as he had been seemingly haunted by her presence, as if she was a ghost from his past come to life. He had avoided all attempts Susan had made to leave them alone together, and everyday he had come home from work as if surprised to find here there.

"I was so homesick," Meredith murmured quietly, bringing Derek's attention away from the photo set, and to her.

"I remember Liz, and Amy were lost without you, it was as if Mom, and Dad had set it all up as a punishment for them. They whined, and made everyone's life a complete misery until Dad collected you from the airport."

"Your sisters?"

"My two younger ones. I think until Meredith took the trip here they had never actually spent more than a night apart since you were what eight, and Ellis agreed to let you come away with us?"

"I think so, yeah."

Meredith could still remember how it had been all the three of them had discussed up until the night before she left. Both Liz, and Amy had actively backed her in the weeks leading up to the trip when she had flatly refused to even consider the idea of spending three weeks in the same house as Thatcher Grey. It was Michael who finally two nights before she was due to leave had sat them down at the kitchen table to explain how everything so far had been handled pleasantly, it could still easily be different. He had told them how Susan, and Thatcher could go to court, and gain full custody of Meredith if they forfeited the agreement drawn up by the lawyers, and there would be little either he, or Carolyn could do to prevent it.

Three pairs of eyes had met his with equal levels of horror at the possibility of Meredith being taken from the only home she had ever known, and Amy had started to softly cry as she had clutched on to Meredith's hand. She hadn't cried, but she could still remember the hopeless despair that had rose in her chest, threatening to suffocate her until Michael had calmly produced an extra plane ticket. When he had explained he had spoken with the Grey's, and they had agreed Michael could fly out with her, and spend the first few days there until Meredith had settled in she had for the first time in weeks thrown herself into his arms, and nearly knocked him off of his seat in her urgency.

"Well you do look like your father don't you."

Susan said drawing Meredith's attention back to a photo of her, and Michael stood in front of the Space Needle from that very first trip. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, and she was clinging to him as if he was the only solid part in the unknown world she had been thrown in to.

"See no Uncle Sal resemblance here."

Derek pointed out wanting to erase the haunted look in Meredith's green eyes, but whatever he may have won was lost when Thatcher rejoined them.

"Oh Susan you didn't."

"I did. Unlike the rest of this family, Derek has a memory for dates, and my albums are sadly disorganised."

"I'm sorry."

Thatcher said, but Derek shook his head.

"My mother has a whole bureau full of these, it's no trouble."

"And your mother she's well?"

Thatcher asked suddenly, and Derek nodded watching the way his eyes would suddenly twitch towards Meredith then back again, and Derek realised something he was sure Meredith hadn't. One of, if not the biggest problems with Thatcher Grey, and holding him back from his daughter was guilt. It was as clear as day once you knew what you were looking for, and it made the man a slightly more redeemable heartless coward in his eyes, even if Derek would never be able to understand how he had did what he had done.

"She is. I actually spoke to her whilst I..."

Derek lost his track of thought as he noticed Meredith hastily try to flip a page, and instantly spotted what it was she was so keen for him not to see.

"Why you little thief,"

Derek reached out a hand and stopped the movement, his finger tapping on a photo with what he thought was Molly on her lap, but it was her t-shirt that was holding his full attention.

"You stole it… I can't believe it"

Derek gasped his finger stuck on the white The Clash t-shirt he had found in a thrift store while at college. There was no mistaking the sight of The Statue of Liberty wrapped in rope on the front despite Molly being in the way. He had loved that t-shirt, had mourned it's loss for weeks, and there it was sliding of the shoulders of a sixteen year old Meredith with a reddy purple mess of hair.

"Borrowed, not stole!"

"Borrowing means giving it back, or even asking permission first. I never saw that again."

"It never made it home, I spilt juice all over it…"

Meredith admitted, and if they had been anywhere else Derek would have been unable to resist kissing her, as she stared at him looking more contrite than he had ever known her. She seemed to read his intention as her eyes narrowed, and then darkened with an answering desire, but the moment was interrupted when Lexie strolled in, her expression changing to one of horror at what was spread open over their laps. With a death glare that Derek had become accustomed to over the past few days she snatched the pile up.

"Mom I have told you before about this. No one wants to see these."

"Derek does,"

"Derek is being polite." Lexie muttered "And the only person your embarrassing is me, I know he's Mer's friend, but he's my boss too."

"There are photos of Meredith, and Molly in there not just you."

"Molly isn't here, and he has known Mer practically her whole life… Just today he told me a story about her in the eighth grade, this is nothing he hasn't seen."

"Well actually..." Derek started only to shut up when Lexie swung around. "Right, sorry."

"I'm sorry Derek my daughter has obviously left her manners at the front door, maybe she should go back out, and come in again."

"Mom again he grew up with Meredith."

"I have manners,"

Meredith protested only for Derek to snort, and Lexie to laugh openly as Susan now smiling looked between the three of them, before giving Lexie a pointed look.

"Now everyone is here, I can serve dinner. Lexie why don't you, and Meredith help your father with some of those."

The moment Susan left, the room fell silent, and Derek watched Lexie cross to sit next to Thatcher, and work to try, and bring Thatcher into conversation. It was hard going until he started to speak of Laura, Molly's daughter. It was when Derek was listening to Thatcher's comparison of Laura, and a photo of Molly taken when she was younger he began to notice the reaction of the two women in the room. Meredith had frozen, whilst Lexie was suddenly trying to interrupt her father with panicked eyes darting back to her sister.

"Dad, I don't think that..."

"No Lexie I know what I am talking about. I'm not senile yet, its a picture of Molly in front of that big fur tree."

"Dad it's not..."

"It's me," Meredith said softly "In the picture its me, not Molly. It was taken the winter before you left. Ellis had the day off, it was one of the last days we were all together."

"Oh… I'm..." Thatcher stuttered, but Meredith shook her head.

"Don't say sorry. It doesn't matter."

"No, no I should have known."

When the apology Derek had still expected despite Meredith's words didn't come he felt for Meredith's hand between them, and covered it with his own. She made no move to reciprocate his grasp, but he felt rather than saw her body shift closer to his as Lexie stared across at them both helplessly.

"Lexie has Mer told you I am now the owner of forty acres of Seattle?"

Derek said, and Lexie's expression turned into one of gratitude as she jumped at the conversation change. They both managed to carry it between them until they were seated round the dinner table, and Susan wanted to know the details about his new acquisition.

"So you really live in a trailer? Have you seen it Meredith."

"I stay there sometimes."

Meredith murmured her fork pushing the food round the plate, and Derek knew there was no thought behind her words, or she would have been more guarded with her answer.

"You do?"

"It's like camping, but comfier. The land is beautiful,"

"Thatcher could never persuade me, or the girls to go camping. We liked our home comforts a little too much."

"Mer used to love it as a child. She's a demon with a fishing rod too, except she gets bored too quickly, and talks too much."

"You fish?" Susan, and Thatcher seemed to ask together bringing Meredith's eyes up from the plate for the first time.

"Derek taught me when I was eight. Dad used to take us all the time, we all went together, and then the boys would have their weekend trips away."

"Hardly, you and Amy used to crash them all the time."

This raised a smile from her which seemed the only thing he was able to do tonight to lighten her mood.

"You liked it best when we came, don't try to change history now."

"Only because I enjoyed watching Mark suffer, then Dad would get all proud, and tell the other guys at the lake how good you were." Derek wanted to remind her she had them, that even though the man on the other side of this table was incapable of being who she had needed, they had been there, and she was valued, and most of all loved.

"How did I not know this? You really are full of secrets." There was no rancour in Lexie's words, and Derek nodded towards Meredith.

"I have Meredith Grey tales that would make your hair stand on end."

"And I have too much on you for you to ever repeat them."

"Your no fun."

"You know I don't know how your parent's managed Derek. Our hand's were full with our two, and they had how many?"

Meredith stilled at Thatchers words, and Derek half expected her to say something until it looked like she was forcing herself to control whatever emotions were running through her.

"There was seven of us. My parent's loved having a full house, they still do, and our very vocal when they feel they aren't seeing enough of us all."

For the rest of the meal there was no dragging Meredith from wherever she had retreated to, and when Susan began to clear away the dishes Meredith was the first to jump up, and offer help accepting no refusal from Susan. They had just began to load the dishwasher when Susan finally started another version, of the same conversation they had been having for years. Meredith had expected it, but she had seen is as a necessary evil in escaping Thatcher's presence.

"Sometimes I think the biggest mistake we made was leaving you in New York after your mother died."

"Susan you should stop there, before we both end up saying things we will only regret."

Meredith's arm had paused in mid-air, the plate she was holding half way to the dishwasher when Susan had started speaking, and now she placed it into the rack harder than she had meant. The clatter of the china broke the silence that had fallen, and Susan pushed her point further.

"Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying we aren't grateful to the Shepherd's. We knew before how well cared for you were, but hearing Derek talk I see what a wonderful life the Shepherd's gave you, how loved you were. I just think if we had brought you back to Seattle it wouldn't be like this."

"I don't mean to be rude Susan, I am fond of you, and you are a lovely women, and a great mother, but you're not my Mom, and I would have never been happy here. I belonged in New York."

"No Meredith you belonged here with us. He is your father, and if you would just talk to him you would see he is so sorry for what has happened. He wants to know you, and you won't let him. You won't let him, and he feels so much guilt over the past he is too scared to push this."

"He shouldn't feel guilty. I get it, Ellis had an affair, that was the end of the marriage, and therefore I was left too. And for the last time he is not my father, he is the man that used to pour my cereal, and I'm sorry, but that won't change."

"Oh Meredith you don't understand what it was like back then."

"I do, I was there, but I don't think you understand. Do you have any idea what it is like to have a mother who didn't want you? I do. To know her career was more important to her than you? I do. Thatcher knew who she was, he knew exactly what he was leaving me with, and he still went."

"Why can't you forgive him? You have carried this for so long, it would be so much healthier to let it go. You don't hate me, and I knew about you, but I never pushed him to find you, to make contact because it was easier just to push it to the back of my mind, and concentrate on our two girls. But, you don't blame me?"

"Because you didn't know me, or Ellis." Meredith said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I can't blame you for something you played no part in."

"And your mother? You don't blame her."

"Ellis was, and wasn't a lot of things, but for all her faults she didn't walk away. Carolyn always told me Ellis loved me the best she could, and I think maybe she was right. However, none of that matters I had Michael, Carolyn, Derek, Mark, the girls, and their whole extended family. They took me in, and loved me. No one questioned it, they take in strays, and love them, give them a family, and that is what they did to me."

"We could have been your family Meredith."

"But your not. I am grateful to you though don't ever think I am not."

"Grateful for what?"

"For Lexie… I love being her sister, can't that be enough?"

"I don't understand you Meredith. I try too, but it's as if you refuse to see this from any other point of view than your own. I told you about your mothers affair hoping you would maybe start to understand your father more. Your mother would never have let him know you, can't you just see that?"

"Is there a drawer of unopened cards?"

"What?"

"A drawer of unopened cards from the ten years he didn't see me? Because the man I grew up with, the one who was my father, if it was him in that position then there would be. Thatcher wasn't there, Michael was. He didn't miss one birthday, recital, sports event, graduation, anything even the most trivial occasion, if he thought it mattered to me he was there, that's what a father does."

"We could do that now, we could be there now. Your here in Seattle for the foreseeable future, this is our chance Meredith."

"I can't, there's too much water under the bridge, or whatever."

"So your just going to keep holding this grudge?"

"Susan can we not do this? You asked me to come, I came. I don't know what else you can want from me? Nothing is different, nothing is ever going to be different. I like you, but I can't..."

Though the actual words being spoken were incomprehensible, the sound of raised voices had easily penetrated into the dining room, and it was Lexie who got to her feet first.

"I should go… help them." She scurried from the room, and though tempted to follow Derek instead watched Thatcher trying to decide whether to follow or not.

"You have a choice to make."

"Pardon?"

"Everything Mer is she has done on her own. Don't get me wrong we all love her, and would do anything for her, but we will all tell you the same thing. She got herself here on her own, and you can't keep pushing her back to where she has fought so hard to escape from. So you have two options now…"

He had held his tongue all night, but he couldn't do so any more. Thatcher was hiding behind Susan, just as he had hid behind Ellis, and the divorce as an excuse to have left his child.

"If you are not going to make any attempt to fight for more from her, or to make amends for the past then let her go. Stop putting her through this whole charade, it's not fair. Every time Susan gets her to come to one of these things it is just rehashing the past, reminding her of every bad experience she had, but she comes because she loves Lexie, and that's it. So make up your mind what you want from her."

"You think it's that easy? That all this can be so simply fixed?"

"No I don't. It will be hard, she will make it hard for you, and she will push you away time, and time again, but Mer's worth it. She is worth that fight, I don't understand how you can't see that,"

"I do see that, I also see every mistake I have ever made, and every time I let her down right there in her eyes. She is a living reminder of every failure in my life, and I don't know how to fix that."

"You start with an apology."

"It's as simple as that?"

"Yes. If you can't then I mean it tell Susan to back off, and let her go. If you aren't man enough to repair the damage you made, then at least stop causing more…."

A visibly paler Thatcher opened his mouth, only to close it again when the door opened, and Meredith entered shortly followed by Lexie.

"We have to go."

"Okay."

"Mer?"

"I'll see you tomorrow Lexie. Thank you for having us, the meal was lovely.

Derek watched Thatcher's eyes track his two daughters as they left the room, his tone softening slightly from what it had been moments ago

"You let her stay with us. You could have gone for custody, but you didn't. That is the one way you didn't fail her. That was the one time you were what a father should be, you should try being that man again."

So I am wondering if you would prefer shorter chapters, which would mean getting them out quicker, or sticking with this format?

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